People commenting on your fitness level/weight, etc.
kds10
Posts: 452 Member
I do a lot of hiking and often I will see a lady hiking who is about 20 years older than me and sometimes we hike together. I think it is awesome that she hikes for 3 hours per day and I hope in 20 years I am doing that. However I can tell by our discussions when we have met and hiked together that she is obsessed with weight (she weighs about 120 lbs and wears a size 2 (she told me) as well she is very picky about what she and others eat, etc.)
So anyway the other day I ran into her hiking and we started hiking together and she started talking about fitness and that she was going to be doing some test to gauge her fitness level and I said you are doing great with the amount of hiking you do so you will do good. She then turned to me and I could see her eyes looking me up and down and then she says..."my thoughts on you are that you are trying to get into shape but still have a ways to go" and I thought wtf??
Number one, I never asked her about her opinion on my fitness level and number 2, how the hell can she tell that I still have a ways to go?? When we hike I easily keep up with her pace.
So anyway the other day I ran into her hiking and we started hiking together and she started talking about fitness and that she was going to be doing some test to gauge her fitness level and I said you are doing great with the amount of hiking you do so you will do good. She then turned to me and I could see her eyes looking me up and down and then she says..."my thoughts on you are that you are trying to get into shape but still have a ways to go" and I thought wtf??
Number one, I never asked her about her opinion on my fitness level and number 2, how the hell can she tell that I still have a ways to go?? When we hike I easily keep up with her pace.
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Replies
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Sounds like either she misunderstood what you said or she took your comment negatively and/or personally. Hopefully next time you see her you can straighten things out.6
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Let it go.17
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Sounds like either she misunderstood what you said or she took your comment negatively and/or personally. Hopefully next time you see her you can straighten things out.
Honestly I don't think she did...I know one time she commented on another lady that hikes with her sometimes who I know and she said about her..."it is great that she does all this walking and hiking but she still needs to lose weight".
I think I will not hike with her as much as I find that too often the conversation turns to weight and what people should or should not eat and it kind of makes me feel like I am being judged.
She said when she cooks it is all low fat/low carb..i.e. Xmas dinner at her place will not include gravy/sauces or potatoes and I thought yikes not my kind of Xmas dinner...and if she could see what I eat sometimes:)
I still give her credit for being 70 and in great shape and hiking!
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Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.
No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.21 -
Next time you see her, comment how great shape she’s in for an “elderly” person - tit for tat - then the “score” will be tied.31
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She’s a narcissist, can only think about herself and judge everyone in comparison to herself. I think your plan to not hike with her as much is a good one.20
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Move on. Don’t dwell. Pretend it never happened and if it happens again avoid her. You owe her nothing.10
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Sounds like she needs to boost herself up by putting others down. Life is too short to actively spend time with people like that.16
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Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.
No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.
1) Please don't generalize. Someday you will reach her age or main (hopefully).
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Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.
No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.
LOL.
I've been like that my whole life. There are elderly people in my family who "shoot from the hip" and there are elderly people in my family who are more reserved and thoughtful. I don't think it's an "old people" thing. It's a personality thing. 14 -
Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.
No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.
1) Please don't generalize. Someday you will reach her age or main (hopefully).
I'm 61, not 16. 😉11 -
Sounds like either she misunderstood what you said or she took your comment negatively and/or personally. Hopefully next time you see her you can straighten things out.
Honestly I don't think she did...I know one time she commented on another lady that hikes with her sometimes who I know and she said about her..."it is great that she does all this walking and hiking but she still needs to lose weight".
I think I will not hike with her as much as I find that too often the conversation turns to weight and what people should or should not eat and it kind of makes me feel like I am being judged.
She said when she cooks it is all low fat/low carb..i.e. Xmas dinner at her place will not include gravy/sauces or potatoes and I thought yikes not my kind of Xmas dinner...and if she could see what I eat sometimes:)
I still give her credit for being 70 and in great shape and hiking!
I think you're on the right track to just keep your distance. She sounds like she has some issues. I think maybe some of it is a generational type thing, but maybe not. Who knows.
She sounds a lot like my old neighbor who was not active at all but very obsessed with weight and what others ate. Not very interesting to spend time in the company of someone like that.1 -
Does she have kids? A husband?
