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UPDATE, IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED
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Too many typo's, I apologise 😔2
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I don't know what I can or can't say on here that'll not get my account deleted (it happened before, about 5 years ago) because I'm really NOT advocating/encouraging/whatever VLCD/eating disorders.
My head is in an absolute spin at tbe moment.
I've got the endocrinology appointment tomorrow morning to investigate my thyroid nodule. I should tell them about my eating problem.
I've got my dad coming to stay for almost 4 weeks in 6 days time.
I've got my psych' appointment on tbe 16th.
Since I made tge psych' appointment I've been trying to get a lower BMI - Just be ause I can.
I know tomorrow I'll have to mention ny eating/weight.
This scares me, so much.
I'm convincing myself that if I don't mention it tomorrow and make sure I eat more when my dad's here (for 26 fooking days!) when I'll consume more calories) I can see where my weight is at after tgat and tgen decide whetger to see tge psychiatrist.
I know that if I have tge psych' appointment on the 16th that I'll continue my quest for downward until then and during my dad's stay because, whats the point if going and then showing a weight gainm? They wont take me seriously and i may lose my chance of getting help.
I think its best to wait, see wgere im at after my dad goes home, see how i feel about eating and THEN see if i need any help.
Sorry, if this makes no sense, im just panicking about tomorrow and what it may lead to and also telling my husband of the change of plan. I needed to get it out, IYKWIM?
I understand what you're trying to say.
A temporary weight gain during your father's visit does not mean your relationship with food was fixed.
Please do continue seeking help.12 -
P. S.
MFP moderators, if you do think that this thread is inappropriate could you please let before blocking me? I've got all "My foods" stored and loads of "recipes" that I need. If I don't have the info' for them then I'll just have to bin the foods that I'm storing/have frozen. Please just gibe me a change to manually write all the nutritional data out.9 -
I don't know what I can or can't say on here that'll not get my account deleted (it happened before, about 5 years ago) because I'm really NOT advocating/encouraging/whatever VLCD/eating disorders.
My head is in an absolute spin at tbe moment.
I've got the endocrinology appointment tomorrow morning to investigate my thyroid nodule. I should tell them about my eating problem.
I've got my dad coming to stay for almost 4 weeks in 6 days time.
I've got my psych' appointment on tbe 16th.
Since I made tge psych' appointment I've been trying to get a lower BMI - Just be ause I can.
I know tomorrow I'll have to mention ny eating/weight.
This scares me, so much.
I'm convincing myself that if I don't mention it tomorrow and make sure I eat more when my dad's here (for 26 fooking days!) when I'll consume more calories) I can see where my weight is at after tgat and tgen decide whetger to see tge psychiatrist.
I know that if I have tge psych' appointment on the 16th that I'll continue my quest for downward until then and during my dad's stay because, whats the point if going and then showing a weight gainm? They wont take me seriously and i may lose my chance of getting help.
I think its best to wait, see wgere im at after my dad goes home, see how i feel about eating and THEN see if i need any help.
Sorry, if this makes no sense, im just panicking about tomorrow and what it may lead to and also telling my husband of the change of plan. I needed to get it out, IYKWIM?
I'm so very, very sorry that this is so difficult for you. Your initial plan - to tell your doctor tomorrow about issues with eating/weight - that is a better plan. Sometimes "more difficult" is "better". This is one of those times.
Your mind and body keep finding reasons why you should keep losing weight, but you're already dangerously thin, with an orientation to food and eating that isn't healthy for you. That's a thing to talk with your doctor about, because it's affecting your health. Your doctor's visit will document where your weight is now, if your psychiatrist has any doubts . . . but I think when you explain how you're thinking about this to the psychiatrist, s/he will recognize what's needed in order for you to be healthier, regardless of exactly where your weight is at the time. (You will not make massive gains between now and the 16th, no matter what you do, anyway.)
The "eat more while your dad is here" idea is a good one, but it seems like you've told yourself in the past that you'd eat enough more . . . but it somehow didn't happen that way.
Please, please find a way to completely and honestly talk with the doctor tomorrow. See the psychiatrist as scheduled. So many of us here would like to see you take steps toward better health and happiness. You can do it!15 -
Thank you both for responding, I'm just so scared right now. And I know if I don't have the psychiatrist appointment looming over me, i can relax a bit because, no dealine. If I've got a deadline then I'll stick to it, whatever.
