Relationship Advice

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  • Blooperss
    Blooperss Posts: 42 Member
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    Hip_to_be_square wrote: »
    Some of y'all sound straight up bitter, like you've been burned before. The fact that he moved on so quickly doesn't mean that his feelings weren't true. Him and her just weren't on the same page with what they wanted out of a relationship. So he decided life is short and he's not going to waste any more of it moping around.

    Yeah, I'm almost certain this was it. He wanted to make strides with our relationship and I kept pushing back. It hurts because it still feels so new and he told/showed me all sorts of things that is now diminished in my head because of how quickly he's moving. Two weeks after we broke up he came crying to me cause he wanted to get back together. So it was a matter of 2.5 months that he started dating this girl and is moving in with her. It truly hurts because he's a great guy and I'm almost afraid I won't find someone else like him. I just have to adjust to the situation and move on with my life, as hard as it is.
  • BasedGawd412
    BasedGawd412 Posts: 346 Member
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    Hip_to_be_square wrote: »
    Some of y'all sound straight up bitter, like you've been burned before. The fact that he moved on so quickly doesn't mean that his feelings weren't true. Him and her just weren't on the same page with what they wanted out of a relationship. So he decided life is short and he's not going to waste any more of it moping around.
    Hip_to_be_square wrote: »
    where does this mindset come from, of having to pine away for a while after a breakup to keep trying to prove to the other person that your love for them was real? You don't have to keep trying to prove anything. If the relationship is 100% over and that is your way of moving on, then grieve about it. But some people don't want to waste any more lifetime as it is short enough anyway.

    There is no timeline for moving on. For some people it takes longer than others. And again, apparently there are some that don't want to waste any of life's time if a different opportunity comes along.

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  • CoffeeAndContour
    CoffeeAndContour Posts: 1,466 Member
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    Only he can know why he said and did as he did, but from the outside looking in, it would appear he knows what he wants and he’s going after it. Carelessly obviously. You weren’t the love of his life, that much is clear. In some time your heart will heal, and this won’t hurt anymore.

    I hope that you’ll find yourself in a better head space soon. Please don’t waste your precious time trying to figure this man out. Focus on you and your happiness ❤️
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
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    The best way to get over a breakup is to remember why you broke up.
  • Blooperss
    Blooperss Posts: 42 Member
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    Hip_to_be_square wrote: »
    Blooperss wrote: »
    Hip_to_be_square wrote: »
    Some of y'all sound straight up bitter, like you've been burned before. The fact that he moved on so quickly doesn't mean that his feelings weren't true. Him and her just weren't on the same page with what they wanted out of a relationship. So he decided life is short and he's not going to waste any more of it moping around.

    Yeah, I'm almost certain this was it. He wanted to make strides with our relationship and I kept pushing back. It hurts because it still feels so new and he told/showed me all sorts of things that is now diminished in my head because of how quickly he's moving. Two weeks after we broke up he came crying to me cause he wanted to get back together. So it was a matter of 2.5 months that he started dating this girl and is moving in with her. It truly hurts because he's a great guy and I'm almost afraid I won't find someone else like him. I just have to adjust to the situation and move on with my life, as hard as it is.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I've only had two serious relationships in my life. And each time the break-up hurt like hell. My last one, my ex was already with her new man within the same month we broke up. But as others have said, it does get better with time, no matter how slow and gradual.

    And you absolutely may find another guy as good or even better. I've been on some dates since my break-up, but it wasn't about eight months later that my path accidentally crossed with another woman who I just click with on all sorts of levels. She's beautiful both inside & out, and intuitively I know she could be the one for me.

    It seems like the good ones that come my way, are during times when I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, or my path just accidentally crosses with that person.

    I know it hurts. Keep your head up. It gets better.

    Thanks! It feels surreal, because I didn't want the relationship to end but I wasn't willing to bend enough for him so it had to end. It's just so hard to find a good guy these days it seems!

    I'm happy it all worked out for you! My social circle is pretty small and I don't go out of my way to meet people, which makes it even harder. Before this guy, I didn't date for a long time because I was afraid of getting hurt. But here we are, and I can't blame anyone but myself. I'll keep truckin' along though.
  • cbstewart88
    cbstewart88 Posts: 453 Member
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    Some perspective from an older person: I wish I had a nickel for every minute I wasted through the years trying to figure out the motives/reasoning/brain/actions/mixed signals/comments/behaviors of the men in my life. Once I learned to shrug off the crazies it caused me - and started to realize that I was probably equally as frustrating to the other person more times than I care to admit - I felt suddenly liberated, relieved and content beyond belief. Unfortunately this realization did not fully sink in until I was in my 50s. Better late than never LOL....
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    Be grateful and thankful you only dated this person for 8 months. I should've listened to my mother. A year or 14 months is more than enough if you want marriage. If they can't figure it out in that amount of time it's time to look elsewhere. Long term dating relationships are a red flag. They're usually only waiting for something better to come along and it's not you (me). You got out while the gettin' was good. You'll find the right one or they'll find you you and it almost always happens when you're not looking too hard. Just be happy you did not devote more time to this.
  • Blooperss
    Blooperss Posts: 42 Member
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    cbstewart88 wrote: »
    Some perspective from an older person: I wish I had a nickel for every minute I wasted through the years trying to figure out the motives/reasoning/brain/actions/mixed signals/comments/behaviors of the men in my life. Once I learned to shrug off the crazies it caused me - and started to realize that I was probably equally as frustrating to the other person more times than I care to admit - I felt suddenly liberated, relieved and content beyond belief. Unfortunately this realization did not fully sink in until I was in my 50s. Better late than never LOL....

    This is too funny, LOL! I'm hurt now but I also have to admit, I've been a pain in the butt to deal with as well. He told me that it was like pulling teeth with me sometimes because I don't open up easily. I've made this guy cry several times and he's a tough cookie and never cries.

    Thanks everyone! I'm looking ahead and just have to focus on myself right now. I have a great career with a lot of room for growth, so that's exciting at least!
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
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    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Long term dating relationships are a red flag.

    I'm 61, to give you perspective on the following. My great aunt Kathryn and her husband dated for 25 years before they married. Within 3 months of being married, he dropped dead. Guess he didn't see the red flag. 😨
  • Blooperss
    Blooperss Posts: 42 Member
    edited October 2019
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    @Hip_to_be_square

    My friend just got engaged after 4-5 months of dating her boyfriend. I think it's fast but I couldn't imagine her with any other guy. They're basically perfect for each other.

    This whole situation is making me lose my appetitie, so at least I know I can stick to my diet for the next few weeks at the very least! Lol.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
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    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Long term dating relationships are a red flag.

    I'm 61, to give you perspective on the following. My great aunt Kathryn and her husband dated for 25 years before they married. Within 3 months of being married, he dropped dead. Guess he didn't see the red flag. 😨

    That's about my speed :D

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