Kindly don’t speak to me?
Gaygirl2120
Posts: 541 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok so I go to my gym at roughly the same time each day. All the regulars know I am not that friendly chatty gym person. They respect it and leave me alone. However there is this one guy who just isn’t taking the hint. He comes up to me every time he sees me and wants to have a conversation. He hadn’t seen me in awhile and I told him yes I fractured my foot and had to take some time off. I try not to be rude and if someone talks to me I’ll respond, but make it as quick and to the point as possible. But now he asks me if I’m supposed to be working out and if my Dr approves of it etc. I’m just like 🤦🏽♀️ I literally had my headphones in and had my face buried in my phone the other day aggressively texting someone and it was obvious I didn’t want to be bothered. I literally didn’t even look up from my phone when he approached me. But he still stood there yapping away. Most people would take the hint. But I don’t think he was built wth that feature. So how do you guys handle dealing with chatty gym people or in general that aren’t understanding you don’t want to talk to them? I don’t want to be straight up rude and create an uncomfortable situation when I have to see this dude almost daily. But I do want to make it clear I’m not interested in talking to him.
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Replies
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Bring one of your girl friends and pretend she's your girlfriend or I know it's not ideal but sometimes one needs to be a *kitten*.. a nice one tho. Like maybe next time be like "Can we chat after I'm done with my workout?" Or "Can we catch up another time, I'm short on time" OR straight up *kitten* mode and be like "*kitten* off" 🤷♀️0
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I'm a pretty direct person devoid of social norms... I would just tell him to leave me alone, I'm trying to workout. 🤷🏼♀️6
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r3d_butt3rfly_ wrote: »Bring one of your girl friends and pretend she's your girlfriend or I know it's not ideal but sometimes one needs to be a *kitten*.. a nice one tho. Like maybe next time be like "Can we chat after I'm done with my workout?" Or "Can we catch up another time, I'm short on time" OR straight up *kitten* mode and be like "*kitten* off" 🤷♀️
Lol funny thing if I could get my actual girlfriend out of bed with me in the morning and bring her with me that would be great lol!2 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »I'm a pretty direct person devoid of social norms... I would just tell him to leave me alone, I'm trying to workout. 🤷🏼♀️
In a different setting I would totally do this. But like I said because I do see him all the time I don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation.1 -
Try a quick "maybe later" approach? Like "Hey, good to see you too, but if I talk during my workout I lose focus, so could we chat later?" Then set a notification on your phone for about five minutes after your workout. When he's blabbing at you, go "oops, gotta go" when it goes off. If this happens every time and he questions you just say "I only have so much time to work out and I really want to get the most out of it."1
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »I'm a pretty direct person devoid of social norms... I would just tell him to leave me alone, I'm trying to workout. 🤷🏼♀️
In a different setting I would totally do this. But like I said because I do see him all the time I don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation.
Uncomfortable for you or him?8 -
“I’m going to listen to my music and focus on my workout now.”3
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"I'm sorry, I'm right in the middle of a workout. I can't chat right now."2
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »I'm a pretty direct person devoid of social norms... I would just tell him to leave me alone, I'm trying to workout. 🤷🏼♀️
In a different setting I would totally do this. But like I said because I do see him all the time I don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation.
You can absolutely be direct without being rude. You say you think he doesn't pick up on social cues so being direct is your only option. No need to feel uncomfortable when you see him in the future, either. Sounds like you're uncomfortable now so no sense putting up with it.3 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »I'm a pretty direct person devoid of social norms... I would just tell him to leave me alone, I'm trying to workout. 🤷🏼♀️
In a different setting I would totally do this. But like I said because I do see him all the time I don’t want to create an uncomfortable situation.
Sounds like it's already uncomfortable...7 -
If he seems generally harmless but clueless, just be direct. “Hey I’m focusing on my (whenever you do) but have a good workout!” I don’t apologize or say sorry but I might add thanks at the end. Then just ignore. Even if he continues to stand there and yap away, just act as if he’s another piece of gym equipment 🤣 Don’t say “maybe later” if you don’t want to chat because he’ll keep thinking each time is “later”
Have a few mental cue cards:
I’m good, thanks!
I’m focused on my podcast/playlist/meditation etc, thanks!
I can’t chat now, have a good workout!
You don’t need further explanation, and you don’t need to make him understand that you have other things to do or get him to be OK that you can’t/won’t chat. You just have to make it clear for him to stop.
FWIW a quick hello or wave/head nod never bothers me but if he persists beyond that after you’ve clearly said you aren’t interested and available for further conversation you may need to get gym staff to back you up.5 -
Just explain to him that you're time in the gym is valuable as you want to make the most of it and talking is a distration.
"Thanks for your concern. but, I'm good. Have a nice day" is all that needs to be said.1 -
just marry the guy
..... it's the best way to stifle any and all communication13 -
Ask him his name, and when he tells you say: "Thank you, now I know what to put on the restraining order".2
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Perfect your rbf. Dont make eye contact. Hiss at him. Become cat.6
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"I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not a very chatty person. It's nothing personal but I just want to focus on my workout."
You don't owe him anything, not even an apology. If he reacts negatively, that's on him. It may be uncomfortable for a few seconds, but it will save you all the grief he would have caused if you don't say anything at all.
Let us know how it goes!3 -
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Thanks everyone for the great advice and laughs. I’m definitely going to be direct, but not rude and hopefully he will finally get the point.3
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Love to hear the update when you're ready!1
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The gym is the place I go so I don't have to interact with anyone. Got my tunes going and ready to rock. So don't talk to me.1
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Oh god 🙈....i would the one still talking to him with a smile on my face. And no work out 😬...take all the advice lol. If I could break away id prob use the I'm sorry I woud love to chat but I only have a set amount of time to get this in....catch up later? And ya dont maybe listen to me 🤔🤷😂😂😂
Good luck!2 -
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Practice this face, and get this shirt:
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Not exactly a chosen solution, but one that makes discouraging unwanted conversation a bit easier:
I have diminished hearing and use aids in both ears. Since the bulk of my non-swimming exercise takes place in a pool, I remove the aids as they will die when wet. So as to protect ears from excess water I wear earplugs which when properly installed effectively makes me deaf. So when people talk, I just shrug, point to my head and say "I can't hear you". When I walk on track or treadmill I will usually have earphones in listening to book or music.1 -
Is he autistic? It could be you need to tell him point black 'please don't talk to me', unless I engage first.1
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