Negative comments
Jadu786
Posts: 141 Member
I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
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Replies
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The nice part is that your aunt told your parents that now you've maintained a healthy weight for some time, she's got it in her head that you're actually healthier!
Oh, and that you've got aunts and parents. I don't.21 -
Drop that mother *kitten*.8
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Yup. My husband has a friend whose wife has no filter.
Example 1 - she saw H's sister at an event after not seeing her for a few years and said "looks like you gained some weight, but you carry it well"
Example 2 - she was telling me about how hard it is just to walk because she is carrying extra weight, looked me up and down and said "but I guess you are use to it"
Yeah, those are just 2 examples of many. I avoid this woman at all costs.13 -
I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
It helps to remember that this says loads about *them* and nothing about *you*. It's pretty common that a person learns to tear down another person to make themselves feel better (temporarily).7 -
Some people will always been like that. If you lose weight, then to them you'd be "too skinny" and have an eating disorder. Some people just like to talk. It can only affect you as much as you let it. Focus on your journey and progress for yourself, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks of it.6
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I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
When you bring her kids into this aren't you being just as bad?16 -
WholeFoods4Lyfe wrote: »Yup. My husband has a friend whose wife has no filter.
Example 1 - she saw H's sister at an event after not seeing her for a few years and said "looks like you gained some weight, but you carry it well"
Example 2 - she was telling me about how hard it is just to walk because she is carrying extra weight, looked me up and down and said "but I guess you are use to it"
Yeah, those are just 2 examples of many. I avoid this woman at all costs.
Sorry I laughed, especially at the second one.2 -
WholeFoods4Lyfe wrote: »Yup. My husband has a friend whose wife has no filter.
Example 1 - she saw H's sister at an event after not seeing her for a few years and said "looks like you gained some weight, but you carry it well"
Example 2 - she was telling me about how hard it is just to walk because she is carrying extra weight, looked me up and down and said "but I guess you are use to it"
Yeah, those are just 2 examples of many. I avoid this woman at all costs.
Sorry I laughed, especially at the second one.
How to respond that one: “Yes, I carry all my extra weight right here, on my middle finger. See?”24 -
Some people only feel better when they put others down. Older generations in some cultures it's common to comment on younger peoples' bodies. It doesn't excuse them, but a well placed, "Please don't comment on my body," with an optional, "That's very rude," usually does the trick.4
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I do the old Blank Stare and maybe a "well that was rude" and then walk away.4
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My dad used to do that. I finally looked at him once and said "That was hurtful." He looked genuinely surprised and hasn't commented on my body since.10
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Just remember, misery loves company. For some, any dig they can throw at you to knock you down is how they bring you down to their miserable level.5
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WholeFoods4Lyfe wrote: »Yup. My husband has a friend whose wife has no filter.
Example 1 - she saw H's sister at an event after not seeing her for a few years and said "looks like you gained some weight, but you carry it well"
Example 2 - she was telling me about how hard it is just to walk because she is carrying extra weight, looked me up and down and said "but I guess you are use to it"
Yeah, those are just 2 examples of many. I avoid this woman at all costs.
Sorry I laughed, especially at the second one.
Oh, it's definitely funny in hindsight. Especially while we sat next to each other and she put away the nachos and the ice cream and I ate nothing because I was fasting. I've lost 50+lbs, let's just say, she hasn't
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WholeFoods4Lyfe wrote: »Yup. My husband has a friend whose wife has no filter.
Example 1 - she saw H's sister at an event after not seeing her for a few years and said "looks like you gained some weight, but you carry it well"
Example 2 - she was telling me about how hard it is just to walk because she is carrying extra weight, looked me up and down and said "but I guess you are use to it"
Yeah, those are just 2 examples of many. I avoid this woman at all costs.
Sorry I laughed, especially at the second one.
How to respond that one: “Yes, I carry all my extra weight right here, on my middle finger. See?”
I love this!!!
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I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
When you bring her kids into this aren't you being just as bad?
She didn't say anything to the kids or to their mother (about the kids). Why does it matter if she mentions them here?10 -
I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
And what was your response to your mom and dad and how did you discuss your aunt's comment??? Some people are rude and mouthy, no doubt she has always been this way and don't let yourself get drawn in or offended. Ignore it, this is your life and journey, be the bigger person and brush it off.0 -
I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
When you bring her kids into this aren't you being just as bad?
She didn't say anything to the kids or to their mother (about the kids). Why does it matter if she mentions them here?
