PLEASE help me find my mindset again!!!
ReenieHJ
Posts: 9,724 Member
The mantra 'Just Do It' is the most important one to live by but I, for some reason, can't reclaim that since I let myself go off the track during the holidays. I do 'okay' during the day, keep to my (more or less) routine but after I eat dinner at 5, all I want to do is munch, munch, munch. 
Last night was a very(and I mean very) weak time for me and I need to find my self-control, my positive self-talk, my will-power once again.
Our kids stuff Christmas stockings for us and they included really great tasting quality candy. Usually I throw that stuff away but couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought to myself I'd just have a little bit each day and include the calories. Well that lasted 2 days before I polished it all off, then went in search of more. I'm losing it, help??? Please!!!
It all boils down to changing my mindset back to how strong it was.
Last night was a very(and I mean very) weak time for me and I need to find my self-control, my positive self-talk, my will-power once again.Our kids stuff Christmas stockings for us and they included really great tasting quality candy.
Usually I throw that stuff away but couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought to myself I'd just have a little bit each day and include the calories. Well that lasted 2 days before I polished it all off, then went in search of more. I'm losing it, help??? Please!!!It all boils down to changing my mindset back to how strong it was.
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Replies
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The holidays were fun, it was nice to have time off work, but in my life it's time to get back on the train of "normal routine".
I know when I avoid pitfalls (as in telling myself a big fat NO) for 1-2 weeks I tend to not want them anymore because I see that avoiding them gets me farther to my goal than eating it. Now, does that 1-2 week period suck, yeah, because my body likes what I did to it when I was eating what I wanted. It will fight you. I might get headaches and fatigue, but I know after that period I'm going to feel fabulous.
You'll find your control again. Happy New Year!3 -
This has been a tough one for me, too, in the past. It can be really difficult to get back into good habits, and I’ve struggled with getting that “right mindset” back. I think what helped me a few months ago was to change things up, try something different. I decided to cut out my morning piece of dark chocolate, so that now I’m only having black coffee until 1pm, then I eat a protein filled lunch. Having calories early in the day really increases my appetite for the rest of the day. So making those two changes has really helped me 1, control the calories I eat later, and 2, have more calories available for later in the day. Ever since I made that change, I’ve been on the right track, even through the holidays. I know your specific situation or “trick” may be different than mine, but you might play around with how you distribute your calories during the day, what macros you’re eating (maybe add more protein, fiber, or whatever helps you with satiety). Skip breakfast, or add breakfast. You can look through these forums and see what changes people have made that worked for them, and try some of those. Good luck in getting back into it! Whatever you might do, make sure it’s sustainable for you!
(One trick I did when yummy treats were around that I couldn’t keep away from, was to have my hubby hide the treat, then dole out one piece to me in the evening and then put it back in its hiding place 😆)6 -
I feel your pain, and am right there with you! I only very sporadically logged between 22 December and 1 January (except stepping on the scale every morning) and don't even have a current exercise regime to fall back on. So what I'm doing is going back to the absolute basics: logging everything. I was about 200 calories over my maintenance yesterday. And even when I knew that was coming, I kept logging. I know my choices will start to fall in line with CICO because we've worked well in the past. I don't know how long it will take to right the good ship kat, but I know it will be righted.
I know yours will be righted as well, @ReenieHJ . I've seen you in the forums, you know what's what. You know what works for you. Find one thing, do that. Then add another. Repeat. Keep it up until you're where you want to be.
Remind yourself why you're doing this. Renew your commitment to yourself, to the gains you've been making, to the YOU you will continue to become. You've got this.5 -
I've realized I simple cannot have free reign to certain things in my house so I brought in some of that candy/treats to my work and let my coworkers enjoy. I didn't waste it so I felt better.
Honestly what helped me was getting back into my exercise. For me, when I exercise I tend to make better food choices. When all else fails and the munch urge comes I get up and keep myself busy with something like cleaning/organizing a closet, folding/putting away laundry, playing or brushing my long haired dog.4 -
I've fallen off the wagon too. What has worked for me in the past (and I hope works again now) is keeping myself busy in the evenings for a week or two so I don't snack. No TV, no sitting on the computer. I need to break out of the sitting down and eating routine. Instead after dinner I clean, go for a walk, go to the gym..... once I stop doing the same nonsense every night I can watch TV again without immediately going for the fridge
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Fresh start today.
You'll make mistakes. You'll make many mistakes. That's OK.
