Divorced with Children?????
Replies
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So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?
Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????
From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.
^^This.
The divorce agreement doesn't say that he and (Stepmom) BOTH have to cover the kid - so I would think you would be responsible for whatever copays/deductibles that HIS policy requires.
Her policy is just a bonus for them, you shouldn't get to save money just because they are spending double premium to make sure if anything happens to this kid - he'll be taken care of.
Honestly, you should just be happy that the ex HAS an insurance policy for the kid AND would be willing to handle all the doctors appointments. With all the people out there dealing with deadbeat ex's, you really don't have a pot to piss in.0 -
I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.
As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?
Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.
I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.0 -
I would say definitely take the high road on this one...i think it's a misunderstanding. i WILL say regardless, he definitely needs to check how he talks to you. For the sake of your son, there needs to be a certain level of respect and common decency.
He is definitely overreacting and freaking out, but at the same time, it does sound like you're getting a decent deal as well considering your son gets double coverage and you don't pay a dime for it (other than occasional bashings from ex husband!)
Call him (no texting, you're both adults) explain to him you're sorry for the confusion, you appreciate that they double-cover your son so there ARE no co-pays, and try to meet each other half way. Can you offer to pay for all of his prescriptions? (given he doesn't have any standard $200/month ones or anything) Offer to endorse the $17 check over to him. Keep your son with the same doctor.
he was a total d-bag for treating you that way, but like someone else said, you should be appreciative that your son has a father and step mother who are willing to cover him and pay for it.
As someone else said, you don't want things to get to a point where you can't take your own son to the doctor if he isn't with you....that's silly and dangerous.0 -
I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.
As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?
Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.
I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.
You are correct. They added him to her policy without any consent from me. Had they talked to me about it (or anything else) we could have come to an agreement then. I don't disagree with paying for my son to have medical treatment. In our divorce decree it says that father will provide insurance and all other medical costs/copays are split 50/50.
They do stuff like this regularly. Last year they signed him up to play basketball and I only found out when the coach called to tell me he was my son's coach. I try to notify them durning anything, but they thing when my son is at their house, it is their time and I don't exist. They take the 50/50 custody literally and expect me not to even call when my son is at their house. Of course I call him anyway, they just don't tell him or he doesn't call me to keep them from being upset.
My son asked me last school year to come have lunch with him, that way we can still have contact and I don't have to call their house. He sees all the hostility.....breaks my heart.0 -
Geeze I don't get the be grateful he pays his insurance kind of comments. Its his kid too! Like I said it all depends on your divorce agreement on the boys healthcare. If you don't have any mention of it and you cannot come to an agreement civily, then I would consider seeing a lawyer about it.0
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On a side note, when I left I was civil with him and tried to do what was best for our son. I do not, and have not ever received any childsupport payments either. I have always tried to keep my son's best interests at heart.....it is so hard to do when any communication turns into drama.
They will not allow me to have my ex's cell phone number and I am not allowed to call my son on it. I have to have correspondence with them over facebook (private msgs) or their home phone. So, I choose fb so I have documentation of it all. Phone calls go nowhere fast and turn ugly......and I have no proof of what was said, so fb is the way I see to go. Ugh, exhausting....0 -
I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.
As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?
Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.
I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.
You are correct. They added him to her policy without any consent from me. Had they talked to me about it (or anything else) we could have come to an agreement then. I don't disagree with paying for my son to have medical treatment. In our divorce decree it says that father will provide insurance and all other medical costs/copays are split 50/50.
They do stuff like this regularly. Last year they signed him up to play basketball and I only found out when the coach called to tell me he was my son's coach. I try to notify them durning anything, but they thing when my son is at their house, it is their time and I don't exist. They take the 50/50 custody literally and expect me not to even call when my son is at their house. Of course I call him anyway, they just don't tell him or he doesn't call me to keep them from being upset.
My son asked me last school year to come have lunch with him, that way we can still have contact and I don't have to call their house. He sees all the hostility.....breaks my heart.
Then your agreement is like mine. He does not have an arguement. You should not pay a copay if it does not exist.
