"You do NOT have that much to lose!"
rolliepollie087
Posts: 251 Member
Does anyone else find when you discuss weight loss to friends, family, co-workers...and you tell them how much you'd like to lose, they respond with something to the effect of "There is no way, you don't have that much extra on you!" or "you'll be way too skinny if you lost that!"
It is almost de-motivational, all these people that think I look fine the way I am.
Thoughts?
It is almost de-motivational, all these people that think I look fine the way I am.
Thoughts?
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Replies
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I don't mention diet, exercise etc, just that I'm trying to "get healthy". And that's only if someone notices, not something I bring up. My husband of course knows what I"m up to, but IMHO it's not necessary to make public info!0
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I don't mention diet, exercise etc, just that I'm trying to "get healthy". And that's only if someone notices, not something I bring up. My husband of course knows what I"m up to, but IMHO it's not necessary to make public info!
That is a good point. The people who have said this to me are all pretty close to me, I didn't mind sharing
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I don't make it public because I know someone will have something to say that I will not like and I honestly prefer to avoid it. I've heard people saying that though. Either they mean well or they don't. I can't really tell.0
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I used to get that from people all the time when I weighed 180 but those same people now tell me how great I look at 155. So it makes me wonder, were they lying before or are they lying now?0
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Does anyone else find when you discuss weight loss to friends, family, co-workers...and you tell them how much you'd like to lose, they respond with something to the effect of "There is no way, you don't have that much extra on you!" or "you'll be way too skinny if you lost that!"
It is almost de-motivational, all these people that think I look fine the way I am.
Thoughts?
When I was starting, I get positive responses from them but now that I lost a lot of weight, they tell me to go easy on exercise & eat "normally" otherwise I will be anorexic but their idea of normal eating is actually too much. They still thought that I'm dieting wherein I'm just eating the right serving sizes.0 -
So people are going to say what they want to. Honestly do what ever makes you feel better. I personally just keep it between me and my husband. I don't announce to the family I'm losing weight each day or something like that. If they say like wow you look like you lost some pounds. I tell them thanks it must be the new shirt Im wearing. Lol. Wont be able to say it forever but it's what ever you want. My husband tells me he loves me the way I am and don't need to lose to much weight. But I want to be healthy and look good. Do it for yourself.0
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i get it all the time.... I dont take it personal. I know what I need to do....I usually just tell them if I look to skinny when I get down to my goal then I will just have to bulk the muscles up.. 0
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I don't make it public because I know someone will have something to say that I will not like and I honestly prefer to avoid it. I've heard people saying that though. Either they mean well or they don't. I can't really tell.
I assume they mean well, I guess it could be construed as rude if they said "you would look much better if you lost the weight!"
Oh boy, that would end badly.0 -
I have the same problem. People get used to seeing you a certain way and they don't want it to change if there isn't an obvious issue. But you know how you feel and look. You know where you will be comfortable. What CandyR1018 said is good - don't mention trying to lose weight, just that you are getting healthy. I know that's hard because you want to share with your friends. I have a friend who is on MFP with me. Nobody would think she should lose weight either, but she wants to to feel her best. So we rely on each other for our motivation...and we talk about our weight loss and goals very quietly Good luck! Also remember: misery loves company! So don't let anyone sabotage you!! 0
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All the time. But then, only my hubby sees me naked so he's the only one that knows what i look like under my clothes and i know how to wear my clothes so i don't look as big as i am. I'm sorry, but almost 150 on a small 5'4" frame is not good, atleast not on my frame!! So i just stopped telling them.0
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That is a great response!i get it all the time.... I dont take it personal. I know what I need to do....I usually just tell them if I look to skinny when I get down to my goal then I will just have to bulk the muscles up..0
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Oh yes, I have heard that before. I have had people at work come to me concerned because I was "losing weight too fast" (1-2 lbs/wk is not that fast when you started at practically 265 and your goal is 100 lbs!)
I still get comments...someone told me today, "YOU NEED TO STOP!" after calling me "slim." I just laughed it off, as this person has made many comments. I am heavier than I look, so my response has been, "Do you know how much I weigh?!?! I still have 40 lbs to go!"
My grandma sometimes tells me I don't need to lose anymore, but then says how good I am doing, to keep it up. I donno.0 -
I think some people honestly believe that you DON'T have that much to loose. I think people get used to the way we look and so we look normal to them, and they can't visualize us at our goal weights.
I think some people realize that THEY need to loose some weight to get healthy, and feel self conscious by seeing us reach for our goals.
Then some people don't even KNOW what healthy looks like anymore.
Bottom line is. .YOU know what your goal weight is. YOU know what is best for YOU. And it's YOUR life. I just wouldn't talk about it to these people anymore. Instead, when they ask about your goals, simply say, "I just want to look, feel, and BE healthy." I think everyone can relate to that.
