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    Unsupportive Spouse??

    Posts: 27 Member
    edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
    Recently my husband lost 50 pounds over the past year. I have also lost weight and I’m still working on it. I’ve lost 15 pounds and still in this process. My husband has twice commented that I’m overweight in conversation. I’m not sure what to do. It’s upsetting and I’m also a bit shocked. Any ideas on how to deal with this?

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    Replies

    • Posts: 4,549 Member
      Keep working. Never give up. Never quit.

      Despite conventional wisdom about a support system, I’ve found I’m better off mostly in my own bubble. Just keep going and see where things stand in a year or two.

      Loads of people lose 50lbs or more.
      Maintenance lasts a long time.

      Are you the kind of person who has a long memory for this kind of thing? Like I said, keep working.
    • Posts: 418 Member
      Before making a judgement it would be good to know the context in which it was said and the words he used. That is very important to determine if someone is intentionally being unsupportive, or maybe is unintentionally being perceived that way. My husband for example is pretty matter of fact and honest about things. He’s never mean, we are both working on losing some weight right now. If I am dressed in something that is unflattering he will tell me, not because he’s unsupportive but because he does love me so much. He loves me enough to tell me the truth and not let me delude myself or make excuses for myself. It’s never mean but it is honest. I am the same with him. I think I taking a minute to examine what his motives were for saying something will help you to know if he’s truly being unsupportive or just going about being supportive in a way that does not work for you.
    • Posts: 138 Member
      I was really expecting the opposite because that’s what my partner is... he doesn’t like it when I don’t indulge and I feel that any time he notices my hard work paying off.... he bring over boatloads or sweets. I can’t resist! The only way to prevent it is to really hammer into him that this is what makes me happy and to try to show him that I’m doing it in a healthy way (he will get upset if I skip a meal).

      Ultimately your own happiness should be more important to your partner than their preference for your body, so I would find the best way to express that to him.
    • Posts: 97 Member
      Is he lying? Perhaps his delivery needs work.
    • Posts: 3,814 Member
      It's best to tell him how you are feeling. He probably doesn't realize that his comments are causing you harm. Sit with him and half a calm but clear conversation about how those comments make you feel.
    • Posts: 199 Member
      I'm sorry you are dealing with this. How does he react if you mention his weight? Does he talk about his weight loss in conversation? Talk to him about your feelings, and maybe ask him how he feels about it. Good luck.
    • Posts: 193 Member
      I am not a good person to give advice since I have a smart mouth...I’d be saying “Keep up unhelpful comments like that, my dear, and I’ll be happy to lose another 180 lbs just like that” (or insert whatever weight he is).

      Or “Remember, losing weight doesn’t fix a bad personality!”

      Then make a reminder set in your phone’s calendar to compare notes in a year to where you are at and where he is at. Might be a good time then to give him a weight loss anniversary gift of a copy of “The Tortoise and the Hare”.

      Lol!
    • Posts: 11,463 Member
      Offer suggestions for what he can do/say instead. Like helping you not take a second serving, skip dessert, lower cal snacks, workout, whatever would feel supportive for you unique needs. Nicely of course, not in anger,
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