Dealing with unhealthy relatives on Labor Day

bstamps12
bstamps12 Posts: 1,184
edited October 2024 in Food and Nutrition
So the side of the family I am spending Labor Day weekend with is totally unhealthy. And they are the type that will take offense to me bringing too much of my own healthy food to eat instead of what they fix. Even at my heaviest weight, it grossed me out how much butter and Crisco they add while cooking....even cooking a can of corn, they add tons of butter. I'm so spoiled because my side of the family is healthy & I am used to eating healthy when we are with them, but my husband's side is a whole different story! (Which of course brings into play the fact that I could easily tell my parents "Sorry, but I'm going to stop at Subway instead of Pizza Hut for lunch" or "Actually, I'll prepare my own salad thanks" but not DH's family which is the classic Paula Dean family) How do you guys handle this at family functions? How do you politely turn away the unhealthy stuff without hurting feelings? And do you just starve because saying "I'm not hungry" to avoid eating the healthy foods means they will be offended if I go grab my own banana or snack...???

Replies

  • BeautifulArtemis
    BeautifulArtemis Posts: 641 Member
    I'll be dealing with the same thing too...My mom doesn't believe in low fat counting calorie diets so she pushes the atkins....meat meat and more meat...ugh! I'm developing some dishes of my own to make while visiting including some healthy bbq/grill alternatives. I hate eating seperate but its the only way!
  • manderann
    manderann Posts: 189
    You could try bringing your own dish to share. There are plenty of full flavor healthy recipes out there, maybe his family would be pleasantly surprised... just don't tell anyone that it's NOT slathered in butter until after they eat it. :tongue:
  • Suzannejl
    Suzannejl Posts: 212
    I'm Polish, and married a military man, which means we have been guests all over the world, and my MIL and my Grandma gets really snarky if you don't eat what THEY put on your plate. Now I just take the serving spoon and serve myself smaller portions, or just don't finish the plate. It drives em crazy sometimes, and I have actually seen them eat the leftover food off my plate!!!! But I just let it go. If it's a pot luck, bring a healthy dish, and even if it's not, bring it anyway. That way you can TAKE a small portion of what ever they are serving, you just don't have to eat it. Eat what you like, and/or take a bite of theirs anyway. That way you can be polite both ways! By bringing a dish, and by trying what they have.

    Good luck! And remember one day or weekend won't kill everything you work on all month long!
  • smkcx♥
    smkcx♥ Posts: 317 Member
    I would tell them that I wasn't feeling well (my stomach was tore up -- which theyre are stomach virus' goin around at this time) and that i want to eat light stuff that will sit well on your stomach.
  • Monica_has_a_goal
    Monica_has_a_goal Posts: 694 Member
    Hun I'm a lot older than you.. I'm 44 and have been married for almost 24 years this November..

    There comes a time when you say, " I can't please EVERYONE all the time!" and sometimes 'offending' them to keep yourself healthy is what you need to do. I don't see why they would be offended that you CHOOSE to eat what you want. Afterall, who's forcing them to eat what you're having?! No one!

    But like I said. I'm a lot older and more opinionated than when I was in my 20's and first married. I always tried to please my MIL and SIL. Now, after all these years I'm trying to please myself and my hubby!

    Just my two cents.
  • shanolap
    shanolap Posts: 1,204 Member
    If it's a pot luck, bring a healthy dish, and even if it's not, bring it anyway. That way you can TAKE a small portion of what ever they are serving, you just don't have to eat it. Eat what you like, and/or take a bite of theirs anyway. That way you can be polite both ways! By bringing a dish, and by trying what they have.

    Good luck! And remember one day or weekend won't kill everything you work on all month long!

    Fully agree!
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
    Don't worry about offending them. Bring something healthy to share with everyone and eat heavily from that while picking from the least offending foods they offer. They might be offended, but honestly I'd be offended at people sneering at your healthy lifestyle!
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    I will be going through this next weekend. My MIL even had gasstric bypass surgery last April and the food they told me they're having for this party is out of hand....Ham, meatballs, pizza, potato salad, coleslaw, and lots of other fat ladden food. It's amazing to me how poorly they eat. (umm maybe why the gastric bypass).

    It will be a challenge for me and my teenage daughters. They are really focusing on eating better etc. It's funny b/c we eat so clean and with the start of school they've had fast food and my youngest says..."can you make something healthy for dinner? All this fast food is making me sick." I love it!

    Hang in there and I agree, maybe offer to make a dish or two, or better yet just make em and take em...

