Think my husband is sabotaging me....

kmcgrath1
kmcgrath1 Posts: 175 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
OK...DH has been making comments here and there about how I'm getting all healthy and fit and I'm going to meet someone at the gym and leave him. He says he's just joking but it's getting annoying.

Even yesterday I came home from the gym and he said he was at the store and thought of me. He bought a bag of dark chocolate M&Ms. OMG...seriously?!? So I didn't touch them, then I go into the room and there's a smiley face of M&Ms on my pillow. Geesh! Well, of course I ate them! Then I went downstairs and did 30 min Shred.

He's always coming over to me offering me something junkie and now he's questioning me...who'd ya have in the car. Uhhhh no one! His paranoia is starting to tick me off! First he wants to keep me fat so I won't leave him and now it seems he's checking up on me like I do have someone in the wings! OMG!!!!

Anyone else have these issues???
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Replies

  • ohamberx0
    ohamberx0 Posts: 98 Member
    It's not your issue, it's his. And he needs to step back and look at what he can possibly do to your relationship with his worrying and jealousy.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Yeah, it's a pretty common occurrance when one partner is trying to lose weight/get fit and the other isn't. They start wondering if you're trying to improve yourself so you can get rid of them and find someone "better".

    Have a little sit down chat with hubby, reassure him that you're perfectly happy in your relationship with him and you're just doing this to get healthy, not to pick up a new guy. Let him know too that you need his support and while you appreciate the gesture and him thinking of you, bringing home M&M's is not really that supportive. Sweet, yes, but misdirected...

    And maybe ask him to join you on evening walks or something? I don't have the answer for how to fix it beyond that. My hubby went through some phases early on and still will get a jealous hair across his bum now and then but he knows I'm totally crazy about him and gets over it pretty quickly. I think it's natural to worry when changes happen.
  • kfitz10103
    kfitz10103 Posts: 354
    I feel you. I always feel better on Thursdays when I get to weigh-in and he always thinks I must have seen someone that made me so happy. Its pretty annoying. You just have to stroke his ego a bit and keep telling him how much you love him and how happy you are with him. :wink:
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    oooh, my ex was like that. bad news; sorry! Keep on and stay motivated. change is hard for men.

    blessings.
  • dayzeerock
    dayzeerock Posts: 918 Member
    Sounds like he needs to grow a pair and get over some of his *own* insecurities.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    Yeah, it's a pretty common occurrance when one partner is trying to lose weight/get fit and the other isn't. They start wondering if you're trying to improve yourself so you can get rid of them and find someone "better".

    Have a little sit down chat with hubby, reassure him that you're perfectly happy in your relationship with him and you're just doing this to get healthy, not to pick up a new guy. Let him know too that you need his support and while you appreciate the gesture and him thinking of you, bringing home M&M's is not really that supportive. Sweet, yes, but misdirected...

    And maybe ask him to join you on evening walks or something? I don't have the answer for how to fix it beyond that. My hubby went through some phases early on and still will get a jealous hair across his bum now and then but he knows I'm totally crazy about him and gets over it pretty quickly. I think it's natural to worry when changes happen.

    I agree with this. also, does "DH" = "damn husband"?
  • TMcBooty
    TMcBooty Posts: 780 Member
    maybe ask him to join you on evening walks or something?

    I agree.. include him when you can to reassure him.
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    Damn those M&M smiley faces...what a *kitten*
  • TMcBooty
    TMcBooty Posts: 780 Member
    Damn those M&M smiley faces...what a *kitten*

    haha ^5.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    have you sat him down and explained to him how this "joking" is making you feel? If not, try that and ask him to kindly put an end to the "jokes" because they are not funny to you. You (I assume) are doing this working out and nutrition thing for yourself, first and foremost to lead a healthier life and/or feel better about yourself. Keep up the good work!!
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
    Tell him you're just training for bedroom Olympics, then use him as a pummel horse and take that aggression out.
  • dakoerber
    dakoerber Posts: 308 Member
    I do agree that it is his issue. Have you tried including him? Maybe invite him to the gym, go for walks together or make healthy lunches for him. It sounds like he is afraid of the changes and maybe because he is not included that scares him.

    I would also say try talking to him and reassure him as well as tell him he needs to stop with the treats. My husband would get me a sweet at the beginning but now he is more conscious of it. Just give him time.
  • Beatrix0810
    Beatrix0810 Posts: 138
    That's disgusting. But here's a possible solution:

    Invite him to the gym with you. Maybe if you can motivate him to get healthy and it can be something you do together, as a team, he will relax and as he starts to feel better about himself, maybe he'll become more secure with himself. Just a thought.

    My bf and I go running together as often as our schedules permit. It's a huge bonding experience and makes working out more fun!
  • kriswigg
    kriswigg Posts: 95
    Yep, it's his "issue" not yours. But communication will help. Let him know you are getting healthy so you can enjoy a long life with him. My husband always feels better when I show him that being happier with me makes me more likely to want to spend "special" time with him. :love:
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
    You are the only one in control of your eating. Next time, work out instead of eating the m&ms
  • elsham
    elsham Posts: 549 Member
    I'd sit him down, sit across from him, and explain to him why you are on this journey, how you feel about him, why you wouldn't leave him, how he's making you feel, etc. I think he needs to be reassured. Tell him about all the good times you had together and why he's so special to you.

