Can't find a"why"! Help!
accoladryn
Posts: 7 Member
Okay so I'm not a newbie at diets... I've moved in and out of a healthy weight range for years. I had 4 kids in 6 years, and my youngest is now 3, I'm heavier now than I've ever been... I always kept my pregnancy weight gain low but never did as well with nursing weight gain, and gained about 10 lbs with every baby, and now I'm 40 lbs overweight 😣
Here's the thing... My life is full. I'm really happy and enjoying most of what's happening in this season right now. The only way I can stick to something long-term is when I have a goal in mind that's truly motivating. I'd like to lose the weight, but it's not bothering me bad enough to keep at it. I need to find something that I can keep coming back to that I can focus on achieving for reasons that motivate me.
I know the standard go-to's... Feel better, look better, be healthier for you and the kids, clothes fit better, sleep better, longer life, etc... None of these things are really A big motivator for some reason. I sleep well, my blood pressure and overall health are great, I just had a physical and no red flags.
Any unorthodox "why I do this" ideas people could share that really helped them stick with it? I know I need to for all the reasons above, but on a day to day basis I'm having a hard time making it a priority in my life.
TIA!
Here's the thing... My life is full. I'm really happy and enjoying most of what's happening in this season right now. The only way I can stick to something long-term is when I have a goal in mind that's truly motivating. I'd like to lose the weight, but it's not bothering me bad enough to keep at it. I need to find something that I can keep coming back to that I can focus on achieving for reasons that motivate me.
I know the standard go-to's... Feel better, look better, be healthier for you and the kids, clothes fit better, sleep better, longer life, etc... None of these things are really A big motivator for some reason. I sleep well, my blood pressure and overall health are great, I just had a physical and no red flags.
Any unorthodox "why I do this" ideas people could share that really helped them stick with it? I know I need to for all the reasons above, but on a day to day basis I'm having a hard time making it a priority in my life.
TIA!
1
Replies
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My weird why?
I sat through an autopsy once, and the coroner described the deceased as an "obese female" very clinically. I thought, then and there, that if anyone ever did an autopsy on me I did not want to be recorded as an obese female.
Unorthodox enough? :laugh:36 -
We wanted to get the lowest premiums possible on term life insurance. This was after our child was diagnosed with a serious health condition (which can happen at any time, although I don't want to Boogeyman you). We knew that if either of us died, the survivor would need a good amount of money.9
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My husband and I are the same height and it annoys me that his perpetually maintained weight is my goal weight.10
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I know everyone always say that it's important to know your "why", but I honestly never had a meaningful reason. I was a bit overweight and I wanted to look better.
I am a very data-oriented person (I am constantly making lists, reorganizing things, putting up post-its, etc) so for me logging and figuring out my best macro balance, and looking at trends was interesting to me. My food diary is like a daily game of Tetris. I was like my own little science experiment. I focused on the process.
I also know some people will gamify their weight loss. Give themselves points for different behaviors and predetermine prizes for sequential point totals.
Now that I'm in maintenance, I am more knowledgeable about a vague pattern of reproductive cancers and dementia in my family, and how excess body fat can play a role. So that is a bit of a why for me to maintain. But I still think if myself as a kid so I'm not sure it would be enough motivation for me on it's own.8 -
As I look around me at friends my age +/- 10 years (I'm 63), they are a mix of mostly either artists/craftspeople or athletes (rowers). The artists are much more likely to be sedentary and obese. At a similar age, compared to the healthy-weight women among the athletes, they also:
* Have more negative health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.)
* Take more medications (which often interact with each other, to their detriment)
* Require more surgeries, and recover from them much more slowly and painfully
* Need to completely avoid certain foods because of medications or health conditions, at the risk of serious consequences (faintness, heart palpitations, blood sugar disturbances, "dumping syndrome" i.e., diarrhea if too much fat eaten, and more).
* Can't do fun things that require lots of walking or stairs (art festivals, sports events or music at stadiums, etc.)
* Need more help from family or paid workers with routine chores like yard work, flipping the mattress, moving furniture, interior painting or other minor home improvements requiring mobility, etc.).
* Experience more falls and related injuries
* Are sick more often from routine viruses and such, often get sicker, require more time to recover
By contrast, the athletes can still do pretty much whatever fun things they want; eat the occasional very-indulgent meal (drinks, desserts, deep-fried things) with no negative consequences other than maybe a tiny scale jump; are overall healthier (and quite possibly happier).
