My spouse sabotages my good eating habits!
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Lol 😆 she really pouts like my 2yr old? My 2yr olds are sabotaging 🤴 King. He refuses food or eats but wants pizza. Pizza 🍕 he says to his Dad sad eyes 👀 blazing ...I wanna pizza (over exaggerates his sighs* ) lol next thing I know I get have you fed the baby? Well of course I did this isn’t a 🌵 desert 🐫 the boys as tall as a 6yr old he can open the pantry grab something if I tried lol. Next thing I know I’m told to order the baby pizza 🍕. Lol he’s lucky his parents are old my Adult Daughter laughs says you never let me get away with that. She says I’m treating him like a grandkids lol. But I skipped the pizza 🍕 when I can or change up my diet for the day to match 1 slice only a day to none. It’s funny to hear a grown woman trying that. You need to try what I do with cooking for the hubby (Kid Is a whole other battle lol) .I cook 1 portion in 1 skillet 🍳 another portion in another totally different meals.I serve his up on his plate from his pan. Then serve my healthy one from my pan to my plate. I Tupperware any extra.3
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I'm not trying to be harsh but... she's a grown woman. The one responsible for her negative feelings and insecurity is her and her alone. Just as she isn't responsible for your food choices, you are not responsible for her emotions. You can support and love her, but you can't feel her feelings for her or fix her problems.
She needs to address her issues herself. You should be encouraging therapy.2 -
I'm not trying to be harsh but... she's a grown woman. The one responsible for her negative feelings and insecurity is her and her alone. Just as she isn't responsible for your food choices, you are not responsible for her emotions. You can support and love her, but you can't feel her feelings for her or fix her problems.
She needs to address her issues herself. You should be encouraging therapy.
I wish it was that easy2 -
can you sit down with her and meal plan for the week ahead? that way you're both eating the same of something together. I agree communication plays a huge part in helping her realise its not about her. she is free to eat the food, but you're not hungry or interested. it will go back and forth for a few weeks until she realises you're serious and probably stop. There are other ways to make her feel better without food being the answer to make her happy. Surely something like movies out or a trip to her favourite place? But still at end of day, do try communicate with her that rejecting food isn't a rejection of her.5
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Losing weight when not everyone in the house is on board is tricky. I make the food (most of the time) in our house too, so I make foods my husband and I both enjoy but that I can fit into my calorie budget. I also keep extra snacks around for him. The most important thing I've found is that I continue counting my calories regardless of how much anyone objects or says "let's have a treat day" or whatever. I have failed on the journey a few times before now and I became obese because of it. I'm a healthy weight now, and everyone is just used to me logging my food. I have just made it a priority. My health is a "hill I'm willing to die on", as they say.5
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I am really curious about the types of food that are being eaten and cooked in your home. For example, what would you consider a good, healthy, normal dinner VS. what does your wife consider "a good meal"?
I know this is nosy of me to ask -- but I'm just perplexed many times by things along these lines.
Isn't there some kind of happy compromise that can be reached? Like, you both eat chicken, but you have a salad or veggies with it and she has mashed potatoes & gravy with it? A pizza night when you get thin crust with one meat & veggie for toppings and she has the deep dish with everything? Sub sandwiches with a cookie & chips for her and carrot sticks and fruit for you?
I think on these forums we see this same topic a lot, but more often it's the wife complaining that her husband wants to eat more food, richer, higher calorie food or junk food. I fully grasp that the gender roles can make it more complex sometimes...some women have the idea that they should always eat less than a guy does and it makes them feel insecure if not. Too bad. As others have said, she should respect your fitness & health goals. It's your life and your body at stake.