I want to enjoy my dads stay, not be worrying about "proving" im worthy of/need help.
I'm sorry, I really appreciate your help, I'm just really stressed about going forward10 -
Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.12 -
collectingblues wrote: »Please tell your doctor tomorrow. They'll be able to see that you're emaciated, but you also need to be honest with them.
You also don't need to "prove" you're sick enough. You've already done that -- you're at a BMI that could literally kill you. You're at a level that most facilities would admit you for.
Can you try to just hold steady for now? AND keep your psychiatrist appointment. It's not an either/or.
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.0 -
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.
Commit to getting help. Your dad will understand.
You know things won't be better next month -- because they weren't better this month, and they weren't last month, and they weren't when you first started posting.
Don't look for a cop out.25 -
But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.
Please, talk to your doctor tomorrow. You can still enjoy your dad's visit, and get to a better place while your dad is here. But you should still pursue the psychiatrist appointment, too. This has been a long-term, persistent problem area for you. To reverse that situation, to improve your health, it's vital to make some changes in behavior and attitudes. You need help with that, and there's no shame or blame in getting that help. Health protection and improvement is doctors' (including psychiatrists') role in our lives.
Take some deep breaths, slowly; try to settle the agitation and anxiety if you can. Take one day at a time, for what it: Doctor's appointment, dad's visit, psychiatrist appointment, each at their own time. You can do this! :flowerforyou:
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💐4
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But to me it is. Either I commit to getting help now and don't enjoy my dads stay or I wait it out, relax and see where im at next month, without wasting anyone's time.
I think I'll be in a better place after having him here, then, maybe I won't need any outside help.
Regardless you will need outside help when your Dad goes. You can not fix this on your own. It is much better to get help now and then you have your Dad to support you through the process. Not only that but the longer you leave it, the more damage you are doing to your body.12 -
I wonder if the first step is for you to just talk to someone you trust in real life. Rather than on the internet. We are all supportive but we can’t really help you. Just talk to someone who loves you. Your dad, your partner, a friend. Then get some expert help. Eating disorders are treatable but it’s so much harder the longer they take a grip on you, your health and your sanity.5
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In order for all the tomorrows that you discuss to have a chance to happen, there is absolutely nothing in this world that is more important than you improving your eating disorder situation not tomorrow, not later today, but right now!
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The reason the above only mentions what it does is because I have erased over the past two hours everything that I've written for fear that it may inadvertently trigger you away from seeking the help you both absolutely deserve and, based on current evidence, need at this time.7
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I’m struggling to work out the real issue here, not that surprising as the author appears unsure as well.
The real cause for my concern/confusion is were you state you want to drop your BMI before seeking help and before your dad gets there.
Is the problem not with an already to low BMI.
Just in case the simple hasn’t been stated. Have to tried peptides or sarms that boost hunger to insane levels. Used by people trying to gain mass. Otherwise known as hardgainers in the physiques game.1 -
OP is isolated and confused. Most posters believe she has an undiagnosed eating disorder and needs urgent treatment for that. But she’s conflicted. That’s part of the illness. It takes hold on your ability to reason with yourself, accept advice and make rational decisions. So yes, it is confusing. She needs to talk to an expert. None of us are experts in treating eating disorders. I don’t think giving her information about how to gain weight is gonna help. I’m sure she knows physically how to gain weight, it’s just her mind is conflicted about it.
OP people are right the first step IS to gain weight and if you were in the uk an eating disorders unit would first look at weight gain as I understand it. Because some weight gain is the priority to ensure yr body chemistry normalises. And then they can start looking at the emotional and psychological reasons behind it all.11 -
scottyaus2732 wrote: »I’m struggling to work out the real issue here, not that surprising as the author appears unsure as well.
The real cause for my concern/confusion is were you state you want to drop your BMI before seeking help and before your dad gets there.
Is the problem not with an already to low BMI.
Just in case the simple hasn’t been stated. Have to tried peptides or sarms that boost hunger to insane levels. Used by people trying to gain mass. Otherwise known as hardgainers in the physiques game.