A very specific case in point: One of my artist friends and one of my rower friends each needed hip replacement surgery. The artist, who was I believe about 64 at the time, spent extra time in the hospital with an infection, then stayed in an in-patient rehab for a couple of weeks. It took months for her to reach what will probably be her maximum recovery, but she's still (couple of years later) using a cane. The rower's surgery was on July 1 this year. Four weeks to the day later, and 5 days after her 73rd birthday, she was back on the river rowing with me. (She stayed overnight in the hospital, used a walker for a couple of days, then just walked carefully after that until she felt like her range of motion and balance were normal). She's back to full activity now: You'd never know she had surgery a couple of months back.
Another story: I went out to dinner with a group of the craftspeople. Of 14 women, most around my age, probably only about 1/4 of them were able to get onto the high chairs (hightop table) without difficulty. A couple of them needed physical help from others to do it. Most made it, with a little struggle. Several reported pain afterward from cut-off circulation or not being able to get their feet on the chair-rung for comfort while eating. I think perhaps one of this group had an unavoidable physical problem (from an auto accident); the rest have just been very inactive, and are obese.
I truly care about and value all of these people as friends. It breaks my heart to see women my age struggling with simple things, knowing that it could've been different. For some of those with issues, it isn't even totally too late now - just more difficult - but they don't even believe improvement is possible.
Experiencing things like this, with people I care about: That helps me understand what I need to do if I want the best possible odds of being strong, healthy, active, and living independently for as long as possible. It's an important part of my motivation: Doing what I can to help future Ann have a fun, happy life. It's an investment.28 -
This post comes under health I guess, but for what it's worth I started out with the standard go-to's, to feel and look better. It wasn't long after I was keeping a food diary here that I started to notice macros and went to do some research on nutrition, with a new found actual real interest. It made me recognize that my nutrition wasn't the best, and hasn't been for many years for various reasons, unfortunately.
Over the weeks and months on here keeping a food diary, I gradually started to hit my daily macros. There was trial and error to be had, of course. Switching out the foods and hunting down correct food entries in the database, but it finally made me sit up and take notice, properly, for the first time in my life. So I guess that my "Why" changed a bit from the initial one, and no doubt as time marches on, the reasons may evolve into other things.
I'll always be eternally grateful to MFP and its community for helping me.6 -
If you don't take care of yourself when you're younger, things start going south fast in middle age. I'm 47, and I thought I was doing moderately well at taking care of myself, but I need to do better. Hence, I'm here on MFP now.
I know people in their 70s and 80s. Some of them are quite healthy and vibrant, others are very aged and unhealthy. I know illness can strike anyone at any time, but it appears to me that the ones who did more to take care of themselves are doing better as they age. KInd of along the lines of what AnnPT77 is saying.7 -
Think also of where you'll be in a few years of not doing anything about it. At the end you might end up by factually slightly yo-yo-ing, but that might be almost like maintaining (if it's by only a few lbs). Or you might let weight slowly creep on. A bit of maths will show you where you might get if you're not actively doing something about it.4
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Don’t do it. It isn’t written anywhere that you can’t be 40lbs overweight. Live your life and enjoy your kids. Losing weight takes effort and concentration. It’s ok if your attention is on other things. Quit nagging yourself and move on.
But beware. The difference between gaining 10 lbs per year and losing 10 is a couple hundred calories per day. A 100 calorie deficit you lose 10 but 100 calorie surplus and you’re gaining 10. Point being that if you’re in the habit of over doing it, the gains can keep coming until there is a real problem. Keep an eye on it.10 -
Because I was always really healthy. Until I wasn't. Regrets that I didn't take my health more seriously.8
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Sometimes you pick up a few “why” answers after you start losing the weight. After the first 15 lbs, I noticed one day that I was sudddnly able to move faster and wasn’t out of breath while chasing my 13 year old son around the house in Nerf war battles. I didn’t know how much I would enjoy that until after it happened. I didn’t anticipate the joy in improving my health in a way that enriched playing with my kids.11
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Some issues have an accumulative affect with aging, like bad knees.
I agree with chelny, but from a perspective of 67. When you get older, if you’re healthy, your body will thank you. Bonus you will be able to do things with your grandchildren. Unlike so many unforeseen occurrences, weight is something we can do something about to lessen risks from being overweight.4 -
Or try this- piece of paper, line down the middle. Put the reasons you want to lose weight on one side. Reasons you don’t on the other.
Spend some time on it. Give it day or 2 to think it over. There’s no due date. And put down everything, even things that sound frivolous or silly. Right now on the “want to” side you seem to have this vague nagging voice telling you that you should want to lose weight. Maybe there’s something more there. Maybe not. Give it a try.5 -
This is my reason...
