Starting out again after big regain

tiriks1984
tiriks1984 Posts: 10 Member
edited December 22 in Motivation and Support
I am sure some of you people can relate with my feelings here.

After losing 20kgs in 2018, it took about 8 months to regain what I had lost, plus a few extra kgs. I was not in a good place last year mentally, and am still not 100% out of this dark phase. Depression crept up on me, and I binge ate my way through extreme sadness last year. The anxiety I have felt on top of it all has been new for me.

However, I have to keep fighting, and I know good eating and exercise and being at a healthy weight will help me mentally, not just physically. I am slowly seeing a small glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel, and have slowly gained enough courage to step back in rhe gym. Plus, reading these forums and being educated about CICO has really enlightened me on things I never knew about weight loss, and also why we regain.

I have just started back up again, but negative thoughts are getting to me. These thought urge me to give up. Just at the gym tonight, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and thought "why bother? look how big you have become, and now you have to start all over again". There is so much shame, guilt and regret at what I have let myself become in just a year. I am mad at myself, and I know it's not good for me.

How do I let go of these horrible negative thoughts and embrace the process and the long road ahead of me? I fear this negativity will only derail me as the results take time to see in the mirror, and I really do not want to give up.

Just feeling so low about it all. Thank you for reading, and for any insight from people who have felt the same way xx

Replies

  • Downwinds
    Downwinds Posts: 15 Member
    edited September 2019
    It's hard with depression and I don't follow this advice myself but try and be understanding about how mental health makes things harder, try not to beat yourself up over it. I know, easier said than done and it frustrates me to hear this advice given to me all the time too, because it really does feel awful and I can't help but blame myself and be angry at myself.. but I know it's not gonna solve anything..

    Anyway. I'm here too because I regained some of the weight I'd lost. Not all, not even most, but still enough to start bothering me. But part of my 'maintainence' strategy is to try and lose any I gain before it becomes an even bigger problem. Because that's what happens if it does go ignored, and then it only looks even harder and more hopeless, which isn't what we need.

    I don't have a solution to depression, because it's been with me as long as I remember, and living in this world makes it seem impossible to not feel hopeless, at least how I see it. I'm not gonna lie and tell you 'everything always gets better', because I don't think that's helpful. What I can say is that I'm in a similar place with all of this, and I'm very happy to friend you. It's always better to know you're not the only one. Yeah it's still difficult but it's something. Anyway, feel free to talk to me and I'd quite like it if you did. :)
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,539 Member
    There are valuable lessons right here in your post. First is the fragile nature of making it to goal weight. I lost the last 40 of 100 lbs on Weight Watchers. The large number of people at WW coming back 2, 3, 4, times scared me. If we decide that the process ends at goal weight, we will gain it back. Just how it is.

    And you’ve identified the “why bother” thought. How about it’s cousin “not good enough?”

    My first experience with “not good enough” was a .2 lb loss at the weekly WW weigh in. I was very unhappy. But then I thought “Wait a minute. This is a step in the right direction. How can I make it to GW if I’m going to kick myself for success?”

    I decided there must be an appropriate amount of positive thinking to be derived from a .2 loss. Not a lot. But positive none the less. I started monitoring my own thinking to push back against negativity with facts. I also found that I didn’t need to defeat negative thinking, only neutralize it some.

    Last thing- keep going to the gym. The gym is a great teacher of incrementalism. Even if you are just waking on the treadmill. After a couple of weeks you’ll find yourself getting stronger. Beware the aggressive ramp up, but keep pushing just a little and over time you will see the change. It will be undeniable.

    The same thinking can provide the basis for weight loss. A calorie deficit you can live with will get you what you want given enough time. Be persistent. It will work. It’s science. You can do it.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    I lost my husband to ALS last year. After that, I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ptsd. I ate my weight up for the next year.

    One day, I woke up and was ready to put myself first and change my life for the better.

    I joined mfp and haven't looked back. You have to realize that you are worth it.

    If you're not ready to do the gym, then wait. As long as you stay in a calorie deficit, you'll lose weight.

