Hi I'm 428 lbs! WOW first time I ever announced that outloud! I need friends & support please.

Thanks everyone! You are all AWESOME! This place is fantastic!!! I am up all night working so my sleep time is like 10 am till 6ish. Yesterday was the first day I slept 8 hours straight! I feel so powered and great tonight! I keep my computer signed on all the time. My work is online. I praise God for giving me the gifts he gave me to be able to do my job at home. God is my Rock so anyone on here thats just meeting me, I want you to know that. I love the lord and I love our God! I pray each of you do too. If EVER you need to talk and need some prayer I am always here as I have ministered to many and plan to continue it. I know that each and everyone of us goes through Tests.. and our Tests ARE our testimonies. I know God made me how he did and all of you with all your special gifts and I stopped loving myself. I stopped loving the beautiful child God created and loved. I have been to see someone about emotional hate I had for my body. They described to me that you have to look at your body as a beautiful creation of God that its so well designed how it tries to protect us. All the crash diets Ive tried, starving myself my body only tried to hold on and protect me..and well protect me it did with 428 lbs of cushion! LOL but all jokes aside I am going into this with the thought of filling me up with Joy. I have left myself be so down and negative about myself that I stopped going anywhere even when I could do it. Before all the weight came on. Then after I wanted to I was way too embarrassed. Gotta say the doctors I had to see did NOTHING for my self confidence. I had to go for a womans exam and REALLY hated to go being so fat. BUT I told myself, your health is worth more than 5 minutes of embarrassment. I left that doctors office in tears that tramatized me for 10 years. He walked into the room and asked me rude questions about my weight and then said ok lose weight and I will see you in a year. I said Im sorry , do you not do women exams, pap tests?? He looked at me and said, Look at you...Youre so fat, I dont even think I could examine you. It would just be a waste of both our efforts. Yours to try to lie back without passing out because you wont be able to breathe from laying flat on you rback and your fat choking you, and me trying to even get in to see anything in you which would probably be a false inconclusive test anyway. so like I said..uhhh Waste of our efforts. OH YES HE DID! The nurse in the room before he walked in knew I was absolutely embarrassed before and I was sitting on the table undressed waist down standard procedure and she assured me its gonna be ok and when he said that to me, she said to him very sternly doctor you just lost yourself a nurse because thats all I needed to see from you to know that I would never want to work for a heartless cruel human being like you. She ordered HIM out of the room , wiped my tears and helped me get dressed and we BOTH walked out together to my car where she gave me a hug and prayed for me. Very sad and it did something to me for the rest of my ten years, and I wasnt as heavy then as I am now. But that did me in to going to the doctors which is one of the reasons I ended up in resporatory failure and almost lost my life from fluid swelling my body to almost 500 lbs and I knew I couldnt breathe so good but I couldnt not bring myself to go see a doctor, I tried to fix it. The stress of it about killed my sleep so then I swelled worse and I blew up all that weight in a few weeks. I went by ambulance to the ER and fell asleep waking up paralyzed by the drugs they gave me to be sure I didnt wake and pull out the tube that was down my throat as pictured above my introduction post. I could hear my son praying and crying for me but I couldnt open my eyes. I was also abused and hurt by the nurses caring for me as I could feel everything but not speak or tell anyone anything and some hated their jobs taking care of me. When your this heavy your skin folds are very thin and fragile and I felt them taking wash rags to clean me and just ripping my skin. I cried so hard inside and tears did roll down my face alot my son said but the nurses said I was probably just dreaming..or the meds were causing it..and my son said oh no thats not right, somethings not right. I had to LAY LIKE THAT! I was in the ICU for 8 weeks. After I woke up they put a steel contrapment of a mask on me and tied my wrists down. There was no way I could figure to take that mask off and it was so loud and like a darth vader mask even trying to talk they couldnt hear me as i begged them to take OFF the wrist restraints that I felt like i was going to vomit which i did inside the mask and layed there until one of them came back to check on me half hour later. My son had left to go get a shower and come back.. SO after all that and I was able to sit up they decided to up my dieuretics and no exageration sucked me dry of fluids down to a dry weight of 384 which was serious dehydration and made me SICK. ANyhoo I wrote a whole book here. Sorry but its so emotional and I want others to know your health at ANY SIZE IS IMPORTANT! Before you say oh just this one time against the goal you set for you, think about me. I said that 100 times and sat on my butt afraid of everyone else and what theyd think and doctors words horror in my thoughts about me. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT ONE TIME. IT IS ONLY A TEMPORARY FEELING! BUT TOO MANY OF THEM BECOME DANGEROUS. and then you start being embarrassed as the weight sneaks up on you! AND if you can exercise at all DO IT! If I knew then what I know now I would hav epushed myself at 200 lbs to get my *kitten* up and out of the house and take a walk with God and the earth instead of pitying me at 200 lbs! I WISHHHHHHH I was 200 lbs now!!!! Love to all. Thanks for reading my book. Thanks for being my friends. I need you so much in my life now and you are so appreciated and a blessing to me. THANK YOU