My husband is so mean sometimes!

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Replies

  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    My abusive belittling ex husband was the same way. He met me when I was unhealthy and didn't love myself. He put me down and was sarcastic and never made me feel like I could do or be any better. He also started beating the snot out of me about a year into marriage. I divorced him and got better on the inside, and now I'm working to make the outside match. I'm not saying your husband is going to get physical with you, but mental abuse can be just as painful, and I will not hesitate to make a snap judgement and tell you that you deserve better and he's not worth your time.
  • preciousperez
    preciousperez Posts: 79
    My first husband would encourage me to eat. He said he loved me the way I was. And when I tried losing weight he would get upset, jealous and accuse me of cheating. I guess he just loved big women........:)

    My current relationship, is so different. He supports me all the way. When I tell him that I am getting on diet or exercising. He motivates me to keep going and tells me, "wow babe I am proud of you and you can do it, it takes time but you can do it." And when I fail to follow through he says " It's okay whenever your ready to start I support you." Thats why i love him so much....I tell him I want to be able to dress super sexy and wear mini skirts and he says " okay but only for me at home" lol

    Don't let him verbally abuse you like that. It's not right. You can do it but do it for yourself.:smile:
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    Sorry you have to deal with that....I could never! The person you are with is supposed to support you when you are doing something positive.

    When he starts with his crap, you just need to remind him that you are confident that you will get to your goal, and will be happy and hot and he's not, so the more he continues to discourage you, the sooner you will be out the door in the arms of another hot, positive, encouraging, and loving man!!!!!

    I don't know how your relationship with him is, but this is something I would say to my hubby to shut his mouth if he ever treated me like that.

    You have to do this for yourself, and not him. And as a husband he should NOT ever say things like that to you! He sounds very insecure, and controlling. Two very bad mixes.

    Stay positive and keep it up....you WILL get to your goal regardless of your husband. The things he is saying to you aren't good for the kids to hear either. Will have a negative impact on everyone else but him.

    Good luck to you...you are more than welcome to add me as a friend for some extra support anytime :) xo
  • juscallmeb
    juscallmeb Posts: 369 Member
    I hope you find the motivation and support on here that can get you to your goals.
    Keep up your hard work and just do it! :)
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
    I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap, but remember to do this for YOU! By all means use his diatribe as fuel for the fire though. I don't want to intrude, but please don't let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than everything!
  • joybell32
    joybell32 Posts: 252 Member
    DTMFA.

    THIS!!!! QUICKLY!!!
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,164 Member
    Ok. Yes I am a food addict. I know this and I told him that I was. When we first got together he told me I was fat once. I lost some weight and he never said anything else about it and never acted like it was a problem....till after we got married. We have been married almost 5 years and have 2 kids (2 year old and 6 month old). I, among other people, believe he is bi polar on top of being a sex addict...and no I did not know any of this till after we were married. He has had these problems all his life and been addicted to porn since he was 10 years old. He learned how to hide it well an neither him nor his family said anything to me about it. We are going to counseling. He has an individual addiction and behavior counselor and we have a marriage counselor. I believe he is really jealous that he has never had the power to kick his addiction and I am doing well with mine. And like someone else said he is letting it come out as resentment instead of fuel to help him.

    Thank you all for the positive encouragement. I am not going to "leave his *kitten*" or anything thing else. I believe in sticking it out. We chose to get married and now we deal with whatever comes. I will not take him hitting me or sleeping with other women, so if that ever happened I would leave. As far as my children seeing that, they will see bad behavior one way or the other and leaving their dad just because he does not behave properly is not teaching them any better. I can just do my best to teach them the correct behavior and, like some one said, pray that their dad changes or that God will help me grow them up to be men they should be regardless. I believe in that. I did tell him how wrong he was being and I did talk him into doing the video as well to see if he could do it.. He did not make it half way through!!! I asked him if he could see now how hard it was and how hard I was working and he said yes. So we will see if he gets more supportive. I think the more he sees that Im really doing this the more he will support me.....I just wanted to vent that he could be a real butt sometimes..............oh and I am doing this for ME no one else. But I would have to be inhuman if someone saying I can't do it did not just fuel me to want to prove them wrong! But that is NOT why I am doing it.
  • maria25428
    maria25428 Posts: 70
    Good luck sweetie.. unfortuently leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. Do you and get yourself to where you want to be and make yourself feel great. If he drags you down use him as your motivation to better yourself.
  • kmtetour
    kmtetour Posts: 300 Member
    My ex-husband was like that, too. One time he asked me to put away a picture of myself from high school. I thought it was because it was me and an ex-boyfriend. He took the time to correct me and tell me it was because I used to be hot and he didn't need proof around the house. Then he would bring home fast food for dinner and never expect me to cook. And if I cooked something healthy, he would suggest fattening ways I could make it better. WTF?! Now, my story is not yours, so I am by no means suggesting that your marriage won't work out. However, I will tell you that it has been nice to be able to eat as I want and exercise when I want. I wish I could have ignored him or used his words to fuel my exercise.

