Have you found that as you lose weight you lose friends?

BerkeleyMama
BerkeleyMama Posts: 40
edited October 2 in Motivation and Support
I am in the weirdest place! I lost all this weight (was originally really huge and now I am getting back to my original goal weight after gaining a portion of it back). Now that I look better, I feel like some of my friends aren't that into hanging out with me as much. It's odd, but I just know it's weight related. I am still the same person, just more confident and happy. I don't flaunt myself (I'm still approachable, I'm not skinny and I'm not exactly in my 20's) I thought as a mature person (turning 45[my pic is pretty current]) I'd have friends who were happy about my success. While folks have definitely congratulated and complimented me, there is a certain wariness I have around some of the folks I used to trust. Perhaps because I am feeling better I am intimidating. Which makes me sad, because I don't want to be intimidating. I am usually the one who likes to listen, but now, because I don't have a tragic body, it seems like there are some who don't trust who I am now.

Happened to any of you?

Replies

  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Yep. I noticed as I lost weight people who I THOUGHT were my friends kind of turned against me. Instead of being encouraging and supportive - they turned into my worst critics. They were constantly commenting on what I was eating, what I didn't want to eat, how much I worked out, etc.

    At first it was REALLY hard to handle - but as I've progressed, I realize that for most of them they are jealous of my motivation and determination. I've also realized that if they aren't going to be supportive - they weren't really my friends.

    Like you, I am still me. I'm the same me as I was when I weighed 203lbs. I am just a thinner version of who I was then. Am I more confident? I suppose I am, but how does that affect my friendship with them? It doesn't.
  • fastbelly
    fastbelly Posts: 727 Member
    Those people aren't your FRIENDS!!! You didn't lose anything really.
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
    Wow. For me, more people want to hang out with me!
  • wbgolden
    wbgolden Posts: 2,066 Member
    I've learned that I motivate people.

    Maybe I have lost friends. I don't think I'd notice that ilk passing through my life though.
  • lanaholt
    lanaholt Posts: 59
    More positive cool people want to hang with you when you lose weight. The downers will drift away. Let them. It is said that you will be as fit and healthy as you 5 closest friends. So, let them join you in the pursuit of health and happiness or get out of the way. Go!
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
    Not any ones that were real friends.
  • CindiBryce
    CindiBryce Posts: 438
    They feel threatened by you. They don't want to hang out with someone who is confident, for fear they will be "out-shined". This only masks their own insecurities. You say that you "don't want to be intimidating". Well, don't be concerned about "intimidating people" with your health. You have a right to your happiness and health. Don't lower yourself to meet other people's expectations.

    If those were my "friends", I would kick them to the curb.
  • RagtimeLady
    RagtimeLady Posts: 172 Member
    I'm an old b*tch. You will find that as you go through life, most of your so-called "friends" are only your friends because you share in their investment in being a LOSER. A very RARE FEW will CHEER your successes! YOU have to be strong enough to realize that your REAL friends wish you to be healthy and happy and prosperous! The rest are like cats in a barrel... not clawing other cats so they can get out, but clawing down those who would ESCAPE. It's part of the sucky side of losing weight, but you have to decide what matters more - YOUR health, YOUR self esteem, or the so-called "friendship" of people who would rather HOLD YOU BACK than PROP YOU UP.

    It's your life... I think you know which decision will lead you to success and happiness. Sad that it has to be that way, isn't it?

    HANG IN THERE!

