Unsupportive *friends?*

Options
BeautyFromPain
BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
in Motivation and Support
Sorry wasn't quite sure where to put this.

Okay so, my best friend who I have been besties with for 5 yrs, we did everything together and for the past wk she has been ignoring me, so i'm like oh weird :L she told me that if I lose any more weight I may end up looking prettier than her and she can't have that, so gave me the ultimatim, either stop losing weight or we can not be friends anymore. I kinda suspected it though - when I told her eating junk makes me sick now and i have changed my lifestyle she practically shoved chips down my thoat. i don't know what's happened but she has turned really shallow and can not even believe this! i can not give up losing weight, my dream job is to be a PT...

Help?
«13

Replies

  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    Options
    Not sure what sort of help you're looking for. Do you want advice on how to tell her to F-off in creative ways? I can offer that ;)

    Assuming she's not joking, it sounds like she was never a friend in the first place. No one needs "friends" like that in their lives.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Options
    If that's how she acts...she never really was a friend then.
  • wcasie
    wcasie Posts: 299 Member
    Options
    wow...that hurts!! I say you have to do what is best for you! Getting healthy is more important than carrying around a friend you doesn't support you!!! Don't feel guilty for needing to take care of yourself!
  • mmk137
    mmk137 Posts: 833 Member
    Options
    A real friend would never say that.

    Dump her as a friend. As hard as that may be, you don't need those type of toxic friends.
  • chinamonkey
    chinamonkey Posts: 90 Member
    Options
    whoa....she is soooo insecure...leave her to it...i ahd a friend like that a while ago and she wouldsabotage evrything i tried to do that might be bettere than she could do....sacked her off 7 years ago and never been happier in my whole life!

    She is just extra weight for you to carry round really....

    You keep going!

    xx
  • SweGuy
    SweGuy Posts: 78
    Options
    Her loss, not yours...
  • CaliSweden
    CaliSweden Posts: 62
    Options
    She wasn't a friend to begin if she doesn't want you to lose weight. A real friend would support you through thick and thin.

    Don't think about her, and you'll meet much better people than her.
  • Lizi19
    Lizi19 Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    There's a saying in Spanish: 'mejor sola que mal acompañada'. It means that it's better to be alone than to be with bad company. I know that's it painful to lose a friend, but you have to look out for yourself and you will eventually make new friends that better suit your new lifestyle.
  • Chastityx
    Chastityx Posts: 192 Member
    Options
    Friends, boyfriends, mothers, they can all be unsupportive, but it is their insecurity and most likely they are afraid if you are confident and feel happy with yourself that they will lose you. Just tell her that you're not changing who you are but your health and see where it goes from there.
  • JCulp19
    JCulp19 Posts: 82
    Options
    Tell her if she is concerned than maybe she should start working out with you and you two can be the two hottest best friends ever!! I do understand it not that simple my girlfriend is completely unsupportive and throws all kind of food in my face she is worried that if I lose to much weight that I'm going to leave her when iI get down to my goal weight she will be more than 100lbs more than me and that makes her feel bad but yet she don't wanna get off the couch and do anything with me
  • keiraev
    keiraev Posts: 695 Member
    Options
    Wow- some best friend!

    She obviously feels threatened by you- real friends are not in competition with each other! Tell her to go away and think about what she's said, I still can't believe someone would actually say that!
  • FTIM2015
    FTIM2015 Posts: 460 Member
    Options
    Some friend! Wave bye-bye and be glad that you've lost the extra weight (her) that you've been dragging around! And go you on your weight loss!
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
    Options
    Tell hre you already are prettier than her.
  • Diana35bha
    Diana35bha Posts: 292 Member
    Options
    Same as above messages - she's NO friend and you'll find better ones so let her go off in a huff!!!
  • Heidi1987
    Heidi1987 Posts: 191 Member
    Options
    wow, some friend eh? she clearly isn't a friend and you don't need people like that in your life. she should be happy for you and congratulating you on how well you have done, not giving you ultimatums!!

    I know it's easier said than done, but I think you should cut ties, maybe not completely, but this journey is hard and you need supportive and encouraging people around you, she is not that.

    I'd explain to her that this this what YOU want to do to make YOU happy and if she doesn't like that then it is her loss

    Heidi
  • teponey
    teponey Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    Wow, some friend! Shes worried 'you may end up prettier than her' Well, on the inside she doesnt seem like a very pretty person. A good friend should be happy for you & supportive, not jealous & worried about how it makes them look.

    Hard as it may be, Id just tell her sorry but you want to be happy & healthy & if she is threatened by that then maybe it is time to take a break otherwise why doesnt she join you & get healthy together.

    Sadly, she sounds quite toxic & 'me me me' & you might be happier when you make new friends anyway.

    Good luck with your friend & your weight loss!
  • elizwelshman
    elizwelshman Posts: 136
    Options
    Nope, doesn't sound like a good friend in my opinion. Go your separate ways and do what you have to do for yourself. One day she might think about how much of a jerk she was and come back OR she could just remain miserable for the rest of her life. Not your problem obviously. You come first, not her odd emotional issues she is having with herself.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    See and that's the thing i don't get - she is 46 kilos and never stops eating junk, so although i am fitter and healthier than her, yeah,..
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    Options
    You attacked her and now she is attacking you. That is your answer. Even though you have grown, doesn't mean that she has grown with you. You would be suprised that she was reading your body language and ways of being conscously or unconsciously. Did you sneer at what she was eating or doing. If your answer was no, I am going to say that it was probably yes. Have you ever been around someone that you don't like but don't know why. That is your subconscious picking up on their body language unless you are fluent in method acting of manerisms.

    You said it yourself. "I told her" that eating junk makes me sick. That is an attack. An attack on jealousy will get a stressor.

    Understanding your friend is to understand jealousy. She is experiencing feeling of jealousy. On one hand it is a compliment. On the other hand it is disrespectful to you, her friend of 5 years. But, if you can be the better woman here you will have a stronger relationship. People handle their stress by 1 of 4 emotions. Dominance, Dependance, Withdrawl and Aggression. Most people have 2 main stressors. The dominance and agression that she is showing is a emotion of defense.

    The jealousy emotion in females are common and more violently displayed. So, there is a stressor of aggression and dominance based upon an emotion of jealousy. Are you following me here. In this case jealousy is an emotion based upon the fear of loosing their significant other.

    The cure: complex empathy

    You must empathise with her situatation. The situation is you. The only way to cure your problem is you. Understand that it is you. You are stressing her out with the changes that you are growing into. So, it is your choice to grow without her or grow with her. Allow her to be herself with love and understanding that you had before your transformation. Fail in this and you will fail the partnership.
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    Options
    If you notice the stressor in the comments of the other OP, you will see a dominant and withdrawl stressor. They have related emotional pain or stress and immediatly come up with "Get rid of her". Domination and withdrawl. I don't need you - dominance and good riddence - withdrawl.

    Understanding that stressor controls most reactive people, the sooner you will grow and gain control of most of your situations in life..

    To Thine own self be true.

Categories