Hi! I don’t wanna be here!

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KailyKailyKaily
KailyKailyKaily Posts: 4 Member
edited June 2019 in Introduce Yourself
So what I mean is, I don’t want to have to be here. :#

I’m Kaily and I have a bad attitude about losing weight.

Here’s the thing. I did the whole upbeat and positive thing. I went to the gym every day, ate well, had loads of hope, and wasn’t losing any weight. My Dr., after lots of tests, diagnosed me with a severe hormone imbalance (not PCOS, but it’s complicated so I won’t get into it), and then he told me that my weight loss efforts were fruitless and that I wasn’t going to see results unless I had all my lady bits removed, followed by weight loss surgery.

I considered it, but I struggled with this idea that I had to choose between remaining hopelessly fat, and having multiple life-altering surgeries. It’s like I’m losing no matter what I choose.

So I chose to ignore it completely!! Actually, to be honest, life got busy. Since that conversation in my Dr.’s office, I’ve finished 3 college degrees, moved to a new city, took a new career (I’m an English teacher - shoutout to all the teachers haaaay!), bought a new house, and adopted a new daughter (a year ago now!). I have been so busy the last 10 years trying to accomplish everything on my list, and now that I have accomplished all that I set out to accomplish, it’s like I looked down one day and went, “oh *kitten*, I forgot about this.” Except now I’m even fatter!!

So I’m going to be 35 this year. I have an amazing husband, we will be married 10 years in October, we have 4 beautiful, healthy, ahemspoiledahem children, I have a career that I love, a MEd in Curriculum, a beautiful brand new home, I have a hugely successful blog that I actually make money doing - we finally reached that wonderful place where our finances are good... all of the hard work paid off! And I know that hard work DOES pay off, and I’m no stranger to doing hard work!! But I just cannot apply that logic to this problem, it’s truly insanity. I feel like I did this before, it was truly awful, I don’t want to do it again.

But I also know that I’m not young enough anymore that I can “deal with it later.” I have 4 kids, one who is only a year old. I want to be an angry old lady who still subs because I can’t deal with being a retired teacher. I want to successfully conquer losing weight like I did going to college with 3 little kids at home. I cannot explain how in my brain it’s easier to go to school full time while working 2 jobs and raising 3 kids is easier than dropping 150 pounds, like, what is that?!

So, I’m Kaily. I live in South west FL... the Gulf side with the good beaches :). I teach 7th grade ESOL (I teach English to kids new to the country! Best job in the world), I have an education blog that I love, I have 3 boys - 16, 14, and 11, and our surprise adopted daughter who is 1. She was the best surprise of my life :) I want to lose 150ish pounds in some eventuality... but soonish. I don’t have a great attitude about it at the moment because my husband and I started intermittent fasting when the school year ended a month ago, and he’s down 10 pounds (he’s not overweight at all, just being a good husband and trying to support me) and I’ve lost exactly zero pounds. So, I’m kinda irrationally angry at him.

I don’t know what I need. Support? Friends? Someone to tase me frequently? A magic wand? I dunno. I just know that I’m not feeling the I’m-motivated-let’s-do-this-I-got-the-world-by-the-balls energy. You know what they need to create? Instead of trying to make a weight loss magic pill, they need to just make one that triggers whatever in your brain that makes you super unwaveringly motivated. THAT’S what I need! :)

All jokes aside, I guess I could just really use an understanding ear, some motivation, ideas, friendship...? Maybe I’ll just have to white knuckle and willpower through this until my attitude changes. :)

That’s a lot of personal info to put on the internet, wow. Sorry to unload like that. Sometimes talking into the “void” is therapeutic. Thanks for reading. xoxo.

Replies

  • jiujitsudad15118
    jiujitsudad15118 Posts: 462 Member
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    The VOID here...thanks for your submission!
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    Everything you need is in this thread. It's gold!

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1
  • sbuffy19
    sbuffy19 Posts: 1 Member
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    I like everything about this post. I'm back to MFP after much time away and a stint with WW in between. I don't want to be here either, but I've gotta be! I'd love to be your accountability buddy!
  • sammidelvecchio
    sammidelvecchio Posts: 791 Member
    edited June 2019
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    Well it sounds like you have accomplished a lot in life and you are no stranger to a good work ethic. I think your job is awesome too and i'm glad you are proud of what you are doing because i would be too!

