People commenting on your fitness level/weight, etc.

I do a lot of hiking and often I will see a lady hiking who is about 20 years older than me and sometimes we hike together. I think it is awesome that she hikes for 3 hours per day and I hope in 20 years I am doing that. However I can tell by our discussions when we have met and hiked together that she is obsessed with weight (she weighs about 120 lbs and wears a size 2 (she told me) as well she is very picky about what she and others eat, etc.)

So anyway the other day I ran into her hiking and we started hiking together and she started talking about fitness and that she was going to be doing some test to gauge her fitness level and I said you are doing great with the amount of hiking you do so you will do good. She then turned to me and I could see her eyes looking me up and down and then she says..."my thoughts on you are that you are trying to get into shape but still have a ways to go" and I thought wtf??

Number one, I never asked her about her opinion on my fitness level and number 2, how the hell can she tell that I still have a ways to go?? When we hike I easily keep up with her pace.

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Replies

  • kds10
    kds10 Posts: 450 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like either she misunderstood what you said or she took your comment negatively and/or personally. Hopefully next time you see her you can straighten things out.

    Honestly I don't think she did...I know one time she commented on another lady that hikes with her sometimes who I know and she said about her..."it is great that she does all this walking and hiking but she still needs to lose weight".

    I think I will not hike with her as much as I find that too often the conversation turns to weight and what people should or should not eat and it kind of makes me feel like I am being judged.

    She said when she cooks it is all low fat/low carb..i.e. Xmas dinner at her place will not include gravy/sauces or potatoes and I thought yikes not my kind of Xmas dinner...and if she could see what I eat sometimes:)

    I still give her credit for being 70 and in great shape and hiking!

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    kds10 wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    Sounds like either she misunderstood what you said or she took your comment negatively and/or personally. Hopefully next time you see her you can straighten things out.

    Honestly I don't think she did...I know one time she commented on another lady that hikes with her sometimes who I know and she said about her..."it is great that she does all this walking and hiking but she still needs to lose weight".

    I think I will not hike with her as much as I find that too often the conversation turns to weight and what people should or should not eat and it kind of makes me feel like I am being judged.

    She said when she cooks it is all low fat/low carb..i.e. Xmas dinner at her place will not include gravy/sauces or potatoes and I thought yikes not my kind of Xmas dinner...and if she could see what I eat sometimes:)

    I still give her credit for being 70 and in great shape and hiking!

    I think you're on the right track to just keep your distance. She sounds like she has some issues. I think maybe some of it is a generational type thing, but maybe not. Who knows.

    She sounds a lot like my old neighbor who was not active at all but very obsessed with weight and what others ate. Not very interesting to spend time in the company of someone like that.
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    Does she have kids? A husband?


    I just wanna see something.
  • KungfuPandin
    KungfuPandin Posts: 90 Member
    This sort of thing can happen in a friendship. I'm not saying that you are both "friends" but you were joined together through a shared interest.. it sounds like the start of a friendship.. Things go smoothly for a time until something happens or a comment is made or people reveal their values to be different to yours and you clash..this will settle one way or another. I guess you have some choices about how you want to handle it. You have to look at the facts. She has a problem with weight and fitness. Its not your problem even if you have fitness and weightloss goals of your own. Her comments do not define you or who you are. She might have some flawed logic/obsessive thoughts going on, hence her conversation patterns around weight. Just because someone is older than you dosent make them right. It can come as a shock to realise somone older is wrong. But I was always taught to be respectful to people older than myself and to be open to peoples ideas even if they conflict with my own. Talking with her could be like visiting another country, you understand different ideas which are not yours, take in the sights, but you don't have to stay.
    Confronting these things might not be necessary for you.. you are not tight friends, you are walking buddies.. you could leave it at that.. can you divert the conversations? Ask yourself if you actually enjoy her company and if you think she enjoys yours. You might be the only person she talks to every day. Some older people don't have as much socialisation.
    Ask yourself who defines you. Does she define your "ways to go" or You. Be strong with how you view yoursel. Even if you can't change the way others see you, you can change the way you see them. She is obsessed with weight issues of others..I dont think its a healthy lens to view people, may have unrealistic expectations of herself and others.. I kinda feel sad for her walking around looking at everyone like that. But if you start to feel bullied by her and if this negative lens is directed at you and starts causing you pain then you don't owe her a daily hike. Maybe if it gets to that point talk to her about it.
  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.

    No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.

    Except with children it's an issue of brain development. With older adults, unless they have neurological issues, it's not. One of those things can be excused, the other is something someone is making a choice about.