    Good luck with your journey!
  • tiriks1984
    tiriks1984 Posts: 10 Member
    Thank you for the replies so far. I have taken in everything that was said. Feeling better today that is for sure.

    I think I have to start thinking more along the lines of knowing that yes, I am worth it no matter what, and really start loving myself. Weight loss and good health has to come from a place of self love and not hate.

    I think I will keep going to the gym, I told myself that this week, my goal is to go every day no matter how low I am feeling, and start to form the habit.

    So, with 25kgs to lose, what should I expect to be losing a week?

    Thank you again x
  • denjan333
    denjan333 Posts: 158 Member
    Hey there! I know exactly how you feel. I lost almost 100 lbs on here a few years ago, then went through a lot of stress and depression and gained it all back and then some too. Now I’m prediabetic and have had to make the choice to either get healthy or just give up and be ok with a short and depressing remainder of life.

    So, what can we do? We can be our own cheerleaders and turn negative thoughts into positive ones. If you are AT THE GYM looking at yourself, and think “why bother”, stop that thinking immediately. Instead, think, holy crap, I made it to the gym, and I worked out. That’s really awesome, considering I didn’t feel like it. Basically, the way I’ve learned to deal with negativity to myself is to frame everything as if I were talking to a best friend, rather than to myself. Would you have told a best friend that they weren’t worth the effort? That they just shouldn’t bother? NO WAY. You would be helping them stay motivated, not tearing them down.

    Food isn’t your friend, and cannot make you feel better. We often learn over time to use food to stop feeling depressed, but it usually only works for a little while. Unfortuntately, we learn terrible eating habits in the meantime. So remember, food is not your friend. Food is fuel.

    Be your own best friend. Every single time you get out of your comfort zone, every time you stick with a meal plan, or turn down a sweet, or go to the gym, or lose 1/2 lb or in any way move one teensy bit toward your end goal, celebrate it! You can and will do this. So will I. It’s not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. You got this.
  • tiriks1984
    tiriks1984 Posts: 10 Member
    denjan333 wrote: »
    Hey there! I know exactly how you feel. I lost almost 100 lbs on here a few years ago, then went through a lot of stress and depression and gained it all back and then some too. Now I’m prediabetic and have had to make the choice to either get healthy or just give up and be ok with a short and depressing remainder of life.

    So, what can we do? We can be our own cheerleaders and turn negative thoughts into positive ones. If you are AT THE GYM looking at yourself, and think “why bother”, stop that thinking immediately. Instead, think, holy crap, I made it to the gym, and I worked out. That’s really awesome, considering I didn’t feel like it. Basically, the way I’ve learned to deal with negativity to myself is to frame everything as if I were talking to a best friend, rather than to myself. Would you have told a best friend that they weren’t worth the effort? That they just shouldn’t bother? NO WAY. You would be helping them stay motivated, not tearing them down.

    Food isn’t your friend, and cannot make you feel better. We often learn over time to use food to stop feeling depressed, but it usually only works for a little while. Unfortuntately, we learn terrible eating habits in the meantime. So remember, food is not your friend. Food is fuel.

    Be your own best friend. Every single time you get out of your comfort zone, every time you stick with a meal plan, or turn down a sweet, or go to the gym, or lose 1/2 lb or in any way move one teensy bit toward your end goal, celebrate it! You can and will do this. So will I. It’s not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. You got this.

    Wonderful advice thank you! You are absolutely spot on, I will definitely start celebrating the small victories.

    I can very much see now that I have abused food to try and squash down unpleasant feelings- it was like my drug of choice if you will. It has only been making me feel worse and worse. Plus i've been getting pain in my knees-at 35 years of age it scares me.

    I am so glad you have taken control over your health and eating habits- well done to you.

    I am on day 2, and feeling good so far. I have put on my gym clothes and will head straight there after dropping my kids off to school- trying not to think about it too much. I am eating more and not feeling hungry yet which is great. I am so tired of years of depriving myself and over restricting- this time the weight is going to have to come off slower so I don't get so hungry during the process.
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