I prefer to workout alone. What’s the best way to break it to a buddy?

Cyclist84
Cyclist84 Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
Every now and then I’ll get asked by someone if I’d like to be their training partner. I’m usually not interested. Sometimes my friends mom will say I should workout with her son. We should go together.

I hate working out with friends because often times we end up doing exercises I don’t think are great and they usually just want to get a beer and pizza after.

When I workout I like to stay focused and keep to myself. I’m not interested in having conversations with others. Some people always talk about how sugar is bad and are always eating it, while saying it.

I hope I’m not a bar person. And when I go for a bike ride or run, I’m gonna go for a long time. If someone can’t keep up I feel like I’m babysitting them. I don’t think they need me. Working out is not for socializing.

Just wanted some advice on how to let others know I don’t want to workout with them even though I value their friendship. Time is busy and workout time is me time.

Replies

  • nighthawk584
    nighthawk584 Posts: 2,023 Member
    if they are mature enough, they will understand. just say "Thanks, but I prefer to go at this alone." quit worrying about hurting someone's feelings over something like this. That being said, I workout alone and at home. I hate workout partners or gyms
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    nighthawk584 wrote: »
    if they are mature enough, they will understand. just say "Thanks, but I prefer to go at this alone." quit worrying about hurting someone's feelings over something like this. That being said, I workout alone and at home. I hate workout partners or gyms

    haha

    My 67 yo neighbor is still not talking to me because I said I didn't want to go walking and then she saw me walking later that day. 11 years ago. :lol:

    I didn't say I wasn't going walking. I just didn't want to go with her.

    All I said when she asked was, "Oh, no thank you!"

    Sometimes you just can't win.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    In this case, honesty is the best policy. Good luck.
  • Cyclist84
    Cyclist84 Posts: 11 Member
    cmriverside wrote: »
    nighthawk584 wrote: »
    if they are mature enough, they will understand. just say "Thanks, but I prefer to go at this alone." quit worrying about hurting someone's feelings over something like this. That being said, I workout alone and at home. I hate workout partners or gyms

    haha

    My 67 yo neighbor is still not talking to me because I said I didn't want to go walking and then she saw me walking later that day. 11 years ago. :lol:

    I didn't say I wasn't going walking. I just didn't want to go with her.

    All I said when she asked was, "Oh, no thank you!"

    Sometimes you just can't win.


    That’s what I was thinking. And some people all they do is talk about working out, every opportunity they can get. If someone gets cancer they will talk about how it’s so important to follow a nutrition plan.
  • RunsWithBees
    RunsWithBees Posts: 1,508 Member
    dodea48 wrote: »
    RunsWithBees wrote: »
    Cyclist84 wrote: »
    Every now and then I’ll get asked by someone if I’d like to be their training partner. I’m usually not interested. Sometimes my friends mom will say I should workout with her son. We should go together.

    I hate working out with friends because often times we end up doing exercises I don’t think are great and they usually just want to get a beer and pizza after.

    When I workout I like to stay focused and keep to myself. I’m not interested in having conversations with others. Some people always talk about how sugar is bad and are always eating it, while saying it.

    I hope I’m not a bar person. And when I go for a bike ride or run, I’m gonna go for a long time. If someone can’t keep up I feel like I’m babysitting them. I don’t think they need me. Working out is not for socializing.

    Just wanted some advice on how to let others know I don’t want to workout with them even though I value their friendship. Time is busy and workout time is me time.

    Just tell them in your own words :)

    Some of your own words suggest that you think others are not serious or that others would annoy you. I would avoid those words.

    "Thank you, but I like to work out on my own."

    Sorry you took it that way, was not intended to annoy anyone, intent often doesn’t translate well online and emojis don’t always hep either... my point was that the OP should just be true to themselves and just say what they mean since they are able to express it so clearly in the post :)
  • Cyclist84
    Cyclist84 Posts: 11 Member
    88olds wrote: »
    “I work alone.”

    I think the notion of support in weight loss and fitness is overrated. We’re mostly better off in our own diet and exercise bubble. Your buddy’s mom is thinking about the benefits to her kid, not trying to help you.

    A good thing I find about getting older- the older I get, the less I’m inclined to explain myself to others.

    Yea I was wondering why she was so concerned about me. Probably just for her son. She texted me and said I might be interested in participating in weight loss with her son and that it will be easy if we go biking together or something. And then she wanted numbers of others that want to participate and I’m not sure why she used the word “participate.”
  • Katmary71
    Katmary71 Posts: 7,082 Member
    Be straight forward. For me, working out is something I attack with loud music, it's MY time. I was recently out-of-town and worked out at the gym with two other people. I did classes with them then would go off on my own. I didn't like having to leave if they finished first, it was frustrating but I had to go along with it. I like doing things with others, just not workouts.
  • knightreader
    knightreader Posts: 813 Member
    I find working out with a partner takes longer and I'm usually in a rush. So, typically I say just that - no thanks, I only have a limited time. Or maybe when I have more time we can work out together, like on a weekend of so.
  • lg013
    lg013 Posts: 215 Member
    Cyclist84 wrote: »
    Every now and then I’ll get asked by someone if I’d like to be their training partner. I’m usually not interested. Sometimes my friends mom will say I should workout with her son. We should go together.

    I hate working out with friends because often times we end up doing exercises I don’t think are great and they usually just want to get a beer and pizza after.

    When I workout I like to stay focused and keep to myself. I’m not interested in having conversations with others. Some people always talk about how sugar is bad and are always eating it, while saying it.

    I hope I’m not a bar person. And when I go for a bike ride or run, I’m gonna go for a long time. If someone can’t keep up I feel like I’m babysitting them. I don’t think they need me. Working out is not for socializing.

