Fiancé food issues

i feel your pain! my mum does exactly the same, im currently trying to slim down for my wedding and she gave me 3 TUBS of chocolate for Easter. Full on tubs of roses and quality street like you have at Christmas.
Personally as its perishable if you want a small bit have it, but leave the rest, and if he complains its wasted then remind him you didnt want anything like that because it doesnt align with your goals.

Failing that - take it to work or give it to a neighbour or friend!

Thank him for being thoughtful. He loves you and this is one way that he shows it. He may feel you are perfect the way you are.
Since you have had conversations with him about this before, perhaps cut each piece in half and package and freeze individually, and work into your calories. Or take it to a family celebration (Easter is coming up) or to work to share with co-workers.

I'm a pretty solid chef, my wife is a pretty solid baker. We have been together for 7 years and still have the same issue.

I make something yummy for lunch/dinner and I want to share it with her. SHe bakes something delicious and wants to share it with me.

You can't tell someone they are not allowed to love you in a way they enjoy doing so. You roll with it the best you can. Acknowledging the thought, keeping some, and giving the rest away is basically the best thing we've found and it appears you did so as well.

I am sure he is just trying to be thoughtful, but I understand the frustration, especially if you have had this conversation with him before. It's not really "thoughtful" if he ignores what you have been communicating to him. My wife loves her sweets too, but she is also trying to lose weight so I know not to bring them home as surprises. I don't know if you feel like it's worth bringing up again, but if you do, you can tell him that you appreciate him thinking about you, and you know that he loves you the way you are, but that you are trying to work hard at this, and when he brings home sweets, it just makes it harder for you.

And then you can subtly hint at him that you can't eat flowers

You are not alone, I understand this scenario all too well. You don't know how grateful I am to have read this and found that someone understands what I'm dealing with. It can be a real struggle being a health-conscious person living with a "regular".

I live with my grandmother to help her out and she does the same exact thing to me. She'll go to the drive thru to get fast food for lunch and bring me home one of those $1 sandwiches. Or she'll bring me a Carvel ice cream sundae. Or cookies and cakes. Believe me, I get it. While I appreciate her thoughtfulness, it drives me absolutely crazy. She knows I'm trying to lose weight, yet she insists on bringing all this crap into the house. I have to say no when she offers if only for my own wellbeing. The guilt is horrible; truly there are no words to describe the heavy guilt trip I get when I have to refuse it. I feel like the world's biggest a-hole when it happens and I know there'll come a day when she won't be around anymore and I'll be looking back on all this. But at the same time, I'm not turning it down to be mean. There's a good reason behind it: I'm trying to get myself back to healthy and fast food doesn't fit into my plan- ever. I even had to give up cookies for Lent because they became a problem partly due to her. Grandma brought home package after package of cookies and cakes saying they were "for both of us" and "surely you could have just one". Nope, that's not how ANY of this works! I have always a wicked sweet tooth, so of course it was damn near impossible to stop, especially being under a lot of stress (I had just lost my mother in February and binged on cookies due to the depression of the situation). Then Lent started and I thought "this is the best thing I can do for myself right now- give up cookies for Lent." So from February until Easter Sunday, I have not touched a single one. This killed off 99% of my sugar cravings and was truly the best thing I could have done. It's forced me to deal with the stress in other non-food ways and bonus- I actually have no desire to ever touch them again. I just don't even want to get started because it's really not worth sabotaging my goal. I'm finally getting back down to my lowest weight again, why ruin it all? Why stop now? Over one stupid cookie? It's really not worth it.

So I know exactly how you feel. I know how frustrating it gets and how awful it makes us feel when we have to say no for our own good and wellbeing. It's hard and I don't expect anyone to understand the struggle if they're not . They don't understand because they're not in the same situation that we are. They can stop at "just one" serving. For us, it's a lot harder because our brains have been rewired to want more sugar. There are many studies and documentaries on sugar and food addiction ("Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" is a GREAT one, "Fed Up" and "Food Inc" are also good. The list goes on.)

The best thing you can do is talk with your fiance about this issue in a calm manner, and if he is struggling to understand it, then maybe you could have a movie night and watch one of the above mentioned documentaries. My grandmother has dementia- even if I could get her to understand it for one day, it wouldn't stick for very long because she'll only forget and it's like hitting the reset button on her memory. But your fiance should definitely be a bit easier to deal with about this issue. The best thing you can do about it is address the issue head on in a calm but firm manner. There are other ways he can "treat" you that are either healthy foods (like picking up your favorite salad/healthy food or snack) or non-food things like buying you flowers.

I’m with you on this. I have absolutely no willpower or self control. It’s a huge win for me if I can drive past Dairy Queen without stopping. My fiancé has said that he wants to lose weight too but he always brings crap home. In our 5 year relationship he’s gained 8 pounds while I’ve gained 80. Men honestly don’t see it the way we do. They don’t gain weight as quickly but they lose it quicker and the pressure to be thin isn’t as prevalent for them.

irotmarie wrote: »

I’m with you on this. I have absolutely no willpower or self control. It’s a huge win for me if I can drive past Dairy Queen without stopping. My fiancé has said that he wants to lose weight too but he always brings crap home. In our 5 year relationship he’s gained 8 pounds while I’ve gained 80. Men honestly don’t see it the way we do. They don’t gain weight as quickly but they lose it quicker and the pressure to be thin isn’t as prevalent for them.

