not feeling comfortable in public

nasr25 · July 2019

I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.

NovusDies · July 2019

If it makes you feel any better I can pretty much guarantee my appearance is much worse than yours and I am out there walking. Most people are too busy in their own lives or worried about their own appearance to pay that much attention and the ones that do if they have a negative thought... I don't care.

puffbrat · July 2019

You are far from the only person to feel this way. If you spend enough time on these forums, you will see a lot of posts like yours. First, I would say that most people aren't looking at you or even if they do, you are just part of a passing moment in their lives. Secondly, ask yourself this. Even if people are looking, does it really matter? Do you know these people? Are their opinions really important enough to your self-image to keep you from doing something that you want to do? To keep you from doing something that is good for your health? What if they are looking at you and thinking something positive? What if someone sees you and wishes they had the confidence to go out walking like you are doing?

I'm sure I spend a lot of time looking ridiculous when out walking. Especially when I actually work on learning to run. Shirt flying up, my terrible form, red faced and sweaty. And yes, there is a decent chance that at least one person I know or pass on a regular basis will see me. But I'm doing this for my own physical and mental health. Therefore, any negative opinions they may have are irrelevant.

lauragreenbaum · July 2019

Honestly, when I see someone overweight out walking or jogging my thought is always "Good for him/her! They are taking care of themselves!" I doubt people spend a lot of time thinking about other people they don't know, but if they do it's not always negative.

samhennings · July 2019

nasr25 wrote: »

I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.

It is very much a self inflicted, self conscious thing, which is both good and bad.

The reality is that very rarely are people paying any mind to anyone else, let alone being judgemental while doing so.

So in that respect you have nothing to worry about.

Though, being your own mind - sometimes thats the hardest thing to shift.

Might I suggest wearing something you feel less conspicuous in? (IE - not a skirt if its windy) and perhaps just popping in some headphones and your favourite music/podcast. It can work wonders for shutting out the rest of the world and keeping your mind occupied.

The other thing to say is that these things are always hardest at first, but get much easier with practice.

Saw a comment the other day, an actor talking about getting in shape for a superhero movie, who said
"The first day is the hardest, then the second day is the second hardest, and the third day the third hardest... so basically once you have been doing it a while it gets easier and easier..."

Which rang true for me.

kimny72 · July 2019

Lots of us feel that way. But the truth is, it's almost always just in your head. People aren't out on the street judging everyone. 99% of the time, they could trip over someone and not even notice them

. Everyone is caught up in their own little worlds, and probably feel just as self conscious about themselves as you do!

BZAH10 · July 2019

You do it by being consistent and being your own cheerleader. Be proud of yourself for taking steps to improve your health and tell yourself that regularly. The more positive thoughts you have the better.

Pretty much everyone is self-conscious about something or other at any given time. You take care of you and ignore the rest.

TriPaulCantRun · July 2019

Two points to my answer:

1. Whenever I see someone who is overweight doing some exercise I only feel admiration. So yes, I might look, but my thoughts will be positive.
2. Not sure how old you are, but I'm assuming younger than me (49). I used to care what strangers thought of me. Now I couldn't care less. This is a much nicer place, but I know it's not an easy place to get to.

Good luck, enjoy your walking!

Pamela_Sue · July 2019

I agree with the other posters. When I see someone exercising who is overweight, I also admire them and think, "way to go". And the more overweight they are, the more admiration I feel.
I attended a small college while in my 50's, surrounded by 20 year olds. For the longest time, I was very self-conscious. Then it occurred to me one day, they really don't have the slightest interest in me. Most people are doing their own thing and just aren't that interested in what other people are doing.

yvonne_beavis · July 2019

I had a look round the gym today as I was on the treadmill and there were skinny folk, oldsters, youngsters, one person being assessed who must have been 18 stone, and plenty of us overweight and middle aged. Apart from me being nosey, no one was paying any attention to anyone else, certainly not judging. I do know exactly how you feel, because the first time I went swimming since reaching my highest weight, I thought everyone would stare at me. Nope, no one cares. Go for it, you are doing it for yourself.