    Just wanted some advice on how to let others know I don’t want to workout with them even though I value their friendship. Time is busy and workout time is me time.

    I always tell folks that the gym is the one time of the day where I practice self care, and with my workouts comes focus and time for personal reflection. I’ve had a few that still want to be gym buddies, but they essentially just want someone to hold them accountable and get them to the gym. I always text a friend when I’m going to get her to come to the gym (Bc that’s what she needs). We will say hello, not drive separately and do our own thing. I like to spend time at the gym so she knows not to ask for a ride if she doesn’t want to stay there and wait for me
  • lg013
    lg013 Posts: 215 Member
    Katmary71 wrote: »
    Be straight forward. For me, working out is something I attack with loud music, it's MY time. I was recently out-of-town and worked out at the gym with two other people. I did classes with them then would go off on my own. I didn't like having to leave if they finished first, it was frustrating but I had to go along with it. I like doing things with others, just not workouts.

    I used to travel all the time and this would happen. I would say, “I’m going to the gym for at least 2 hours.” They’d agree and an hour into the workout they’d be asking if I was ready to leave. I like to take my time there and it’s so annoying having someone try to rush you. During that time we shared a car so I’d just grumble I’d get a cab back or ask them to pick me up in an hour or two. After that, I started getting my own car or making sure I stayed where there was an adequate gym.
  • Cyclist84
    Cyclist84 Posts: 11 Member
    Do you ever get blamed for someone’s lack of gym efforts? So many times my friends mom would tell him to get off his butt and workout. And then he just points the finger at me and says I never invite him to workout.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    How old is this friend? He needs to stand up to his mom and she needs to let go of him.

    Obviously, not knowing them I really shouldn't make such statements but it sounds negative for YOU so if you can distance yourself that might be for the best.
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,814 Member
    dodea48 wrote: »
    RunsWithBees wrote: »
    Cyclist84 wrote: »
    Every now and then I’ll get asked by someone if I’d like to be their training partner. I’m usually not interested. Sometimes my friends mom will say I should workout with her son. We should go together.

    I hate working out with friends because often times we end up doing exercises I don’t think are great and they usually just want to get a beer and pizza after.

    When I workout I like to stay focused and keep to myself. I’m not interested in having conversations with others. Some people always talk about how sugar is bad and are always eating it, while saying it.

    I hope I’m not a bar person. And when I go for a bike ride or run, I’m gonna go for a long time. If someone can’t keep up I feel like I’m babysitting them. I don’t think they need me. Working out is not for socializing.

    Just wanted some advice on how to let others know I don’t want to workout with them even though I value their friendship. Time is busy and workout time is me time.

    Just tell them in your own words :)

    Some of your own words suggest that you think others are not serious or that others would annoy you. I would avoid those words.

    "Thank you, but I like to work out on my own."

    I'm not sure if this was directed toward the OP of this post or to @RunsWithBees post? But I think you missed the part where RunWithBees bolded the relevant words that they OP used in their post which would make the best explanation. I thought the bolded sections were good ones to use. The OP can just tell them that they like to stay focused and consider working out time to be "me time", but it doesn't mean they don't value their friendship. Either they will take offense or they won't, but it's about as good as you can do.
  • cbstewart88
    cbstewart88 Posts: 453 Member
    Everybody always wants to do stuff with me. Work out. Travel. Have lunch. Go for coffee. Take an early morning walk. I am a certified loner. I just tell people I prefer to do **"whatever"** alone. I think the word is out now.... :neutral:
  • bobsburgersfan
    bobsburgersfan Posts: 6,464 Member
    There is no reason you can't tell someone you prefer to work out alone; that's your right. And it is 100% NOT your responsibility to make sure your friend works out.
    Cyclist84 wrote: »
    Do you ever get blamed for someone’s lack of gym efforts? So many times my friends mom would tell him to get off his butt and workout. And then he just points the finger at me and says I never invite him to workout.
    If this happens again in your presence, I'd speak up. Tell them you work out alone. Repeat it as often as necessary. And if this is a really good friend, consider using some tough love and telling him to stop blaming it on you because whether or not he works out is his choice.
  • Cyclist84
    Cyclist84 Posts: 11 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    How old is this friend? He needs to stand up to his mom and she needs to let go of him.

    Obviously, not knowing them I really shouldn't make such statements but it sounds negative for YOU so if you can distance yourself that might be for the best.

    30s
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I'd say my schedule was too unpredictable to make plans one way or another and leave it at that.
  • durhammfp
    durhammfp Posts: 494 Member
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I'd say my schedule was too unpredictable to make plans one way or another and leave it at that.

    Oh gosh, I can understand why you would make that suggestion, but the mom could just use that as an invitation to see the OP's calendar and become even more meddlesome. Ugh. These folks sound like they need a firm no, to me. ("When is good for *me*? How about never, does that work for you?" lol)
  • mochapygmy
    mochapygmy Posts: 2,123 Member


    You ever seen Bates Motel? She’s like Norman’s mother. But always lecturing him about his diet and that he needs to go workout and lose his belly. Sometimes when she asks what I been up to and I say I went on a bike ride, she says her son should go with me and we should do it together. And he never works out. Sometimes he’ll use me as an excuse and say that I never invite him.

    This sounds like a bad dynamic. I would stay far far away from these two as they are putting you in the middle instead of the son telling his Mom 1. to stop nagging him and 2. he has no interest in working out.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Cyclist84 wrote: »

    Just wanted some advice on how to let others know I don’t want to workout with them even though I value their friendship. Time is busy and workout time is me time.

    OP, respond bluntly.
    My time for taking care of myself, at my pace, and choice of workouts.

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