What can you do better today than you did yesterday?3 -
Edited my comment because I saw it was already covered
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Well, so far so good for the day. Keeping my fingers crossed for tonight.
I'll simply tell my stubborn self that I will NOT have anything after 5:30. 'Ya hear that, self?? Listen up good.' I think if I can refuse to eat after 5:30 at night, that'll certainly help; gotta get my mind back in the game.
It'll help there's no candy left in the house.
Wishing all of you who are struggling with me, the best of luck to turn it back around!!5 -
Also, please make sure you’re eating enough during the day! Try structuring in your meals so there’s not so much time to get hungry. If you Pre-log your day of food, including an evening treat of something you love, this could help you get back into the swing of things.4
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Well, so far so good for the day. Keeping my fingers crossed for tonight. I'll simply tell my stubborn self that I will NOT have anything after 5:30. 'Ya hear that, self?? Listen up good.' I think if I can refuse to eat after 5:30 at night, that'll certainly help; gotta get my mind back in the game.
It'll help there's no candy left in the house.
Wishing all of you who are struggling with me, the best of luck to turn it back around!!
May I ask, why the need for the 5:30 cut off? I think many would find that challenging. Maybe a later/heavier dinner or saving calories for a snack would help stave off temptation? Personally, I find there is little sense of deprivation if I put off eating in the morning so I can have more calories available in the evening (assuming I am not pursuing a calorie deficit that is too aggressive).9 -
Start by eating at maintenance for a bit.
Maintenance, not surplus.
Then gently lower.
And of course... log what you're going to eat before you do so and evaluate if you can afford it at your maintenance! 🤔 ✋6 -
Well, so far so good for the day. Keeping my fingers crossed for tonight. I'll simply tell my stubborn self that I will NOT have anything after 5:30. 'Ya hear that, self?? Listen up good.' I think if I can refuse to eat after 5:30 at night, that'll certainly help; gotta get my mind back in the game.
It'll help there's no candy left in the house.
Wishing all of you who are struggling with me, the best of luck to turn it back around!!
I don't think I'd last one night without eating something after 5:30pm. Maybe pre-log to allow yourself 100-200 calories at night for your favorite snack?2 -
I think the timing depends on one’s schedule. Some people go to bed at 9pm. I could probably eat dinner at 5:15 and make it through the evening with just some hot tea. But I rarely go to bed before midnight, so I definitely plan for a snack after dinner. I’m sure OP can try her plan and adjust as needed.2
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I totally know where you're coming from. I'm also struggling to get back on track. I thought I'd just be able to click back into place but keep going over maintenance by about 200 calories each day. I hit maintenance just before Christmas so was still new to it and I think my body just loved the extra treats. I'm back at work on Monday so am hoping the old routine will help. Be gentle on yourself, it's not easy.
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Well, yeh, the 5:30 idea didn't work last night. Lol I probably ate another 300 cal. right before bed.
Of course, you all have great ideas and suggestions but when it comes to turning your brain around, it doesn't seem that those work very well. My body listens to a whole different voice. The brain is what I need to conquer at the moment so I need to figure out how to get back to "I can do this" mode. *sigh*
I'd like to think my problem lies in the fact that I still have triggers in the house, leftover from the holidays, but there'll always be triggers in the house if what I truly want to do at the moment, is eat. I need to find that brain switch and flip it back to positive instead of negative.
Sept. 2018 I weighed 135, by April 2019 I weighed 160. I don't want to do that this year.
The reason I picked 5:30 as a cut-off time is because I know, for me, those are my danger hours so figured if I could just say no more to food, then I'd work through it. But then my no more turned into maybe 1, then I'll have another, etc.
I'll have to figure out what my maintenance calories would be and start there, plus tomorrow is grocery day and my plan is to purge the house of everything leftover from the holidays once and for all, refill with fresh, exciting healthier foods. That 1/2 box of Wheat Thins is still calling my name. But my dh, bless his heart, hid his leftover Champlain chocolate from his stocking. How does he eat 1 piece?? That Santa would've been annihilated within 10 minutes.
Thanks all!!3 -
Well, yeh, the 5:30 idea didn't work last night. Lol I probably ate another 300 cal. right before bed.
Of course, you all have great ideas and suggestions but when it comes to turning your brain around, it doesn't seem that those work very well. My body listens to a whole different voice. The brain is what I need to conquer at the moment so I need to figure out how to get back to "I can do this" mode. *sigh*
I'd like to think my problem lies in the fact that I still have triggers in the house, leftover from the holidays, but there'll always be triggers in the house if what I truly want to do at the moment, is eat. I need to find that brain switch and flip it back to positive instead of negative.
