If I get any fatter, I'm going to explode.
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SpanishFusion
Posts: 261 Member
Really I'm not, but I had a very painful reality check last night. First of all I'll start by saying that I've been on MFP for several years. I got serious in April of 2017 and by July of 2018 I lost about 40# and half way to my goal. Then my best friend got sick again and I stopped losing weight. I didn't gain anything, but stopped MFP, but when her diagnoses turned terminal in January and she passed in March, things went downhill for me as a caregiver. I don't think in the month of March my mouth stopped chewing. Different people handle stress and distress differently. I eat. From then until now, I've gained all but 5# back. Life happened. I don't know what else to say about it. Yeah I am super discouraged, but I know how to get it off again. I started getting serious with tracking and eating to lose last week and upped my activity. I'll get it off again. I know I will.
Now for the reason of the title of this discussion. Last night my 5 year old nephew spent the night with me. As we were getting ready for bed, we put on a movie and cuddled for a few minutes. Our conversation went this way, "Auntie, Are you fat?" "Well yeah I guess I am a little. Why? Do you think I am?" "Yes I do. You are not small like my mom and she says that if you gain more weight you are going to explode." "She said that???" "Yeah, she did." "Do you know that was a mean thing to say?" "Yeah, I do Auntie, but I don't want you to explode." The conversation at this point turned very serious with his 5 year old eyes looking into mine. "I'm not going to explode. I just need to lose a few pounds." "Yeah I know, but you do know what exercise is, don't you Auntie?" ...
I am furious and beyond heart broken that my SIL talked about me like that. That is a chapter that I could write a book on that has nothing to do with weight loss. But in that hurtful conversation, I find wisdom and the most precious love of a 5 year old that I can't mistake and a lesson I won't let escape me. So I'm back at it and serious. I wrote this here because while I know this a public forum, I had to let it out. I know my family doesn't come here and if I told any of them, it would be a family war.
Now for the reason of the title of this discussion. Last night my 5 year old nephew spent the night with me. As we were getting ready for bed, we put on a movie and cuddled for a few minutes. Our conversation went this way, "Auntie, Are you fat?" "Well yeah I guess I am a little. Why? Do you think I am?" "Yes I do. You are not small like my mom and she says that if you gain more weight you are going to explode." "She said that???" "Yeah, she did." "Do you know that was a mean thing to say?" "Yeah, I do Auntie, but I don't want you to explode." The conversation at this point turned very serious with his 5 year old eyes looking into mine. "I'm not going to explode. I just need to lose a few pounds." "Yeah I know, but you do know what exercise is, don't you Auntie?" ...
I am furious and beyond heart broken that my SIL talked about me like that. That is a chapter that I could write a book on that has nothing to do with weight loss. But in that hurtful conversation, I find wisdom and the most precious love of a 5 year old that I can't mistake and a lesson I won't let escape me. So I'm back at it and serious. I wrote this here because while I know this a public forum, I had to let it out. I know my family doesn't come here and if I told any of them, it would be a family war.
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Replies
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I am so sorry -- I know this had to hurt you badly. I hope you can lose exactly what you need to and try to get past this but I would be very upset too. Big hug!3
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I am not so sure I agree with you
Your nephew clearly has concerns for you.
He wants you to be healthy.
He wants to make sure you know what exercise is.
He wants to make sure you don't blow up..
He wants you to be in his life for a long time.
O.k so his mom was having a bit of fun with him. She prob, meant it as a job. and he can't tell the difference between a job and being serious.
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Ouch. I agree it was a mean thing to say and not very wise to say it in front of a five year old. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. On the bright side you are amazing in your comment that you know what to do and you are doing it. Good for you. Your SIL will eventually have to eat her words. Good luck my friend we are all rooting for you!3
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Commander_Keen wrote: »I am not so sure I agree with you
Your nephew clearly has concerns for you.
He wants you to be healthy.
He wants to make sure you know what exercise is.
He wants to make sure you don't blow up..
He wants you to be in his life for a long time.
O.k so his mom was having a bit of fun with him. She prob, meant it as a job. and he can't tell the difference between a job and being serious.
I'm not sure what you mean? I think I took it as exactly what you just said about what he thinks. It just hurt to hear it. And "If your Auntie gains any more weight, she's going to explode!", doesn't sound like an innocent jest to me. And I don't know what a "job" is other than "to work".12 -
Hey wife, you noticed how your sis seems to be blowing up a bit lately?
Yeah, hubby, she got hit hard by that death. She needs to figure out some good exercise and lay off the nachos and she'll be fine.
<little teapots have big ears>
Auntie I don't want you to explode! Do you know what exercise is?
While it may be a wake up call to you; it doesn't mean that someone who loved you commented on you in a hateful manner. If anything it sounds like a non hateful manner. Plus it is not only third party; but it is third party as UN-filtered by a 5 year old. Plus it got your attention. So all good!