God bless!0 -
Thought... Their perception of weight is different from what someone actually weights. Does that make sense??? 20 lbs may seem like a lot to someone... In reality it is only about two pant sizes.0
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I suppose they are just being nice either way.I used to get that from people all the time when I weighed 180 but those same people now tell me how great I look at 155. So it makes me wonder, were they lying before or are they lying now?0
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I don't talk to many people about my weight issues, but sometimes people offer unsolicited opinions. I've been asked if I've lost weight when I know for a fact I've gained 7 pounds since the person last saw me. And I have certain people around me who worry I'll "lose too much weight" if they notice I have lost a few pounds. Some of these people have their own issues; if they've struggled in their lives with the effects of illness due to being underweight, I find their point of view skewed, as well. They sometimes worry about someone with diabetes getting "too thin" but don't seem concerned if the diabetic person has clearly gained a lot of weight. I think we all have different issues with weight and body size. If someone thinks you don't need to lose much weight, try to take it as a compliment and don't pursue the conversation and try to convince them. Ultimately the way you view your own body is something you have to be at peace about. And actually, it should probably not be as affected by the number on the scale as we all let it be. Just my thoughts. 0
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There are a few possibilities:
1) Maybe they're right and you don't need to lose that much: what is your BMI?
2) Maybe you wear your fat well (dress well, good posture, etc) and you look slimmer than you are.
3) Because most of the population is now overweight, maybe they have reset their idea of "normal weight" and don't know what it looks like.
4) Maybe they are overweight themselves and when they say you don't have to lose much weight, they can believe that they don't have to, either.
5) Maybe they are trying to make you feel good about how you look.
6) Maybe they are sick of hearing you talk about your diet.0 -
Thought... Their perception of weight is different from what someone actually weights. Does that make sense??? 20 lbs may seem like a lot to someone... In reality it is only about two pant sizes.
This is true. I have a friend who is very petite, and people are SHOCKED when they find out she weighs 140 pounds at 5'2" (or 5'3"?). Because to most people, who don't really know what muscle looks like, she looks like she should weigh in around 115 or 120. But she works out really hard and it's ALLLL muscle.
My trainer is 140 pounds at 5'2", again....all muscle.
So, as the above poster said.. maybe it SOUNDS like a lot, and they just don't realize that it's not that much of a difference, in a way.
And to the above poster.I am 5'6" and have lost 21 pounds, and only went down one pants size. But another woman posted this week, and at 5'2" 20 pounds meant 4 sizes for her. So again... it's all different for each person, depending on your build.
God bless!0 -
I used to get that from people all the time when I weighed 180 but those same people now tell me how great I look at 155. So it makes me wonder, were they lying before or are they lying now?
There's also a chance that they thought you looked great at 180 AND at 155. Other people often see us so differently than we see ourselves. But I know how you feel. I tend to think they're just "being nice" when someone says something like that to me, no matter what I weigh at the time.0 -
It makes me wonder, I kind of get the feeling that there is a little bit of distorted perception.Thought... Their perception of weight is different from what someone actually weights. Does that make sense??? 20 lbs may seem like a lot to someone... In reality it is only about two pant sizes.0
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When I was younger and trying to lose weight, even though I wasn't over weight, I found that telling people would often lend to negative comments such as, telling me that I didn't need to lose weight and that I wasn't big. The biggest one was I wasn't eating property and therefore unhealthy because I was trying to lose weight. When I was twenty five I went on Jenny Craig to lose 7 kilo's before for my wedding and I copped a lot of flak from my peers over that. They criticised my diet even though Jenny Craig is nutritionally balanced, perhaps they didn't want me to look better because they were jealous. I tell you what I was super-hot for my wedding : )0
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My friends have been like that - and even worse, would complain about their own weight issues to me - and they all had healthy BMI's (while I was getting dangerously close to obese). My friend would always say, "But you carry it well because you're tall. You don't LOOK like you weigh that much. On me, when I gain weight it's much more obvious." - stuff like that.
It got to a point when it really started to get to me - especially when I would try to share with my friends when I was excited because I had lost 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. All I got was - when are you going to stop? You're going to become anorexic. I'm really worried about you."
I finally realized I had to rely on my inner strength to motivate myself, and stop asking for support from people who were incapable of giving it to me. I used boards like this to share milestones and moments when I was proud of myself.
Now that I've gotten down to a healthy BMI, my friends are jealous. Even though I still have some more to lose, and they (BMI-wise) are still lower than me. It's not a bad feeling
You have to realize that weight is an issue that a lot of people have for themselves (even if it doesn't seem like they have reason to worry about it). When confronted by someone who is actually doing something about it, it makes them face all the fears and realizations that they aren't doing what they need to fix their own issues. The easiest way to not let that get them down is to play it like what you're doing isn't as big of deal as it is, or even that it's a bad thing. It's sad that people act this way - but it's natural I guess. Upon reflection, it's made me a much more empathetic, and supportive friend, and I feel sorry for people who can't embrace the accomplishments of others. Hang in there!! 0 -
There are a few possibilities:
1) Maybe they're right and you don't need to lose that much: what is your BMI?
