Fiancé food issues

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  • rosiorama
    rosiorama Posts: 300 Member
    edited April 2019
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    My step mother was awful with guilting me into eating calorie-laden food. I fought with her for years about how much I ate while going over to see my dad. After the meal, she’d force leftovers on me - which I threw away once I got home. I hated throwing away food, but one gravy-cheese-sauce-carby-breaded-and-fried-meat meal a week was enough for me.

    It took me years to get my husband to stop undermining my eating habits. A lot of arguements. He gets it now - I weigh my food, he eats what he wants. He will text me if he is out and ASKS if he should bring anything home, or if I want something. He used to bring things home (my favourite junk food) and it was so frustrating.

    IMO it is unkind to undermine someone’s efforts and call it love. A little manipulative. I had to say again and again how hurtful it was that he was pretty much doing the same thing as my stepmom. I struggle to manage my weight. My life partner is supposed to be on my side.
  • slamar0915
    slamar0915 Posts: 1 Member
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    avlucia wrote: »
    I'm a heartless wretch so keep that in mind with what I'm about to say.

    I would nip that crap in the bud real fast. I would make it clear this was not thoughtful in fact it is the OPPOSITE of thoughtful since he didn't consider your personal goals and challenges. I would drill him hardcore about how inconsiderate that was and how upsetting it is to me to see that he's not being supportive of my life choices. And I would definitely make a point of pointing out that thoughtful would have been a non-food gift. You don't get to be called thoughtful or loving when you're being neither. 😾

    I would even go so far as to either throw it away in front of him, demand he return it, or make him give it away.

    This is so many levels of no for me, sorry I got a little passionate about it...



    I agree with you. I don't think it's loving or thoughtful. It's disrespectful and manipulative, as she has already expressed her goals and needs. I cannot stand people pushing food (or anything) on someone out of "love."
  • daneejela
    daneejela Posts: 461 Member
    edited April 2019
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    I would look at him with a big, loving smile and I would tell him in a cheerful, playful voice: "Oh hun, that is sooo sweet of you! You are such a great partner. I'll show you later how much I appreciate that you want to make me happy (by doing something he likes). But I am not eating it, so it's best that we give it to someone else. But it's so cute that you been thinking of me". I would hug him or give him a kiss.

    So, in short, I would not make a big fuss out of it, I would take into account that he wants to make me happy, but I would do as I was intended - keeping my fingers out of cheesecake.
    Because he doesn't really care if you would eat it or not, he only cares to make you happy and show you your attention.

    After a few similar reactions, I think he'll be smart enough to buy something else instead of a cake :)
  • Kimmotion5783
    Kimmotion5783 Posts: 417 Member
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    hixa30 wrote: »
    I give you two options:

    #1 Eat the cheesecake on a day you aren't working, plus maybe some fruit if you have the spare calories/kilojoules, then spend the rest of the day lazing around because you are too hungry to do anything, but you don't want to over do your intake.

    #2 Eat the cheesecake then say "we're going on a X hour walk" to burn off the energy you just ate. Take him along. It's probably 5-10 hours so wear good shoes.

    Better still: make him go on the elliptical for whatever amount of time it takes to burn off the calories of a slice of cheesecake. That'll straighten him out once and for all! Hahaha.
  • twdlove89
    twdlove89 Posts: 95 Member
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    I’ve spoken to him and said I only want treats on MY TERMS WHEN I WANT, I’ve also stated that if he ever brings crap home like that again it’s going in the bin. I wasn’t horrible but I was stern! He apologised profusely and said he was stupid and didn’t think and will only bring home treats if I ask him, otherwise if he wants to treat me he is going to get me a piece of clothing lol hopefully he gets it now as I’ve never had to be that stern with him about food
  • ultra_violets
    ultra_violets Posts: 202 Member
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    twdlove89 wrote: »
    Ok so my fiancé knows I feel abit self conscious recently because I’ve gained afew lbs, not lots but enough for me to really watch what I’m eating recently.
    Today he comes home from work with a “surprise” for me, I’m thinking ‘oh maybe a new piece of clothing or something’ but no instead he has brought me a huge salted caramel cheesecake 😕, I love the fact he’s thought about me but he knows I didn’t want crap in the house as I have no willpower. Now he is trying to say it’s not just for me but for him aswell...in 9years being with him I know he HATES cheesecake so I know he won’t touch it. I’ve discussed the whole bringing crap home for me sooo many times, if it was for him fair enough I know not to touch it.
    Each slice (8slices in total) is 384calories 😳😳😳 I can eat a whole tub of healthy icream for less then that!!!
    I know I sound like a b***h and really ungrateful but I hate hate hate when he brings crap home for me cuz I’m really trying to watch my weight as we have a holiday in September and we are getting married in two years (yes I know two years is a long way away but I want to get my dress soon so I can use it as motivation to stay in shape).
    I just want to hear from people who struggle with their other half’s and food issues

    I don't think you're being a b---- at all. I wonder what's going on here....you made it clear you didn't want junk in the house, and he brings home a huge cheesecake "for the both of you" even though he doesn't eat cheesecake?

