31yr old GIRL - dating 48yr old man ....

reinach31
reinach31 Posts: 71
edited October 1 in Chit-Chat
My bf and I have been dating for 6yrs - recently moved in together(about 8mnths ago) - Love living with him!
We get along very very good(don't get me wrong - we have our ups and downs) - but at the end of the day - we laugh at our stupid fights! I've never felt this way before(meaning: sooooo in love and wanting to have a family)! I see myself marring this guy - wedding in our amazing backyard(golf course view/lots of trees) and having children with him.

I am not sure if the marriage/family will ever happen. He doesn't have any kids nor he's ever been married!
We talked about marriage and kids(but because I brought it up) - otherwise this topics don't come up!

Anyone out there in a similar situation and what your thoughts are?

Thank you!
reinach31
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Replies

  • lakersfan4life
    lakersfan4life Posts: 322 Member
    so you were 25 and he was 42 when you two met?

    huh, and too think i turned down the 21 yo bartender cause i thought she was too young.
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
    My bf and I have been dating for 6yrs - recently moved in together(about 8mnths ago) - Love living with him!
    We get along very very good(don't get me wrong - we have our ups and downs) - but at the end of the day - we laugh at our stupid fights! I've never felt this way before(meaning: sooooo in love and wanting to have a family)! I see myself marring this guy - wedding in our amazing backyard(golf course view/lots of trees) and having children with him.

    I am not sure if the marriage/family will ever happen. He doesn't have any kids nor he's ever been married!
    We talked about marriage and kids(but because I brought it up) - otherwise this topics don't come up!

    Anyone out there in a similar situation and what your thoughts are?

    Thank you!
    reinach31

    This is interesting to me. I'm 52 and have a friend in her early 30's. But I have adult children, and she has a preteen daughter, so no more kids. And I live on a golf course.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    You might have to have a serious talk with him and if he's not into the marriage/kids thing you might have to part ways. I know it sucks but if you stick with him knowing he doesn't want those things, you'll end up resenting him and the relationship will go downhill anyway. And if you push him for those things and he doesn't want them, he'll end up resenting you. Either way, its a lose/lose.

    Of course, it could go the other way, but I think the former is more likely.
  • tuscanyi
    tuscanyi Posts: 1 Member
    Interesting that you call yourself a girl and him a man. At 31, you are a woman. Also, if he doesn't talk about marriage and children, then you can be pretty sure that's not his goal. If that's what you want, it's time to move on.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    In the immortal words of Aaliyah "Age ain't nothing but a number.... gettin down ain' nothing but a thang...."

    lol... if you guys are in love, and happy with how things are then that's great :)

    There's nothing wrong with him not having been married or had kids yet.... if he was sticking it out for the perfect person that that's great on him! and If you're happy not being married yet, then why rush?

    But, if he starts to snooze when you're starting to feel that itch on that finger, then I would start to reconsider.... there's a difference between letting it flow and never taking the dive...
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    You are the oldest girl ever.
  • reinach31
    reinach31 Posts: 71
    I guess I used the wrong term "31yr old girl - instead of Woman!" :)
  • Hollirot
    Hollirot Posts: 92 Member
    Whew. At first I read this as "13 year old girl dating 48 year old man."

    I was like, "Is she freaking serious?!"
  • Teena15
    Teena15 Posts: 11
    Kinda in the same situation, my 20 year old daughter is dating a 35 year old who does not want to get married or have kids. I am not too happy about it since I am 39 only 4 years older than this boyfriend.

    However, this is the advice I told her, if this is the guy you are going to be with and he has told you up front that he is not wanting to have these things, don't get it in your mind YOU can change him. Be upfront with each other what you want, and if it's not the same a future is not likely.
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
    He must have a really big....


