    I also have heard the mind-blowing statement from doctors that I will be fat forever unless I have weight loss surgery. I also have chronic pain and other health issues that make it difficult to get through life normally, much less have the mental space to focus on weight loss. I've been trying for years but i'm finally making solid progress. It has been a roller coaster 4 months on the scale, and that was really hard for me to learn. Some months I won't lose any weight, some months i'll lose 2+ lbs a week. And I didn't see any real scale progress until 5-6 weeks.

    I take advice from others but I am also making this work for me, and in ways that help every part of my life and things I can do forever. Some of it still makes no sense for what works vs what doesn't, but every day I am learning. I was a collegiate athlete, and an athlete all my life at a very high level, and unfortunately they don't teach you about health and weight maintenance after sports. Maintaining my weight then, while the science is the same, the mental aspect is 100% completely different and I absolutely hate when people dumb it down and simplify it and tell everyone its so easy and simple, its just CICO! It makes me feel even worse about failing so many times before.

    So, what i'm saying, is girl I hear you! You WILL figure it out! I am happy to chat and of course, add me as a friend if you'd like :)
  • slbbw
    slbbw Posts: 329 Member
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    Weight loss is about creating a calorie deficit, but how you create that deficit will greatly affect how you feel. At the beginning of my current journey (serial yo-yoer hoping to be my last time losing) IF really did help me keep to the calorie goal I set for myself. But if it causes you to be super hungry when you do eat, it might not be the right tool. Set up your MFP to start with 2lbs per week since you say you have 150 to lose. Use that calorie goal and then find the foods that make you feel full. Keep your protein high, between 100-120 is a good target goal or .8-1.0 * your goal weight. Fat and Fiber are other to track that helps people with fullness. Give your self a medium term goal. Lower carb can be a good way to start if it works with your body as it often given you a big water weight shift ,which is not fat loss, but is motivating. 1 month of sticking to the calories and then adjust each month to something that works. DO you have a trigger you want to get over. Do you have a fitness goal you want to achieve. Finding something else to motivate you other than the number on the scale is super helpful when the scale is being stubborn.

    You can totally do this! If I can help in any way I am here.
  • KailyKailyKaily
    KailyKailyKaily Posts: 4 Member
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    Thank you for being so kind everyone! :) I’m glad to meet all of you!
  • gvizzle74
    gvizzle74 Posts: 123 Member
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    That doctor is an idiot. A severe hormonal imbalance will make it challenging, but not impossible. So I lost roughly the amount of weight you want to lose (145 lbs lost and maintained for 3+ years) and here's the most important thing i learned....you don't have to lose 150 pounds - that's overwhelming and terrifying.

    You only have to lose one pound 150 times. Not so hard.

    Think of all the things you've done 150 times so far this year - today is the 175th day of 2019 - you've brushed your teeth more than 150 times just this year alone! Sure, losing a pound will take longer than brushing your teeth but it's one day at a time, one pound at a time.

    It's a caloric deficit - that's all it is. Eat the food you enjoy - just smaller portions. Play with your kids, take them out for a family walk after dinner. Find ways to move - park at the back of the parking lot, walk to the store instead of driving when you can, instead of sitting through TV commercials - get up and move during them. Do things you enjoy.

    Will it take a while to lose? Sure, but the time will pass anyway
    It is always going to be easy? Nope, but if it's worth doing, it's worth putting in an effort
    Are you going to have days when you feel like quitting? You betcha
    Are you going to quit? Heck no!
    Is every day going to be perfect? Nope
    Does it matter? Nope, just try to have more good days than bad days
    Can you do this? You bet your *kitten* you can!
  • BuddhaBunnyFTW
    BuddhaBunnyFTW Posts: 157 Member
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    For me Buddhism was the answer, for others it is other things. Just find what works for you, whatever it is.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
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    You'll get this. Be active with your kids. I can't believe a dr would say you can only do this with weight loss surgery. There was a time before people had that and still list weight. Hope you can get your hormones more balanced and get this weight lost. Set small goals it feels better when you see results
  • sandyfoster_15
    sandyfoster_15 Posts: 2 Member
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    Hey, I have PCOS and have an idea how frustrated you are. I started doing the ketogenic diet 3.5 months ago and lost 45lbs. 45 to go...... For those of you that say it's just a calorie deficit and being active --> it's not that simple for some of us. That logic failed me for 25 years.

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