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  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
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    Does he comfort YOU like that when you are upset?

    This is what I was wondering. If my SO said this to another woman, I would be hurt beyond belief. Watch out for this one...guard your heart.
  • msmith5251s
    msmith5251s Posts: 80
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    To Oliverseanj: You know, if he didn't restrict who I spoke with (and hold double standards on everything) it wouldn't be such a problem. He doesn't even like me talking to my FEMALE best friend... and obviously he is disrespecting our relationship by telling his coworker that he wouldn't mind being with her if he wasn't with me... It just hurts my feelings a lot I guess... but thinking about it, I would probably console one of my male friends if they came up to me claiming they were ugly by saying 'no you aren't', but I would NOT go so far as to saying 'I could easily see myself with you'.

    To Sasssy69: No he does not comfort me like that... I have been crying, and tried getting comfort from him by crying on his shoulder and all he had to say to me was 'stop getting your tears on me'.

    Update: today he put a privacy lock on his phone - told me he needed his privacy... blah blah blah, he eventually took it off after a few hours - but I still feel rather insecure.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Update: today he put a privacy lock on his phone - told me he needed his privacy... blah blah blah, he eventually took it off after a few hours - but I still feel rather insecure.

    I try not to give out relationship advice...unless it's in the form of recommending moderation in your reactions...

    But I draw the line here. You are engaged, not married...meaning it's not too late to take action if necessary. IF all you are saying is true (I say IF, not because I think you are a liar or lying, but because it can be your point of view, without the input of the other person...so please think carefully about what I'm going to say, in that light)...it would be game over for me.

    A marriage, and that's what an engagement is to me, in effect...a promise to marry (and I don't break promises)...does not need 'privacy'. If it does...it's time to figure out why and fix it...or end it before you make the mistake of saying 'I do'...and end up divorced...hopefully without children.

    Good luck hun.
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    June 2010 I had been living a dream with a wonderful guy. Everyone said we were perfect...at least on the outside. Then crap like this started happening. From the first nagging thought to the time I left I discovered 10 women he was sexting and IMing with! My advice to you is RUN! Yes it will hurt like hell....but it hurts worse when your suspicions are confirmed!
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    What the *kitten*. I am majorly surprised so many women are okay with this. WOW...How about *kitten* no you shouldnt be okay with it. Let's just say he's telling you the truth here ans he was trying to console her hurt feelings which I think is BS but we'll use it for this scenario. HE asked YOU to MARRY HIM. Meaning how you feel should be put first before any other lady. So what if she has a piece of crap ex bf. This is his co worker you say??? Do you care that much about your co workers?? Wow I'm sorry I'm not trying to be rude her but this was a real **** move on his part. Not only is this embarrassing, how he spoke to her makes your relationship look real iffy, and it does seem like your bf is nothing short of a liar. Perhaps I'm just a ***** (I hope I can say that). But who I am with is my first priority I put them, how they feel and my relationship before anyone and especially some co-worker. I am an incredibly trusting person but I would not fall for this. If I were in your shoes I'd be telling him to pack his stuff and get the hell out of my house, simply for the fact that he showed me how strong our bond is. And an fyi you can always talk to this girl since she was ballsy enough to put it on his fb.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    P.S After reading the rest of this thread, I have to say you do not deserve to be treated the way he is treating you. I think it's time to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and decide weather it is worth it to you to stay. I am sorry you are having to go through this. If someone really does loves you they would not hurt you.
  • Natasha233
    Natasha233 Posts: 48 Member
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    I think you might be overreacting a bit. If you feel secure about yourself and your relationship, then it will be fine. However, seeing your second post on this thread - tells me otherwise, and you might have a reason to confront him. I think that deep down - you know EXACTLY what to do and you already know the answer to this scenario. Navigating the waters of the XY chromosome is never easy lol. Good luck to you with all of this.
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    I work with an engaged couple and there is another co-worker who has been all over the man. She added him on FB, she texts him and the girl recently found naked pictures she has sent him...he does this when he knows they work together! You deserve better than that!
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    truth is..and this is only from the accounts of myself and the men i know..and have spoken with over the years...

    we don't put a lot of thought into things like social networking and we rarely view text messaging as actual conversation/contact with any woman of interest...

    i'm going out on a limb that the reason that most men tried to hide these offenses is because we know that women do see them as bigger than we do..

    me personally i'm more moved by why a significant other does things...more so than the act itself...i.e.

    i don't get upset at a person from my ladies past saying "hi" and her saying "how you been" back...

    as long as the conversation is respectful i view it as two adults conversing and i trust my girlfriend to govern herself accordingly as to not do, say or entertain anything that is disrespectful to our relationship..and i'm sorry...simply SPEAKING to someone is not in violation of any relationship rule...other than a nonconformity to one parties insecurities..

    i think when you start putting constraints on your partner that are placed without justification you start putting strains on other areas...no one likes to be accused without cause and i suggest talk to him about how you feel about it..and ask him why he feels its ok...he'll answer truthfully in that he doesn't feel its a big deal because he has no feelings for her..

    often times women don't see how quickly a man can get over a woman from his past based on their own inability to let sleeping dogs lie...

    but that's not what this is about. so would you choose to tell a woman that? 'if i were single i could easily see myself with you' ? and would you be okay with me telling someone that? i don't think you would be. it's not about the fact that he's talking to this coworker, it's WHAT he's saying to her, and how he's treating his fiancee
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    truth is..and this is only from the accounts of myself and the men i know..and have spoken with over the years...

    we don't put a lot of thought into things like social networking and we rarely view text messaging as actual conversation/contact with any woman of interest...

    i'm going out on a limb that the reason that most men tried to hide these offenses is because we know that women do see them as bigger than we do..

    me personally i'm more moved by why a significant other does things...more so than the act itself...i.e.

    i don't get upset at a person from my ladies past saying "hi" and her saying "how you been" back...

    as long as the conversation is respectful i view it as two adults conversing and i trust my girlfriend to govern herself accordingly as to not do, say or entertain anything that is disrespectful to our relationship..and i'm sorry...simply SPEAKING to someone is not in violation of any relationship rule...other than a nonconformity to one parties insecurities..

    i think when you start putting constraints on your partner that are placed without justification you start putting strains on other areas...no one likes to be accused without cause and i suggest talk to him about how you feel about it..and ask him why he feels its ok...he'll answer truthfully in that he doesn't feel its a big deal because he has no feelings for her..

    often times women don't see how quickly a man can get over a woman from his past based on their own inability to let sleeping dogs lie...

    but that's not what this is about. so would you choose to tell a woman that? 'if i were single i could easily see myself with you' ? and would you be okay with me telling someone that? i don't think you would be. it's not about the fact that he's talking to this coworker, it's WHAT he's saying to her, and how he's treating his fiancee

    As a guy...I've got to go with Fi here. I agree with some of what you said...but it in reality, our 'outlook' as guys (and I don't agree with all of it, just some)...doesn't give us a pass to be an *kitten*, lie, cheat (whether actually physically cheating or not...if he said those things, he cheated), etc.

    Sorry...that's just not how reality works...and is certainly not how a successful relationship works.

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