I’m a man that almost broke down crying in Walmart trying to find a shirt :-(

Losingthedamnweight · November 2019

This is so embarrassing but I’m in a bad place right now. I’ve been depressed and feeling like a useless waste of space for the past year and I’ve just done the same routine. Gone to work, come home. Had a few days off where I do nothing and make excuses to my wife about why we never go anywhere. Then pretend to be happy when my daughter comes over (cause I can’t bear to let her know how daddy really feels) and rinse and repeat.

I’ve gotten so fat that none of my clothes even fit. My wife has asked me when we go out lately “it’s cold why don’t you put on a jacket” and I’m too embarrassed to say because they don’t fit me.

After work this morning I went to Walmart to try to find something that would keep me warm and just trying on things and looking in the mirror I just couldn’t take it. I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve looked in the mirror for more than shaving but I couldn’t believe how terrible I looked. Just fat and ugly and like nothing I tried on looked good anyway. And I kept having to go a size up and I couldn’t believe I was that big. I looked at myself from the side and couldn’t believe how wide I am. I almost broke down in the store right then. I don’t even recognize this person I am. Seeing me like this just broke me.

I found this huge jacket that I couldn’t believe someone like me would ever wear and left and I just feel like why am I even here right now? I’ve struggled with my weight and depression for so long and even though I’ve had phases where I beat it it always comes back. I’m just a mess right now

quiksylver296 · November 2019

Baby steps to get from here to there. Read this thread, OP.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

frksfrau · November 2019

Been there and I know how horrible it feels. Rummaging through your closet trying to find something that fits and isn't stained. Heck, I wore the stained shirt, too. I felt old, ugly, and useless. But, somewhere I sort of hit rock bottom and decided I didn't want to feel that way any longer. It is almost 3 years since that time. I haven't hit my goal, but I am so far removed from that unhappy person I was.

Make a commitment to changing one thing a week. Take a walk with your wife a couple of times the first week. Enter what you eat into MFP the second week. Little things truly do add up and you will start seeing the difference.

You can do this!!!!

E

LyndaBSS · November 2019

I’m sorry you’re in a bad emotional place. We’ve all been there. I wish I could give you a hug.

We know that a calorie deficit works. This process works. Trust it.

Let’s get you feeling better about yourself. 🧡

psychod787 · November 2019

quiksylver296 wrote: »

Baby steps to get from here to there. Read this thread, OP.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

I listen to you! Yea ma'am! You can have my milk money! Lol

NovusDies · November 2019

Are you seeing a professional about your depression? If not, you should.

The mechanics of weight loss are simple. Losing weight though is hard. It is largely a mental battle.

tinkerbellang83 · November 2019

See a professional, if you haven't already, you need to tackle the depression, otherwise you'll just go around in a vicious circle. Losing weight is great for health but isn't necessarily the answer to happiness. So focus on your mental health and perhaps you'll find it easier to lose the weight and keep it off.

I would also suggest you talk to your wife and try to find some words to explain how you're feeling. It's never great to have to buy "plus size clothes" but if the choice is between not spending time with your family out of embarrassment or buying something larger in the short term, then I think the bigger size is a necessary evil.

tiffanycompton33 · November 2019

Don't give up! It's a hard cycle to break but many on here have done it.

vhirschhorn · November 2019

Okay, first of all...stop telling yourself that just because you are a man, that you're not entitled to your feelings or to be able to cry if you need to. Second, depression is an illness. Just like diabetes, or heart disease, or cancer. You are not worthless. You are sick, and need medical care. But, I know the depression tells you otherwise...please get to a doctor ASAP and remember that you are not hopeless. You can do this. You just need some medical attention and support to do so. Nobody should do this alone, so please reach out and get the support you need. You are worth it. 💖

o0kody0o · November 2019

Hi 🙂

Firstly, you’re not useless and you’re not a waste of space. Secondly, you’ve joined MFP (or are returning) which is brilliant so well done. I have depression myself but I take medication which makes me feel like I can do anything (whereas before, I couldn’t step foot out the house). I’d recommend making an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you’re feeling. It helps to talk and as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. You should also mention your weight and how it’s affecting you.