Hoping you two can reach some sort of compromise when it comes to meals. I think it's good that you're not expecting her to eat healthy 100% of the time or join the weight loss bandwagon simply because you are. If she can't grasp that, it's her problem.19 -
Just get 2 seperate meals cooking your now granola bars to spinach juice 🥤 she’s still burger y 🍟 fries. She’s not going to make that huge of a leap all at once she hasn’t made your choice yet. When she does maybe it a ease into it1
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robinhager3998 wrote: »I'm sorry to hear that. My husband does that to me. He says he wants me to lose weight, but as soon as I get serious and stick to my journaling he wants to stuff me with food. He then starts this "Well if you don't eat any, I won't either" thing and starts pouting.
That is exactly what i have been experiencing.... that pout when there is not any good food on the table. Then I feel guilty and end up cooking something or worse ordering something that i know she likes.
Bummer. Maybe ask her to cook with you if there something she wants that you don’t need. Then she can’t complain because she had a chance to contribute.1 -
can you give examples of what you're putting on the table for the two of you to have?0
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I am really curious about the types of food that are being eaten and cooked in your home. For example, what would you consider a good, healthy, normal dinner VS. what does your wife consider "a good meal"?
I know this is nosy of me to ask -- but I'm just perplexed many times by things along these lines.
Isn't there some kind of happy compromise that can be reached? Like, you both eat chicken, but you have a salad or veggies with it and she has mashed potatoes & gravy with it? A pizza night when you get thin crust with one meat & veggie for toppings and she has the deep dish with everything? Sub sandwiches with a cookie & chips for her and carrot sticks and fruit for you?
[snip]
Hoping you two can reach some sort of compromise when it comes to meals. I think it's good that you're not expecting her to eat healthy 100% of the time or join the weight loss bandwagon simply because you are. If she can't grasp that, it's her problem.
^^ This. I think this is the best answer yet. Quoting it in hopes you'll see it OP!3 -
Make a promise to yourself right now, that you’ll not give permission to anyone to sabotage your fitness, health and wellness goal, nobody and this means you, your spouse and everyone else.
That’s a promise I made to myself, kept it and it worked.
You deserve it.5 -
No one has to live in our body. It is the only thing on the face of the earth that you have control over in this particular situation. Let freedom ring. Lead by example and don't give in.1
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robinhager3998 wrote: »I'm sorry to hear that. My husband does that to me. He says he wants me to lose weight, but as soon as I get serious and stick to my journaling he wants to stuff me with food. He then starts this "Well if you don't eat any, I won't either" thing and starts pouting.
That is exactly what i have been experiencing.... that pout when there is not any good food on the table. Then I feel guilty and end up cooking something or worse ordering something that i know she likes.
When you say "not any good food on the table" what kind of food are you cooking. Only there are plenty of ways to make great food that is healthy and low calorie that she could enjoy. Even burgers and fries or pizza can be made at home and to fit your health goals.
What would a normal menu look like for you?
You say you are apart most of the week so you have both got used to eating exactly what you want in the way you want. Habits are hard to break so when the weekend comes you are both clashing on your food choices.
My worry is that she is feeling really guilty that she is not making the same efforts you are. This could be because she percieves your eating healthier as a dig at her to do the same. It is a very difficult situation but if you talk it over and re-assure her that her food choices are hers to make and you are not judging her about them, perhaps you can compromise a bit on the weekends and find healthy but tasty choices that you both enjoy.
I don't see this as an either food is good or food is bad situation but one where you can both share ideas for recipes that you can both enjoy with out any attached guilt.3 -
I battled with this for years...I called my wife "the feeder" and I got chubby. My nickname turned from 'will' to 'fill' (fat-will)... My wife eats what she wants but doesn't put on weight. She pretty much has abs and doesn't train so she was not as motivated as me to change her eating habits. There is hope however!!!!!
I did 2 things to overcome this:
1) I started having protein shake and a handful of almonds for breakfast each day (high P / high F) and then a protein / veg heavy lunch at work (high P / low C). This would leave me enough float to have whatever my wife was having at dinner. The dinner table is so important so I would never recommend eating different meals as it will create divide.