The thread title is "negative comments". Is a negative comment any less negative because the person you are referring to does not hear it? Was it necessary to mention the kids at all? Nope.13 -
OP, keep your chin up. It sucks to be on the receiving end of rudeness and (with some exceptions) this thread is a safe place to vent your hurt. The mean comments people hurl your way say everything about them and nothing about you.2
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OP, keep your chin up. It sucks to be on the receiving end of rudeness and (with some exceptions) this thread is a safe place to vent your hurt. The mean comments people hurl your way say everything about them and nothing about you.
I suppose the unsafeness is me. lol. I call it like I see it. If you want to stop the chain of negativity you start with yourself. I can pretty much guarantee you that the Aunt and the kids receive their share of negative comments too. It wouldn't be a big shock if something the OP said previously got back to them.
If it had not been for the kids comment I would have given similar advice that @MikePTY gave which is to stop letting others having power over you with their words. It is not always easy but it is empowering.10 -
My mother taught if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing, although sometimes that is easier said than done--what I did learn the best was to think before I speak. Weight loss is also about your physical and emotional health, so while shedding those pounds, work to toughen your emotions and become a stronger and bigger person than those who don't think before they speak.2
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My MIL does this quite a bit. I personally know that she is unhappy with her weight so everyone is right... they do make these comments in order to feel better about themselves. Shut them down and move on with your progress. Don't let them get to you!1
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I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
I just say "And you're looking a little older today, Helen." Implying, of course, that I may be fat but I will always be younger than you. 3 -
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone. 6
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I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
Hit her with your best "Shut your mouth or I will do bad things" look.
Then quietly tell her you wouldn't trade the worst part of you for the best part of her.
Or...you could be the bigger person. Smile, Acknowledge the comment, then tell her your clothes don't fit any more and ask if she has some larger clothes you can borrow. 4 -
OK, so I agree it can feel really good to say something nasty right back at people who say mean things to you. I've done it, but most of the time I try to do it in my head and not out loud. Because I agree with @NovusDies - and the golden rule of course - that we shouldn't expect people to be nice to us if we would be so quick to stoop to their level and fire back. It's not right for anyone to make comments on people's appearances in a negative way, and in a lot of cases I personally don't want to hear it good or bad. But if someone calls me fat, so I call them ugly....well I could go cry about it and say "he started it", but at the end of the day i'm just as mean as they are.
My feelings get hurt when people say mean things about me, and i've tried for too long to ignore it..move on...don't let them get to you....don't let other's words affect your mood...but at the end of the day i'm human, and words hurt. So i'm working on feeling it, reflecting on it, and taking back the power by saying ya, you're mean and you hurt my feelings, but you aren't going to ruin my day. Chin up, and onwards.6 -
I hate it when people make negative comments for no reason! Like my aunt was telling my mom and dad I have gained weight since the last time she saw me.. I haven’t and I’m in much better shape then any or her kids .. so she should not talk ..
Why would your parents tell you about this conversation? Or did you overhear it?
A bit of wisdom that has helped me over the years:
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I always have a bit of a problem with topics like this. We can all agree that commenting on another person's weight is rude and inappropriate, and that a person's weight does not define them nor does it determine their character.
But it seems like these stories always end up with a statement on the body type of the person making the comment, which is what causes the problem for me. Yes, the person was acting like a jerk in that moment. But adding their body type into the mix is tying their weight to their behavior, and in cases where the person is overweight, perpetuates the "overweight means you are a lesser/bad person" stereotype.
OP, I am not sure from your post though whether this was something said to them in front of you, or if this was something she said to them in another conversation and then they told you. If she was making it as a derogatory comment in front of you, then I think you are within your rights to let her know that is not acceptable.
If she was saying it out of concern (which happens in my family, usually when someone gains weight that's a sign that there is some other struggle going on and the person wants to know if everything is ok, yay, emotional eaters) then you could probably cut her some slack. It could have also been said out of plain stupidity thanks to an outfit that wasn't fitting well, or the human tendency to distort pictures of people in our heads regardless of reality. She may remember you as being much thinner, even if you were not, especially if you had lost a lot of weight prior to the last time she saw you.
If this was said to your parents at a time you were not there, I would be wondering why they felt it needed to get back to you and why they didn't just handle it and let it drop.7 -
Them: ~some left-handed comment ~
Me: ~smiling~ "Thank you! Did that make you feel better?"
Them: ~confused look~
Me: ~makes polite excuse to be somewhere else ~
Them: ~usually standing there with an open mouth~4 -
My 15 yo son recently lost a good amount of weight, mostly in his stomach. He's feeling great and I'm proud of him. Why did one of my inlaws say, "but you still have arms and legs like a sack of hams, you're not losing fast enough". Same woman who thinks her 4X wearing hubby is being emaciated by the nursing home. I'm sure if someone said anything about her lymphedema legs she'd be in tears. Shes just screwed up.
My son took it in stride, but I told her to watch it.3
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