Just relax and a take a breath. With regards to your weight, start by making small changes. Use the MFP food diary and track what you’re eating every single day. See if there are any foods you can switch to make them healthier. For me, I started with cutting out fried food and I would grill instead. I switched my full sugar drinks to sugar free versions. I switched my white bread and white pasta to wholemeal and wholewheat, respectively. The best thing I ever did though was to buy a food scale because it turns out I had been eating portion sizes for 2-3 people, so the food scale opened my eyes and helped me eat the right amount.

We all need to start somewhere but the main thing is, you make a start. Another mistake I made when I first started losing weight was that I expected quick results, but that only led to disappointment. I’ve accepted that weight loss is a slow process and if you keep going, no matter what setbacks you have, you will see results.

I think it would be a good idea to open up to your wife too, about how you’re feeling. She might just be the support you need. Communication is definitely key.

All the best 🙂

cheryldumais · November 2019

I've been where you are. I'm a woman but I still know that feeling. You need medication to get over the depression and counselling. I can tell you that Prozac was the very best diet pill I ever took. I don't take anything anymore but you need a doctor to work with you until you are feeling better. Beware of the side effects of meds though. Tends to put a crimp in your love life. Dieting slowly is great but I agree that you need to tackle the depression first or at the very least at the same time. Be patient and if you can talk to your wife you should. Believe me she already knows something's wrong. Your family needs you. There is no one else out there who can take your place. Get some help, there is absolutely no shame in it. We know now that depression is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain just like Diabetes is a problem with insulin. Hang in there, we are all here for you.

SnifterPug · November 2019

Please consider speaking to your wife about this. She knows what you look like, trust me. If she hasn't already tried to nudge you to lose weight it isn't because she doesn't care. It is probably because she does, but knows that if you are not in the right place to deal with it, there's no point in making you feel worse. If she knows you want help, or even just some encouragement or support, then she can give it.

I agree with the suggestion that the depression is probably the most important thing to tackle, but it is possible that a new resolution to tackle the problems may just help with that, too. Even just taking a bit more exercise helps - it's really good for mental health as well as physical.

SnifterPug · November 2019

Deleted - double post

missysippy930 · November 2019

It’s hard. Many of us have been, or are, in the same place. Being treated for depression may help, but looking better will help as well. You can do this! There’s plenty of inspiration on this site, and many generous and helpful people, willing to help you.

Ironwoman1111 · November 2019

It makes me really sad that you’re feeling this way. ☹️ But you're here now, this app will help you. Also, you should consider getting some bloodwork done. Baby steps, but you got this! I promise you, once the weight starts coming off you’ll feel incredible! Hang in there, start measuring your meals and logging your food, exercise and keep pushing yourself a little each time. Try to have fun with the process, try new things, activities or food. Good luck to you, you can do it!💝☺️ You can add me if you’d like.

s131951 · November 2019

I have been there. Not to derail the thread, but more context. When I realized divorce was imminent, I felt the lowest. I kept thinking that I would not be there for my kids every night and morning to help and share in all of the little things. When I did have them, I tried to enjoy the time, but it was tough. I felt guilt for not enjoying the time with them and it was compounded. I talked to people and had some therapy sessions that helped me get my outlook on the right track.

I suppose that back story was more to qualify my advice some; that it's best to keep your goals in sight, but realize that you should take it day by day. Enjoy as much as you can and try to keep things in perspective.

Don't be afraid to show emotion. I broke down a bit dropping my youngest off around that time. She started crying and I felt terrible, but she might also look back and see that her dad isn't a robot.

Advice going forward in addition to my rambling; lean on some folks in the forums, check the blogs for recipes and exercise advice and keep the goal in mind.

I wish you better days!

cmriverside · November 2019

I think all of us who have been obese can relate to your post.

I am sure everyone has made great suggestions above ( I admit I didn't read them ) so if I'm repeating someone, please forgive me.

My depression was being made worse by me. I wasn't getting any exercise, I was eating lots of sugar and very few vegetables unless you want to count tomato sauce or potatoes as vegetables, which...

they really aren't the only plants out there that are edible...

When I started really tackling nutrition and exercise I started not only losing weight but treating my depression.

There is a lot of info online about food as medicine, what to eat to support a healthy mind, body and nervous system, and things to do to lose weight.