It is a shame for a woman to grow old without ever seeing the strength and beauty of which her body is capable. (author unknown)
I am now 67 and I still don't know what I am capable of...I want to find out. It isn't about how much weight that I can lose nor about how fit that I can get it is about..."finding out about what I am capable of doing".11 -
Yea Annie! You go girl!0
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Thank you so much for all the tips, I truly did come away from this discussion with some good ideas of things to try! Both to focus on, and strategies to discover more motivation.
And while not a typical sentiment to expect in MFO, thanks to 88old for the encouragement that maybe it's okay to just spend this season focused on my kids and our life as it is. I DO want to lose this weight, it's annoying enough that it bother me mildly on a daily basis, and I will find a way to do something about it,... That said, the societal expectation of my appearance relative to weight has always generally annoyed me more than inspired me,... The idea that my role busting my butt everyday to "mom" and "wife" isn't sufficient, ... if I'm not thin while doing it, I'm not doing enough. Ill never feel enough drive to get on top of this by trying to meet some arbitrary cultural standard, so I know I need to find my motivation for myself. But I think rather than focusing on it being something I'm failing at, maybe thinking of it as something I'm going above and beyond to accomplish in this hectic season where i AM already working my butt off, will also be more encouraging.
Thanks so much everyone!!
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Awesome Momma!
So maybe, for now, your goal isn’t to lose weight while you enjoy your life and take care of those babies. Maybe your goal can simply be to maintain/not gain. Maybe your goal can be to continue or find a good way to exercise and keep in shape.
I have 3 kids (24, 19, 17) I was always somewhat overweight, but wasn’t troubled by it Then I found myself heading toward 50 with 75+ pounds to lose. I looked back and realized that it slowly crept on- even just 2 pounds/year turns into 50 over 25 years! I hid from family pictures, I sat and watched my kids play instead of joining them, and saddest for me was the example of bad habits I had shown them.
So just before my 49th birthday I set out to lose 75 pounds by my 50th. I came close and still have 5 to go- but I feel so much better then I did at 30!
What I wish I could do over when I was a young mom:
*Get outside and moving with the babies! On the walking/bike trails I see moms with wagons and baby carriers and jogging strollers and I wish I had known to do that. (My neighborhood is not good for walking/biking)
* Find a sport or hobby that the family can do together, for many many years. Even just if I had planned “Sunday walks” or park day picnic lunches to establish the habit of being active and together- SO important as the kids get older and their activities begin to take over.
*Eat balanced and healthy but not freak out about all sugar or deli meat or whatever. I got to a point where I felt like every food had something terrible so if I couldn’t eat/feed my children “perfectly” (which seemed to change daily- I couldn’t keep up with the latest dos and don’ts) I would just give up and go with cheap easy junk.
* Take care of myself- basic stuff like showers, clean clothes that fit, quick daily grooming and regular haircuts. So I feel ready for anything and don’t have to hide from pictures and people.
ENJOY THESE YEARS! But also set the stage to enjoy the future years as well ❤️8 -
My "why" was sorta petty. At first, I just really wanted to look better. Now I am 64 years old. My 94 year old Dad was just hospitalized and I went to physical therapy with him to learn how to care for him as he healed. Physical therapy was FILLED with elderly, overweight people who could not MOVE. Some were only my age!!
It was utterly depressing.
As the therapist showed me how to help Dad (who is very slender BTW) move safely and to lift and maneuver him I was beyond grateful that I was strong enough, limber enough, nimble enough and capable of not only assisting him, but perhaps avoiding a future fate for myself that would limit my mobility, independence and quality of life.11 -
Unorthodox whys for motivation to try to lose weight - how about DON'T TRY! This is my humble opion. To lose weight you have to want to lose weight more than you want other things such as food, tv, etc. There are times when some other things are more important than losing weight.
I'm not seriously saying you shouldn't make lifestyle choices to give yourself a better chance of losing weight. Do the simple things, walk instead of drive, take the stairs not escalators, choose better options when eating, weigh the portions (we seriously over fed our children without realising). Don't make losing weight a priority but make it a result of other changes that fit with things that matter to you right now. Play actively with your children instead of sitting down watching them, just move more than you currently do.
If you try to make losing weight fit in a lifestyle where it won't fit the chances are you will get fed up quickly and go the other way.
When the time is right and you genuinely put losing weight as a priority you may find you are half way there through a few simple changes.
Good luck.4 -
I loved reading every single comment in this post. You have all really got me thinking. I appreciate the care and thoughtfulness you put in every comment. You are all wonderful!8
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SO many great ideas that have given me some thoughts to ponder.
Ask yourself what are your goals for your family? Instill good eating habits. Activity as a family, finding fun things to do together. Setting an example of positive body image. A friend of mine has teens and she is careful to not let her weight struggles and efforts effect her daughters' self-image.