Oh the basketball thing--been there too. My son plays soccer every fall. Last year he was on two different soccer teams. Then he went ahead and signed him up for fall baseball without telling me. I work full time and have another son with activities too. How do I keep up with that?!?
Sorry about the hostility. That is awful-your poor son! You may want to see what a lawyer can do about that. You should be able to call your son whenever you want. I don't think any judge would agree to him keeping your son from you just because he is in his custody.0 -
So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?
Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????
I realize he pays for it, but I can't pay a copayment that does not exist. When I took our son to the doctor yesterday they wouldn't even let me write my check. There is no bill. I didn't ask or have we ever discussed our son being on his wife's insurance, so that shouldn't reflect on me. I don't know how I am supposed to pay a bill that doesn't exist and I'm not "paying" him to take our son to the doctor.....
Well you can't be paying a co-pay that does not exist, but if the step mother has him on her insurance then she is paying an insurance premium for that. . . So perhaps he should of asked you to pay half of that rather than 17.50 co-pay. . I know that when I wanted to add my daughter onto my work insurance I could not afford it as they wanted over $300 a month to add her. . So my attitude is unless your ex is volunteering to pick up the entire insurance payment. . . which most people I know wouldn't do that. . each of you should be paying half. . Or you have insurance for your son in each household separately. . .which would cost much more. . . Just a thought. .0 -
On a side note, when I left I was civil with him and tried to do what was best for our son. I do not, and have not ever received any childsupport payments either. I have always tried to keep my son's best interests at heart.....it is so hard to do when any communication turns into drama.
They will not allow me to have my ex's cell phone number and I am not allowed to call my son on it. I have to have correspondence with them over facebook (private msgs) or their home phone. So, I choose fb so I have documentation of it all. Phone calls go nowhere fast and turn ugly......and I have no proof of what was said, so fb is the way I see to go. Ugh, exhausting....
Definitely. . . keep good records of everything. . Court is definitely no fun. . .Good luck with it all . . . wish you the best.0 -
Uhmm...I'm assuming the husband was court ordered to pay for the child's insurance, which is pretty typical. Then they have an agreement to split the COPAYS. If there is NO copay, then why should she be paying the husband anything?? It has nothing to do with him paying the premiums, it has to do with the fact that he is charging her money for copays when there is none.So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?
Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????
From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.
Also, I work in a medical billing company. Did you (OP) pay the copays that were refunded to you? If so, your husband is being ridiculous. If HE paid them, then the doctor's office is probably incorrect in giving you that money back because it didn't come out of your pocket. But doctor's offices aren't in charge of keeping up with your divorce agreements, so they probably had no idea. Your husband is incorrect in assuming that because he holds the insurance that he should get all the money back regardless of who pays it. If you paid it, it's your refund.0 -
Uhmm...I'm assuming the husband was court ordered to pay for the child's insurance, which is pretty typical. Then they have an agreement to split the COPAYS. If there is NO copay, then why should she be paying the husband anything?? It has nothing to do with him paying the premiums, it has to do with the fact that he is charging her money for copays when there is none.So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?
Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????
From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.
Also, I work in a medical billing company. Did you (OP) pay the copays that were refunded to you? If so, your husband is being ridiculous. If HE paid them, then the doctor's office is probably incorrect in giving you that money back because it didn't come out of your pocket. But doctor's offices aren't in charge of keeping up with your divorce agreements, so they probably had no idea. Your husband is incorrect in assuming that because he holds the insurance that he should get all the money back regardless of who pays it. If you paid it, it's your refund.
I paid the copayments. They have my checks at the dr office and knew that I shouldn't have paid. That is why they issued the check to me. My ex did reimburse me for the copays when I took my son to the doctor, so I told him that I owe him half of the check and will be paying him this week when our son goes back for his week with them.
He is just extremely bitter and trying to take it out on me, not realizing that it is only harming our son.0 -
Yeah, contact an attorney. The cost of a brief chat with him/her will probably run in the neighborhood of $200 for 15 minutes. Who is willing to pay that kind of money to argue over a copay?