I just wanna see something.4 -
Sounds like a miscommunication of sorts rather than any form of malice. If I’m honest I would find what you said to her a little patronising and way too personal from a virtual stranger. Maybe that’s what she felt too and bit back a little, which you took to heart more than was necessary.7
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This sort of thing can happen in a friendship. I'm not saying that you are both "friends" but you were joined together through a shared interest.. it sounds like the start of a friendship.. Things go smoothly for a time until something happens or a comment is made or people reveal their values to be different to yours and you clash..this will settle one way or another. I guess you have some choices about how you want to handle it. You have to look at the facts. She has a problem with weight and fitness. Its not your problem even if you have fitness and weightloss goals of your own. Her comments do not define you or who you are. She might have some flawed logic/obsessive thoughts going on, hence her conversation patterns around weight. Just because someone is older than you dosent make them right. It can come as a shock to realise somone older is wrong. But I was always taught to be respectful to people older than myself and to be open to peoples ideas even if they conflict with my own. Talking with her could be like visiting another country, you understand different ideas which are not yours, take in the sights, but you don't have to stay.
Confronting these things might not be necessary for you.. you are not tight friends, you are walking buddies.. you could leave it at that.. can you divert the conversations? Ask yourself if you actually enjoy her company and if you think she enjoys yours. You might be the only person she talks to every day. Some older people don't have as much socialisation.
Ask yourself who defines you. Does she define your "ways to go" or You. Be strong with how you view yoursel. Even if you can't change the way others see you, you can change the way you see them. She is obsessed with weight issues of others..I dont think its a healthy lens to view people, may have unrealistic expectations of herself and others.. I kinda feel sad for her walking around looking at everyone like that. But if you start to feel bullied by her and if this negative lens is directed at you and starts causing you pain then you don't owe her a daily hike. Maybe if it gets to that point talk to her about it.
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When you said that she speaks about other people’s weight in a judgmental way, it was then that I realized that this is what she does. Period. That’s why she said what she did to you. She sounds snarky and judgmental, and personally if I saw her, I would probably be polite but avoid her if I could. If she ever said anything else unkind to me, then I’d have to tell her off, quite honestly.
We are surrounded by so much negativity in our society these days. I try to surround myself with kind supportive people in my daily life, as much as I can. And no, I don’t think it’s an age thing. I think its a personality thing.6 -
Hey, don’t pick on the old lady. I’m 69 and I can tell you from experience, your world gets smaller as you get older. For instance, you retire, so you lose work friends and what to do with yourself for about 10 hours a day. Anyway, as your world gets smaller, you tend to concentrate more on fewer things. Sounds like this lady has chosen to micromanage food (hers and the rest of the world’s) as a way to occupy her mind.
Be forgiving. Someday you might want someone to forgive you. Lead the conversation. Try to find other topics she may be interested in. Ask questions that she can google and figure out. Something to broaden her world. She will appreciate it.
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Older people are the same as kids, in that they shoot from the hip and speak their mind. I think since you gave your opinion about her, she gave you her opinion right back.
No harm, no foul. I hope you don't let it affect your relationship.
Except with children it's an issue of brain development. With older adults, unless they have neurological issues, it's not. One of those things can be excused, the other is something someone is making a choice about.2 -
corinasue1143 wrote: »Hey, don’t pick on the old lady. I’m 69 and I can tell you from experience, your world gets smaller as you get older. For instance, you retire, so you lose work friends and what to do with yourself for about 10 hours a day. Anyway, as your world gets smaller, you tend to concentrate more on fewer things. Sounds like this lady has chosen to micromanage food (hers and the rest of the world’s) as a way to occupy her mind.
Be forgiving. Someday you might want someone to forgive you. Lead the conversation. Try to find other topics she may be interested in. Ask questions that she can google and figure out. Something to broaden her world. She will appreciate it.
Heh: So it's good to counter one generalization about aging people with another generalization about aging people? (I'm 63, BTW, and my long-retired world is still a fine size, so far.)
Look, if the woman's company is unpleasant to OP, she should avoid spending time with her. Inevitably, some people have attitudes, beliefs, and behavior that's incompatible with our own.
Unless it's someone we need to be around (family member, co-worker, that sort of thing), then it's a simple plan to avoid or minimize spending time with them. Another option is to say "I don't like speculating about others' weight, eating, or exercise routines" (brief, high road), and change the subject (and never bring up her eating or exercise, which seems to have aggravated this particular line of chat, in this particular instance).
Speculating about what the lady thought, what she meant, why she thought or meant it, is completely profitless on the part of those of us who know a whole sentence or few about the woman, as seen through OP's perceptions.
If there was just this one incident (in which it's hard to tell who offended whom first), I'd suggest letting it go. But if there's a pattern of annoying chat, avoidance is a good plan.10 -
I'm older - 64. I don't say things any differently than I did 50 years ago. The only thing that's different: I just don't listen to anybody anymore - LOL.
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cbstewart88 wrote: »I'm older - 64. I don't say things any differently than I did 50 years ago. The only thing that's different: I just don't listen to anybody anymore - LOL.
I'm 65. I still listen, but with a much more discerning ear, now.
I also seem to have misplaced or worn out my filter somewhere along the way.
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LOL that's a slap in the face. Did you go home afterwards and demolish a bag of chips?4
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