So disappointed

skittlesoup · February 2009

:sad:
I am so sad and disaapointed in myself. I know that I need to lose weight and I had lost 8lbs in a week but that's cause I was sick and barfed for about 5 days straight. Not the best way to lose weight but for someone with food obsession and a history of eating disorder it still made me happy.
I gained it all back :sad:
I am not physically healthy right now and going to the gym is sometimes painful. Even walking is hard to do. I have tried going to the gym and while at the time of working out it feels ok, when I am done I am in more pain that normal and pay for it in the evening. I have chronic pain that I take narcotics for-2 pills every 4 hours and then I have to take an antidepressent at night to sleep. Both pills can cause weight gain and they have. I also was on hormone injections to try and help reduce my pain and that also caused weight gain as well. They injections didn't work so I had to stop them but in the process gained 30 additional lbs. People are telling me to focus on getting better and not my weight but that is almost impossible for me. It's on my mind every day.
I am avoiding pretty much every social situation I can so that people won't see how fat I have become. I don't want to come to work because of it. I even cancelled birthday plans because of it. Not only do I not want people to see me but I don't want people to see me eat. I am miserable and angry at myself for getting this way. My 4 year old very tiny daughter told me she wants me to be skinny and that I am the only big Mommy she knows. Which is sad but true.
I may have to get surgery later this year depending on what my test results are and I was told that I need to lose weight prior to that. I wasn't given an amount just told that I needed to lose some.
I really needed to get this off my chest...thanks for reading.

skittlesoup · February 2009

:sad:
I am so sad and disaapointed in myself. I know that I need to lose weight and I had lost 8lbs in a week but that's cause I was sick and barfed for about 5 days straight. Not the best way to lose weight but for someone with food obsession and a history of eating disorder it still made me happy.
I gained it all back :sad:
I am not physically healthy right now and going to the gym is sometimes painful. Even walking is hard to do. I have tried going to the gym and while at the time of working out it feels ok, when I am done I am in more pain that normal and pay for it in the evening. I have chronic pain that I take narcotics for-2 pills every 4 hours and then I have to take an antidepressent at night to sleep. Both pills can cause weight gain and they have. I also was on hormone injections to try and help reduce my pain and that also caused weight gain as well. They injections didn't work so I had to stop them but in the process gained 30 additional lbs. People are telling me to focus on getting better and not my weight but that is almost impossible for me. It's on my mind every day.
I am avoiding pretty much every social situation I can so that people won't see how fat I have become. I don't want to come to work because of it. I even cancelled birthday plans because of it. Not only do I not want people to see me but I don't want people to see me eat. I am miserable and angry at myself for getting this way. My 4 year old very tiny daughter told me she wants me to be skinny and that I am the only big Mommy she knows. Which is sad but true.
I may have to get surgery later this year depending on what my test results are and I was told that I need to lose weight prior to that. I wasn't given an amount just told that I needed to lose some.
I really needed to get this off my chest...thanks for reading.

altazin0907 · February 2009

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I think you need to focus on what you eat and start losing weight by what you eat not your workout. I would say before you start working out you need to talk to your doctor if you are in that much pain it is probably not good for you to be working out especially if you are taking narcotics! Hopefully by watching what you eat and your calories you will start to loose, then maybe down the road you can start walking or something and gradually build up.
:flowerforyou:

suejonestx · February 2009

As others may have said, weight loss should be a long-term goal, so try not to beat yourself up over short-term setbacks. The healthier you become, the easier it will be for you to exercise, which doesn't have to be strenuous, by the way. Maybe you and your daughter can take walks together. I have a 7 month old daughter, and my husband and I plan to be active not only for our own health, but also so that she learns exercise and eating right are part of a normal life. I have been unable to exercise for the last year due to the pregnancy and complete lack of time and sleep (when I do have time, I'm too exhausted). I don't like what I see in the mirror right now, but I try to focus on what will eventually happen if I do good things for my body now. One thing I like about this site is that it allows us to vent both successes and frustrations! It sounds like you know what you need to do, so stick with it! Good luck!

firewalking · February 2009

My heart goes out to you and I am deeply sorry for what you are going through.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Sometimes when we look at the big picture too much, the steps to get there disappear and you're stuck with feeling overwhelmed. You do not need to do this to yourself.

The first and only thing you need to worry about is planning your breakfast, then your lunch, then your dinner. Get used to doing that first, and worry about physical activity later. It is impossible to do this all at one time.

When you feel strong enough on your eating, then get yourself some hand weights and use them while sitting down. Do one push up, do one sit up, just do one and work on making your goal two.

I promise this will work for you. Do not give up and do not get down on yourself. Today is a brand new day and you cannot change what happened yesterday.

Best wishes and please let me know how you are doing.

mamashrub · February 2009

:sad:
I am so sad and disaapointed in myself. I know that I need to lose weight and I had lost 8lbs in a week but that's cause I was sick and barfed for about 5 days straight. Not the best way to lose weight but for someone with food obsession and a history of eating disorder it still made me happy.
I gained it all back :sad:
I am not physically healthy right now and going to the gym is sometimes painful. Even walking is hard to do. I have tried going to the gym and while at the time of working out it feels ok, when I am done I am in more pain that normal and pay for it in the evening. I have chronic pain that I take narcotics for-2 pills every 4 hours and then I have to take an antidepressent at night to sleep. Both pills can cause weight gain and they have. I also was on hormone injections to try and help reduce my pain and that also caused weight gain as well. They injections didn't work so I had to stop them but in the process gained 30 additional lbs. People are telling me to focus on getting better and not my weight but that is almost impossible for me. It's on my mind every day.
I am avoiding pretty much every social situation I can so that people won't see how fat I have become. I don't want to come to work because of it. I even cancelled birthday plans because of it. Not only do I not want people to see me but I don't want people to see me eat. I am miserable and angry at myself for getting this way. My 4 year old very tiny daughter told me she wants me to be skinny and that I am the only big Mommy she knows. Which is sad but true.
I may have to get surgery later this year depending on what my test results are and I was told that I need to lose weight prior to that. I wasn't given an amount just told that I needed to lose some.
I really needed to get this off my chest...thanks for reading.

I completly understand how you feel.
I have Rhumitoid Artritis and I have it really badly from my shoulders all the way to my feet with advanced degeneration in my fingers and elbows.Running or jogging is painful, even fast walking is painful as it puts stain on the tendions in my feet ankles and knees. Swimming is a pain at times too as there are days I can even raise my arms half way above my head. But I walk when I can and move while I can and rest when I cant, and try really really hard to eat healthier.Just do it at your pace, and no one elses, and dont strain your self. Its not about being "thin" its abut being healthier....

staceyw37 · February 2009

lots of lovely posts--you all make mfp so special :flowerforyou:

skittlesoup · February 2009

Thank you all SOOO much for your posts. You brought tears to my eyes. It means so very much to me to have somewhere to come and talk to people who understand.

This weekend is my birthday and I don't want to do anything..some people are saying just have a drink and you will feel better. Maybe that will help you and loosen you up a little. I don't get it. I am in pain...taking narcotics for it and you are telling me that a drink will make me feel better?!
People are dumb. It makes me feel like that they don't believe that I am in pain? I have a HIGH pain tolerance so for me to actually be in pain it has to be bad. I know that people in my life are sick of hearing it but I am sick of living it too. Since November 2006, I have only been without pain for 5 months.
Again...thank you ALL for your support and kind words. :flowerforyou:

So disappointed

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