Obviously the battle is mental. You know how to win. Remain engaged. And last but not least: "showing them" is fleeting. Lose the weight for YOU!9 -
What a horrible thing for your SIL to say, especially when a child is in earshot. Let her go be judgy somewhere else, with adults! Your nephew is precious, and I'm glad he had the guts to say this to you because he was concerned for your well-being. I'm sorry you were hurt though. What other people think of us is none of our business. I think you handled the convo with your nephew very well. But I do think you should tell others in your family, and let the war begin. What SIL said is NOT OKAY!2
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SpanishFusion wrote: »Commander_Keen wrote: »I am not so sure I agree with you
Your nephew clearly has concerns for you.
He wants you to be healthy.
He wants to make sure you know what exercise is.
He wants to make sure you don't blow up..
He wants you to be in his life for a long time.
O.k so his mom was having a bit of fun with him. She prob, meant it as a job. and he can't tell the difference between a job and being serious.
I'm not sure what you mean? I think I took it as exactly what you just said about what he thinks. It just hurt to hear it. And "If your Auntie gains any more weight, she's going to explode!", doesn't sound like an innocent jest to me. And I don't know what a "job" is other than "to work".
Meant it as a joke2 -
I have a SIL just like that! So I get it. It was not meant in a "loving" way. It was not meant in a "joking" way. She just did not think her 5 year old son would think to tell you what was said. I also have a 5 year old nephew and his concern was real because she said it with a hateful tone. They distinguish that. I also applaud you for staying strong, calm, and finding motivation in it.
When my SIL said some thing similiar I was not at all as nice as you. I clearly reminded her, both families, and all her friends that we both kinda had the same addiction mine was just liquid and full of sugar and hers was powdery and white like sugar. So salute to you!
Let that sweet boy be your motivation, because my nephew and niece are mine.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Everything was reading as expected until the truth about SIL's opinion came out. Shucks. Well, "out of the mouths of babes..." Get out there and do this for you. I can't imagine supporting and caring for a loved one until their death. If food comforted you, so be it. Now it's your turn to focus on your health. Do it as a loving memory to your friend
And each pound you lose is one farther and farther away from explosion, giving your nephew comfort. What a sweet boy you have in your life! 3 -
I'm always amazed at how the people who are supposed to love you the most are the people who can hurt you the most. I would be hurt too. I'm so sorry this happened. You might want to clear the air with your SIL and let her know about the conversation. Thank her for her concern and let her know you'd appreciate her not talking about you or your weight in front of your nephew. I too have gotten halfway to my goal and gained it all back. Now back on MFP trying again. Weight loss is hard. Sending good vibes and encouragement your way.1
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Hi... First I want to say I’m so very sorry about your friend... I’m here because, since my sweet aunt died by suicide in 2012, I’d been incredibly sad and just could not motivate myself to exercise or eat right. So, needless to say, I gained weight. Anyway, I understand your situation, and I’m sorry for how you’re feeling after this conversation with your dear nephew.
I hope coming back here helps get you back on track. Please try not to dwell on it so much that it festers in your spirit. Maybe just let the love of your nephew and his (innocent) expression of sincere concern for you be the take-away from this situation.
Also, now that you’re back on MFP, you know you have a bunch of cheerleaders here to support you! (You can friend me if you wish.)
I understand the toll significant losses take on our minds, bodies and spirits. I hope you feel your dear friends love that is ever with you. (((Hugs)))2 -
I wouldn't be too furious at a five-year-old. You'll look like my dad, who tries to get angry with my son for not knowing table manners.
HE'S FIVE!! My son referred to a guy with a prosethetic as having a robot leg. Kids say the darnedest things.
Agree with some previous posters. Kid's concerned for you. I don't know what you look like beyond your avatar, but this kid thinks it's time to make a change. You can tell him to go *kitten* himself, or tell his parents that, or you can accept the critique and do something.
You don't have to do anything. However, I doubt you would have written this post if you felt like you don't need to do anything.
Also, people have to be TAUGHT what is acceptable and unacceptable. Without freaking the kid out, have you tried explaining to him why what he said was hurtful to you?
ETA: after rereading, why aren't you mad at the kid's mom? Sounds like her fault much more than the kid simply repeating something. My kid says "anti-disestablishmentarianism." It's not because he's a super genius, either...6 -
Hey wife, you noticed how your sis seems to be blowing up a bit lately?
Yeah, hubby, she got hit hard by that death. She needs to figure out some good exercise and lay off the nachos and she'll be fine.
<little teapots have big ears>
Auntie I don't want you to explode! Do you know what exercise is?
While it may be a wake up call to you; it doesn't mean that someone who loved you commented on you in a hateful manner. If anything it sounds like a non hateful manner. Plus it is not only third party; but it is third party as UN-filtered by a 5 year old. Plus it got your attention. So all good!
Obviously the battle is mental. You know how to win. Remain engaged. And last but not least: "showing them" is fleeting. Lose the weight for YOU!
