Just need to vent
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HoneyBadger302
Posts: 1,973 Member
My life is finally calming down and I'm feeling a bit more determined to start losing my extra weight that I've been slowly chipping away at, but not too dedicated to getting rid of it. I have a couple friends (one male, one female) who are also wanting to lose and increase their fitness, and of course discussions around such came up and they were both like "let's help motivate each other!!"
At first I was stoked to have people I know IRL along for the ride to make the transition and who could/would understand the struggles.
Um, well, not so much. Both of them are convinced that activity is the only thing they need to focus on, and the guy especially (who I talk to more often) has absolutely no clue about how to ACTUALLY lose weight, no concept of calories, CICO, or anything else, and is convinced (of course) that he knows exactly what is needed.
I've already given up on venting/complaining to them, but it gets especially annoying when he'll comment on my weight (which is fine, we joke back and forth about it and talk about losing it), but then can't seem to comprehend why I can't eat massive meals 3x/day and can only have a tiny hamburger or have to skip meals earlier in the day if I want a bigger meal out, and then he has no concept on why this bugs me while he inhales food regularly (and, of course, being a guy, can still lose weight by cutting out sodas - which he consumes in quantity).
I'm fine with what I need to do, and I know it works, and I'm doing it for me - just easily getting frustrated when I keep having to "justify" myself, which just reminds me of what I "can't" have over and over again. I'm fine with my choice, and I'm making progress, I am just a bit hungry and short tempered and having to explain myself time and again to someone who has no clue is just really starting to get on my nerves.
Oh, and before anyone jumps down my friends throats, these are both good friends in most other areas, and this is more about my annoyance with their responses than anything....I know what I need to do to lose weight, and I'm being successful, I just hate being reminded multiple times a day of everything I'm having to change/can't have in order to do so. Without the reminders being shoved in my face, I'm actually pretty okay with it.
At first I was stoked to have people I know IRL along for the ride to make the transition and who could/would understand the struggles.
Um, well, not so much. Both of them are convinced that activity is the only thing they need to focus on, and the guy especially (who I talk to more often) has absolutely no clue about how to ACTUALLY lose weight, no concept of calories, CICO, or anything else, and is convinced (of course) that he knows exactly what is needed.
I've already given up on venting/complaining to them, but it gets especially annoying when he'll comment on my weight (which is fine, we joke back and forth about it and talk about losing it), but then can't seem to comprehend why I can't eat massive meals 3x/day and can only have a tiny hamburger or have to skip meals earlier in the day if I want a bigger meal out, and then he has no concept on why this bugs me while he inhales food regularly (and, of course, being a guy, can still lose weight by cutting out sodas - which he consumes in quantity).
I'm fine with what I need to do, and I know it works, and I'm doing it for me - just easily getting frustrated when I keep having to "justify" myself, which just reminds me of what I "can't" have over and over again. I'm fine with my choice, and I'm making progress, I am just a bit hungry and short tempered and having to explain myself time and again to someone who has no clue is just really starting to get on my nerves.
Oh, and before anyone jumps down my friends throats, these are both good friends in most other areas, and this is more about my annoyance with their responses than anything....I know what I need to do to lose weight, and I'm being successful, I just hate being reminded multiple times a day of everything I'm having to change/can't have in order to do so. Without the reminders being shoved in my face, I'm actually pretty okay with it.
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Replies
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I feel ya. I've been working on this thing for a couple of years, at least. Hubby decided about a month ago that he needed to drop a few pounds. A couple weeks, and BAM, he's there. Guys are so lucky.5
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Welcome to the community! Stick to eating well and filling out the food diary and soon your friends will be asking you for help. 😉0
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I hear ya!
But, we all have to recognize that OUR journey will never match anyone else's journey, so all we can do is plug along our path, smile and say "uh-huh", wish others the best and keep moving along.
