My husband is so mean sometimes!

LaSutopia
LaSutopia Posts: 1,164 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
So last night I asked my husband if I get to my goal of 155 would be work on himself? Like get his shoulders and chest built back up and lose the gut like he was when I met him. See he was fit when I met him. I was over 200 lbs when he met me. He has never been satisfied with my weight at all but I never cared that he put on weight and all. And I told him that. Every time he said something about his weight I would tell him I did not care and it did not make him less attractive to me. He however was always telling me I was fat and he was not attracted to me. He is also always putting food in my face like cookies and other junk food! Like he is not even trying to help me. He eats all kind of junk food and he wants me to keep it in the house....anyway He said, "yea. you get to 155 Ill do it." but he sounded sarcastic. I asked him why he sounded like that. He said, "because I am an addict I know what it's like. You are a food addict and I don't think you will do it." I was so mad at him. I told him he was just jealous that i was kicking my addiction and he was not. I got up and did my 30 day shred and he came in later and said he was proud of me and that he was jealous. But I know he still does not believe I can do it. I want to prove him wrong soooo bad!
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Replies

  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Are you saying that even when you got together he said you were fat and he wasn't attracted to you? If so, why did you get together? Putting your partner down all the time is classic abusive behaviour.
  • medoria
    medoria Posts: 673 Member
    And you should not be trying to loose weight just to prove him wrong, thats complety wrong!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    my suggestion is to do this for you, not him. You believing you can do it is the ONLY thing that matters. So, get yourself hot hot hot, then leave his sorry a** for a hotter, sweeter guy. I JEST, but maybe ask him if he is interested in counseling at all, because that is not healthy for either of you. It sounds like it is a good thing he finally told you his real feelings, but bad that he hurt yours so much in the process.
  • Jrab6486
    Jrab6486 Posts: 31
    DO it for yourself! Keep up the good work and PROVE HIM WRONG! I am proud of you for getting to the point that you are at! Continue to your goal....he will be jealous....and You are beautiful now, just wait until you get to your goal! Hopefully you will inspire him!
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
    Sounds like you married a true winner. Congrats.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    yeah, you need to ditch this loser YESTERDAY! kick him to the curb or wait til the abuse gets intolerable - your call. I'm telling you now, it's NOT GOING TO GET BETTER and neither will he. And he will NEVER be someone I'd want in MY bed
  • MrsPike07
    MrsPike07 Posts: 160
    That's really too bad! I'm sorry he feels like he needs to bring you down. Maybe he will wake up and realize that you are trying to better yourself and he needs to stand behind you on this journey. I hope things get better for you real soon! I have hubby issues as well but not about my weight thank god!
  • sexyminxinthemaking
    sexyminxinthemaking Posts: 451 Member
    i had a partner with similar views and it gave me the boost to loose 3 stone about 2 years ago and then i gave him the boot for the lovley man im married to now so every cloud has a silver lining dont let him get you down and when you have proved him wrong start doin the same to him :)
  • prjoy98
    prjoy98 Posts: 250 Member
    It sounds like he's being selfish and is obviously jealous. Most men think that a comment like this one isn't "abuse" and most of us women will beg to differ...it's "mental abuse" all the way!! Please do this for YOU and not anyone else. It's your life in your hands. If he's jealous he can move his butt by your side when you are doing your 30DS!
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    Stay with him, lose the weight, then leave his sorry *kitten*!!
  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
    Are you saying that even when you got together he said you were fat and he wasn't attracted to you? If so, why did you get together? Putting your partner down all the time is classic abusive behaviour.

    Ditto. ^^

    Power and control. They have all the power when they make you feel worthless.
  • kaylynn54
    kaylynn54 Posts: 141
    I just don't know what I would do if my husband didn't support me in trying to lose weight!!! You have done a wonderful job of losing weight and getting healthy!!!! Just keep doing what you are doing and know that you have lots of supporters here on MFP. You go girl ;-)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I'm glad he did apologize, but wow. Don't let a man talk to you like that.
  • abbie017
    abbie017 Posts: 410
    As an outsider who is only going off of what you said, this sounds unhealthy to me. He's putting you down over and over, diminishing your success. In your post, you discuss, sabotage, sarcasm, not being satisfied by your weight, not being attracted to you ... these aren't very healthy interactions for someone who is supposed to love and cherish you. If my significant other said any of that to me, he'd be on the curb collecting his boxers faster than he could grab another cookie.

    I think you need to have an honest conversation with him and tell him what you just told all of us. It's worth a discussion, and maybe that will get him to step up and act like your husband. He could be trying a "tough love" approach, but it's clearly misguided if he is.

    Keep using your frustrations to motivate you. You can succeed at this if you keep at it. Best of luck to you!
  • boisevore
    boisevore Posts: 14 Member
    Pray for him until he comes around. Show him there is a better way :)
  • lildevil968
    lildevil968 Posts: 152 Member
    I agree with the other PP's about proving him wrong, but Iam having a very hard time understanding why he doesn't support you?
  • dorisholaway
    dorisholaway Posts: 531 Member
    My ex husband was worse then yours. He was a skinny thing that could not gain weight if he wanted to. I tried to lose weight for him many times. Many times when I decided to diet he would go to the store and buy about 10 or so boxes of Little Debbies and bring them in the house. He knew that I could not resist them. He finally divorced me about 17 or so years ago, and about 85% of the reason is because I was over weight. I now am losing weight for me and me alone. Do not let him put a damper on your progress and just do it for yourself and your health, even if he does not want to lose any weight himself.
  • boisevore
    boisevore Posts: 14 Member
    Speaking as someone who came around 6 mos after his wife. xD
  • smrtcar
    smrtcar Posts: 104 Member
    DTMFA.
  • Leanne1795
    Leanne1795 Posts: 186
    Do you have children? If so, do they hear him talk to their mother like that? If not, do you intend to have children that will hear all this sort of stuff and do you want them to grow up thinking it is ok? Just a thought.
  • LauraDubbleya
    LauraDubbleya Posts: 79 Member
    Guys like him are massive balls of insecurity. They marry or date women they see as inferior to them because they need the power they lord over these "grateful women". I get that maybe you weren't in a good place when you met him and didn't see his insulting behaviour as abusive. They make it sound like they're "helping you see the truth". Bottom line is the more they put you down, the more they can.