I am 5'11" and 205 lbs, I would like to be around 150 - or at least slim with good muscle
2) Maybe you wear your fat well (dress well, good posture, etc) and you look slimmer than you are.
I have been told this before, I am greatful for it as well!
3) Because most of the population is now overweight, maybe they have reset their idea of "normal weight" and don't know what it looks like.
This is my suspicion!
4) Maybe they are overweight themselves and when they say you don't have to lose much weight, they can believe that they don't have to, either.
5) Maybe they are trying to make you feel good about how you look.
6) Maybe they are sick of hearing you talk about your diet.
If this is the case I want an eyeroll and a "shut up about it already!" haha. I hope this isn't the case
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My "friend" said why should I even bother dieting since it won't do any good. That bothered me at first, but I am trying to be healthier and changing my eating habits is doing a lot of good. Not to mention that for the first time I don't even feel like I am dieting, so I really hope that I can be consistent and then she will have to eat her words, lol. My point is that people say things sometimes that are very insensitive or thoughtless, and whether it is intentional or not we have to make it positive or forget it! It is challenging enough to change bad habits and reshape our bodies to focus on the negative right now!0
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MFP requires me to set a weight loss goal, so I set one.
I do not have a weight loss goal.
I have fitness goals.
While working towards my fitness goals, I lose weight as a side effect. I do not have to put particular amounts of self esteem into losing weight.
I tell people things like "Trying to shave another 15 seconds off my fastest mile" or "Trying to get to 5 plates on my dead lift"
I have learned that is often greeted with much more positive reaction.
As for discussing weight lost, I must admit I LOVE when people notice the weight lost all on their own, and their shock when you tell them how much you lost and they say "Wow, I never realized you were THAT over weight!"0 -
It sounds like you had a pretty bad experience with this! I am sorry. Everyone around me has said this is a good natured manner, or at least I think they did. Your post was very nice, and inspiring, thank you!My friends have been like that - and even worse, would complain about their own weight issues to me - and they all had healthy BMI's (while I was getting dangerously close to obese). My friend would always say, "But you carry it well because you're tall. You don't LOOK like you weigh that much. On me, when I gain weight it's much more obvious." - stuff like that.
It got to a point when it really started to get to me - especially when I would try to share with my friends when I was excited because I had lost 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. All I got was - when are you going to stop? You're going to become anorexic. I'm really worried about you."
I finally realized I had to rely on my inner strength to motivate myself, and stop asking for support from people who were incapable of giving it to me. I used boards like this to share milestones and moments when I was proud of myself.
Now that I've gotten down to a healthy BMI, my friends are jealous. Even though I still have some more to lose, and they (BMI-wise) are still lower than me. It's not a bad feeling
You have to realize that weight is an issue that a lot of people have for themselves (even if it doesn't seem like they have reason to worry about it). When confronted by someone who is actually doing something about it, it makes them face all the fears and realizations that they aren't doing what they need to fix their own issues. The easiest way to not let that get them down is to play it like what you're doing isn't as big of deal as it is, or even that it's a bad thing. It's sad that people act this way - but it's natural I guess. Upon reflection, it's made me a much more empathetic, and supportive friend, and I feel sorry for people who can't embrace the accomplishments of others. Hang in there!!0 -
That is awesome, you make some excellent points. Thank you.MFP requires me to set a weight loss goal, so I set one.
I do not have a weight loss goal.
I have fitness goals.
While working towards my fitness goals, I lose weight as a side effect. I do not have to put particular amounts of self esteem into losing weight.
I tell people things like "Trying to shave another 15 seconds off my fastest mile" or "Trying to get to 5 plates on my dead lift"
I have learned that is often greeted with much more positive reaction.
As for discussing weight lost, I must admit I LOVE when people notice the weight lost all on their own, and their shock when you tell them how much you lost and they say "Wow, I never realized you were THAT over weight!"0 -
That is too bad, but it sounds like it could be used for some good motivation!My "friend" said why should I even bother dieting since it won't do any good. That bothered me at first, but I am trying to be healthier and changing my eating habits is doing a lot of good. Not to mention that for the first time I don't even feel like I am dieting, so I really hope that I can be consistent and then she will have to eat her words, lol. My point is that people say things sometimes that are very insensitive or thoughtless, and whether it is intentional or not we have to make it positive or forget it! It is challenging enough to change bad habits and reshape our bodies to focus on the negative right now!0
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I totally agree! No one believes that I weigh 200 lbs. Well, believe it! The scale doesn't lie, I am more than 50 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, and I'd like to get back down there and even lower!0
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Just to add to the debate, friends and family are very supportive to start with; they excited when you start losing those lbs/kgs. Its when reality kicks in that you may be at this for sometime that their support can dip. For them it's "You're not still dieting are you?" or "What's with the counting calories crap?"
I know it's going to be a long haul, it took me a lifetime to get this big, so it's going to take a while to lose it. I'm making life changes, not temporary fixes.
One of the many reasons I've been on MFP for so long and appreciate the support I've found here0
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