    Then maybe get on his lap and give him a good time. You know, for that extra reassurance, haha ;)
  • spyork
    spyork Posts: 187
    Gosh,

    Sounds like he can't handle the change too well, i cant understand guys like that surely he must want a happier, healthier, sexier, you?

    This sounds harsh but drag him with you to the gym or on a run or move on to a fitter sexier model and get your self an upgrade.
  • shockrina
    shockrina Posts: 29
    Tell him you're just training for bedroom Olympics, then use him as a pummel horse and take that aggression out.

    ^^^^ HAHAHA! :)
  • nurse_carolyn
    nurse_carolyn Posts: 348
    have you sat him down and explained to him how this "joking" is making you feel? If not, try that and ask him to kindly put an end to the "jokes" because they are not funny to you. You (I assume) are doing this working out and nutrition thing for yourself, first and foremost to lead a healthier life and/or feel better about yourself. Keep up the good work!!

    ^^this, but also when you start losing weight buy some new sexy lingerie, be an animal in the bedroom and tell him that THESE are the benefits to you losing weight....
  • elsham
    elsham Posts: 549 Member
    Tell him you're just training for bedroom Olympics, then use him as a pummel horse and take that aggression out.

    ^^^^ HAHAHA! :)

    LOL.
  • chefswife67
    chefswife67 Posts: 145
    My Ex hubby did that to me too ..Thats one reason that he is my Ex....LMAO..
    You work on you and get healthy for you.. Then maybe he will join you after he sees what a great job you are doing ...
  • cm2two
    cm2two Posts: 194
    Tell him you're just training for bedroom Olympics, then use him as a pummel horse and take that aggression out.

    THIS of course!! :D
  • starracer23
    starracer23 Posts: 1,011 Member
    tell him to get off his *kitten* and do something to get healthy or you WILL leave him for someone else....



    but no seriously, communication is key in a relationship. the end.
  • cm2two
    cm2two Posts: 194
    Gosh,

    Sounds like he can't handle the change too well, i cant understand guys like that surely he must want a happier, healthier, sexier, you?

    This sounds harsh but drag him with you to the gym or on a run or move on to a fitter sexier model and get your self an upgrade.

    uh, okay. and if this happened to you?? here's my hand, use it for your own *face palm*
  • piexcore
    piexcore Posts: 85 Member
    Ok so that's my boyfriend all over.

    It's actually the reason I won't move in with him. His eating and exercise habits are atrocious. He's always saying things like "I feel like such a pig when we go out." because I eat reasonable sized portions of food that aren't fried in cheese and marinated in grease. He also complains that I spend to much time at the gym- I spend an hour at the gym a day and nothings stopping him from coming with. I think it less that he's trying to sabotage me and just more that he just resents the fact that a healthy lifestyle for me means change and inconveniencing his couch potato lifestyle. He's always been a little jealous, so idk.

    I guess it's just proof that we are sexy betches.
  • 4vhughes
    4vhughes Posts: 26 Member
    When I finish writing the book on it I'll send you a copy! I went through years of DH sabotaging me. He would either crack jokes or worse be sweet about it like "you've had such a rough day I made dinner tonight"- fried pork chops, mashed potatoes with butter, corn with more butter and yeast rolls....with butter. This is a man that doesn't cook and doesn't know what a carb is. He wanted to keep me 'down' so he wouldn't have to be nice to me. BUT I am the one that let myself gain 40 lbs. He didn't tie me to a chair and force feed me or lock me in a closet away from a gym.

    Fast forward 5 years... He has put up some resistance this go around. Mostly likely because he doesn't know how serious I am. I have been cleaning up our kitchen and getting rid of almost anything processed, but I did it very slowly. I didn't come home and announce that I was on a diet or throw out food we already had. I just started buying healthier options on my weekly grocery trip. I stopped eating out at lunch everyday. He has no idea.

    When I mentioned trying to find time to work out he pitched quite a fit. On one hand he gives me "why now, are you trying to find someone new?" on the other hand it's "but if you spend time on yourself that's time you won't be spending on me". I just told him that is his issue and not mine. If he is feeling guilty about the way he has treated me he will have to work on that.

    And Kudos to you for 30DS! I'm still working up to completing Day 1 LOL
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
    sounds more like his own insecurities.....not yours

    you are making changes etc and i dare say he feels left out or behind.....
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    My husband thinks I am losing this weight for him....men are can be dumb.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    If he were that concerned about someone being at the gym, eyeing you, he would go to the gym WITH you. :tongue:

    All joking aside, I'm sorry your going through this. My husband on Thanksgiving made me late for my first race and I wasn't able to participate. He made me late intentionally and he knew how much it meant to me. I'd rather have not had him there and been on time than having to wait on him and be late. I told him this, as he told me he didn't want to go but didn't want me to be mad at him, so, I show up to the race.....15 minutes late. Thanks. :ohwell: That was not a very good day. lol After we got home, I told him to have fun cooking while I ran at the gym to blow off some steam. It really ticked me off that he seemed to not care about me bettering myself but he wasn't choosing to be involved, so I just let it go.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    tell him to get off his *kitten* and do something to get healthy or you WILL leave him for someone else....



    but no seriously, communication is key in a relationship. the end.

    +1
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