2) I started to educate her. Yeah eating healthier might make you look better...but heres the magic ticket - you actually feel better too. Less tired, more energy to do things, feel healthy which makes you happier about yourself. The benefits are endless. Don't go all high and mighty "my diet is better than yours"...just have her acknowledge how she feels after eating.... happy, motivated, guilty, tired?
Small changes can incrementally have big impacts. Ditch the soda for diet soda. Ditch one half of the bun. Get the dressing on the side.
The journey has to be sustainable. Good luck!!!8 -
I so know how you feel. My husband is the same way. I was doing so well then he started going to the grocery store on a daily basis for stuff that was not on my eating plan. The first time I went on a diet, he bought a deep fryer. So now although he is the cook for the entire family, I just make my own food and put in containers for dinner time.3
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my husband and i were in different places when i started losing weight. he was trying to bulk a bit.
so i made the protien kinda healthy. he got lots of breads or pasta and butter or sauce. i got more veggies... he got what he wanted. i got what i needed.
we were also in different places emotionally. i did what i could for him. he tried with me.
ultimately, i was in charge of what was in my mouth but i found a compromise. even if the other person tried to manipulate or whined.3 -
I'm in a similar situation. To my wife and in-laws (who also live with us), food = love. If they offer me food and I turn it down, they take it as a very personal rejection. "But I made this for you! You don't have to log it, it's healthy! Why are you rejecting my care?!" I'll explain how I have to limit calories and they'll say "Next time we'll know.", except that next time they won't know and the whole process starts over again like it's the first time they're hearing it.
I wish I could help, but I've never found a good solution. There's a life-long emotional and cultural connection with food there that I can't overcome. I waffle between accepting that meals will often end with someone upset, and caving in.5 -
Looking at it from a different angle, if you’re gone five days a week, she may be lonely, insecure, and fearful of the reasons you’re suddenly trying to lose weight.
Mybhusband and I are joined at the hip. But....If he was away that much, I’d worry that he finds it so easy to be away. If he then started to work out and make an effort to lose weight, no matter how much I trust him, the fear would gnaw away at me.
She may just need reassurance that she’s #1 and there’s nothing on the side.
Sit her down with no kids or TV, start the conversation, look her in the eyes, reassure her and tell her that you want to improve your health so you’re at her side for many many years to come.12 -
Man, I identified with your posts pretty strongly here! Sometimes I feel like there should be a support group! It's tough sometimes to let go of that control and focus on the areas where you can enact change, but making the healthy choices for yourself is what's going to keep you going. Maybe your success will serve as an example. I keep hoping for that, in my own case.
While it may not be 100% encouraging, my wife and I have found some common ground through communication. When she cooks (we split the chore about 50/50) it used to be a lot of foods I was specifically trying to avoid, often casseroles and such where everything was mixed together. We've learned to make some new dishes where components aren't as integrated so I don't have to have as much starch and can double up on veggies or meat. Same meal, different breakdown. But it works for us! And on those occasions where there is going to be something integrated or heavy on calories, I just try to plan my exercise accordingly that day and the day after in order to try to compensate.
There are also still times where she'll get me in moments of weakness where I feel what I can only describe as "willpower fatigue" and the planned grilled chicken over salad ends up morphing into a take-out pizza order. I'd be lying if I didn't say that pendulum hasn't swung the other way a few times as well, though not nearly as often. There are always going to be times where discipline falters for whatever reason (tired, hungry, lazy, don't feel like X, craving Y, etc.) and it's really a boon when you have that partner in your corner backing you up, and vice versa.
So I get it. It can be really tough, but I wish you both well!3 -
Would you have the same complaint if your wife wasn't "significantly more overweight" than you? Because the fact that you felt the need to throw that in raises a flag for me.
It's the opposite at my house. He would like me to eat more salads. I'm not a huge salad fan. Vegetables are fine and I eat plenty, but I'm not interested in eating salad every single day. I just don't like it that much. He understands and respects that (but still thinks I need more greens
) (I'm a normal weight, btw, not that it should matter.) 8
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