    Have fun!
  • hazelnutflav
    hazelnutflav Posts: 391 Member
    bring a healthy dish of thing that you like (that is what you will eat) what ever they prepare let them eat it, im mean we are all adults here the last time someone told me what to eat i was 10.



    let it go people.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    So the side of the family I am spending Labor Day weekend with is totally unhealthy. And they are the type that will take offense to me bringing too much of my own healthy food to eat instead of what they fix. Even at my heaviest weight, it grossed me out how much butter and Crisco they add while cooking....even cooking a can of corn, they add tons of butter. I'm so spoiled because my side of the family is healthy & I am used to eating healthy when we are with them, but my husband's side is a whole different story! (Which of course brings into play the fact that I could easily tell my parents "Sorry, but I'm going to stop at Subway instead of Pizza Hut for lunch" or "Actually, I'll prepare my own salad thanks" but not DH's family which is the classic Paula Dean family) How do you guys handle this at family functions? How do you politely turn away the unhealthy stuff without hurting feelings? And do you just starve because saying "I'm not hungry" to avoid eating the healthy foods means they will be offended if I go grab my own banana or snack...???

    Well, I know how you feel...but I have found that if you eat smaller portions, that will help. Also, if you are true to yourself, why not make a salad or whatever you need for you. If your LIFE depends on it, why not do what you need to do for you. Example: My Sister loves to fry her chicken and I thought She would be offended if I ate it any other way (heck, I love fried chicken too, but I may eat it once a month, not every week), well one day she was frying chicken for dinner and I asked her to bake Me a piece. She said Ok, what type of seasonings do you like. Point being, if YOU don't ask for what you want/need you leave people to assume or guess what you want...and chances are they will be wrong, BUT then whose fault is it. Do YOU or don't complain.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    bring a healthy dish of thing that you like (that is what you will eat) what ever they prepare let them eat it, im mean we are all adults here the last time someone told me what to eat i was 10.



    let it go people.

    EXACTLY!!!
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    If it's a pot luck, bring a healthy dish, and even if it's not, bring it anyway. That way you can TAKE a small portion of what ever they are serving, you just don't have to eat it. Eat what you like, and/or take a bite of theirs anyway. That way you can be polite both ways! By bringing a dish, and by trying what they have.

    Good luck! And remember one day or weekend won't kill everything you work on all month long!

    Fully agree!

    Double Ditto.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Just bring your healthy dish and they can learn to live with it. You've made a decision to pursue a healthy lifestyle and can't let other people, be it friends or family, ruin all of your work with their own bad habits while you worry about hurting someone's feelings. I see you're doing quite well so far...so just politely point out that you've lost weight and have been working too hard to allow yourself to lose any momentum over the holiday.

    If they care about you and your health...they will understand and have no reason to be offended.
  • maemiller
    maemiller Posts: 439 Member
    sounds like my husbands family. They are so into processed foods, deep fried, whole milk, butter, oil, lard....UGH!! cant bring anything healthy cause they claim they can taste the difference between healthy and normal. So ill bring some kind of a dish that they would eat and i bring a separate meal for myself or ill eat before hand and ill bring a small snack (veggies or protein bar) to eat so i dont look out of place. They are so totally opposite from my family who are very health conscious
  • pixiechick8321
    pixiechick8321 Posts: 284 Member
    Bring snacks in your bag...eat in room or in bathroom (I know, it's lame, but it won't offend)

    If you can't make a dish (which seems to be what most suggest but would NEVER fly in The South), then have small portions of everything - fill the whole plate...then be the first to rinse it before putting in sink/dishwasher...that way you can remove the signs that you didn't enjoy the butter/mayo/etc.

    Also, just realize it's one weekend and it will be ok in the long term - it's hard not to offend and eat bad food, but it's harder to offend and deal with the repercussions sometimes! For a few days, especially if you don't otherwise visit often, just deal with it.
  • bstamps12
    bstamps12 Posts: 1,184
    I should have added that it is 6 hours away and we will be there from Friday night through Monday afternoon, so even if I bring my own dish, it won't last too long. Some of you are right, at my age, I just don't have that comfort yet with telling my husband's family things that I know will be natural years from now. And yes, I'm in the South, deep South, where refusing to eat food someone cooks is the ultimate insult :noway:

    I'll probably try the "I have a stomach virus" idea and eat my own snacks in the bedroom :smile:

    Thanks for all of your ideas & good luck to those of you in similar situations this weekend!
  • sirmio
    sirmio Posts: 44 Member
    One weekend won't kill you. In fact, the extra calories might help a little bit and give you a strong start for next week.

    I'd try to talk to them ahead of time and let them know what you're trying to do, then they may not take it so hard if you don't eat much or they might even surprise you with a compromise. I think part of the insult comes from having spent so much time preparing something and then not having it eaten. The advanced warning might alleviate that some.

    When it comes to in-laws, you have to assert yourself eventually. Food is an easy thing, there will be bigger ones to come so it doesn't hurt to learn to deal with it now.
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