Cat calls while working out

maureenseel1984 · July 2019

So I decided to go for a walk this morning while I had my coffee. It's miserably hot here in Baltimore city so I decided to wear my sports bra and shorts. This is saying a lot given that I felt very self-conscious/had body image today after indulgent day with my husband yesterday.
So as I'm walking and enjoying being outside when some guy on a bike (50's-60's) whistles at me and shouts something I didn't quite catch.

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

tauntonmom · July 2019

Ugh. Know that the unwelcome attention can happen regardless of how you are dressed, and the shame is his, not yours. If it helps, imagine that he shouted: "I've been fired from every well paying job I've had due to my inability to be appropriate around my female coworkers. Had to sell my car, and now this bike is my only mode of transportation."

nighthawk584 · July 2019

A lot of men are pigs and even some women are.... I would never do that myself.

MikePTY · July 2019

OP - I'm sorry this happened to you. You are allowed to react to it however you feel appropriate. You certainly don't have to feel flattered by it. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong, the guy who did the catcalling was in the wrong.

[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]

rosebarnalice · July 2019

You didn't "ask for" or "deserve" catcalls/ unsolicited remarks from some jerk because how you were dressed. He behaved inappropriately, and that's it.

[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]

LyndaBSS · July 2019

Don't pay attention to bottom feeders like that. They don't know any better.

❤

Phirrgus · July 2019

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

No. No. No.

People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.

There are people out there who are sincere in wanting to call out a compliment and just have no idea how to do it appropriately, and there are those who are dull enough to think their idiocy is actually appreciated.

You don't need to pay attention to either, or let them and their actions and words take away from your enjoyment. Don't give them that power over you.

[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]

admin765 · July 2019

Maybe he was just yelling at you for walking on private property.

cmriverside · July 2019

tauntonmom wrote: »

Ugh. Know that the unwelcome attention can happen regardless of how you are dressed, and the shame is his, not yours. If it helps, imagine that he shouted: "I've been fired from every well paying job I've had due to my inability to be appropriate around my female coworkers. Had to sell my car, and now this bike is my only mode of transportation."

I

this. So true.

MikePTY · July 2019

Phirrgus wrote: »

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

No. No. No.

People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.

While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.

Phirrgus · July 2019

MikePTY wrote: »

Phirrgus wrote: »

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

No. No. No.

People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.

While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.

I wrote exactly what I meant to say.

marialba67 · July 2019

You did nothing wrong. He was a h*ckin' idiot. There's always one. I'll leave it to the "Girl you regret talking to at a party" to say it best:

And, of course, Granger -

Fursian · July 2019

Hi, maureen

I think it's great that you are getting out there and I hope that you continue on with the morning walks, you've absolutely nothing to feel ashamed or gross about!

maureenseel1984 · July 2019

This would make sense if I was on private property...instead of a public sidewalk in downtown Baltimore.

lg013 · July 2019

A lot of women do not enjoy being catcalled and it actually makes them feel worse and self conscious. Sometimes we just want to exist in the world doing our thing without having to be treated as objects.
[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]

maureenseel1984 · July 2019

Phirrgus wrote: »

MikePTY wrote: »

Phirrgus wrote: »

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

No. No. No.

People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.

While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.

I wrote exactly what I meant to say.

Women do it too-whether it is more or less frequently. It doesn't matter. Why can't we just look at each other and see people and...treat them as such?

Jelaan · July 2019

By 50 he should certainly know how to behave in public - apparent he does not. You did nothing wrong, he did! Enjoy your walks and dress appropriately for the weather. Ignore the morons.

glovepuppet · July 2019

Having hit my mid 40s, one of the best things about getting older is that I get less attention from jerks. It's glorious! There's not a lot of perks to getting older, but that's absolutely one of them.

And there's no compliment, no flattery, in having some random inform you that you're worthy of his creepy attention.

And it's not just the creepy comments, because we all know that there's a lot of creeps who will totally flip if you don't seem appreciative of their attention. They'll switch from compliment to threatening obscenity in a heartbeat, and sometimes even violence. So it's a perfectly normal and sensible reaction to be instantly nervous, on your guard, and hoping that there's people around in case it all blows up.

So no. Just no.

[edited by MFP mods to remove quote]

theowlbox · July 2019

You feel how you feel. And I think trying to stop feeling that way can be counterproductive: ie. I'm not angry/embarassed/ashamed, no! not at all! I'm mad/empowered/etc. It's: feel how you do, then try to untangle the feelings.

A lot of people on here (myself included) are here because we don't deal with feelings head on, but often comfort ourselves with food. Part of learning to lose weight and be healthier will need to include dealing with feelings if people are going to be successful in the long term. So I think coming here was a great action to take. Often the way to get through it with negative emotions is to acknowledge it to yourself (say to yourself: i feel really self conscious! or he scared me! -lots of times you have an automatic reaction of fear when someone yells, no matter what they were yelling) then talk about how you feel. it won't make it go away but it's a way to feel more secure and to process the emotions you are having.

keep walking and enjoy yourself! people are not always polite or appropriate, but it shouldn't stop us from doing exactly what we want to do whenever we want to do it.

Phirrgus · July 2019

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Phirrgus wrote: »

MikePTY wrote: »

Phirrgus wrote: »

maureenseel1984 wrote: »

Now I'm left feeling more self conscious and kind of gross. Should I have been flattered? I just feel a touch ashamed and like I should go cover up.

No. No. No.

People of any gender can be bloody idiots. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to feel gross, self conscious or ashamed about.

While this is undoubtedly true, I do think we do ourselves a bit of a disservice if we don't recognize that the vast, vast, majority of this inappropriate behavior is done by men.

I wrote exactly what I meant to say.

Women do it too-whether it is more or less frequently. It doesn't matter. Why can't we just look at each other and see people and...treat them as such?

I completely agree with you. The main point I wanted to get across was that anyone else doing something offensive and wrong does not in any way, shape, manner or form make you less than. You're not.

maureenseel1984 · July 2019

theowlbox wrote: »

You feel how you feel. And I think trying to stop feeling that way can be counterproductive: ie. I'm not angry/embarassed/ashamed, no! not at all! I'm mad/empowered/etc. It's: feel how you do, then try to untangle the feelings.

A lot of people on here (myself included) are here because we don't deal with feelings head on, but often comfort ourselves with food. Part of learning to lose weight and be healthier will need to include dealing with feelings if people are going to be successful in the long term. So I think coming here was a great action to take. Often the way to get through it with negative emotions is to acknowledge it to yourself (say to yourself: i feel really self conscious! or he scared me! -lots of times you have an automatic reaction of fear when someone yells, no matter what they were yelling) then talk about how you feel. it won't make it go away but it's a way to feel more secure and to process the emotions you are having.

keep walking and enjoy yourself! people are not always polite or appropriate, but it shouldn't stop us from doing exactly what we want to do whenever we want to do it.

This almost brought me to tears. Very insightful. My go-to for dealing with negative feelings in the past has been to skip the next meal...see how little I could eat that day. When my anorexia got bad I was thin and boyish...almost like becoming invisible, smaller...I didn't stand out.

It's been a while since something like this happened to me-there are some drunks near our house that call out sometimes...I usually say something insulting to them back but now I'm realizing that makes me no better.

Cat calls while working out

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