I used to do the same thing! I'd drive past Dunkin Donuts and think "hrm, donuts sound great right about now!" and then the temptation would get to the point where I just had to have one. I'm so thankful it's not just me and I'm not alone in this. A friend used to tease me about it. She'd go "I have mind control- you are now thinking about (*insert whatever random bad food*)" and she was joking of course, but sadly I was THAT influenced with no willpower. Nowadays it's a much different story. Now I drive past these fast food places, go "NOPE!" and drive past them without a second thought.

I give you two options:

#1 Eat the cheesecake on a day you aren't working, plus maybe some fruit if you have the spare calories/kilojoules, then spend the rest of the day lazing around because you are too hungry to do anything, but you don't want to over do your intake.

#2 Eat the cheesecake then say "we're going on a X hour walk" to burn off the energy you just ate. Take him along. It's probably 5-10 hours so wear good shoes.

I've had the "talk" with my husband for over 30 yrs---no changes, I just get upset and he goes on his merry way. So, you have to deal with it as best you see fit. I decided my marriage was more important, and have adapted, as much of your advice says. My freezer is chock full though.

avlucia wrote: »

I'm a heartless wretch so keep that in mind with what I'm about to say.

I would nip that crap in the bud real fast. I would make it clear this was not thoughtful in fact it is the OPPOSITE of thoughtful since he didn't consider your personal goals and challenges. I would drill him hardcore about how inconsiderate that was and how upsetting it is to me to see that he's not being supportive of my life choices. And I would definitely make a point of pointing out that thoughtful would have been a non-food gift. You don't get to be called thoughtful or loving when you're being neither. 😾

I would even go so far as to either throw it away in front of him, demand he return it, or make him give it away.

This is so many levels of no for me, sorry I got a little passionate about it...

I agree with you. I don't think it's loving or thoughtful. It's disrespectful and manipulative, as she has already expressed her goals and needs. I cannot stand people pushing food (or anything) on someone out of "love."

hixa30 wrote: »

I give you two options:

#1 Eat the cheesecake on a day you aren't working, plus maybe some fruit if you have the spare calories/kilojoules, then spend the rest of the day lazing around because you are too hungry to do anything, but you don't want to over do your intake.

#2 Eat the cheesecake then say "we're going on a X hour walk" to burn off the energy you just ate. Take him along. It's probably 5-10 hours so wear good shoes.

Better still: make him go on the elliptical for whatever amount of time it takes to burn off the calories of a slice of cheesecake. That'll straighten him out once and for all! Hahaha.

twdlove89 wrote: »

Ok so my fiancé knows I feel abit self conscious recently because I’ve gained afew lbs, not lots but enough for me to really watch what I’m eating recently.
Today he comes home from work with a “surprise” for me, I’m thinking ‘oh maybe a new piece of clothing or something’ but no instead he has brought me a huge salted caramel cheesecake 😕, I love the fact he’s thought about me but he knows I didn’t want crap in the house as I have no willpower. Now he is trying to say it’s not just for me but for him aswell...in 9years being with him I know he HATES cheesecake so I know he won’t touch it. I’ve discussed the whole bringing crap home for me sooo many times, if it was for him fair enough I know not to touch it.
Each slice (8slices in total) is 384calories 😳😳😳 I can eat a whole tub of healthy icream for less then that!!!
I know I sound like a b***h and really ungrateful but I hate hate hate when he brings crap home for me cuz I’m really trying to watch my weight as we have a holiday in September and we are getting married in two years (yes I know two years is a long way away but I want to get my dress soon so I can use it as motivation to stay in shape).
I just want to hear from people who struggle with their other half’s and food issues

I don't think you're being a b---- at all. I wonder what's going on here....you made it clear you didn't want junk in the house, and he brings home a huge cheesecake "for the both of you" even though he doesn't eat cheesecake?

It sounds like he's trying to sabotage you. Why is another question. It could be unconscious sabotage...not based on any malicious intent but maybe fear. Is he afraid you're going to find someone else? Or not need him anymore? There's all kinds of reasons why people do this. I would definitely suggest a heart to heart talk. He needs to know that this is not okay.

cqbkaju wrote: »

Take it to work for your co-workers

I do this all the time! I've unloaded so much calorie-laden (albeit delicious) food on my poor coworkers! I mean, I know it'll get eaten and I hate wasting food, so...

SchweddyGirl wrote: »

I know it says 350Kcal/slice, but you can split those in half and enjoy half slices. I also agree with unloading it onto co-workers.

this - if i was that concerned about the calories - i would cut each piece in half; and then freeze all but 2 slides (of the now cut in half) - and then eat when you desire - but then, i also have ice cream most nights because i fit it into my plan