So, perhaps your goal is growing strong, healthy children with a positive image of themselves, and having enjoyable family moments together. Perhaps now isn't your time to lose, but instead a time to maintain and be active. Take some time to think about what you want for your family, write down your thoughts, and make that your goal.
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I don’t get it; why are you changing your way of eating if you don’t have a “why”? Why do you even want to change things to move into a lower weight, then? Just stay the way you are 😎👍0
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My why is sadly driven by wanting to be treated my human feminine and so I push to get to proper weight. I also have goals that are tightly packed in being fit as it’s what it is.2
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accoladryn wrote: »Thank you so much for all the tips, I truly did come away from this discussion with some good ideas of things to try! Both to focus on, and strategies to discover more motivation.
And while not a typical sentiment to expect in MFO, thanks to 88old for the encouragement that maybe it's okay to just spend this season focused on my kids and our life as it is. I DO want to lose this weight, it's annoying enough that it bother me mildly on a daily basis, and I will find a way to do something about it,... That said, the societal expectation of my appearance relative to weight has always generally annoyed me more than inspired me,... The idea that my role busting my butt everyday to "mom" and "wife" isn't sufficient, ... if I'm not thin while doing it, I'm not doing enough. Ill never feel enough drive to get on top of this by trying to meet some arbitrary cultural standard, so I know I need to find my motivation for myself. But I think rather than focusing on it being something I'm failing at, maybe thinking of it as something I'm going above and beyond to accomplish in this hectic season where i AM already working my butt off, will also be more encouraging.
Thanks so much everyone!!
One of the [many] things I had not realized when I was over-weight was just how tough life was with lugging all that extra poundage and emotional baggage around.
It got so much easier when I lost the weight that it's like I'm a whole different, better person in every way.
Yeah, it was difficult to lose the weight and I had to change a lot, but it was totally and completely worth every day that I logged food and stayed within calories. Was that every day? No - but it was enough of my days, over and over, combined with Time that led to me now being a healthy weight and shedding that difficulty moving and that inner critic.
Start. It really isn't that hard and it's so worth it.3 -
Some of these responses made my day! I was just discussing this with another member and said the same to her. So, unfortunately I don’t have a magic answer, BUT we also discussed how you can purposefully do things to inspire yourself and motivate yourself regardless of your why. I haven’t compiled it into an official thing, but I’m going to try my best because these things do help (I lost 100 lbs a few years ago an about 70lbs another time, did these, and will do them again):
1. CBT workbook for weight management on amazon. I did this last time and found many of the activities helpful for making a solid decision to change. Even if you don’t have huge reasons, you can still make a choice and commitment, like we do with most things in life.
2. Purposefully be inspired by others. Watch success stories on YouTube, look at before and after pics, read stuff on here, watch shows like my 600 pound life or biggest loser. Post quotes around your home. TED talks on motivation are motivating too. Mel Robbins is a good speaker.
3. Find exercise that is enjoyable and fun to you. I did gardening, played tennis with my son, took kids for walks, did step challenges with my kids and friends, and jogged on a treadmill listening to my favorite music when I had to be inside.
4. Community. Having friends, coworkers, spouse, kids, or even strangers like here who are in it with you can help make it funner and keep you accountable.
5. There is no 5 but it seemed wrong to stop at 4 😂😂😂
Good luck!!!
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Better sex. There. I said it.6
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rachelleahsmom wrote: »I loved reading every single comment in this post. You have all really got me thinking. I appreciate the care and thoughtfulness you put in every comment. You are all wonderful!
I second this. Good reading.
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Bottom line is, everyone can be encouraging and supportive. Ultimately it's your why and mindset that will make you stick to it.3
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I could have been the OP here for many years. Except I started with 40lbs to lose and decided it wasn't a big deal and was too much effort. Well now I'm 13 years on and I could do with losing 140lbs. So here I am with what seems like it is going to be a really challenging task ahead of me. I hope it isn't going to take 13 years but I'm going to keep going anyway.
For me I just decided that today is the last day I'll be this fat and it's working. I'm just over 2 weeks in and a nice loss already.
It's funny but now that I've started there are so many reasons that made this the right thing to do and I suspect it'll be the same for you. You find more motivation in the things that get better as you go along.
Good luck 😊6 -
I was in a similar situation 18 months ago when I realized that my now 5 year old had a mommy that was in the older range and had gained 40 after I stopped nursing. So I asked for a gift from my husband for mother's day and it was the best gift ever. I asked to have time and money for personal training. My trainer helped navigate my downfalls with nutrition and upped my fitness and strength level. Since I started I lost 40 pounds and can run 5 miles and strength train like never before! And feel great! That's my why! His name is Sam and I want to be healthy for him even though I might be the one that looks like a grandma at his high school graduation!2
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