This! It's $17! If at the end of the day paying $17 to get your son medical care is the worst thing that happens to you, you're luckier than more than half of the human population. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and spend your energy doing something more productive...and btw real classy posting the entire email and all your dirty laundry on the internet for a bunch of strangers to read.0 -
your rite u shudnt have to pay if ther is nothing to pay no matter how little it is. you rite hes wrong go talk to ur attorney0
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it would hurt both their credit reports and they would eventually go after who ever they can collect from and it is usaully the father in my case ,but i think the fair thing would be to be civilized about it and keep both insurances and if u have to give 17.50 up once in awhile thats better than paying a premium every week.tell them that he(ex) won't give you the insurance info and they can bill him(ex)
I'd be extremely surprised if they would agree to that without his consent.0 -
I have a contentious relationship with my ex, too... And to be honest, unless that co-pay is $100 it is not worth the schism. They are being a-holes, but you going along with it is a small price to pay.
If the step-mom is also insuring him she is also paying for that coverage - as is your ex. You're still getting a deal, I suspect.
Regardless, it's not worth the argument.
^^This. I was told a long time ago 'choose your fights wisely.' If I didn't do this with my ex, it would be way more drama than I have time for.0 -
It's not the co-pay that's the issue though. It's that the dad is willing to throw a fit, drop coverage, disallow her from having an insurance card, change doctors, etc.
I get that the $17.50 is really a negligible amount of money in the grand scheme of things. The fact that he has the power to do the above is what would make me put a call into the attorney.0 -
Yeah, contact an attorney. The cost of a brief chat with him/her will probably run in the neighborhood of $200 for 15 minutes. Who is willing to pay that kind of money to argue over a copay?
But, the husband would have to pay the bill... LOL... Ihave a better idea... get married to your baby and stay married... for better or worse... in America for better or if I find better or don't want to put up with life's complications anymore.
Shoulda thought about all the annoyances of having an EX before you got married AND divroced.0 -
On a side note, when I left I was civil with him and tried to do what was best for our son. I do not, and have not ever received any childsupport payments either. I have always tried to keep my son's best interests at heart.....it is so hard to do when any communication turns into drama.
They will not allow me to have my ex's cell phone number and I am not allowed to call my son on it. I have to have correspondence with them over facebook (private msgs) or their home phone. So, I choose fb so I have documentation of it all. Phone calls go nowhere fast and turn ugly......and I have no proof of what was said, so fb is the way I see to go. Ugh, exhausting....
Co-parenting classes, STAT! I would also consider therapy for your son, can't hurt for him to have someone neutral to speak with about all this "stuff".0 -
Very simple you take the child to the doctor when he needs to go to the doctor, and if there isn't a co-pay, there isn't a co-pay regardless of who takes him.
If your dumb@ss ex screws up and loses coverage on your son, then you take him to court for not carrying the coverage that he is required to. If he doesn't cover him then you get coverage on him, if you don't have any coverage available thru work or what not...I hate to say it, there is always as a last resort a government funded insurance for kids.
You are still mom, you still get to make choices. Ignore everything that he says. It only creates unecessary stress on you. He's being a retard.
If the tables were turned you likely would not expect him to pay you anything, you are doing whatever it takes to make sure your son is taken care of.
If he doesn't give you an insurance card, then pay the entire doctor bill and turn around and sue his happy word flinging @ss for the whole darn bill, you have the right to, and then maybe he'll shut up.
I can only assume you put a roof over his head, food on the table and make sure he is happy and well. Forget your ex and turn him in for harassment, you have the evidence. Plain and simple.0 -
So, I confront him through a msg about it
Interesting how the father is being judged based on the message that the mother posted, attributed to him,, but we don't have the luxury of seeing her original message that initiated the conversation!0 -
So, I confront him through a msg about it
Interesting how the father is being judged based on the message that the mother posted, attributed to him,, but we don't have the luxury of seeing her original message that initiated the conversation!
I agree. Props to a man who takes on 50/50 custody, carries 2 insurance policies on the kid
Correct me if I'm wrong - but with 50/50 custody - BOTH parents have a say in what happens to the child, so definitely don't take the advice above and "Ignore everything that he says. It only creates unecessary stress on you. He's being a retard." or you might find yourself in court. He's not being retarded - he's being a father, who has the right to make those decisions.0
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