This time I want to do this the healthy way

carylamodia
carylamodia Posts: 60 Member
edited May 2019 in Introduce Yourself
Hello, I'm back on MFP after a couple years! In my teenage years I used to track my calories and eating habits obsessively to the point of severely restricting my food intake. I had lost a ton of weight and was at my skinniest then, but it also put me in a very dark place mentally. Needless to say it negatively affected my self-esteem, body image, and overall quality of life. Over the years I had learned to improve my relationship with food and become more comfortable with my body.

However I learned recently that I had become slightly overweight. To be honest it came as a shock and I was at a total disbelief for a while. Earlier this month I finally signed up for the gym and had been working out 4-5 times a week (running and lifting weights) while also consciously eating less.

I have made some progress now but I'm also afraid that this whole experience is sending me back to that old familiar place I tried so hard to get out of. Yesterday I broke down crying because I felt I hadn't worked out as hard enough in the last two days and I was eating and overeating unhealthily. I was becoming more and more obsessed with my weight and looks too, and I felt like I was 16 again. It was a horrible feeling.

My boyfriend is my main support and I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him, but I would also like to find friends that can help and support me in my goals while keeping me sane and having a positive body image.

I'm 5'3 and currently 146 lbs (I started at 154 lbs). My goal weight is somewhere around 115-120 lbs with a strong and toned body. I hope to make some friends. Say hi in the comments! 😊

Replies

  • BIGFNR0B
    BIGFNR0B Posts: 2,965 Member
    Well it seems like your on the right track and with that attitude you will make it
  • carylamodia
    carylamodia Posts: 60 Member
    Thanks @ShowingProgress and @BIGFNR0B!
  • carylamodia
    carylamodia Posts: 60 Member
    robertw486 wrote: »
    I think that for many of us the specifics of how we deal with our health and weight control become very individual. What works to keep one person motivated and moving might easily become obsessive for the next person. There are no set rules, other than to try to find that balance that works best for you.

    For me personally, I found that logging and/or posting my workouts and such drove me towards obsessing over those things more when there was no need. If I just pay attention to my eating habits and such I can control weight almost as well, but with less overall stress and more enjoyment of the activities and workouts.

    I think this is where some of us older people might have an advantage over younger people like yourself. We've screwed up more, learned from it, and changed things to not do it again. Just the fact that you recognize your are heading towards a darker place suggests that you've already learned that life lesson and will avoid it. And I think the self image and self esteem aspects are similar. Over time you realize that it's not what anyone else attempts to project on your or label you that matters. What really matters is if you can look in a mirror and know your true worth, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your desire to continue to improve the "you" that you strive to be.


    There are plenty of strong and fit ladies on the site that have found their ways to get to where they want to be. And I'm sure you will find plenty of friends to make the trip easier.

    Thank you so much! 😊
  • jenpettipas
    jenpettipas Posts: 37 Member
    Hey I just added you. My story is very similar to yours! I'm 5'3 and 145 pounds and my goal weight is the same. I used to want to be tiny with a thigh gap but now I just want to be healthy and look fit. Hopefully we can help motivate each other 🙂
  • GlennCrossFit
    GlennCrossFit Posts: 28 Member
    You will get there girl! You know things take time and at the end you will reach your goal! Let’s inspire and help each other on this journey! 😊💯❤️
  • carylamodia
    carylamodia Posts: 60 Member
    Thanks for sending a request! Added both of you. Let's motivate each other! 😊
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,093 Member
    carylamodia wrote: »
    Hello, I'm back on MFP after a couple years! In my teenage years I used to track my calories and eating habits obsessively to the point of severely restricting my food intake. I had lost a ton of weight and was at my skinniest then, but it also put me in a very dark place mentally. Needless to say it negatively affected my self-esteem, body image, and overall quality of life. Over the years I had learned to improve my relationship with food and become more comfortable with my body.

    Did you have any kind of medical/therapy support team when you were in "a very dark place mentally" that helped you "improve [your] relationship with food and become more comfortable with [your] body"? It sounds like you could use their help again, because some of the feelings you say you're having now don't sound like a good relationship with food and being comfortable with your body.
    However I learned recently that I had become slightly overweight. To be honest it came as a shock and I was at a total disbelief for a while. Earlier this month I finally signed up for the gym and had been working out 4-5 times a week (running and lifting weights) while also consciously eating less.

    I have made some progress now but I'm also afraid that this whole experience is sending me back to that old familiar place I tried so hard to get out of. Yesterday I broke down crying because I felt I hadn't worked out as hard enough in the last two days and I was eating and overeating unhealthily. I was becoming more and more obsessed with my weight and looks too, and I felt like I was 16 again. It was a horrible feeling.

    If you didn't have any medical or therapeutic support the last time, maybe you should consider getting some this time.
    My boyfriend is my main support and I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him, but I would also like to find friends that can help and support me in my goals while keeping me sane and having a positive body image.

    Your boyfriend probably isn't qualified to support you through this, and even if he does have training in this area, it wouldn't be appropriate for him to have both a therapeutic and a personal relationship with him. Also, consider whether it is fair to ask a friend or family member to be your main support without seeking medical or therapeutic help? Is it conducive to a healthy relationship to expect someone to solve a problem that they cannot solve? It's up to you, with appropriate medical or therapeutic support, to solve this problem.

    Best wishes for finding your way back to a healthier you, and for recognizing that a few extra pounds -- literally you are currently 4 lbs over a healthy weight on the BMI scale -- is not your real problem.
  • carylamodia
    carylamodia Posts: 60 Member
    edited May 2019
    @lynn_glenmont I have seen a therapist before for a brief time period but it was for other personal problems. We had not touched the topic of eating disorders.

    My boyfriend isn't qualified and we both do not pretend he can take the place of professional help. However between family and friends he is the one I'm most open to. He's always been supportive of me throughout, and he suggested himself that I go back to therapy. I'm unsure though whether I should give it another chance. My previous experience wasn't a very positive one. To be honest I rather not bother at this time. I feel like I can manage myself on my own.

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