Sept. 2018 I weighed 135, by April 2019 I weighed 160. I don't want to do that this year.
The reason I picked 5:30 as a cut-off time is because I know, for me, those are my danger hours so figured if I could just say no more to food, then I'd work through it. But then my no more turned into maybe 1, then I'll have another, etc.
I'll have to figure out what my maintenance calories would be and start there, plus tomorrow is grocery day and my plan is to purge the house of everything leftover from the holidays once and for all, refill with fresh, exciting healthier foods. That 1/2 box of Wheat Thins is still calling my name. But my dh, bless his heart, hid his leftover Champlain chocolate from his stocking. How does he eat 1 piece?? That Santa would've been annihilated within 10 minutes.
Thanks all!!
If evening is a problem, then could you try skipping breakfast, and using those calories after dinner? That’s exactly what works for me. I allot myself 350 calories for after dinner. I usually use it on wine or beer, cheese and crackers, cookies or chocolate. Or like last night—extra pizza at dinner, and then I was full enough that I didn’t eat again. I just love that it gives me that flexibility.
You would definitely need to know your maintenance calories so you can figure out how many calories you need to aim for to lose weight. I hope you find what works for you!2 -
Well, yeh, the 5:30 idea didn't work last night. Lol I probably ate another 300 cal. right before bed.
Of course, you all have great ideas and suggestions but when it comes to turning your brain around, it doesn't seem that those work very well. My body listens to a whole different voice. The brain is what I need to conquer at the moment so I need to figure out how to get back to "I can do this" mode. *sigh*
Part of "I can do this" mode is is creating an environment that makes the process easiest for us. For many of us, that includes structuring our days in such a way that we have the most calories available for when we are most likely to need/want them.
I really do get where you are coming from. I struggle with depression and have been out of "I can do this" mode for a long time. I started back up logging recently after about a year off (a very rough year). I didn't come back with an "I can do this" mentality, I just came back and started logging. Now that I'm back in the habit of logging, I'm looking at the little tweaks that make hitting my calorie goal consistently more doable. I have quite a lot of calories to work with right now (1700 to lose 1 lb/week), so it's less critical for me right now how I distribute my calories and I am eating breakfast. But I have, and likely will, go to an IF structure again eventually where I just skip breakfast, because I can tolerate a little hunger in the morning, but not so much in the evening. I'm still not feeling wildly enthusiastic, but I know from experience I don't have to be- I just need simple habits and to create an environment that makes it possible for me to succeed even when I'm not feeling it. Work *with* your body, not against it with arbitrary rules.
The simpler, and less aggressive, we make it, the better our attitude will be.
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5:30 would kill me. My daily calorie budget is 2030. I have a favorite 300 calorie smoothie every morning for breakfast, 400’ish for lunch, and 4-600 for dinner.
Everything else I spend on snacks. That way I get to graze all afternoon, and after dinner, no later than 9 pm (a throwback habit from the GERD days).
My snacks are smallish: bowl of fruit and cottage cheese, Greek yogurt with sugar free pudding mix (a great idea I learned on MFP!), protein bar (I like the ones that are around 200 calories), homemade beef jerky, hummus with carrots or pretzels, an apple or orange, or a second, less-complicated smoothie. I even buy big packs of deli roasted chicken and roll and eat the pieces. It’s only 50-60 calories, it’s a lotta chicken and it’s surprisingly filling.
For me, protein is filling and satisfying. It’s so filling, sometimes I leave a couple hundred on the table. Carbs seem to lead to binges. I make up for any shortages on bunco nights. Yikes.3 -
This is the hardest thing to do. I've had six solid months of being disciplined and then a week "off" at Xmas. I'm also struggling to get back on it despite logging throughout.
I'm a bit better tonight so far, but I've decided to have no snacks at all - despite having 200 odd calories left today. If I start, it'll never be enough. My plan is to go to bed in the next 1p mins despite it not being even 9pm yet!
It also helped today that I went shopping and bought a few things in my new size. It was a great reminder of how much I value my new size.1 -
I would struggle with a 5.30pm finish each day. One thing that works for me is when I have finished eating for the day, I brush my teeth, this helps me avoid absent mindlessly placing food in my mouth.4
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God, I'm having the same issue, and it's exacerbated by being out of work and being home too much during the day. I went off plan a year ago, when my job changed, my Grandpa died, my Mom moved in with us, and we had to move quickly to accomodate her.
