How to ask others to not talk about my weightloss?

ameliadlt
ameliadlt Posts: 64 Member
in Motivation and Support
It seems like everytime I lose weight it becomes everyone's business. People think they are giving a compliment when they say "You've lost weight". To me that comment is just more scrutiny over my body that has been under scrutiny my entire life. I just want to enjoy my life and have my weight not be the conversation. Our culture is so body obsessed. As a woman and as a fat woman is seems like everyone assumes that my weightloss is something I am working toward as an ultimate goal and the only way I'll find happiness. That's just not the case. I am happy now.

How do I tell people who love me to stop without sounding like a dick?

Replies

  • Booksandoceans
    Booksandoceans Posts: 38 Member
    I hate it when people talk about my weight loss. I’m pretty direct so I sometimes say: “Please don’t talk about my body.” In other settings I say things including: “I don’t know how much I’ve lost, why?” I teach my son to not discuss other people’s bodies though he’s welcome to discuss his if he wants to, especially with me and any medical professional.
  • LoKoMi
    LoKoMi Posts: 51 Member
    I like the suggestions that are very brief (yes or thank you) and change the subject by asking how they’re doing. If they ask how you did it just briefly and simply say you don’t discuss it.

    I believe the majority of people have good intent, even if it isn’t what you want. I’ve lost 70 pounds, and some people have told me they noticed a while back and didn’t say anything but were afraid they were being rude by NOT mentioning it. Try to think of it as if you’d made any significantly obvious change. Like going from waist length brunette to pixie pink hair. Or changing your wardrobe from blue button downs and khakis to floral skirts and tank tops. People would probably comment on that. But if you made invisible changes like lowering your cholesterol or finishing a difficult great book, nobody would know by looking and would never be able to comment.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    Just wait until they no longer notice! :/ I used to love when people commented on my weight loss :smile: peronsally I think this is down to our own attitude - choose to see comments like this as the compliment it was meant to be.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    I think the suggestions above are good ones. A lot of people are probably well-meaning, and simply changing the subject will do the trick. If not, a polite but direct statement that you'd rather not discuss it as it's a sensitive topic should get the point across. I try to make it a point to notice friends' weight loss since I know how hard it can be and how frustrated I can get when no one seems to notice. If someone were to tell me that the topic isn't one they'd like to discuss, I'd gladly drop it.
  • ameliadlt
    ameliadlt Posts: 64 Member
    I'm not bothered. But thank you for your words of support.
  • Ainadan
    Ainadan Posts: 158 Member
    Could be worse... any time I gain weight, I gain it on my hips and bust, which gives people the illusion that I have a smaller waist. This means the first sign that I've gained weight is people asking if I've lost weight. Haha.
  • Westieok
    Westieok Posts: 13 Member
    You can’t change people just how you react to them Just say thank you for noticing and change the subject. Have a subject planned such as “I tried a new recipe yesterday”.
  • Booksandoceans
    Booksandoceans Posts: 38 Member
    I think it is so individual and context-dependent. I work in a prison’s sexually violent predators’ treatment center where there are strict rules against commenting about bodies in front of inmates. For me saying: please don’t comment on my body is the right thing to say at work. For others in other contexts they may like those comments or the commenters may mean it differently. I’ve had both colleagues who know better and inmates comment. That is not okay for me and the intentions are not always kind or appropriate.
  • 150poundsofme
    150poundsofme Posts: 523 Member
    I do not like the constant comments I receive daily. My brother-in-law and a male friend looking me up and down telling me I lost weight. The people every single day that have to comment on the salad I eat for lunch, every single day questions about my salad and you are being good etc. I have been asked if I plan on losing more weight. How much did you lose? Oh I won't offer you this candy bar. Or someone picking up my name tag two different times and saying to me "Oh, you were a fatty" and Oh, you were a piggy". I can go on and on. One post someone wrote when they ask how much weight you lost (which I get that too and won't tell), to answer I don't know but "why". And changing the subject might work too. I should try that when they get all into my salads.
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
    Someone actually said “oh, you were a fatty” or “oh, you were a piggy”? How completely rude and mean. If this was a work situation they should be disciplined. I can’t tell you what I would say to someone who ever said something ao nasty to me. As for the salads, perhaps you should say something like “yes, it’s delicious, you should try eating salad.”

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