Dreamwa1ker · July 2019

samhennings wrote: »

Might I suggest wearing something you feel less conspicuous in? (IE - not a skirt if its windy) and perhaps just popping in some headphones and your favourite music/podcast. It can work wonders for shutting out the rest of the world and keeping your mind occupied.

I second the headphones suggestion! Listening to an interesting podcast or a good audio book will help keep your thoughts from wandering to destructive places. I have found this to be a good way to keep myself from internally churning over some other stresses in my life while I walk, when my mind could otherwise wander there, so hopefully it could also help you. When I walk outside and need to have some more awareness of my surroundings I usually put only 1 headphone in or wear one of those Bluetooth headsets that sits in 1 ear - works perfectly fine for spoken word media like books and podcasts. I also enjoy playing Pokemon Go or Harry Potter: Wizards Unite or other games that encourage a walking component as a great motivator and entertainment while you walk.

Terytha · July 2019

When I take my fat butt out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at me from trucks.

When my skinny friends go out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at them from trucks.

Rude jerks actually don't care what you look like, they just like yelling BS at people and being "funny."

Don't let those people decide how you spend your time. They do not deserve that much power over you. The other people are either not looking at you, are looking past you, maybe they like your shirt, maybe they like your hair, either way. The rude jerks don't deserve a second of your time and everyone else is probably too caught up in their own lives to care about you, or maybe they're thinking something nice.

alohajls · July 2019

Here's what I did when I weighed 300+ pounds: I walked in cemeteries.

Cemeteries are usually empty of people (the living ones), pretty and well landscaped, have paved paths and serve as a great reminder that life is short and the walk is good for you. I was lucky and my cemetery was a beautiful, small, 19th century example with lovely headstones, monuments and rolling hills.

I first did this because I lived in a pretty rural location and was profoundly self conscious--I didn't want anyone to see me. I literally drove about 1/4 mile to get to the cemetery at 6am when I was sure no one would be there, then walked for a short while and drove home. I usually just wore a casual dress as I had never been to a gym and did not own proper workout clothes.

I have lost some weight (100 pounds with more to go), and I'm still not a fan of athletic pursuits, but it does get a bit easier if you keep doing it. And I have definitely reached the point where I assume no one notices me in the first place, and if they do, I don't care at all what they think! When someone yells "FATASS!' out their window at me, I get to gloat and know that I can lose weight, but they will always be stupid.

nasr25 · July 2019

Thanks everyone this is all awesome stuff and inspiring. I appreciate you taking time to share.

Mcwi3681 · July 2019

nasr25 wrote: »

I really wanna start walking outside and i just feel like everyone is looking at me. I seriously lost all confidence i wasn't like this a few years ago but again i wasn't this big either. When I took a walk today my shirt was flying all over the place and I felt ashamed cause what was underneath wasn't all that pretty lol. How in the world do people do this. Is it just me or is there anyone that can relate? I am sure there is so tell me how you guys deal with it.

I feel the same which is why I just bought a stationary bike. I feel like I gave in to my fears but I just could NOT get outside. Good for you for actually doing it!!

grimendale · July 2019

Terytha wrote: »

When I take my fat butt out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at me from trucks.

When my skinny friends go out walking, sometimes jerks yell rude things at them from trucks.

Rude jerks actually don't care what you look like, they just like yelling BS at people and being "funny."

Don't let those people decide how you spend your time. They do not deserve that much power over you. The other people are either not looking at you, are looking past you, maybe they like your shirt, maybe they like your hair, either way. The rude jerks don't deserve a second of your time and everyone else is probably too caught up in their own lives to care about you, or maybe they're thinking something nice.