I say good for you for hitting your own personal rock bottom in front of that mirror. My suggestion is take a walk outside today, enjoy Nature and its majesty. Look up a recipe and cook it.

Do that again tomorrow.

nighthawk584 · November 2019

hey my friend, you are NOT alone. I was there for the past 16 years. I got worse and worse as each year progressed. I had to run a business but other than that , I locked myself away once I was home and on the weekends. I was so depressed and had major anxiety issues on even being in public. I didn't have a support system really, because my parents were both terminally ill and I am single living alone. I eventually sought help for my depression and anxiety but still didn't care about life all that much. After my parents both passed away in 2018, I went into a deeper depression. I was pretty much hopeless but the breaking point for me was getting my annual labs. I was a ticking time bomb. I think everyone has to finally hit a breaking point, and that was mine. I started last April and have not looked back. You TOO can do this but please see a Dr for your depression. It will help! I promise. The fact you are here says a lot, and shows me you want change! This system works. It's not an easy road, but it WORKS!

CSARdiver · November 2019

I've been there - just about 5 years ago. The good news is that humans are remarkably adaptable and you can get back to ideal much faster than it took to get where you are now.

Simply put we don't invest in things we don't love and cherish. You're caught in a downward spiral and need to make some changes. Nothing too drastic though.

Make the investment in yourself and your family. You're going to have to bite the temporary bullet and get some right sized clothes, but draw that line. Don't think of having to invest in clothes as you start to lose weight - think of getting to invest in yourself as you progress to a better you.

Read the stickied posts and ask questions here on how others succeeded. Follow the plan MFP provides, weigh your food, monitor progress and think marathon - not sprint. You're in this for the long haul.

pinuplove · November 2019

NovusDies wrote: »

Are you seeing a professional about your depression? If not, you should.

The mechanics of weight loss are simple. Losing weight though is hard. It is largely a mental battle.

Parking my ditto here.

OP, I'd encourage you to build a system of support here. Not the rah-rah cheerleader type of support, but real people with real goals who are doing the work and know how hard it is, but also how rewarding it can be. Continue reading and interacting in the forums. That has kept me engaged and from going completely off the rails when my enthusiasm flagged.

hesn92 · November 2019

Ditto what everyone else has said. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and you got this. I would also like to encourage you to talk to your wife about how you're feeling so you don't feel so alone. She's your wife, if there's anyone that you should be able to lean on, it should be her.

ellie117 · November 2019

@Losingthedamnweight I have been exactly where you are just two years ago. I've definitely broke down in tears in a dressing room because I brought in sizes I thought would have been big, only to not be able to pull them up my thighs or over my head. It is truly an awful feeling and I don't wish it on anyone.

You're going to be okay. I know it's so hard to see it right now, but just coming back on MFP proves you recognize a problem and are thinking about how to resolve it. That is an excellent first step.

Start making little changes. The weight didn't come on in a few weeks, and it won't fall off in a few weeks. It will take time, but each day you will get closer. Try not to think of a diet as something you "have" to do. Think of it as something that you just "do," like brushing your teeth or opening your front door. Don't deprive yourself of your favorite foods and flavors, just make adjustments to how much of those you are eating. I could never go a week without pizza, so I eat 2 slices instead of 3 or 4 like I used to. And I make sure I budget those calories into my daily goal.

You definitely got this! MFP is great for motivation and keeping track of your calories in vs calories out. Be honest with your tracking, so you're honest with yourself. If you fall off, don't hate yourself. Just start again the next day.

ReenieHJ · November 2019

I'm very glad you posted this and took that 1st step. Now, take the next step by bringing it up with your wife. Tell her you need her support and understanding with this. Ask if you can look for dinner ideas together, find ways to spend time physically together, such as walking, get the trigger foods out of the house for now. Tell her all the things you told us!! She's your wife!! After talking with her, make that call to see a doctor, ask for medication to get you through this very depressing time for you. Just possibly when you start taking better care of yourself, you'll be able to get off from it.
Focus on small goals, 5# at a time, don't think far ahead, just one day at a time.
We only get 1 go around at life, you can and should live the rest of yours happier! My weight has fluctuated terribly over my lifetime and I think I've tried 80% of the diets out there, always looking for the next successful fad that'll work. But using MFP is easy, truthful and shows you what modifications you can make to have success. It takes time, effort, patience and persistence. But you CAN and WILL do it. Just take that next step and look forward to all the new adventures that are in store for you.
Wishing you the very best of luck and hope you stick around for motivation and support!!