I like this perspective a lot. Kids are listening when they don't think they are. She could have overheard something said in concern and repeated it back inaccurately.3 -
@JustinAnimal I am totally with you! When my son was four he asked an overweight woman at the mall if she had a baby in her belly. One of my kids, at the grocery store around that age, argued about how the person in front of us couldn't possibly be a he (which I had referred to him as) because he had long hair. Another time, one of them pointed at a woman at Target and said "you're an old grandma!" She laughed and said, "Yes I am!" Again, about age 3-3-4. They don't have empathy yet. It's a brain development thing. Each time my kid was being super literal. Not poking fun at anybody.5
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JustinAnimal wrote: »I wouldn't be too furious at a five-year-old. You'll look like my dad, who tries to get angry with my son for not knowing table manners.
HE'S FIVE!! My son referred to a guy with a prosethetic as having a robot leg. Kids say the darnedest things.
Agree with some previous posters. Kid's concerned for you. I don't know what you look like beyond your avatar, but this kid thinks it's time to make a change. You can tell him to go *kitten* himself, or tell his parents that, or you can accept the critique and do something.
You don't have to do anything. However, I doubt you would have written this post if you felt like you don't need to do anything.
Also, people have to be TAUGHT what is acceptable and unacceptable. Without freaking the kid out, have you tried explaining to him why what he said was hurtful to you?
ETA: after rereading, why aren't you mad at the kid's mom? Sounds like her fault much more than the kid simply repeating something. My kid says "anti-disestablishmentarianism." It's not because he's a super genius, either...
The only time OP mentions being furious, it's about the SIL. Maybe you need to re-read one more time.I am furious and beyond heart broken that my SIL talked about me like that.
ETA
And, you sayAlso, people have to be TAUGHT what is acceptable and unacceptable. Without freaking the kid out, have you tried explaining to him why what he said was hurtful to you?
Again, go back to the OP which says,"Do you know that was a mean thing to say?" "Yeah, I do Auntie, but I don't want you to explode."
So, the child knows it was a mean thing to say. He doesn't need it explained.8 -
@JustinAnimal I'm not one bit angry with my nephew. I am angry (alot at her and a little at myself), but not at him. He's too precious, innocent, and only concerned.
@ADeCapua I will probably not get the family involved to 'let the war begin', but that comment did make me chuckle.
@PAV8888 I like the way you think and I really should give her the benefit of the doubt. That would be taking the high road, which I preach often, but knowing 'her', something tells me that that is not quite what happened. I really think it was more like what @adortiz1990 said and she did not expect my nephew to repeat it to me.
Thanks everyone for the support. I'm not sure how I'm going to approach this but since I was still stewing about it in my sleep, I think that I had better say something.
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The kid is 5. That means it is only about a year ago that he even had the concept that he could know something but another person does not. I doubt he's thinking about if his aunt knows what exercise is.Commander_Keen wrote: »I am not so sure I agree with you
Your nephew clearly has concerns for you.
He wants you to be healthy.
He wants to make sure you know what exercise is.
He wants to make sure you don't blow up..
He wants you to be in his life for a long time.
O.k so his mom was having a bit of fun with him. She prob, meant it as a job. and he can't tell the difference between a job and being serious.
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Messages come to us in unexpected ways sometimes. All we need to do is realize the opportunity that wakes us up. Sometimes a slap in the face, albeit a verbal one, is necessary for us to hear the message.
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand how stress causes eating. I am the same way. Understand that this has nothing to do with anyone other than you. Keep your head up, stay focused on your goal and take action. You can do this. I know you can!2 -
SpanishFusion wrote: »@JustinAnimal I'm not one bit angry with my nephew. I am angry (alot at her and a little at myself), but not at him. He's too precious, innocent, and only concerned.
@ADeCapua I will probably not get the family involved to 'let the war begin', but that comment did make me chuckle.
@PAV8888 I like the way you think and I really should give her the benefit of the doubt. That would be taking the high road, which I preach often, but knowing 'her', something tells me that that is not quite what happened. I really think it was more like what @adortiz1990 said and she did not expect my nephew to repeat it to me.
Thanks everyone for the support. I'm not sure how I'm going to approach this but since I was still stewing about it in my sleep, I think that I had better say something.
I'd recommend taking that high road that @PAV8888 brought up. However she meant it (I would have been hurt too) you can use it in a healthy manner to help yourself, or an unhealthy manner which doesn't do anyone any real good.
Do what you have to for you, and after you've cooled off a bit consider how you may let her know that you would appreciate "raising her concerns about your well being" to you first, not to the child.
You might manage to get things to the point where you feel lots better about yourself AND have the added bonus of a SiL who's a bit more thoughtful before she opens her mouth. Hang in there - all the best to you. 4 -
That's terrible of your sister in law and it sounds like there is backstory that makes it appear that this is not surprising that she said it. But damn, I'm so sorry. And you handled it beautifully.2
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