    It sounds like he's trying to sabotage you. Why is another question. It could be unconscious sabotage...not based on any malicious intent but maybe fear. Is he afraid you're going to find someone else? Or not need him anymore? There's all kinds of reasons why people do this. I would definitely suggest a heart to heart talk. He needs to know that this is not okay.
  • cqbkaju
    cqbkaju Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Take it to work for your co-workers
  • smoofinator
    smoofinator Posts: 635 Member
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    cqbkaju wrote: »
    Take it to work for your co-workers

    I do this all the time! I've unloaded so much calorie-laden (albeit delicious) food on my poor coworkers! I mean, I know it'll get eaten and I hate wasting food, so...
  • SchweddyGirl
    SchweddyGirl Posts: 244 Member
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    I know it says 350Kcal/slice, but you can split those in half and enjoy half slices. I also agree with unloading it onto co-workers.
  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
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    SchweddyGirl wrote: »
    I know it says 350Kcal/slice, but you can split those in half and enjoy half slices. I also agree with unloading it onto co-workers.

    this - if i was that concerned about the calories - i would cut each piece in half; and then freeze all but 2 slides (of the now cut in half) - and then eat when you desire - but then, i also have ice cream most nights because i fit it into my plan
  • psychod787
    psychod787 Posts: 4,088 Member
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    twdlove89 wrote: »
    Ok so my fiancé knows I feel abit self conscious recently because I’ve gained afew lbs, not lots but enough for me to really watch what I’m eating recently.
    Today he comes home from work with a “surprise” for me, I’m thinking ‘oh maybe a new piece of clothing or something’ but no instead he has brought me a huge salted caramel cheesecake 😕, I love the fact he’s thought about me but he knows I didn’t want crap in the house as I have no willpower. Now he is trying to say it’s not just for me but for him aswell...in 9years being with him I know he HATES cheesecake so I know he won’t touch it. I’ve discussed the whole bringing crap home for me sooo many times, if it was for him fair enough I know not to touch it.
    Each slice (8slices in total) is 384calories 😳😳😳 I can eat a whole tub of healthy icream for less then that!!!
    I know I sound like a b***h and really ungrateful but I hate hate hate when he brings crap home for me cuz I’m really trying to watch my weight as we have a holiday in September and we are getting married in two years (yes I know two years is a long way away but I want to get my dress soon so I can use it as motivation to stay in shape).
    I just want to hear from people who struggle with their other half’s and food issues

    Thanks for the reminder. I have cheese cake in the freezer!
  • springsweet
    springsweet Posts: 184 Member
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    My hubby has a much bigger sweet tooth than I do so he tends to buy cookies, ice cream, various snacks such as those that I would never bring home and have in the house. He knows I'm struggling with my weight, so sometimes he "hides" stuff in the back of the pantry (just out of plain sight) for me. But I'm partially to blame for not sticking to any kind of diet plan and always giving in eventually. Although maybe he's to blame for that? lol.. Who knows. All I know is he is his own person and I can't change him. It's enough for me to try to change myself. So I've just joined WW in hopes that will help give me the willpower I need to get this weight off.

    Good luck!
  • avlucia
    avlucia Posts: 66 Member
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    twdlove89 wrote: »
    I’ve spoken to him and said I only want treats on MY TERMS WHEN I WANT, I’ve also stated that if he ever brings crap home like that again it’s going in the bin. I wasn’t horrible but I was stern! He apologised profusely and said he was stupid and didn’t think and will only bring home treats if I ask him, otherwise if he wants to treat me he is going to get me a piece of clothing lol hopefully he gets it now as I’ve never had to be that stern with him about food

    That's awesome! You go!
  • rosiorama
    rosiorama Posts: 300 Member
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    psychod787 wrote: »
    twdlove89 wrote: »
    Ok so my fiancé knows I feel abit self conscious recently because I’ve gained afew lbs, not lots but enough for me to really watch what I’m eating recently.
    Today he comes home from work with a “surprise” for me, I’m thinking ‘oh maybe a new piece of clothing or something’ but no instead he has brought me a huge salted caramel cheesecake 😕, I love the fact he’s thought about me but he knows I didn’t want crap in the house as I have no willpower. Now he is trying to say it’s not just for me but for him aswell...in 9years being with him I know he HATES cheesecake so I know he won’t touch it. I’ve discussed the whole bringing crap home for me sooo many times, if it was for him fair enough I know not to touch it.
    Each slice (8slices in total) is 384calories 😳😳😳 I can eat a whole tub of healthy icream for less then that!!!
    I know I sound like a b***h and really ungrateful but I hate hate hate when he brings crap home for me cuz I’m really trying to watch my weight as we have a holiday in September and we are getting married in two years (yes I know two years is a long way away but I want to get my dress soon so I can use it as motivation to stay in shape).
    I just want to hear from people who struggle with their other half’s and food issues

    Thanks for the reminder. I have cheese cake in the freezer!

    You need a reminder? It is burned into my memory that there is a bag of chips in the cupboard, next to some chocolate bars, and ice cream in the freezer. I am ALWAYS aware that they are there WAiTING FOR ME. 😆(sobs)

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