This. I've been heckled a handful of times from people in cars (and once an awkward but complimentary exchange from a car), but unless someone really makes an effort to get my attention, I'm too busy being in the zone and jamming to my tunes (metal and punk rock mostly) to notice the people going by. For me, if I see someone out walking/running, my first thought is usually 'oh, I should probably go for a walk tonight too'.

nettiklive · July 2019

everyone else already gave the standard confidence and 'ignore everyone' advice so I will pipe in with something way more shallow. First, if your shirt is flying up when you walk it's not a good workout shirt lol. Invest in some workout clothes you love, that fit great and flatter. It's easy to think who cares what i'm wearing just walking around the block but if you're having self image doubts, believe me it's going to make you feel way better about yourself if you're not in old sweats or whatever. Wear something cute and fun designed specifically for working out. Get cool looking and comfy runners. Even put on a bit of makeup if you wear it - yes I'm one of those women that wears makeup to the gym, not a full face but a bit. Judge away but it makes me feel better to not cringe every time i look in the mirror. I like to look put together whenever I'm out of the house and the gym is no exception, if I had to look like a royal mess every time, I'd dread it much more than I do already lol. And once all that's done, stick in some headphones, put on your best RBF and don't look at anyone around you

springlering62 · July 2019

What @alohajils said. We have a National cemetery on on side of town, and a Confederate on the other. (Someone donated what became the National cemetery land for both, but the Confederates were hard headed and wouldn’t bury theirs with the Nothern dead, hence two.)

Both make perfect places to walk in- beautiful, safe, well maintained, and full of bird song. They feel friendly to walk in, and the maintenance guys smile and ignore, if they look up at all. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve run acrost other visitors.

I enjoy visiting them every time, and often daydream about the boys buried there, and what their stories were. Coincidentally, one of my walking buddies knows one of the Connecticut boys story, since her nephew now lives in his family home and researched him, and we often stop briefly and tell him “good morning”. I’ve tried to talk her into leaving him a letter and a photo of his home.

We are also fortunate enough to have a fabulous walking/biking path. If you go before 7 or 7:30, you own the thing Sunday through Monday. Lots more people out on Saturdays. And if you do run acrost someone else, all they’re gonna do is lift their fingers in a salute without breaking stride and forget about you the next instant.

Having been the obese woman in yoga classes for the last ten years, all I can do is assure you that the self consciousness will go away. It really does. It’s like exercising a muscle. It gets better with use.

springlering62 · July 2019

Btw, if you have a community Facebook or nextdoor.com group, see if anyone is interested in forming a walking group. You’ll have a dozen people at first, and with a few weeks it will whittle down to two or three regulars who rotate with you. Walking is a lot more fun, and you go further and faster before you know it, if you’re with company.

cbstewart88 · July 2019

I used to be an avid road cyclist -way back before there were distracted drivers everywhere on their cell phones. I had bottles, apple cores and empty pop cans thrown at me. Then I started jogging on sidewalks. The things people yelled out their car windows to me are unrepeatable in this forum. I was not heavy. There are idiots everywhere. Doesn't matter what you look like or what you're doing. Don't be deterred!!!

lgfrie · July 2019

When I started, I was 330 lbs and felt kinda self-conscious on the walking trails, all filled with fit people wearing Under Armor spandex to show off their perfect glutes, and space-age synthetic t-shirts with Tour de France logos and whatnot. There I was, in my 3X bronze-age cotton t-shirt with cat claw holes, stretched around my belly, and an old pair of shorts, the one pair of shorts I could squeeze into. I started thinking of myself as a living, breathing "Before" picture -- performance art, you could say -- to eventually be followed down the road by an "After" picture. The thing about those Before & After pics is, the bigger the difference between them, the more impressed people are. That made me feel better. I imagined one of these days Mr. Under Armor Pecs and Ms. Lululemon Thigh Gap would come up to me on the trail and say, "Wow! You've come a long way!" But of course they won't, because as everyone above says, nobody notices anybody out there; they're just doing their own thing and couldn't care less what other people look like.

not feeling comfortable in public

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