I just haven't been able to keep on track since. And now I get to add job hunting and getting ready to go get back to earning my Masters, to the whole bad schedule thing. I do ok during the day, if I keep myself busy (and out of the house) but if I'm sitting for any length of time, or between dinner and bed, I have a REALLY hard time not munching!3 -
I somewhat lost my diet thread leading up to Christmas. After several days of total (intentional) break from dieting, it was super hard to get back to my 1750 calories. I was suddenly constantly hungry in a way I hadn't been in many months, like real stomach growling at night and such. It's amazing how that hunger signaling and craving had been tamped down by my diet, but even more amazing how fast and persistently and insistently it returned; it only took a few days of old-style overeating to bring it all back.
I doubt there's a magic solution for this, but what I did is acknowledge that going from God knows how many thousands of calories over target right to 1750 wasn't working. So on the 28th I aimed for 2250, hit it, then went for 2150 the next day, hit it, and so on, until I got back down to 1750. This seems to have worked because I'm now back on my diet. I think a little extra food, removed in stages, really helped.
I think next year I will log and try to be at least semi-responsible with the food on the holidays. Not sure full-bore binging helps anything.8 -
I’ve been using this site a loooong time. I fell off for a bit during a stressful year, but I’m back, and I’ve seen it all.
Some advice: move dinner up. I’m up at 6, walk for an hour before I have to get my daughter up for school, then it’s coffee at 9, lunch between 12-1, a small snack (usually a Quest bar) at 3, and dinner at 6 to be asleep by 9-10. Spacing your meals is key.
So is getting enough sleep. Are you tired when you eat at night? I have a bad habit of reaching for food when I’m tired. Instead, I now grab a Propel water. It’s got a bit of sweet flavor, and some B vitamins to give me a little push of energy.
You will be less hungry if you keep moving. It’s counterintuitive, but true. I take a short, 10-minute walk around my house, just pacing, really, when I’m tempted to munch.
But mostly, sugar is just really addicting. The first few days without it are HARD. But once it’s out of your system, life gets easier. Plan healthy meals. Avoid sugar as much as possible. And just know that this too shall pass.2 -
Start by eating at maintenance for a bit.
Maintenance, not surplus.
Then gently lower.
And of course... log what you're going to eat before you do so and evaluate if you can afford it at your maintenance! 🤔 ✋
I agree with @PAV8888 but that is not really a surprise.
To his advice I add:
1) Do not allow yourself to overreact or make this a bigger deal than it is. Try to think of this as happening to a friend instead of to yourself and make decisions based on what advice you would give to someone else.
2) Make sure the food you are having a hard time moderating is not in plain sight. You do not want it advertising itself to you.
3) When you log the food before you eat it and see that it will put you over read it out loud. Verbalizing an unwanted action makes it more real.
If you have kids in the house that have not returned to school and/or you have not yet returned to work you may be internally fighting the notion that the holidays are over. This may end on its own as soon as normal schedules resume.3 -
Well, yeh, the 5:30 idea didn't work last night. Lol I probably ate another 300 cal. right before bed.
Of course, you all have great ideas and suggestions but when it comes to turning your brain around, it doesn't seem that those work very well. My body listens to a whole different voice. The brain is what I need to conquer at the moment so I need to figure out how to get back to "I can do this" mode. *sigh*
I'd like to think my problem lies in the fact that I still have triggers in the house, leftover from the holidays, but there'll always be triggers in the house if what I truly want to do at the moment, is eat. I need to find that brain switch and flip it back to positive instead of negative.
Sept. 2018 I weighed 135, by April 2019 I weighed 160. I don't want to do that this year.
The reason I picked 5:30 as a cut-off time is because I know, for me, those are my danger hours so figured if I could just say no more to food, then I'd work through it. But then my no more turned into maybe 1, then I'll have another, etc.
I'll have to figure out what my maintenance calories would be and start there, plus tomorrow is grocery day and my plan is to purge the house of everything leftover from the holidays once and for all, refill with fresh, exciting healthier foods. That 1/2 box of Wheat Thins is still calling my name. But my dh, bless his heart, hid his leftover Champlain chocolate from his stocking. How does he eat 1 piece?? That Santa would've been annihilated within 10 minutes.
Thanks all!!
If you lose weight on an MFP-set calorie goal at the rate MFP predicts, on average, you can get a maintenance calorie estimate by setting MFP goals to "maintain weight", and that should be pretty close.