    Bank acct.
    Jk
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    Honestly, it's best to ask him straight up. You've been together long enough, surely there has been clues to whether or not he wants to be married and have children.
    If not, ask him.
    If that doesn't go well and marriage and children are a top priority in your life, it's best to start thinking of what to do next, you can either try to change his mind (extremely unlikely) or move on.
    Maybe he's just never found who he wants to settle down with and you could be the lucky girl!
    Or maybe there's a reason he's 48, un-married and childless.
  • laurendough
    laurendough Posts: 24
    If you're living together and the subject of marriage and kids isn't a topic that you communicate about regularly, i would consider it a huge red flag. You should make your expectations clear (for ex: i would like us to be engaged within the next year). If he reacts negatively or tries to make you feel guilty or "crazy" for bringing it up - just move on. You've been dating for six years, and you still have plenty of time to meet someone who loves you and wants to commit to you forever.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    He must have a really big....





    Bank acct.
    Jk

    That was my first thought - but then I remembered a night I spent with a 40yo guy when I was 26 ... so, it's either a big 'bank account' or a 'divisified portfolio' (IYKWIM).
  • reinach31
    reinach31 Posts: 71
    I have a GREAT JOB - MAKE GREAT $$$$ - I don't need a MAN for $$! He is a wonderful man!

    I love him for who he is! - plus we BOTH purchased the HOUSE - there is no $$ (relationship) situation here! Not about that..

    Very MEAN comment!
  • lakersfan4life
    lakersfan4life Posts: 322 Member
    He must have a really big....





    Bank acct.
    Jk

    That was my first thought - but then I remembered a night I spent with a 40yo guy when I was 26 ... so, it's either a big 'bank account' or a 'divisified portfolio' (IYKWIM).

    did you mean to say diversified?
  • remembertheharddrive
    remembertheharddrive Posts: 133 Member
    In my experience, a good number of men that age are pretty much settled into their bachelor lifestyle and/or they're already done the marriage/kids thing and just want a companion. I'd have a serious talk with him about it if that's what you want, because that's a HUGE issue in a relationship. If the man I was dating didn't want to eventually settle down and have a family, I'd have probably called it quits before I got too far in emotionally - since for me, marriage and a family is definitely something I want down the line. No interest in a family or marriage would be a dealbreaker. It's no small matter. I'd definitely do more than hint at where you want this to go - I'd have a heart to heart about what you want in life and what he does.
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    I have a GREAT JOB - MAKE GREAT $$$$ - I don't need a MAN for $$! He is a wonderful man!

    I love him for who he is! - plus we BOTH purchased the HOUSE - there is no $$ (relationship) situation here! Not about that..

    Very MEAN comment!
    ...I think it was a joke, hun.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    He must have a really big....





    Bank acct.
    Jk

    That was my first thought - but then I remembered a night I spent with a 40yo guy when I was 26 ... so, it's either a big 'bank account' or a 'divisified portfolio' (IYKWIM).

    did you mean to say diversified?


    No, I totally meant divisified .. you know, he was good at equations.



    LOL... yes, diversified. WTF, self?
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
    I was jk relax.

    It might interest u to know that studies show that children born to older men have a higher risk of certain disorders and I think I read a study that showed there's a correlation b/w fathers age negatively impacting iq of his offspring

    Good luck!
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    ok. Men know what they want, they really do. IF this man never married, he never wanted to. IF he wanted to marry you, he would. Period. They don't hint around, they don't waste time and they're real clear about their likes and dislikes. It's not rocket science.
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    In my experience, a good number of men that age are pretty much settled into their bachelor lifestyle and/or they're already done the marriage/kids thing and just want a companion. I'd have a serious talk with him about it if that's what you want, because that's a HUGE issue in a relationship. If the man I was dating didn't want to eventually settle down and have a family, I'd have probably called it quits before I got too far in emotionally - since for me, marriage and a family is definitely something I want down the line. No interest in a family or marriage would be a dealbreaker. It's no small matter. I'd definitely do more than hint at where you want this to go - I'd have a heart to heart about what you want in life and what he does.
    I know I'm only 18, but I also know for a fact I want marriage and children down the line. My boyfriend (been together 2 years) recently had a 'psycho' moment where he 'didn't know what he wanted' in our relationship.
    He got confused and I thought I wanted kids in the next 5 years or so :laugh: So he panicked a lot. But I kind of want him to realise that I will deffinatly want that DOWN THE LINE, but at the same time I don't want to bring that back up. So for me, that was a huge issue, I'm still unsure about it now, it only happened a few days ago.

