My spouse sabotages my good eating habits!

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  • gympamela
    gympamela Posts: 188 Member
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    I refuse to cook separate meals for my family. If they dont like what I am making then they are on their own. They used to try the guilt thing on me too, but when my results stalled and I started gaining again and feeling like crap I quit caring. How difficult would it be to try and engage her to start thinking of her health too? Summer is a great time to start eating healthy imo, Grilled meats and veggies!! MMM! Good luck!
  • JRsLateInLifeMom
    JRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 2,275 Member
    edited June 2019
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    Might have to do the okay will get it to go at your restaurant y mine move. Hop into McDonald’s for her then drive to a healthy restaurant for you then head home put in a movie 🎥 together while you eat up.
    Make sure your driving to do this!
    Or research restaurants prior that have both healthy/junk say let’s try a new restaurant neither of has been to like a fun 1st date.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
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    You're a good husband but you need to sit down and have a good conversation with her. A good spouse supports not sabotages. It'd also help if you call it sabotage. It's your body.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
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    noah49822 wrote: »
    robinhager3998 wrote: »
    I'm sorry to hear that. My husband does that to me. He says he wants me to lose weight, but as soon as I get serious and stick to my journaling he wants to stuff me with food. He then starts this "Well if you don't eat any, I won't either" thing and starts pouting.

    That is exactly what i have been experiencing.... that pout when there is not any good food on the table. Then I feel guilty and end up cooking something or worse ordering something that i know she likes.

    I'm sorry but POUT? In my house, its always been 'the cook decides' and if you don't like.......YOU get to cook!
  • SteroidalLolita
    SteroidalLolita Posts: 122 Member
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    My husband and I eat different things most of the time and it's never a problem. We usually have the same protein and he'll have macaroni and cheese or fries or something of that with it and I'll have some cottage cheese and veggies. And we still have pizza sometimes too! (He eats like a horse and is lean and muscular.) As long as you can plan your day around your dinner then you should be set. Don't let anyone sabotage you. She should be behind you and be proud of your accomplishments, though perhaps she's just worried that if you get to your goal that you'll leave, which is common.
  • MyFreakingNameIsScott
    MyFreakingNameIsScott Posts: 199 Member
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    I’m sure by now you’ve received the overwhelming feedback about choices. Just want to chime in and let you know you aren’t alone. I like my fitness level. It’s not necessarily shared by family. I love candy. My sweet tooth is ridiculous. I made the decision to do a “sugar-Free” summer. Not going away from fruit and natural sugars, just candy, ice cream, etc... Two days after I tell my wife that, a bag and a half of twizzlers are sitting on the dining table. All one can do is compartmentalize ones choices, ones goals, own it and move forward.
  • MrsTitus2
    MrsTitus2 Posts: 61 Member
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    Dont leave her in the dust. Encourage her and motivate her as much as you can. Take charge of the situation.
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
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    Just wanted to comment on your post as I lived a similar issue years ago. My husband never made me feel bad for dieting but he would sabotage me in more subtle ways. Suddenly he would be craving my favorite foods all the time. He would bring home sweets he didn't even want and leave them laying around to tempt me (in my mind anyway, lol). Anyway I finally lost the weight and now he is super supportive. In hindsight I realized his worry was that I would lose the weight and leave him. It was just plain old insecurity that we all seem to suffer from time to time. My best advice is to make her feel even more loved as you lose weight and she will be much more encouraging. It's hard to lose your eating buddy but if she sees how much happier you are she may be more likely to support your efforts.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
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    My gut reaction to your initial post is that she might be afraid of your getting healthier.

    Sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her why you're on this journey. Would she feel you're doing it for someone else?

    <3
  • TheMrWobbly
    TheMrWobbly Posts: 2,523 Member
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    noah49822 wrote: »
    No not at all. I don't care what she looks like, i am perfectly fine with her size, but when she only wants to go out to eat at a place i can't eat healthy it is hard for me. I work best when i have someone there to help me instead of tempt me. DO i worry about her health? Of course i do.

    There are so many of us here with exactly this issue and as much as we think we know your issue we don't, we don't know your wife and we are all making assumptions. My life is the same though complicated with grown children who still have strops about food. Ever heard the phrase 'misery loves company'?

    My response has been;
    - I cook dinner two-three days a week and make my lunch every day, I am in control of what I eat
    - I shop three days a week, there is nearly always food in so no need to 'nip out' for junk food
    - When my wife cooks I weigh my food and only put on my plate what I can afford on MFP numbers
    - If we are going to eat out I plan my day, less intake at other meals, and absolutely NO restaurant desserts
    - No alcohol

    I don't know your plan but I can eat quite a lot on 1600 calories if I choose the right foods.

    This will come across as harsh, stop making excuses and start taking control, if you wife doesn't want what you want, fair play, you just have less of what she wants when you eat the same dish. Whether the journey is together or on your own you have to take it.

    Can we add to this to make a list of suggestions?
  • hansep0012
    hansep0012 Posts: 385 Member
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    Relationships are an interesting dance and each dance is unique to the couple / family.

    Sometimes the things we don't talk about (or post) are the unspoken things, things we can't define because guess what, we haven't talked through them. This has been mentioned by others, got to talk, got to communicate.

    Other times we know exactly what those things are and don't want to face them. For me, in my situation, I know exactly what the "sabotage" is and why it happens: My husband never learned how to be supportive of another person, whether it's to make healthy choices for dinner or how to actively listen to someone. If asked, my husband would empathically tell people he loves me, and he does. The same for being supportive, a good listener, etc. But in our relationship what I am struggling to come to terms with is deciding if his support or listening skills are critical to our marriage or if I want to develop additional support through friends, MFP, and activities.

    It is not my intention to imply that your situation mirrors mine but to challenge you to think deeply about what you aren't actively posting and dealing with - again, for me it is a big ole gnarly mess of deciding if I want to end my second marriage, stay in an un-supported marriage unhappy, or pursue some other path.....

    At the end of the day it turns out only we can decide what to put into our mouths, who we share the dinner table with and ultimately, how we live our lives.
  • hansep0012
    hansep0012 Posts: 385 Member
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    "emphatically" not empathically (auto-correct got me!).
  • TheMrWobbly
    TheMrWobbly Posts: 2,523 Member
    edited July 2019
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    I thought a group might help

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/133337-husbands-fathers-without-support
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    Everyone on this thread is so nice! Seriously when my husband grouses about what I cook (which happens rarely, he is supportive 90% of the time) I pinch his side and mock him without mercy, and tell him he can eat what he wants as long as I don’t have to see it or smell it, but I intend to stay at a healthy weight. There is an awful lot of emotional coddling going on out there! I always thought it was understood that the proper response to pouting in anyone older than a toddler was to make fun of the person so severely that it would never, ever take place again!

    Kidding / not kidding though

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