pinuplove · November 2019

Also, not saying this is you, but the first step for me many years ago when I reached my highest weight ever (including surpassing my pregnant weight) was to talk to my doctor and find a medication that worked wonders for my mental health. No shame in it whatsoever.

chrisleko · November 2019

Lots of good advice in here.

Someone in here mentioned something about getting some bloodwork done. I'd recommend that (maybe see a GP too so your insurance will cover it, if it wouldn't already). I found out that my cholesterol was high (duh, my diet was garbage), my Vitamin D was reallllllly low and my B12 was low. I started supplementing and I feel better. I started eating better and that helped me get the drive to exercising. I only lost a few pounds so far but I feel better overall.

You can do it. But it takes small steps. Talk to your wife, talk to your doctor. Talk to a professional. The first step to physical health is mental health.

Terytha · November 2019

As someone who is married to a man who was upset about his weight, and as someone who personally broke down in an Old Navy trying to find jeans, talk to your wife, man!

She can't help you if she doesn't know anything, and you are going to find this all a lot easier with buy-in and understanding from loved ones. Depression whispers lies, tells you to isolate yourself, says its better that way. Don't listen.

No shame. Many of us have been there dude. Being fat isn't some kind of moral failure, it's not a reflection on you as a person. Neither is struggling.

stephanieadudley · November 2019

losingthedamnweight - Most of us here at some point in time have not liked what they saw in the mirror. You are definitely not alone in those feelings. Let me say first, that you are not a number on a scale. You are not a size of clothing. Make a decision today that you are going to change your HEALTH - and it doesn't have to be painful like "I'm not going to eat more than 20 carbs a day" (just no!) Get your macros set - talk to a nutritionist - or one of us can help you find your basal metabolic rate and figure out your carb/fats/ and protein grams for you create a deficit (not a painful one!). Plug those into MFP (I think you have to pay the monthly fee or yearly of $50 (?) to get the macro option. NEXT - TALK TO YOUR WIFE! She is your best friend, yes? Communicate your sorrow. She can help. If you want to succeed even better, she can help you! Third - be patient! You didn't gain weight in a day, but it WILL come off. You CAN learn to eat foods you enjoy in only the amount you need (or what can fit into our daily macros). Start implementing more healthy options into the mix to keep you full. Try new recipes! You can put "healthy" in front of just about any recipe in google and it will give you a healthier version. Lastly - LOVE what your body can do. You might not love how your arms look, but you do appreciate that you have them, yes or yes? Everybody has a start. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Reach out if you need help with any of this.

snowflake954 · November 2019

You know what almost made me cry? Reading the responses you got from the community. It's true that the internet is anonomus but people on here really care. You have gotten wonderful advice from experienced posters and I hope you will follow it. Read some of the success stories. Normal people have done amazing things. You can do it too. Use this episode to push you into change. Wishing you the very best.

JBanx256 · November 2019

I don't really have a lot to contribute here other than to say I am so sorry you feel this way. I hope you can talk to a professional to help you deal with your depression and I hope your wife is supportive of you and your needs. The important thing IMO is you have the power to change your body. It will take time and effort, but you've got what it takes.

kenyonhaff · November 2019

I'm really, really glad you're here!

Please start with as many steps as you can to start in a positive direction, whether that's hanging out on the boards and simply not feeling alone, logging what you're eating (or just one meal one day), or buying a vegetable to eat today.

candylilacs · November 2019

Talk to your doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist --- though I may mean mental health counselor. Talk therapy and medication work well together. The exercise is very good also. There's walking, swimming, or hiking 20 minute a day. First take the depression out of equation, then can you step into the weight loss.

I used to loathe taking medication, but I needed to take something before I started to lose my mind -- kind of like mid-30s. It's been a positive journey.

I’m a man that almost broke down crying in Walmart trying to find a shirt :-(

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