The OP has an eating disorder. EDs defy logic and require professional help.9 -
@sefajane1 how's it going? Thinking of you {{{{{ hugs }}}}}6
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kshama2001 wrote: »@sefajane1 how's it going? Thinking of you {{{{{ hugs }}}}}
It looks like she deactivated her account. I hope that means she's getting help.5 -
I know the OP, her account was closed down by MFP.
She's going to see the mental health team after her father's visit ends. She's gained 3lbs since he arrived 12 days ago.18 -
I think it’s a shame mfp closed the account. I wish her well.4
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janeypoosandbob wrote: »I know the OP, her account was closed down by MFP.
She's going to see the mental health team after her father's visit ends. She's gained 3lbs since he arrived 12 days ago.
Thanks for the update. I am kind of glad that MFP closed her account though as it would not have been doing her mental health any favours, but instead feeding an addiction. I wish her the very best in her recovery.4 -
While I miss the spark of the OP, I also fervently hope that she does achieve (and persist with) the immediate change of course she needs.
So while her account deletion does makes me a bit sad, I would be much sadder to see her continue to use MFP to her detriment!
Improved health and happiness! 🥂
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She says "thank you".
She's struggling with the weight gain but does feel better for it, physically if not mentally.12 -
Sending my love to the OP through those who may be in touch with her and hoping she gets help and gets better. It’s scary reading that she was considering losing more weight because it would influence the doctors, this illness is a tricky devil!6
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janeypoosandbob wrote: »I know the OP, her account was closed down by MFP.
She's going to see the mental health team after her father's visit ends. She's gained 3lbs since he arrived 12 days ago.
Those 3lbs (+ a bit more) are gone now.
She'd been growing her hair for 2.5 years after losing it all through chemo. It grew back curly and really thick but over the last 6 months it was falling out at an alarming rate. She had it all cut off last week, down to a pixie crop, because it was so thin. That was a bit of a wake-up call for her. She's really trying to maintain or gain but it's a struggle for her.
VLCDs are NOT a good idea especially if you already have abad relationship with weight/food.13 -
That is so sad. I really hope she gets the help she needs, urgently.4
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I am doubly sad both for her hair and what it means to and for her though I do hope that this helps our OP take notice and re double the effectiveness of her fight
I sincerely hope that urgent contact with the mental health team is being pursued regardless of who is visiting and regardless of other commitments.
If I were ever in the situation where the circumstances of my presence were linked to a person such as the OP delaying getting the help they needed I would be incredibly saddened even if I had no say in her decision.
I remind the op that there exists a link between regain to normal weight and mental outlook improvements associated with the normalization of body and brain chemistry, and that the reverse also holds true. This does appear to be a situation where faking it till you make is a valid initial response strategy.
Given the underweight numbers I hear (and sense) I would start wondering about hospitalization
The OP's writings and discussions in other threads have made me feel that the world is enriched by her presence and I do wish I were able to make her see that!13 -
janeypoosandbob wrote: »
Those 3lbs (+ a bit more) are gone now.
She'd been growing her hair for 2.5 years after losing it all through chemo. It grew back curly and really thick but over the last 6 months it was falling out at an alarming rate. She had it all cut off last week, down to a pixie crop, because it was so thin. That was a bit of a wake-up call for her. She's really trying to maintain or gain but it's a struggle for her.
VLCDs are NOT a good idea especially if you already have abad relationship with weight/food.
I really wish I had see this thread sooner. Can you please share this link with her? While professional help is crucial in over coming eating disorders so is support from people who don’t judge and understand. EDA saved my life. There are online meetings she can attend from anywhere to connect with others trying to recover from eating disorders, some with many years in recovery. http://eatingdisordersanonymous.org/online-meetings/15 -
I really wish I had see this thread sooner. Can you please share this link with her? While professional help is crucial in over coming eating disorders so is support from people who don’t judge and understand. EDA saved my life. There are online meetings she can attend from anywhere to connect with others trying to recover from eating disorders, some with many years in recovery. http://eatingdisordersanonymous.org/online-meetings/
That's a great link @SCoil123, I've passed it on to her. Thank you 🤗
She's still really struggling but has made an appointment for 11th October with the mental health team. Hopefully she'll keep this one 🤞4
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