If not, do some arithmetic:
Go back to the last period of around 4 weeks when you were logging quite consistently (doesn't necessarily have to be exactly at your goal calories, or even losing weight; what's important is logging for all the days).
Add up all the calories logged for that 4 week period. (If you missed logging some days, assume you ate your average number of calories each of those days, unless you know in your heart you were way over or under those days; if that, just make an educated guess).
Take your starting weight at the beginning of the 4-week period, and subtract your ending weight at the end. This will give you a positive number if you lost weight, a negative number if you gained. Whatever the number, multiply it by 3500 (the approximate number of calories in a pound).
Add the calories eaten and the calories from the pounds/fractions of body weight change. (Note that if you gained weight over the period, you want to be adding the negative number of bodyweight calories, which is the same as subtracting the same numeric absolute value - does that make sense? You know, 150 + (-100) = 50, same as 150 - 100 = 50: that kind of thing.)
Divide that calorie total by the number of days in those 4 weeks. That's your approximate maintenance calories on a TDEE basis (includes exercise effect).0 -
You might find this podcast on creating good habits and doing away with bad habits useful: https://www.npr.org/2019/12/11/787160734/creatures-of-habit-how-habits-shape-who-we-are-and-who-we-become
For more concrete action steps: this book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for overeating was available in my library system, so perhaps yours as well.
The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
Can thinking and eating like a thin person be learned, similar to learning to drive or use a computer? Beck (Cognitive Therapy for Challenging Problems) contends so, based on decades of work with patients who have lost pounds and maintained weight through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Beck's six-week program adapts CBT, a therapeutic system developed by Beck's father, Aaron, in the 1960s, to specific challenges faced by yo-yo dieters, including negative thinking, bargaining, emotional eating, bingeing, and eating out. Beck counsels readers day-by-day, introducing new elements (creating advantage response cards, choosing a diet, enlisting a diet coach, making a weight-loss graph) progressively and offering tools to help readers stay focused (writing exercises, to-do lists, ways to counter negative thoughts). There are no eating plans, calorie counts, recipes or exercises; according to Beck, any healthy diet will work if readers learn to think differently about eating and food. Beck's book is like an extended therapy session with a diet coach. (Apr.)
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Kshama, thank you for the book recommendation, I have it in my amazon cart and will order it. That's where my main problem lies is the way I think about it. Once my mind goes on a track there doesn't seem to be any stopping it. Thank you also for the podcast recommendation, and to all who have responded to my plea. Maybe for many of us, it doesn't come down to which way to eat or how to go about it all but how to change our thinking during the process. So much can play a part; our childhood and habits, our emotions and the way we feel about ourselves, the way we handle adversity, determination, strength, our feelings about food and what they do for our bodies(soothe and comfort). Some of us feel weaker during certain times and some are able to never give up. Some of us stick to it for months, years and then find ourselves right back where we started. And these are the things I need to conquer in my own brain.
Right now, my boredom and loneliness(I feel lonely despite living with 2 wonderful dogs and another adult in the house) are dragging me down into a more depressive state. It could be the winter doldrums, having no big goals or daily fun stuff to keep me occupied, being inside more, I really think it's a combination of stuff. Maybe therapy would help but I do know eating more didn't. It only makes it that much worse, piling despair and shame on top of everything else. I take anti-depressants and use light therapy(just started that). But I'm not good at pushing myself out the front into the cold. I tend to be the person hiding under the blankets in the pages of a good book. I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise every day.
Since I don't pay anybody here for counseling, I'll stop now.
But thank you again!!! 2 -
Have you tried journaling? It's not for everyone, but it tends to be my best tool in trying to get myself back on track and dealing with some of the same issues you have talked about.
I also think that joining a challenge group here, if there are any currently active, could be helpful? That's something I did when I first started at MFP early on and really enjoyed it -- there was a lot of setting process goals and talking through what was working and what wasn't and why not with others in the challenge.0 -
@ReenieHJ If you're the kind of person who likes understanding the 'why' and 'how' of things, I would also recommend The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It looks at how habits are formed and therefore how (to a certain extent) we can be deliberate about forming habits.
I totally agree with @lemurcat2 as well: challenge groups are an amazing way to stay occupied and social (I have some amazing friends whom I've never met because of one challenge I've been doing for over a year...) and to keep having something to work toward once you're in maintenance.
I hope today's better than yesterday. Not sure who said it earlier, but coming off a holiday high is emotionally challenging. The lead-up to an event is nearly always going to be more stimulating than the return to 'real life'.0
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