Husband's need censors

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Replies

  • jaspannu
    jaspannu Posts: 11 Member
    edited June 2019
    I am sorry but He is an *kitten*. If he cannot love you the way you are today, he will never love you. Love is not that belongs to a body else why the world sole-mate exists. and yeah fitness is for you it is not for anyone. Get if if you want to and if he start liking you (Once you become fit) then kick his *kitten* and find someone who deserves you and who knows how to respect a woman
  • mojavemtbr
    mojavemtbr Posts: 65 Member
    Well you look nice in your picture. From a guy's perspective drop the shallow loser and find a guy who is appreciative of what he has.
  • JohnnytotheB
    JohnnytotheB Posts: 361 Member
    All I have to say it that your husband better look perfect otherwise he has nothing to say. Time for a divorce or at least get yourself a side piece.
  • Dorchi22
    Dorchi22 Posts: 57 Member
    edited June 2019
    Wow, this is a very toxic environment to be in and I'm sorry that you got into it in the first place. Your patience with such an *kitten*hole is incredible. I'm personally more of a "one strike and you're out" type of person, be it a family member, friend or whoever else dares to comment on my physique in such a derogatory way. My body, my business, my progress. But I realize many are not, and that's ok. Just respect yourself.

    Also, kids get it. You think your issue is between you and your husband, but kids sense much more even though they don't know what's going on.

    Best of luck.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    Dorchi22 wrote: »
    Wow, this is a very toxic environment to be in and I'm sorry that you got into it in the first place. Your patience with such an *kitten*hole is incredible. I'm personally more of a "one strike and you're out" type of person, be it a family member, friend or whoever else dares to comment on my physique in such a derogatory way. My body, my business, my progress. But I realize many are not, and that's ok. Just respect yourself.

    Also, kids get it. You think your issue is between you and your husband, but kids sense much more even though they don't know what's going on.

    Best of luck.

    This. Also, his treatment of you is teaching them that it's okay for a man to be abusive. Do you really want to perpetrate that?
  • TheMrWobbly
    TheMrWobbly Posts: 2,518 Member
    edited July 2019
    Ok, so if you take this on face value everyone has given you great advice though I would like to play Devil's advocate based on a "friend's" personal experience.

    You mentioned depression and everyone seems to have skipped over that. Depression is very hard for those who haven't experienced it to understand. My best friend married my second best friend, he is positive, out-going, she had confidence issues due to parents who never expected her to be more than a secretary, these improved through this relationship and she became sexier with that confidence (don't tell him I said that). Time goes on they have 3 children, it is hard work, they get a bit lazy and a lot fat. They start losing weight together, she gives up, a couple of months later so does he. They get fatter, same cycle. She is wearing loose clothes, either black or navy, he wears suits for work and keeps some of the weight off. They have few friends but he spend time with work colleagues. The sex stops, the talking stops, the little jibes start. I have literally grabbed him by his collar and told him to stop being a *kitten* with some of the things he says, usually in one of those weird rows without shouting.

    Neither of them is a bad person in themselves but at some point they stopped caring about themselves, he pulled it around, she hasn't - I think she needs help but won't go. When someone stops caring about themselves there is only so long you, as the partner, can keep trying to turn them around before you start feeling bad that they don't seem to care and that makes you stop caring. Then you are in ever decreasing circles.

    No situation is simple and very few are actually as one person perceives it to be, the old insurance claim story - there is your version, their version, and the truth. He could be a complete *kitten*, he could just feel you don't love him and he is being used, none of this means you shouldn't find better advice than a weight management website about what you feel. We all want to hit the reset button now and again and feel that 'new love' sensation, it starts with loving ourselves for who we already are.

    P.S. Sexy is an attitude
  • Aiesha2012
    Aiesha2012 Posts: 1 Member
    I'm a therapist if you need to talk. I'm so sorry your going through this. I have been there. We can swap stories. Lol
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
    ASchmeidler1981 wrote: »
    Aiesha2012 wrote: »
    I'm a therapist if you need to talk. I'm so sorry your going through this. I have been there. We can swap stories. Lol

    Lol, well on an update. He realized how bad it hurt, and his first response was to take me to my favorite restaurant. Now, he's involved and even helping to cook me healthy alternative dinners (which my kids try to steal). It's interesting, but mostly I really needed to vent. Often, people never feel good enough, and I think that is a lot of it honestly. Ironically, what he said hurt a lot less than what other people have told me, but like I explained to him, "unfortunately, he and I both have to help mend scars created by those before us, and we need to be more empathetic to the fact that these scars are real and while we shouldn't dwell in the past, the past shapes us"

    *puts away shovel* ;)

    Looks like you got this 🙂
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
    ASchmeidler1981 wrote: »
    So, almost a year ago I posted this. I am proud to say I am divorced and single as of Wednesday. You all were so right. My kids are happy and so am I. I still need to lose weight but it is only for me now.

    You already lost a good amount of deadweight 👍
    *hugs* Thanks for the update.
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,106 Member
    edited December 2020
    Didn't look at the date lol

    Attractiveness isn't always appearance. I don't know your total situation but I did pick up a couple phrases in your OP.

    Depression.
    Is not attractive.

    You let yourself go.
    Not taking care of yourself is unattractive

    Both of these are independent of what you actually look like. All of us will be old someday and we cannot stop aging and cannot defy what simple gravity will do to us. BUT, being depressed about it or throwing in the towel regarding being as healthy as we can be, is a real turn off.

    Try adjusting your perspective towards improving yourself for yourself and in time he may come around. If he does not, then at least you know for sure he is skin deep and you will have the confidence to accept it or change your situation.
  • ClearNotCloudyMind
    ClearNotCloudyMind Posts: 238 Member
    ASchmeidler1981 wrote: »
    So, almost a year ago I posted this. I am proud to say I am divorced and single as of Wednesday. You all were so right. My kids are happy and so am I. I still need to lose weight but it is only for me now.

    Congratulations! Wishing you and your family a happy and loving holiday season 😃
  • LGreenfield7
    LGreenfield7 Posts: 75 Member
    If a man thinks you need to lose weight he will offer to run with you, he will offer to try a new diet with you. he doesn't just come home from work and tell you what's wrong with you. In my experience, 50 percent of the time a woman gains weight is because of either a man or children. both of which indicate needing a more supportive male. If you are truly happy with him, you need to find other motivation. If his support is the foundation of your success... what happens if he isn't there? I know that it sounds cynical, but you need to do this for you.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    What a difference a year makes. This thread went from 😔 to 😌.

    Glad you're in a better situation these days, @ASchmeidler1981
  • LGreenfield7
    LGreenfield7 Posts: 75 Member
    ASchmeidler1981 wrote: »
    So, almost a year ago I posted this. I am proud to say I am divorced and single as of Wednesday. You all were so right. My kids are happy and so am I. I still need to lose weight but it is only for me now.

    Woah... I didn't see this comment before posting mine... I am so happy for you. I know a woman very close to me going through the same thing you did. Looks like despite covid, 2021 could be your year ;)

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