    Nothing to do with this conversation, but I wanted to get this out :laugh:
  • SeeMeShrinkDown
    SeeMeShrinkDown Posts: 30
    I find it interesting that your refer to yourself as a "girl", and also, you are looking for opinions from others about your relationship.

    Thing is, if you are both mature and are happy with your relationship, the age won't matter so much. The fact that you post this at all makes me wonder if you are really all that comfortable with the relationship or have some reservations about it. Just a thought.
    Not trying to be mean, just a point of view.
  • kaylynn54
    kaylynn54 Posts: 141
    My husband is 17 years older than me. When we met, I was 18 and he was 35. We have been married for 36 years. He had been married before and had three children and really didn't want any more, but he knew that one day I would like to have a child. He knew this upfront and accepted the fact that he would be a daddy again one day (and he was), so if children are important to you but not to him, that is something that you need to talk about in depth about.
  • reinach31
    reinach31 Posts: 71
    My bf and I have an "insight joke" - he calls me GIRL - therefore I used the word GIRL! Anyway no big deal.

    Age has never been an issued to me - it was for him at the beginning of our relatioship but not anymore!

    I saw another post (earlier today - similar to this) - and I wanted to share my situation with others!

    Anyway - thank your for your response.
  • SusanRenee35
    SusanRenee35 Posts: 182 Member
    Well I am very happy for you & obviously if you've been dating for 6 yrs & you purchased a house together there has been progress in the relationship.

    I do have to agree with one of the other posters though that if he hasnt brought it up its because he doesnt want to or is just going with the flow of the relationship & will address it when you bring it up on how he feels.

    You sound sooo happy & sooooo in love so I really hope it all works out for you & it is sounding as though it is! Congrats on the house too!

    Out of curiousity when you did ask him about these things what did he say?

    You are gorgeous & he is lucky to have you! But if you chose him it sounds as though you are lucky too!

    Best of Luck Babe!
  • reinach31
    reinach31 Posts: 71
    He says he wants to get married and have 2 kids(is not like he avoids the conversation - he just doesn't bring it on his own(I guess is the same thing) hahahah

    I am very very lucky to have found a great guy like him(I would say I am BLESS)!!!!!

    Thank you soooo much!

    ps.
    I am trying to post pix of him and I - but not sure how!
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    He says he wants to get married and have 2 kids(is not like he avoids the conversation - he just doesn't bring it on his own(I guess is the same thing) hahahah

    I am very very lucky to have found a great guy like him(I would say I am BLESS)!!!!!

    Thank you soooo much!

    ps.
    I am trying to post pix of him and I - but not sure how!

    I am 36 and my DH is about to be 50. I have been married to him for 10 years. He has grown children and i had a daughter. I didnt really want anymore kids but he said if i ever did it wasnt fair to me for him to say no since i was much younger than he is. So i decided i wanted another baby, he obliged! Were good. I think it will work out for you. He sounds like good people and so do you.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    You can call yourself a girl, geez...I am 40 and call myself a girl sometimes. Anyway, men don't often bring these things up independently. I know my husband did not when we dated...Women nest, men most often don't. But if he seems open to having kids I would not stress about when.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    Whew. At first I read this as "13 year old girl dating 48 year old man."

    I was like, "Is she freaking serious?!"
    No that's the reality show that's coming up with the 51 year old Actor from Lost & his 16 year old GF. Now THAT is tough to imagine as she gets older and he's gets even older.:tongue: In 20 years when she's only 36 he'll be in his 70's.
  • SydandPaigesMom
    SydandPaigesMom Posts: 86 Member
    Well I am 32 and my DH is 53 (21 and 42 when we began dating), so BTDT. DH did not ever see himself getting married or having kids before me. He wasn't the perpetual bachelor, just shy, quiet, and kept to himself. I like to think I bring a spark to his life, and he helps to keep me grounded...we balance each other out well.

    If it's something you really are wanting you need to have that conversation. I would hate for you to think you're going to do the marriage/children thing, then come to find out that's not what he wants.

    Good luck! I wish you two the best :)
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