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What ever works for you and makes you happy regardless of how fast your progress is. Slow and steady wins the race every time. Also, some don't understand that genetics plays a roll in weight loss and fitness overall. It has taken me a while to understand that and accept that I will not have a six pack like others do and I am built differently than others. I lost 90 lbs and have had struggles along the way. Keep going on your path to being healthy especially if it is working for you. I'm struggling now with my last few pounds that I want to lose but I am not going go stir crazy I have come a long way.1
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It's hard to convince people that you can't out-exercise a bad diet. One of my favorite ways to respond when people start talking to me about weight loss (if it's ridiculous advice or advice I can't use) is to go "Huh. Interesting." and then change the subject/ leave the conversation/etc.
I use this tactic for a lot of topics that people get pushy about. If they keep insisting and it's getting awkward, let it be awkward. Ask them why they want to keep talking about something you're not interested in. Give them a dead-stare for a few seconds. Let the conversation lapse and don't succumb to the need to fill the silence.
That sort of thing. People eventually either get it or else stop trying to talk to me about it, since they're not going to get the conversation/debate that they want.3 -
It can be frustrating when people you expected to be on board for the ride just don't get it. Maybe some day they will, or at least will stop making it obvious that they don't. Hang in there!1
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Regarding this comment: "just easily getting frustrated when I keep having to "justify" myself, which just reminds me of what I "can't" have over and over again.", try to come up with a short, generic response so that you DON'T have to think about what you're missing out on or waste energy justifying yourself.
I'd just say something like, "same reason we've discussed before" then change the subject.1 -
Time to stick to the name, HoneyBadger don't care, HoneyBadger don't give a hoot! LOL. I love that name. I want a sports team so I can call it the HoneyBadgers! Seriously though, I'm with everyone else, sometimes you just gotta agree to disagree and let them be them and you be you. I've learnt that weight loss is a lot like religion and politics, if you want to keep friends, its better not to discuss your opinion on the topics.0
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best to diet alone.. it sounds good to do with someone..you just need to focus on your journey. Let them do their thing. That's why this place is perfect... we don't know each other. 1
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Since you and your friend seem to have a joking around/teasing relationship with each other, he may not understand the effect some of the things he is saying are having on you. He may just think you are having fun. Having a direct but non-accusatory conversation would probably do you guys some good.
It seems that you would benefit from both of you not passing judgment on each other's way of losing. And that includes the judgements you make on his way of doing it. While it may seem basic to you, sometimes for a person, "being more active and cutting out soda" can be a perfectly valid way to lose weight. Weight loss is always about CICO, but cutting out soda reduces calories in, and being more active increases calories out. Those those things in conjunction could certainly work to create a nice sized deficit. As your friend loses more weight, it may not continue to serve him as well as he gets closer to his goal, but if it's working, it's working.
And despite the perception, men don't necessarily have it easy when it comes to weight loss. Sure, we tend to get to consume more calories, because males have higher BMRs and we also tend to be taller, but speaking from personal experience, that additional metabolic boost tends to be accompanied by a huge appetite. That's why when left to my own devices, I was able to gain 20-30 pounds per year.
I'm down 35 pounds now, but that took 9 months of logging, cutting out a lot of things I wanted to eat, and hard exercise. None of it was easy.3 -
Oh I feel your pain here! Nothing more frustrating than working your *kitten* off and counting every single thing, then a friend just drops one thing out of their diet and instantly loses weight 🙄 we have a friend who has just taken up exercise and has lost weight and thinks it's the answer to life! When in reality it's because he has a naturally fast matabalism and still eats junk regularly.0
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It helps when you constantly tell yourself that you can have it, you just have to (insert extra exercise here or whatever) to account for the calories! The minute I tell myself I can't have it, I just want it more and that sets me up for being grumpy.0
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Weight loss is ALWAYS about eating less calories than your body burns. How you get there is a very individual thing. Success comes from doing what works, and is sustainable for each of us. Slow and steady doesn’t necessarily win the race. Commitment to CICO, does.
Eating less calories than your body burns for weight loss.
Eating the same amount of calories for maintaining weight
Eating more calories than your body burns for gaining weight
Simple concept.
We are all different. There are a lot of things that we probably should stay away from discussing with friends and family. Weight can definitely be one of those things.3
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