    By the way, I saw him Saturday, and his face lit up when he saw me. I was totally creeped out. :noway:
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
    So last night I asked my husband if I get to my goal of 155 would be work on himself? Like get his shoulders and chest built back up and lose the gut like he was when I met him. See he was fit when I met him. I was over 200 lbs when he met me. He has never been satisfied with my weight at all but I never cared that he put on weight and all. And I told him that. Every time he said something about his weight I would tell him I did not care and it did not make him less attractive to me. He however was always telling me I was fat and he was not attracted to me. He is also always putting food in my face like cookies and other junk food! Like he is not even trying to help me. He eats all kind of junk food and he wants me to keep it in the house....anyway He said, "yea. you get to 155 Ill do it." but he sounded sarcastic. I asked him why he sounded like that. He said, "because I am an addict I know what it's like. You are a food addict and I don't think you will do it." I was so mad at him. I told him he was just jealous that i was kicking my addiction and he was not. I got up and did my 30 day shred and he came in later and said he was proud of me and that he was jealous. But I know he still does not believe I can do it. I want to prove him wrong soooo bad!
    Wow...Unlike most of the people on here, I am with you in staying with you husband. I would make sure and increase his life insurance policy, but I do not think you should leave because he is not into his health as you are. One of the things I would suggest is for you to ask him to sign an agreement. Even if it is on a piece of napkin or pinky swear, remind him that he said he would work out when you got to 155, so tell him you want him to put it in writing. Also play to his man genes and tell him that you are doing this to be sexy for him. Men like that. And make sure to remind him that if he thinks the sex is better with just one of you losing weight, think of how much better it will be of both of you now had more energy. I see swings in the future. You married this man for better or for worse...not until he decided to gain a few extra, well, a lot of extra pounds in the middle. Just think of how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you feel good if someone left you because of your weight. I think not. I applaud you for sticking to your vows, now go to the local Fredericks of Hollywood and find the best F&^k me outfit you can find...I guarantee he will sign any agreement after that therapy session. Good luck.
  • PanteraGirl
    PanteraGirl Posts: 566 Member
    Wow....that's some tough stuff to deal with. I didn't realize that when I wrote my comment. That changes my whole tune. I thought he was just an *kitten* like my father who was abusive. Foot in my mouth. Sorry!

    Bi-polar is really difficult thing to deal with as well as sex addiction. I'm glad he is seeking counseling. He is putting in clear effort otherwise he wouldn't be going. You're right, the comments could come out as resentment!

    Glad you had the chance to talk to him about it too. Hopefully he goes easier on you! Maybe he just never realized how much his comments and stuff bothered you. Common trait amongst people who are bi-polar. I hope you guys work it out!!

    Good luck to you guys!
  • cherrera63
    cherrera63 Posts: 3 Member
    I am sorry to hear your story sweetie, does not sound like a good relationship to begin with, Really stress the therapist to him before it's too late. My ex decided to go seek therapy once we decided to seperate but now it's too late, it would of benefited both of us if he had done it sooner. I am sorry he treates you like that. Keep your chin up and keep motivated., He doesn't deserve to have you in his life if he treats you like that!

    PS- Try to hang out with postive people and good friends and family!
    Good luck to you!
  • ItsMeTime
    ItsMeTime Posts: 44
    I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap, but remember to do this for YOU! By all means use his diatribe as fuel for the fire though. I don't want to intrude, but please don't let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than everything!


    This! Find the strength within yourself, and once you have a handle on why you eat and control over it, you can start looking at why you are with him. My inclination is you will no longer have a reason. You got this girl! Keep your head up :)
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,249 Member
    I just think that is a Man thing that they all go thru at some point...My honey have times when he will just like look up when I talk about eating right or doing 2nd workouts...but all in all I know he is very proud because he says it will out thought. He loves the new me and all that comes with it...Be proud of you and your accomplishment..I find that they will follow suit.. Well they have no choice..:smile:
  • lynnspittal
    lynnspittal Posts: 28
    There's always much more to the story than we can know and you will know what's the right thing to do. Fair play to you for wanting to stick with this man as you made a commitment to him warts and all and you have a family with him, Just be mindful that when you're in the situation you may not always see what's really happening. Keep valuing yourself at all times, love and accept your body what ever shape it's in and keep working on your health because you want to be a happy healthy person for yourself, for your kids and for all those who love you. Stick to your plan but just be wary that you know the real reasons you're doing what you're doing. He sounds like a real handful and sounds pretty lucky to have you. If any of your tenacity and sweetness can rub off onto him, then it's a win win. But please just be careful you don't let him get to you, stay strong and focussed. Well done!!
  • RockHardAngel_777
    RockHardAngel_777 Posts: 68
    Dont have much to say about your husband, but You Get Er Done Darlin!!! Sometimes its nice to get feed back like that cause it makes it taste so much better in the sweet satisfying end!! Kick some tail feathers!! :)
  • ahunkofmexican
    ahunkofmexican Posts: 199
    :flowerforyou: I hope you follow thru like you say you are going 2 do. losing weight is easy to do, it's just getting started and following thru that's hard. I just followed up with someone else that said she was making the same commitment as you. When i checked up with her, 3 months later, she ~~~ FAILED ~~~ . I hope your different ! Cause in 37 days from now i am gonna follow up with you and i expect you to keep your word that you just gave yourself. Like a friend of mine says 2 me, ~~ BURN THOSE CALORIES ! ~~~:drinker: as far as your hubby, I am one not to endorse divorce unless the marriage becomes dangerous or morally wrong. You love the guy for your own reasons and only you know if he really loves you or not. Lose the weight and see if he keeps his word. You married the man for love,like he married you for love when you were fat. See you in 37 days ! :huh:
  • MegJo
    MegJo Posts: 398 Member
    Stay with him, lose the weight, then leave his sorry *kitten*!!
    Love it!!!


    I believe you can do it -- we ALL believe you can do it. There may be other reasons why you're with him - but I'd say the way he's treating you on this particular subject is appalling. You need someone who supports you and will love you no matter what you look like. But in the mean time - MFP will support you! You CAN do this. You can do it if you're with him, without him, with someone else etc... you don't need someone else's support to be successful - but it sure helps!
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