    Cheers
  • BerkeleyMama
    BerkeleyMama Posts: 40
    Thanks all. It's not a simple thing, is it. I do think that it's important to move ahead and not look back. Some folks will be eating my dust, I guess and others will be right there with me.:smokin: (smokin' and sweatin'). Now to find those new folks....hmmm.
    Thanks again, everyone!
  • neva4saken
    neva4saken Posts: 300 Member
    when i was 345 dying diagnosed with sleep apnea and morbid obese "my friends" never said a word, day in and day out they smiled in my face and laughed with me .. however once i lost 100 pounds and i never say it about myself but end up looking great it became a problem.. i went from shopping at the big and tall to shopping at Brooks Brothers (i love their slim cut wrinkle free shirts) but i got the side comments like "look at him, looking all skinny, he make me sick" sometimes people are happy with your unhappiness because it makes them feel better about themselves .. you are not responsible for people (cant call them friends anymore) reaction to your success however in retrospect that is how you know who your real friends were/are. If you ask me it looks like you lost two versions of weight (physically, friends) .. be happy and proud of yourself (which i am sure you are) old friends leave real come and true friends stick and stay no matter what ... congrats i celebrate you ..
  • LJCannon
    LJCannon Posts: 3,636 Member
    The only n that I feel like I have 'Lost' is my Sister. She was very supportive and encouraging at first, but after I lost the 1st 100 pounds, she became jealous and said that I had "Changed". Others--without any prompting-- have told me that I am still exactly like I was before, just happier.
  • aa1440
    aa1440 Posts: 956 Member
    Wow. For me, more people want to hang out with me!

    This is the same thing that happened to me.
  • Dragongrl
    Dragongrl Posts: 186 Member
    I'm an old b*tch. You will find that as you go through life, most of your so-called "friends" are only your friends because you share in their investment in being a LOSER. A very RARE FEW will CHEER your successes! YOU have to be strong enough to realize that your REAL friends wish you to be healthy and happy and prosperous! The rest are like cats in a barrel... not clawing other cats so they can get out, but clawing down those who would ESCAPE. It's part of the sucky side of losing weight, but you have to decide what matters more - YOUR health, YOUR self esteem, or the so-called "friendship" of people who would rather HOLD YOU BACK than PROP YOU UP.



    I love this post because it is sooo true. And Ragtime your not a *kitten* for speeking it sister!

    Those people weren't your friends. You know what they say... "Misery loves company."
  • sp53
    sp53 Posts: 40
    That's an interesting thought!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    So far my friends are very supportive & even started to ask me how did I lost that much weight. But if they don't like me, there's no reason why I will still like them. Maybe your friends are either insecure or just freaking envious of your weight loss. Don't bother if they leave you, you don't deserve these losers anyway.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Wow. For me, more people want to hang out with me!

    It happens to me also especially guys who now wants to be my bf #2, 3, 4 etc. :tongue:
  • sp53
    sp53 Posts: 40
    This subject reminds me never to discourage anyone, only offer kind words. I had never heard the saying about being as fit as your five closest friends. I think I've gotten good at recognizing those who lift others up vs those who need to drag others down.
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
    I haven't had it happen with the weight loss (not yet anyway), but there was a time when I signed up to sell skin care products and cosmetics. As a result I was doing my makeup a lot more, styling my hair nicer, dressing up (for sales) and got a nicer car to drive to the parties.

    I suddenly had several friends who turned a cold shoulder to me. I found out later it was all because of ONE jealous person who was going around to my other friends telling them I thought I was too good for them now etc. It really surprised me that the other friends were so easily influenced by the jealous one.

    In hindsight, I realize that when YOU make a change, it does have the potential to change the group dynamic, especially if people in the group are insecure. I was thinking about this the other day. I have plenty of friends, but none of them are from that group who turned on me back then. They are all actually living miserable lives - except for the one who had a stroke and died because of her poor diet, smoking and no exercise.

    Time to find yourself some new friends!
  • SKP1986
    SKP1986 Posts: 392 Member
    I have noticed people treating me differently because of my changes and my weight loss isn't even noticeable yet, but I do have certain things updating to facebook and have lost several facebook friends. Whether it is just coincidence or not, I don't know for sure. Seems a little strange to me, but oh well! If they don't wan to join me on this journey to a healthier me then they don't have to! I find new and amazing people on MFP every day - not hurting for good friends here.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    Damn, I hope I don't lose any friends because I don't even have any to lose!
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
    I have found in my past weight loss that it made those friends around me who had weight to lose themselves really insecure. They withdrew because hearing all the compliments directed toward me or even just seeing me was a reminder of their lack of motivation and failed attempts. It is what it is.

    I would have to say that I never experienced them criticizing what I was eating or how much I exercised. If they are doing that, withdraw yourself. Life is too short to be surounded by negative people.
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