While living this journey...

ReenieHJ
ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
edited December 24 in Motivation and Support
Do you find yourself getting impatient or intolerant of those(especially a SO) who don't want to change their habits, not even one little bit? I only mention things such as how good something tastes and is good for us, and not very often so I don't nag or harp or anything like that. But with my dh's lifestyle, there's no beating around the bush to say I'm surprised he's lived this long. :( I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou but am pretty worried about his habits affecting his health. :( He's 68, is very sedentary, doesn't exercise but does still work outside the home, smokes, drinks Diet Coke a lot, eats high fat foods for the most part, and refuses most veggies and fruits. :( He takes meds. for high cholesterol. His dad died at age 64 from lung cancer and his mom lived with emphysema for many years. :(

Is there a way to alter someone's 'set-in-their-ways' ways or should I just let him be. My dd is 95% vegan and made the most delicious vegan mac n cheese for Christmas. He tried it and admitted it was really good, had 2 helpings. He also ate my meatless lasagna saying it was good. IDK, I just worry. He is overweight too. Maybe 40 lbs. So suggestions anyone? Thank you!

Replies

  • erjones11
    erjones11 Posts: 422 Member
    You can only do you...lead by example but realize others may not follow.
  • nighthawk584
    nighthawk584 Posts: 2,024 Member
    edited December 2019
    Sad, but if he chooses to kill himself this way, there isn't much you can do. I was at that point last year, where I didn't care about anything. My annual checkup and HORRIBLE labs changed it all for me. I didn't want to end up the last years of my life in a nursing home like my Dad with amputated legs from diabetes, heart disease, etc, just waiting to die. Hopefully one day before it is too late, something similar clicks with your husband.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,539 Member
    Ok. For years I’ve participated on a guy’s weight loss board that started on Weight Watchers. Your question about DH was a regular thing there. I think the prevailing view was say nothing. It won’t do any good. Might only serve to lock in the bad habits even more. Just lead by example and see what happens.

    My take was a bit different. One time only, share your concerns. And then put it away forever.

    Do I think this will change anything? No.

    Then why do it? I watched my wife’s brother eat himself to death at age 38. I hadn’t been around long. But that’s what happened and the family never got over the guilt from not trying to stop him. So you are doing this 1 time, not because it is likely to help him, but it might help you down the road.
  • AwesomeOpossum74
    AwesomeOpossum74 Posts: 106 Member
    My wife and I both want to be healthy. There are a number of factors that determine how each of us deals with our daily diets. I have stronger constitution when it comes to resisting temptation (I can walk away). She, not so much so, as she is an emotional eater, and has weight related pains.

    I have had multiple conversations with her how she eats and exercises, that I want her to get old with me, that I want her to be happy with herself. These days, I'm resigned to the idea that she isn't likely to change much. I just need to let her do what she is going to do, if that makes her happier.

    My priority now is just to be true to myself, and I realize trying to change others only creates strife and unhappiness.
    nighthawk584 wrote: »
    Sad, but if he chooses to kill himself this way ...
    I'm betting he's not trying to "kill" himself. Kind of harsh words. He's probably just happy doing what he's doing.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited December 2019
    Thanks everybody. I had a talk with him before he moved back into our home, this past spring. We had been living separately for over 10 years. I told him I was very concerned about his health with his smoking being the major factor, that I wanted him to be around for a long time, that I was sick of losing people in my life, that it would hurt all his kids if anything happened to him, etc., etc. He basically said he is who he is and appreciated my concern but the chances of him changing at his age are minuscule. So basically he doesn't even try anymore. :( He's tried giving up smoking many times; longest he lasted was 9 months. He prefers to eat the way he does and really doesn't see any harm in it. :(

    So...I did say my piece and expressed my concern so don't and won't dwell/nag/harp, etc. I know if the tables were turned harping on me wouldn't be the way to fix an unhealthy lifestyle.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Sounds like he knows how you feel about his eating habits. You can’t change anyone else, only yourself. Maybe he’ll eventually see your point of view through example.
  • nighthawk584
    nighthawk584 Posts: 2,024 Member
    AwesomeOpossum74 wrote: »
    My wife and I both want to be healthy. There are a number of factors that determine how each of us deals with our daily diets. I have stronger constitution when it comes to resisting temptation (I can walk away). She, not so much so, as she is an emotional eater, and has weight related pains.

    I have had multiple conversations with her how she eats and exercises, that I want her to get old with me, that I want her to be happy with herself. These days, I'm resigned to the idea that she isn't likely to change much. I just need to let her do what she is going to do, if that makes her happier.

    My priority now is just to be true to myself, and I realize trying to change others only creates strife and unhappiness.
    nighthawk584 wrote: »
    Sad, but if he chooses to kill himself this way ...
    I'm betting he's not trying to "kill" himself. Kind of harsh words. He's probably just happy doing what he's doing.

    I apologize if that was too harsh. I'm just reflecting on my own situation and my own laziness was killing me and I didn't care at the time.
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