How to deal with other people being jealous of your weight loss
sarahhinkle20
Posts: 8 Member
Hi everybody,
I'm relatively new to MFP. I've been here since mid March and so far I've lost 17 lbs. I know I'm going to lose a lot more and I've been surprised at how dramatic the difference is already. I was wondering if you all could share your experiences of jealousy from other people at your success/weight loss, especially from people you see in your life a lot like family, friends, and coworkers. Negative feedback from others isn't going to stop me from doing what I'm doing, but it is something that I find myself thinking about a lot and wondering when I'm going to come across it, and how I will handle it. Will I be empathetic because I understand they are in pain from not being as successful, or will I get defensive because I know I suffered long enough and I deserve to work hard and feel amazing?
In a weird way I guess it is motivating for other people to be jealous of you, because it shows that you are succeeding in such a way that others can notice it from the outside. But the idea of someone being jealous of me makes me uncomfortable because there's nothing I can do to fix it - obviously I wouldn't ever stop my journey or gain the weight back just to make them feel better. And I know a lot of people do lose friends during their weight loss journey...and then they make new friends who do support their healthy lifestyle. But I'm just curious about what you all have experienced and how you handled the situation.
I'm relatively new to MFP. I've been here since mid March and so far I've lost 17 lbs. I know I'm going to lose a lot more and I've been surprised at how dramatic the difference is already. I was wondering if you all could share your experiences of jealousy from other people at your success/weight loss, especially from people you see in your life a lot like family, friends, and coworkers. Negative feedback from others isn't going to stop me from doing what I'm doing, but it is something that I find myself thinking about a lot and wondering when I'm going to come across it, and how I will handle it. Will I be empathetic because I understand they are in pain from not being as successful, or will I get defensive because I know I suffered long enough and I deserve to work hard and feel amazing?
In a weird way I guess it is motivating for other people to be jealous of you, because it shows that you are succeeding in such a way that others can notice it from the outside. But the idea of someone being jealous of me makes me uncomfortable because there's nothing I can do to fix it - obviously I wouldn't ever stop my journey or gain the weight back just to make them feel better. And I know a lot of people do lose friends during their weight loss journey...and then they make new friends who do support their healthy lifestyle. But I'm just curious about what you all have experienced and how you handled the situation.
4
Replies
-
It sounds like from your post that it's not actually something you are encountering, but rather something you think might happen?
I wouldn't worry too much about things that are not actually occurring. Maybe it will never happen. I've never met a person jealous of my weight loss. Everyone in general has been proud/supportive. There's nothing you can do if someone is jealous of you for any reason. So I would ignore it if it does happen. But I wouldn't be worrying yourself about hypotheticals.13 -
Don’t go looking for trouble.
People are nuts. They’ll say all kinds of goofy stuff. Keep reading this board, there are a lot of posts about things folks say.
But I’ve never attributed it to jealousy. I think it’s anxiety. They see you losing weight and think they should too. But instead of doing something about it, they say dumb things.
Plus we all live in the world filled with diet, exercise and weight loss noise. Lots and lots of noise. And everyone seems to have a opinion about it that they’re willing to share. Even if it’s based on misinformation.
I try to stay in my own bubble. If anyone asked me about my weight loss program, I said, “Old fashioned diet and exercise.” And kept walking. Try to stay out of conversations about your plan. Stick to these message boards.8 -
Some people will be jealous, but that's their problem and not a reflection on YOU.
I have one friend in particular who is very jealous. I lost 130 lb over many years (90 of it on MFP...all slow loss with calorie counting and exercise) and have maintained for almost six years so far. She lost about 80 lb in a few months (starving herself and working out excessively) and then regained it plus more. So she's very angry with me and very jealous. I still love her, but I can't do things differently for her. She makes comments that used to be hurtful to me, like saying I'm "lucky" or that I just had a "metabolism shift". I realized, I don't need to explain anything to her and it doesn't really matter to her how I actually lost weight or how I've kept it off.
One thing that might surprise you though...depending on your situation...some people will barely notice or care. I was a nerdy, energetic & somewhat stylish size 24 woman and now I'm a nerdy, energetic & somewhat stylish size 10 woman. I've observed that a lot of people are only really jealous & crazy about your weight loss if it means you go from being an absolute frump to total sex kitten bikini-wearing model type and seem starved for attention (i.e., cheating on spouse or posting selfies every 20 minutes). Then the claws come out. Or the questions "how can I, too, become a Beach Body Shake Seller?" No one wants to JUST be a fitter version of themselves when they can be skinny & perfect (in their minds).
Just my observation!10 -
I suggest that you not spend your time and energy worrying about what "might" happen. If someone is jealous, let them be. As you noted, you can't fix it. It's them, not you!3
-
I get this a lot, actually. I just shrug it off and remind them that other peoples' success is not their failure, and if they want it badly enough and stay consistent they will lose weight, too.1
-
Thank you for the feedback everyone!
MikePTY and lorrpb: You are both right, I'm definitely worrying about a hypothetical situation. I know that the reasonable thing is to not worry about things that aren't actually happening, but it's just something my brain does.
88olds: For sure, staying in your own bubble is key, I think. Everyone has their own opinions and we can't absorb them or let them distract us from what we think is important. I could definitely see it as a form of anxiety and having that sense of, "I should be doing that too."
seltzermind555: This was extremely helpful - thank you for your response. I think you make an excellent point, that if the weight loss also comes with some unpleasant personality change, then yeah, people might be turned off by that. But if you were already a pleasant person to begin with and you continue to be a pleasant person, it makes sense that most people won't have any issue with you. In regards to your friend, that is exactly the kind of thing I would be afraid of. But I would try to do the same thing you did, which is ignore the passive-aggressive remarks.
brittanystebbi... : You are right. Everyone gets to the weight loss journey in their own time and if they are feeling jealous it's just because they aren't there yet and they would like to be.2 -
I am careful not to talk about my own weight loss because that could perhaps exhaust people. Nobody has really brought it up. It's not really a think to ask about people's sizes in my circles, I guess? There was one person at work who asked, but that was it.0
-
Keep focused on yourself. You can't live your life trying to control others emotions with your actions. Be yourself and let other people deal with their own negative emotions because only they can fix them not you. If someone is jealous of you..that is there problem not yours.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions