Let it GO! Decluttering (simplifying) your life of (people, places or things) success stories?
Replies
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A couple years ago, we kicked my older brother out of the house. Told him he wasnt welcome here. He had been stealing from us for months. Taking my mum's debit card and withdrawing the max in the middle of the night. Then stealing farm gas. Totalled over $15,000. Tried to deny it, but caught him in the middle of the night taking gas and had the bank ready to give us camera footage of him withdrawing cash.
I know it's not recent, but after having him out of my life for the most part, things are substantially better. Hes not the kind of person youd want around. Psychopathic tendencies and just has no filter to keep him from saying things he shouldnt. I would have pressed charges, but mum wouldnt have it, so in sure he didnt learn a thing. Not worth keeping toxic people around!
Good job for setting healthy boundaries. That's treating yourself w/respect, essentially.
Absolutely Cory...I LOVE that "business" of "healthy boundaries" AND treating yourself with respect essentially--really powerful that is!
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A couple years ago, we kicked my older brother out of the house. Told him he wasnt welcome here. He had been stealing from us for months. Taking my mum's debit card and withdrawing the max in the middle of the night. Then stealing farm gas. Totalled over $15,000. Tried to deny it, but caught him in the middle of the night taking gas and had the bank ready to give us camera footage of him withdrawing cash.
I know it's not recent, but after having him out of my life for the most part, things are substantially better. Hes not the kind of person youd want around. Psychopathic tendencies and just has no filter to keep him from saying things he shouldnt. I would have pressed charges, but mum wouldnt have it, so in sure he didnt learn a thing. Not worth keeping toxic people around!
It's an awful thing to say, but well done. Toxic people can be so draining and demoralising. I "shed" my two sisters many years ago (my youngest son is now 14, so I got rid of one when he was born and the other followed shortly after). Best thing I ever did, my life is so much simpler and more pleasant now.
Interestingly enough, one sister has never tried to get back into my life but the other one has, on numerous occasions, even getting my mum and brother involved. That has involved a few strong words to both mum and my brother and I think that they've got the message that I really don't want anything to do with them. Especially after I pointed out to my mum that my sisters made my life hell, especially when I was a child. My mum hasn't mentioned a reconciliation since, nor does she talk about my sisters to me.
Yes, my children have "lost" two aunts and four cousins by default but they've not ever known them, so no big loss.
The only other issue with this is how to handle the situation when my parents depart this mortal life but as I don't like funerals (the last two I've been to portrayed the deceased as someone I did not recognise) I've told both of my parents that I will not get involved with their funerals or the aftermath and I want nothing from them in their wills. That way I do not have to come into contact with the toxins my "sisters" emit.7 -
Madwife2009 wrote: »A couple years ago, we kicked my older brother out of the house. Told him he wasnt welcome here. He had been stealing from us for months. Taking my mum's debit card and withdrawing the max in the middle of the night. Then stealing farm gas. Totalled over $15,000. Tried to deny it, but caught him in the middle of the night taking gas and had the bank ready to give us camera footage of him withdrawing cash.
I know it's not recent, but after having him out of my life for the most part, things are substantially better. Hes not the kind of person youd want around. Psychopathic tendencies and just has no filter to keep him from saying things he shouldnt. I would have pressed charges, but mum wouldnt have it, so in sure he didnt learn a thing. Not worth keeping toxic people around!
It's an awful thing to say, but well done. Toxic people can be so draining and demoralising. I "shed" my two sisters many years ago (my youngest son is now 14, so I got rid of one when he was born and the other followed shortly after). Best thing I ever did, my life is so much simpler and more pleasant now.
Interestingly enough, one sister has never tried to get back into my life but the other one has, on numerous occasions, even getting my mum and brother involved. That has involved a few strong words to both mum and my brother and I think that they've got the message that I really don't want anything to do with them. Especially after I pointed out to my mum that my sisters made my life hell, especially when I was a child. My mum hasn't mentioned a reconciliation since, nor does she talk about my sisters to me.
Yes, my children have "lost" two aunts and four cousins by default but they've not ever known them, so no big loss.
The only other issue with this is how to handle the situation when my parents depart this mortal life but as I don't like funerals (the last two I've been to portrayed the deceased as someone I did not recognise) I've told both of my parents that I will not get involved with their funerals or the aftermath and I want nothing from them in their wills. That way I do not have to come into contact with the toxins my "sisters" emit.
Well, the way I see it, there needs to be something that you get out of dealing with them. Even it's as simple as enjoying their company when they are around. If there is no positive to knowing someone and all they do is drag you down, then what is the point of dealing with them?2 -
I too, have "decluttered" family from my life. Sometimes its the only way you can continue to be you. Sometimes I regret the choice was forced on me, but I have never regretted the choice. God bless us.1
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Happy Mother's Day everyone!0
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We have been ‘decluttering’ in a few categories for a couple of years now and it’s great. About 2 years ago I found my relationship of 8 years was just not going well and was very uneven and really really hated my job and my finances were a mess and I was just very unhappy. This was where my weight really started to skyrocket and my health was obviously deteriorating. Flash forward 2 years and my life is completely different. I took a huge risk on a new job, quit the one I hated, moved out from my boyfriends house and relocated 2 states away. I bought my own house. We did eventually patch things up and he sold his house and followed me and we actually ended up getting married. The important thing is the entire dynamic of our relationship is different and it’s no longer a toxic situation.
Another big thing is through this we have really downsized. We went from a big 3 bedroom house with a huge property to maintain to an 800 square foot house with a nice yard. He has a bit of a commute but I’m only 10 minutes from my job. We donated pretty much half of what we owned. Also we are now living in an area that is less populated without the frustration of traffic and the cost of living is significantly less but with our job changes our salaries have actually increased. Our home is simple, easy and affordable to maintain. I’ve also managed to pay off more than half of my non-mortgage related debt and can realistically see all of it gone within the next year and at the same time have tucked away a nice little chunk of change for a rainy day. Because we live in a less expensive area my mortgage also isn’t crippling and with no other debt I’ll be able to pay it off in half the time.
With my relationship and finances in much better shape I no longer have all of that stress and anxiety carrying me around and feel I am able to actually just focus on my next goal which is health and weight loss and getting that back. Bottom line the only person responsible for your health and happiness is you. Are there obstacles, sure, but I know that my biggest obstacle is always myself. I wasn’t happy - so I so I said forget this (more colorfully) got out of my own way and just jumped into major change to find my happiness. Don’t be afraid to jump!12 -
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
Happy Mother's Day Snoo...{{{{
HUGS }}}}
To every mother everywhere that observes this holiday, Happy Mommy's Day to you all and many more.
That said...
I/we don't "do" holidays around here, just for the "rebel" in me I reckon, and for the non-comformist/I ain't following the crowd type of person I am--I/we refuse to observe holidays (at the very least, on the days that everyone else does anyway--EVERYDAY is a "holiday" at/in our house/family)--just because every month there is something else to get you to spend money (basically materialism disguised as some "holiday") and get MORE STUFF and/or celebrate (or be celebrated) something and be with loved ones when "they" say you should--Nah, I'll pass!.I've always taught/trained our children that EVERYDAY is mother's day around here-gifts, flowers, going out to dinner, special treatment and.or love and affection/gratitude/appreciation/HONOR-respect EVERYDAY (or at the very least, ON THE REGULAR) not one day a year, period.
In our home, Everyday is Father's day, everyday is easter, everyday is thanksgivings, everyday is a birthday yada yada yada
Yesterday, my two sons left two fabulous bags of Lush bath products on my bed and when I saw them-I said YOU GUYS, whatcha doing here? They said--"momma, we know we don't do holidays/mother's day, but we wanted to give you a just because we love you and want to show you how much we love you surprise" and we also gave daddy something special too, because we really love and appreciate you as our parents.
I LOVE THAT THEY GAVE ME THIS WONDERFUL STUFF YESTERDAY, instead of today...I JUST LOVE IT!!!!
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Sunshinelinzee wrote: »We have been ‘decluttering’ in a few categories for a couple of years now and it’s great. About 2 years ago I found my relationship of 8 years was just not going well and was very uneven and really really hated my job and my finances were a mess and I was just very unhappy. This was where my weight really started to skyrocket and my health was obviously deteriorating. Flash forward 2 years and my life is completely different. I took a huge risk on a new job, quit the one I hated, moved out from my boyfriends house and relocated 2 states away. I bought my own house. We did eventually patch things up and he sold his house and followed me and we actually ended up getting married. The important thing is the entire dynamic of our relationship is different and it’s no longer a toxic situation.
Another big thing is through this we have really downsized. We went from a big 3 bedroom house with a huge property to maintain to an 800 square foot house with a nice yard. He has a bit of a commute but I’m only 10 minutes from my job. We donated pretty much half of what we owned. Also we are now living in an area that is less populated without the frustration of traffic and the cost of living is significantly less but with our job changes our salaries have actually increased. Our home is simple, easy and affordable to maintain. I’ve also managed to pay off more than half of my non-mortgage related debt and can realistically see all of it gone within the next year and at the same time have tucked away a nice little chunk of change for a rainy day. Because we live in a less expensive area my mortgage also isn’t crippling and with no other debt I’ll be able to pay it off in half the time.
With my relationship and finances in much better shape I no longer have all of that stress and anxiety carrying me around and feel I am able to actually just focus on my next goal which is health and weight loss and getting that back. Bottom line the only person responsible for your health and happiness is you. Are there obstacles, sure, but I know that my biggest obstacle is always myself. I wasn’t happy - so I so I said forget this (more colorfully) got out of my own way and just jumped into major change to find my happiness. Don’t be afraid to jump!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sunshinelinzee }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Absolutely, positively, WOW!!!!! What a sheer unadulterated thrill it is to read what you've wrote and are experiencing. 100% inspirational and encouraging as all get out. You, my dear, are a first class winner and ALL time champion and YOU so ROCK, period.
Thank you ever so much for posting here. Reading your post is a refreshing breath of SUPER fresh air--YAY YOU!
P.S. BOOOM!!!!0 -
I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.6 -
yes it feels so good to get rid of people who don't want to be close to you even if family members. I have taken care of myself and find people who I can be close to, healthy people. Acceptance has helped me so much, painful but it has been a good thing. Like the lady above, I never felt good, felt at pace, felt loved, weight ballooned. Yes, some people are just not good for us. Now being with people and food that makes me feel good about myself.5
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sunshinelinzee }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Absolutely, positively, WOW!!!!! What a sheer unadulterated thrill it is to read what you've wrote and are experiencing. 100% inspirational and encouraging as all get out. You, my dear, are a first class winner and ALL time champion and YOU so ROCK, period.
Thank you ever so much for posting here. Reading your post is a refreshing breath of SUPER fresh air--YAY YOU!
P.S. BOOOM!!!!
Awww thank you so much. Make no mistake though....none of it has been easy. It’s still not easy. I know I make the ‘just jump’ sound like a breeze but it’s really been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Once I made that first big decision to accept the new and quit the old job there was really no turning back - despite the fact that I was in a constant state of panic once the wheels were in motion my only option was to move forward cause there was nothing to go back to. It’s hard, it’s emotional and it’s scary to reinvent ourselves - that’s just a fact. I by no means have it all figured out, I feel like I’m floundering at least half the time. But that’s ok, it’s just all a part of my journey.
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
I felt the same way while married to my ex. He was toxic, but feeling that way was the reason I was not bothered by the suggestion of divorce. If someone loves you, you feel good about yourself...always. Its impressive that you have decided you are worth it!4 -
brenn24179 wrote: »yes it feels so good to get rid of people who don't want to be close to you even if family members. I have taken care of myself and find people who I can be close to, healthy people. Acceptance has helped me so much, painful but it has been a good thing. Like the lady above, I never felt good, felt at pace, felt loved, weight ballooned. Yes, some people are just not good for us. Now being with people and food that makes me feel good about myself.
Thanks Brenn and @snoo61 It’s very empowering to go with your instinct despite what others around you may say. We all have that little voice inside that leads us and this time we listened and made a change.
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
I felt the same way while married to my ex. He was toxic, but feeling that way was the reason I was not bothered by the suggestion of divorce. If someone loves you, you feel good about yourself...always. Its impressive that you have decided you are worth it!
Words of wisdom and life Snoo! Thank you for ALWAYS contributing something meaningful and encouraging on this thread to US. I super Love you and you too Rubyred {{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}
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Sunshinelinzee wrote: »
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sunshinelinzee }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Absolutely, positively, WOW!!!!! What a sheer unadulterated thrill it is to read what you've wrote and are experiencing. 100% inspirational and encouraging as all get out. You, my dear, are a first class winner and ALL time champion and YOU so ROCK, period.
Thank you ever so much for posting here. Reading your post is a refreshing breath of SUPER fresh air--YAY YOU!
P.S. BOOOM!!!!
Awww thank you so much. Make no mistake though....none of it has been easy. It’s still not easy. I know I make the ‘just jump’ sound like a breeze but it’s really been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Once I made that first big decision to accept the new and quit the old job there was really no turning back - despite the fact that I was in a constant state of panic once the wheels were in motion my only option was to move forward cause there was nothing to go back to. It’s hard, it’s emotional and it’s scary to reinvent ourselves - that’s just a fact. I by no means have it all figured out, I feel like I’m floundering at least half the time. But that’s ok, it’s just all a part of my journey.
Wow - I applaud you for bravery! Sounds like night/day positive changes and you sound much happier.5 -
Sunshinelinzee wrote: »
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sunshinelinzee }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Absolutely, positively, WOW!!!!! What a sheer unadulterated thrill it is to read what you've wrote and are experiencing. 100% inspirational and encouraging as all get out. You, my dear, are a first class winner and ALL time champion and YOU so ROCK, period.
Thank you ever so much for posting here. Reading your post is a refreshing breath of SUPER fresh air--YAY YOU!
P.S. BOOOM!!!!
Awww thank you so much. Make no mistake though....none of it has been easy. It’s still not easy. I know I make the ‘just jump’ sound like a breeze but it’s really been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Once I made that first big decision to accept the new and quit the old job there was really no turning back - despite the fact that I was in a constant state of panic once the wheels were in motion my only option was to move forward cause there was nothing to go back to. It’s hard, it’s emotional and it’s scary to reinvent ourselves - that’s just a fact. I by no means have it all figured out, I feel like I’m floundering at least half the time. But that’s ok, it’s just all a part of my journey.
I think I LOVE this reply, as much as your initial post. Girlfriend, this is LIFE and REAL and MEGA important what you've written here.
My earthly father used to tell me so many things in regards to what you've written. So many things I just automatically put in the "crazy old coot" box. Things like:
"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger"
"No, pain No gain--not guts, no glory"
"No one ever promised you a rose garden, just keep on living"
"If it looks or sounds too good to be true, it probably is--nothing is life is free"
Stuff like that, I counted as "eye-roll" worthy--but now that I'm much older, I SEE that he wasn't a "crazy old coot" but a super wise man. What you've accomplished is not only MEGA HARD/DIFFICULT on-goingly tough, but so very admirable too, so very YES Ma'am--do that thang AND so very "hmmmmph--if she DARED to do something about her UGH-YUCK...I CAN TOO encouraging. Thank you EVER so very much for this post--you're winner, period.
{{{{ Hugs }}}}2 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
{{{{{{{{ Hugs and mega ultra LOVE }}}}}}}}}}} You are one strong, wise, brave, beautiful woman and I am so cheering you on. If there is ever ANYTHING I can do for you--don't hesitate to let me know. You are on your way to a place that is filled with peace, excitement, adventure, hope and strength. Will it be hard...will there be struggle? Yep, but I somehow I know your life is going to change for the absolute better and and I am absolutely HAPPY for you. You are a true survivor and again, I LOVE you and am so thrilled that you've posted. Your post is going to help a lot of people that you will never hear from. YAY and SUPER YAY YOU!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 -
I too, have "decluttered" family from my life. Sometimes its the only way you can continue to be you. Sometimes I regret the choice was forced on me, but I have never regretted the choice. God bless us.
Girlllllllll...truer words have never been spoken. Thank you again Snoo for posting here and helping so many people, including lil ole me!2 -
Sunshinelinzee wrote: »
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Sunshinelinzee }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Absolutely, positively, WOW!!!!! What a sheer unadulterated thrill it is to read what you've wrote and are experiencing. 100% inspirational and encouraging as all get out. You, my dear, are a first class winner and ALL time champion and YOU so ROCK, period.
Thank you ever so much for posting here. Reading your post is a refreshing breath of SUPER fresh air--YAY YOU!
P.S. BOOOM!!!!
Awww thank you so much. Make no mistake though....none of it has been easy. It’s still not easy. I know I make the ‘just jump’ sound like a breeze but it’s really been one of the hardest things I’ve done. Once I made that first big decision to accept the new and quit the old job there was really no turning back - despite the fact that I was in a constant state of panic once the wheels were in motion my only option was to move forward cause there was nothing to go back to. It’s hard, it’s emotional and it’s scary to reinvent ourselves - that’s just a fact. I by no means have it all figured out, I feel like I’m floundering at least half the time. But that’s ok, it’s just all a part of my journey.
Wow - I applaud you for bravery! Sounds like night/day positive changes and you sound much happier.
"Ditto" and I applaud you Cory for ALWAYS posting/contributing such positivity, encouragement and inspiration on here. Your contributions/posts are helping more people than you will ever know, including me. Thank you for being you Cory--BOOM!1 -
brenn24179 wrote: »yes it feels so good to get rid of people who don't want to be close to you even if family members. I have taken care of myself and find people who I can be close to, healthy people. Acceptance has helped me so much, painful but it has been a good thing. Like the lady above, I never felt good, felt at pace, felt loved, weight ballooned. Yes, some people are just not good for us. Now being with people and food that makes me feel good about myself.
Wow and BOOM, Thank you Brenn ever so very much for posting here. What an excellent, helpful and encouraging contribution. You're a winner, period. {{{{ Hugs }}}} 1 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
{{{{{{{{ Hugs and mega ultra LOVE }}}}}}}}}}} You are one strong, wise, brave, beautiful woman and I am so cheering you on. If there is ever ANYTHING I can do for you--don't hesitate to let me know. You are on your way to a place that is filled with peace, excitement, adventure, hope and strength. Will it be hard...will there be struggle? Yep, but I somehow I know your life is going to change for the absolute better and and I am absolutely HAPPY for you. You are a true survivor and again, I LOVE you and am so thrilled that you've posted. Your post is going to help a lot of people that you will never hear from. YAY and SUPER YAY YOU!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so amazing in your enthusiasm and encouragement to all of us!!! I love you too! Thanks for being a total inspiration to me and many, many others! 2 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
I felt the same way while married to my ex. He was toxic, but feeling that way was the reason I was not bothered by the suggestion of divorce. If someone loves you, you feel good about yourself...always. Its impressive that you have decided you are worth it!
Words of wisdom and life Snoo! Thank you for ALWAYS contributing something meaningful and encouraging on this thread to US. I super Love you and you too Rubyred {{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »I too, have "decluttered" family from my life. Sometimes its the only way you can continue to be you. Sometimes I regret the choice was forced on me, but I have never regretted the choice. God bless us.
Girlllllllll...truer words have never been spoken. Thank you again Snoo for posting here and helping so many people, including lil ole me!
I love you too! By starting this wonderful thread you've started me on an adventure I've always wanted to go on, but had no idea how to book. Traveling through my past and letting it go, is giving me the freedom and joy to enjoy my future.1 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
{{{{{{{{ Hugs and mega ultra LOVE }}}}}}}}}}} You are one strong, wise, brave, beautiful woman and I am so cheering you on. If there is ever ANYTHING I can do for you--don't hesitate to let me know. You are on your way to a place that is filled with peace, excitement, adventure, hope and strength. Will it be hard...will there be struggle? Yep, but I somehow I know your life is going to change for the absolute better and and I am absolutely HAPPY for you. You are a true survivor and again, I LOVE you and am so thrilled that you've posted. Your post is going to help a lot of people that you will never hear from. YAY and SUPER YAY YOU!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are so amazing in your enthusiasm and encouragement to all of us!!! I love you too! Thanks for being a total inspiration to me and many, many others!
ALL Glory to God alone and my absolute delight/pleasure and honor! Life is GOOD (even and especially when it "seems" like it's not) and it's thoughts/expressions that you've blessed me with that makes life even more filled with JOY and wonderful, much wanted/needed (by/in/to/with me) humility. Thanks for your reply Boo
{{{{{{ LOVE and Hugs }}}}}}}} 1 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I love your thread. I haven’t posted in awhile but am compelled to say “thank you so much” to the people who speak about getting rid of toxic people. My soon to be ex husband wasn’t toxic but I never felt good, felt at peace, felt loved, my weight ballooned, drank alcohol much more and so on. I know I’m responsible for my actions and feelings but some people are just not good for us. It’s like consuming a food that makes you feel awful, bloated. I’m not saying it right, but I am currently de-cluttering for a move to a 900 sq. Foot apartment and divorcing after 24 years. And as I am packing and streamlining 24 years of married stuff into boxes, I am finding that I keep saying “oh that’s good stuff, I’ll sell it on EBay.” And I’m starting to hold on to things that I plan to sell. I think that’s unhealthy for me. I am packing things to sell them one day. I have to get serious and get rid of stuff I don’t want in my apartment or that is usable in my new place.
Anyway, I came on this thread for inspiration and I got it today. I’ll go back to streamlining, donating and trashing anything not useable to someone..... There is no point for me to continue to keep things in case I sell it one day. Just thinking out loud.
I felt the same way while married to my ex. He was toxic, but feeling that way was the reason I was not bothered by the suggestion of divorce. If someone loves you, you feel good about yourself...always. Its impressive that you have decided you are worth it!
Words of wisdom and life Snoo! Thank you for ALWAYS contributing something meaningful and encouraging on this thread to US. I super Love you and you too Rubyred {{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »I too, have "decluttered" family from my life. Sometimes its the only way you can continue to be you. Sometimes I regret the choice was forced on me, but I have never regretted the choice. God bless us.
Girlllllllll...truer words have never been spoken. Thank you again Snoo for posting here and helping so many people, including lil ole me!
I love you too! By starting this wonderful thread you've started me on an adventure I've always wanted to go on, but had no idea how to book. Traveling through my past and letting it go, is giving me the freedom and joy to enjoy my future.
You're a beautiful person, inside and out and I truly appreciate you so much Snoo. If it weren't for YOU, this thread would have died out long ago. I've said it before and I'll say it again...YOU'RE THE BEST, period.2 -
I hope my story could help someone going through this. I'm glad I came across this thread!
I consider this my psychological success story even though my body is loading at the time
I was always told by my abusive father and step-mom that I'm ugly because I'm fat and that no man would ever love me. I was on the upper end of a normal weight on my BMI when they would tell me this and I was in swim/water polo/volleyball in high school. My father would make me wake up every morning to run 5 miles and then after school I would do 2 hours of practice with my respective teams. When I got home, I had to do more weight training. I would workout approximately 4 hours a day because I was forced to. It's part of my abusive upbringing...which flash forward until last year when I turned 27 years old and I had a mental breakdown. I have gained 80 pounds since high school and now I'm seen as a clown and an outsider to the family. My father continued the psychological abuse and I couldn't take it anymore and almost committed suicide last year a couple months before marrying my hubby. My husband was terrified to lose me and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and wrote a no-contact letter to my family and uninvited them from my wedding. I have been 1 year without my family and I feel like I am now free. I have lost 27 pounds so far and I have about 50 more to go. I feel like a different person. The stresses from my family were really getting to me emotionally. I was so suicidal and now those thoughts never cross my mind. It was a very tough journey and I walked myself down the aisle on my wedding to start a brand new life with the people that I love and those that love me back.
If you're going through something like this, make sure to put your emotional health first. It's so tough when you feel like everything is crashing down. Once I took care of that, everything else fell into place. If anyone needs to talk, please message me. I would like to connect and maybe help you on your journey if you're going through something similar.14 -
MarisaMSimon wrote: »I hope my story could help someone going through this. I'm glad I came across this thread!
I consider this my psychological success story even though my body is loading at the time
I was always told by my abusive father and step-mom that I'm ugly because I'm fat and that no man would ever love me. I was on the upper end of a normal weight on my BMI when they would tell me this and I was in swim/water polo/volleyball in high school. My father would make me wake up every morning to run 5 miles and then after school I would do 2 hours of practice with my respective teams. When I got home, I had to do more weight training. I would workout approximately 4 hours a day because I was forced to. It's part of my abusive upbringing...which flash forward until last year when I turned 27 years old and I had a mental breakdown. I have gained 80 pounds since high school and now I'm seen as a clown and an outsider to the family. My father continued the psychological abuse and I couldn't take it anymore and almost committed suicide last year a couple months before marrying my hubby. My husband was terrified to lose me and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and wrote a no-contact letter to my family and uninvited them from my wedding. I have been 1 year without my family and I feel like I am now free. I have lost 27 pounds so far and I have about 50 more to go. I feel like a different person. The stresses from my family were really getting to me emotionally. I was so suicidal and now those thoughts never cross my mind. It was a very tough journey and I walked myself down the aisle on my wedding to start a brand new life with the people that I love and those that love me back.
If you're going through something like this, make sure to put your emotional health first. It's so tough when you feel like everything is crashing down. Once I took care of that, everything else fell into place. If anyone needs to talk, please message me. I would like to connect and maybe help you on your journey if you're going through something similar.
Thank you for sharing your success story! And congratulations for taking your control back! Now you have a clear path to happy ever after.2 -
i recently went through every holiday’s decorations... Halloween, Thanksgiving, (not Christmas) and the others. I threw away half of each holiday’s stuff. And put each category in it’s own box marked with the holiday. This was no easy task because I threw away perfectly good things, but you cannot keep it all. Right? Streamlining.
I also have been staying away from Target. That place can suck you and make you buy 10 extra things you don’t need. Small triumphs.
I’ve gone through our basement and have maybe 4 more big totes to look through. I labeled each box I went through with a person’s name of who the items belong to. My husband has hundreds of books in so many boxes, it’s really awful. Those poor books suffocating down there. I felt like that when I saw them. It is so much better for us to share the books, trade them, donate them and only save the most favorite ones. And your favorite books should be on a tidy bookshelf. My two cents on books. 6 -
MarisaMSimon wrote: »I hope my story could help someone going through this. I'm glad I came across this thread!
I consider this my psychological success story even though my body is loading at the time
I was always told by my abusive father and step-mom that I'm ugly because I'm fat and that no man would ever love me. I was on the upper end of a normal weight on my BMI when they would tell me this and I was in swim/water polo/volleyball in high school. My father would make me wake up every morning to run 5 miles and then after school I would do 2 hours of practice with my respective teams. When I got home, I had to do more weight training. I would workout approximately 4 hours a day because I was forced to. It's part of my abusive upbringing...which flash forward until last year when I turned 27 years old and I had a mental breakdown. I have gained 80 pounds since high school and now I'm seen as a clown and an outsider to the family. My father continued the psychological abuse and I couldn't take it anymore and almost committed suicide last year a couple months before marrying my hubby. My husband was terrified to lose me and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and wrote a no-contact letter to my family and uninvited them from my wedding. I have been 1 year without my family and I feel like I am now free. I have lost 27 pounds so far and I have about 50 more to go. I feel like a different person. The stresses from my family were really getting to me emotionally. I was so suicidal and now those thoughts never cross my mind. It was a very tough journey and I walked myself down the aisle on my wedding to start a brand new life with the people that I love and those that love me back.
If you're going through something like this, make sure to put your emotional health first. It's so tough when you feel like everything is crashing down. Once I took care of that, everything else fell into place. If anyone needs to talk, please message me. I would like to connect and maybe help you on your journey if you're going through something similar.
I was called short and dumpy by my abusive father, still cant get that out of my mind even though I am at goal weight. Abusive Mom would say do you have fluid? what does the Dr say? They would say we will have to take walls down in the house if she gets bigger. I was about 40 lbs over weight. He would call and leave on answering machine, how many sandwiches have you ate today? laughing. These are the same parents that had Xmas dinner with my exhusb and lady he left me for. They are best buddies so yes I have distanced myself and had a good holiday this year without family.14 -
brenn24179 wrote: »MarisaMSimon wrote: »I hope my story could help someone going through this. I'm glad I came across this thread!
I consider this my psychological success story even though my body is loading at the time
I was always told by my abusive father and step-mom that I'm ugly because I'm fat and that no man would ever love me. I was on the upper end of a normal weight on my BMI when they would tell me this and I was in swim/water polo/volleyball in high school. My father would make me wake up every morning to run 5 miles and then after school I would do 2 hours of practice with my respective teams. When I got home, I had to do more weight training. I would workout approximately 4 hours a day because I was forced to. It's part of my abusive upbringing...which flash forward until last year when I turned 27 years old and I had a mental breakdown. I have gained 80 pounds since high school and now I'm seen as a clown and an outsider to the family. My father continued the psychological abuse and I couldn't take it anymore and almost committed suicide last year a couple months before marrying my hubby. My husband was terrified to lose me and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and wrote a no-contact letter to my family and uninvited them from my wedding. I have been 1 year without my family and I feel like I am now free. I have lost 27 pounds so far and I have about 50 more to go. I feel like a different person. The stresses from my family were really getting to me emotionally. I was so suicidal and now those thoughts never cross my mind. It was a very tough journey and I walked myself down the aisle on my wedding to start a brand new life with the people that I love and those that love me back.
If you're going through something like this, make sure to put your emotional health first. It's so tough when you feel like everything is crashing down. Once I took care of that, everything else fell into place. If anyone needs to talk, please message me. I would like to connect and maybe help you on your journey if you're going through something similar.
I was called short and dumpy by my abusive father, still cant get that out of my mind even though I am at goal weight. Abusive Mom would say do you have fluid? what does the Dr say? They would say we will have to take walls down in the house if she gets bigger. I was about 40 lbs over weight. He would call and leave on answering machine, how many sandwiches have you ate today? laughing. These are the same parents that had Xmas dinner with my exhusb and lady he left me for. They are best buddies so yes I have distanced myself and had a good holiday this year without family.
Wasn't it a relief to have the holidays without the abuse?! I was beyond happy this past holiday season! I'm sorry you went through that. Parents are not supposed to put their children down like that, it is not right! I had to teach myself that I am worth it and I hope that you are in that place. Your weight does not define you! 6 -
MarisaMSimon wrote: »I hope my story could help someone going through this. I'm glad I came across this thread!
I consider this my psychological success story even though my body is loading at the time
I was always told by my abusive father and step-mom that I'm ugly because I'm fat and that no man would ever love me. I was on the upper end of a normal weight on my BMI when they would tell me this and I was in swim/water polo/volleyball in high school. My father would make me wake up every morning to run 5 miles and then after school I would do 2 hours of practice with my respective teams. When I got home, I had to do more weight training. I would workout approximately 4 hours a day because I was forced to. It's part of my abusive upbringing...which flash forward until last year when I turned 27 years old and I had a mental breakdown. I have gained 80 pounds since high school and now I'm seen as a clown and an outsider to the family. My father continued the psychological abuse and I couldn't take it anymore and almost committed suicide last year a couple months before marrying my hubby. My husband was terrified to lose me and made me go to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and wrote a no-contact letter to my family and uninvited them from my wedding. I have been 1 year without my family and I feel like I am now free. I have lost 27 pounds so far and I have about 50 more to go. I feel like a different person. The stresses from my family were really getting to me emotionally. I was so suicidal and now those thoughts never cross my mind. It was a very tough journey and I walked myself down the aisle on my wedding to start a brand new life with the people that I love and those that love me back.
If you're going through something like this, make sure to put your emotional health first. It's so tough when you feel like everything is crashing down. Once I took care of that, everything else fell into place. If anyone needs to talk, please message me. I would like to connect and maybe help you on your journey if you're going through something similar.
{{{{{{{{{ Hugs and The Highest of Fives for being a winner and survivor of mega YUCK }}}}}}}}}}}
What filthy abuse and you've brought up such an important point, that abuse is NOT just physical...but emotional and spiritual too. Emotional abuse is shockingly common and often ignored/discounted/excused. I'm so sorry this happened to you and am THRILLED that you recognized (because emotional abuse is HARD to recognize and more often than not accepted/received/embraced as "normal") this abuse and rather than continuing to "go along to get along" threw down the gauntlet and LET IT GO AND DON'T LOOK BACK. I'm also thrilled that you have a beloved husband that loves you and is your friend.
We live in a society filled with sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists/ crazy-makers and just plain evil/wicked people (that the bible calls "FOOLS".) We are constantly surrounded by fools that call good evil and evil good--that calls light darkness and darkness light. We are inundated 24X7X365 with fools, foolishness and all kinds of YUCK constantly filling our ear-gates, eye-gates, hearts and minds with foolishness (aka wickedness/evil) and because we're all surrounded by this (via movies, music, social media, technology, the news/media in general--it's ALL around us and influences us to be abused or abusers and trained to not only "accept it" but LIKE/LOVE IT. --people are trained/programmed/brainwashed/mind-controlled to be either abusers or abused and again, except this as "normal or it's okay, because "we've always done it this way and/or everybody does it--so I'll just accept it and even do it--because that's how it is" That you have "escaped" from this "mess" is tremendous. Now here's the rub...NOT EVERYONE is an abuser nor abused. There are untold millions of people all around us that are NOT down with the YUCK society cheers and/or ignores. Society tried to deceive us into believing "everyone is like that", but it's a lie. It takes some work, but surrounding yourself with lovely people and getting the fools (sociopaths/psychopaths/crazymakers/narcissists--call them whatever you want, the bottom-line is they are FOOLS and you won't be able to change a fool, period. You must change yourself and again, surround yourself with "decent" people--which I'm so GLAD you've found in your husband.
Lastly, please hear me, any/everyone that reads this...LONELINESS is over-rated. Loneliness is a place where peace, growth/maturity and so many GOOD things happen in our lives. We can accomplish so much in this life embracing loneliness as a friend instead of a dreaded enemy social media, movies, music, and everything around us tries to and succeeds in making us believe is a fate worse than death. It's a LIE/DECEPTION. Again, embrace loneliness as a dear friend and use it to be a tool to get yourself to go out and help people, visit the elderly and sick, go outta your comfort zone to take the focus off of yourself and to help others. I'm telling you...IT'S ALL GOOD and will open doors for you that will be filled with peace, love and FUN!1
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