    I think you're seeing him through more confident eyes and maybe not liking what you see. He's an *kitten*.

    Another thing that you might want to consider is that you shouldn't be trying to get him to agree to change if you do. If he says no, does that mean you'll give up on you? That'd be very sad.

    NEVER let anyone make you feel less than beautiful!!!
  • MelissaL582
    MelissaL582 Posts: 1,422 Member
    Use that to fuel your fire girl! My husband gave me that "okay whatever" look when I first started MFP. I guess I can't really blame him because the diets I tried before ended up as FAILs in my book, but look at me now.. He's constantly telling me how good I look and if I'll ever leave him. I've gotten him to start losing weight too. You got this girl!!
  • rrgrove
    rrgrove Posts: 73
    Do it for you! My brother in law was the same way to my sister when she first started and when she started seeing great results he accused her of cheating. Don't let him get you down or make you feel like you can't do this because you can!!
  • Magic_Girl
    Magic_Girl Posts: 158
    He sounds like a total @55!!! He is really mentally abusive (hopefully not physically). I had a friend with a guy like that and he always told her how he liked other girls better than her and how there were a million other girls prettier than her. She didn't care because she LOVED hims so much!! It wasn't until she found out he was cheating on her for 3 months that she got out of the relationship and never looked back. YOU need to find a real man who does NOT bring you down. Let's say you do lose the weight and you get to your goal weight. What if he doesn't change??? What if after all your hard work he still puts you down?? I think he is just setting you up for failure. He wants you to get bigger so it makes him feel better about himself. He might make you feel like you are not good enough when in reality he doesn't want you to realize what piece a crap he is and leave him.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    he is probably really jealous that you are losing weight and kicking your addiction, but instead of being supportive and getting motivated himself, he is resentful that that same motivation isn't in him.

    just stay with it, don't bring it up again. soon he will motivate himself and join you. and if he says anything horrible to you again, just be passive and don't get into a fight. he's trying to bring you back down to his level.
  • khk2010
    khk2010 Posts: 451 Member
    I think the way to get to your fitness and weight goal and keep it off is to do it for yourself. Learn to love yourself and be your own cheerleader. Take care of yourself. Don't worry about the other people in your life. This is your body. No one else's.

    When I started MFP I decided that I would learn to love myself exactly as I am at the weight and size I am each step of the way. It wasn't always an easy lesson, but I think it has made a huge difference in my life to learn to do that. It has helped me transform and hopefully keep the weight off as I later learn to maintain.

    Best of luck to you.
  • changeisgood55
    changeisgood55 Posts: 274
    I just dumped my ex-boyfriend because of the comments he made about my weight and he was about 30 pounds over weight himself. Don't let any man talk to you like that. Someone that really loves you will support you...not put you down. Keep that in mind. I never put my ex down when he asked me if he looked fat. I said I loved him for him. Lose the weight for you and you only. Then dump his *kitten* and find someone who really loves you. He doesn't!
  • girliegirl56
    girliegirl56 Posts: 1
    When your husband says that you are a food addict, tell him he's right. That will take away any power he has from you and truthfully speaking. . .you are. So am I. So are most of us on this websight. Get to the bottom of "why" you eat. You will be more successful in your eating plan and recognize when you're eating for the wrong reasons.
    My second point is that you must do this for YOU. Not to "show him" or "get even" or any of that other nonsense. That won't work and you will FAIL. . . ultimately eating more than you should and gaining weight!
    Stop asking him if he will get into shape if you lose weight. This isn't about HIM and he shouldn't even be brought into it. Use this website as your support system and if you have friends that you can talk to. . .do that. The less you say, the more mysterious and confident you become to him and he will begin to wonder why you are NOT talking about your weight. For some stupid reason this draws guys to us. Whatever.
    Keep up the good work and remember. . .we're all in this together! Good Luck!
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
    Stay with him, lose the weight, then leave his sorry *kitten*!!

    This!

    You can change yourself, but you can't change him.

    It's his call if he wants to support you, or put you down. Don't let him discourage you. Stay on track here, friend me, lose the weight...you're gonna do great :)
  • 3ricaAnn
    3ricaAnn Posts: 288
    Girl, I don't know what I would do in that situation. My husband has supported me since day 1. I wanted to lose 21 pounds and he told me if I wanted to do it for me than he would support me but if i was doing it for him he loved every pound I was and not to lose any. I am doing this for me because I know I am not healthy or fit and I want to be so I can be a good example for my future family. Even if he is jealous it gives him no right to put you down. You are beautiful just the way you are and do not need that kind of negativity in your life. Do this because you want to be healthy do not do it to impress someone else because he will just find something else to make you feel bad about when you lose the weight you want to lose.
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