Self esteem issues, can anyone commiserate?

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PixelTreason
PixelTreason Posts: 226 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey, guys. :)

Been eating right and exercising for about 4 months now and have lost 30 pounds, yay!
I'm 5' 9" and started at 167lb. My goal was to reach 140lb and I've done that and passed it (at 137lb right now).

While that's exciting, I still feel terribly fat. : /

When I was 140lb five years ago, my body looked SO different. I was tighter, my stomach was flatter and everything looked better. I guess I had this magical number in my head that when I reached it, I would look the same as I did then.

I've had an office job for the past 5 years and I think it's a big part of the problem. I try to get up as much as possible but to do my job I am forced to sit much of the day. I'm exercising like never before but I just don't know if it's enough to combat all the sitting!
So my body looks so much fatter now at 140lb than it did 5 years ago at 140lb, you know? It's frustrating.

My new goal is 125lb. Maybe that will help?


Anyone else have this problem? You lose all this weight and should feel awesome about it but you still see a fat girl in the mirror?
I can't even tell a huge difference between my before and after pics. My boyfriend says there is a big difference and I believe him, it's just I can't see it.

I'm starting 30 day shred in a few days so maybe that will help, too. :)

Any advice or anyone just want to chime in that they feel as I do?

Replies

  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
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    Hard to believe, a weight loss website and there is a girl with self-esteem issues.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    I can definitely relate...my struggle is that I am almost back at my pre-pregnancy weight (which is from 5 years ago) and I still can't fit into those clothes properly. My body is definitely different now. I think that the 30 day shred would be good for you. What kind of workouts are you doing? You might want to add some strength training if you aren't doing it already! Feel free to add me!
  • hm_day
    hm_day Posts: 857 Member
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    If you aren't doing any sort of strength or toning exercises, it's possible that you have loose skin that hasn't come back to the body yet. Try doing ab exercises and stuff for a while.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Hard to believe, a weight loss website and there is a girl with self-esteem issues.

    Really? Was that necessary?
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    Doing the 30 day shred should help. If you lost the weight but didn't do any exercising it would make sense that your body looks quite different.

    Best wishes.
    If you want to friend me you can. I have a goal to hit 140 too.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
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    Hard to believe, a weight loss website and there is a girl with self-esteem issues.

    Really? Was that necessary?
    Just trying to keep it light. I wasn't making fun rather attempting at humor.
  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
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    I lost a lot of weight 4 years ago before I had my boys and felt the same way. My problem was loose skin which Im sure will be worse this time after 2 pregnancies. BUT, while I didn't like the way I looked in the mirror, my clothes fit great and I felt strong. Try and focus on those things. Also, maybe focus on toning to see if that tightens you up in a way you like.
  • BrentGetsFit
    BrentGetsFit Posts: 878 Member
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    The number on the scale is only part of the equation. Body composition is the key. Build a little more muscle and while the scale may go up, you'll get that tighter, fitter look you're looking for. Extra muscle will also burn more calories so you may lose fat and keep that scale number about the same! Good luck :)
  • MyNewNirvana
    MyNewNirvana Posts: 8
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    I take a picture of myself for every 10 lbs i lose. I see how my clothes are fitting differently, but without a picture, i cannot just look at myself and see the changes. The only advice I would have for you is to start working on toning. Turn your body into a lean muscle machine. Many women feel they shouldn't lift weights because they do not want to look "manly", but you can tone without this happening. I wish you all the best on your journey!!!
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
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    i've lost 36 pounds since feb- 15 of that since july 6th. also since july 19th, i've lost 25.5 inches (felt too fat to messure before that)

    my family tells me they can see the changes, i can feel them in my clothes and how much energy i have now, BUT when i look at myself, i actually think i look bigger!

    i know it's just me having troubles with my self esteem- i've hated my body for so long that i can't see the good things for fear that it wont last. my goal is 125-130 which is what i was almost 10 years ago. it'll be hard to get down to that bc along the way, im not seeing the difference.
  • prettyfitchick
    prettyfitchick Posts: 502 Member
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    well i think toning would get the results you want and rember you were 5 years younger back then things change over time every time I loose a pound i get a new strech mark to prove it which never got back when i was teen loosing weight
  • patriot201
    patriot201 Posts: 117 Member
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    I could have written your post word for word. It is almost exactly what I have faced. (((((((((hugs))))))))

    I'm sorry to say this, but 125 is WAY too low for your height. Your current weight-- 137-- is probably even a bit low. I am going to sound like a total hypocrite when I say this, but I'm going to say it anyway-- don't focus on the number. :)

    Strength training might help to help you feel better about how you look. If you do feel that you have actual self-esteem issues, though, I would consider counseling. It can help tremendously.


    I used to be 5'9" as well. I used to be 150 pounds at that height. Then I started losing and I lost more than just weight. I also lost bone mass (from eating so little and losing so much weight that I altered my hormone balance), which caused me to lose HEIGHT as well. A full inch of height was lost in a year-- between age 29 and age 30.

    Again, ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). I know how it feels to feel that your loss just isn't enough.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I wouldn't try to lose any more weight. I'd just focus on exercise and strength training, but eat to maintain your weight.

    You lost that thiry pounds FAST. Maybe too fast. When you lose it fast, you typically lose more lean muscle mass, plus it might take your skin a little time to shrink to catch up with the rest of your body. Put those together, and you're not going to look quite as lean as you'd like.

    I'm a shorty compared to you. Just 5'5. The first time I weighed 130 lbs, I looked great. I'd always been too skinny as a teen and young adult, so I felt sexy with a little more curves than I had before.

    The second time I weighed 130 was after I'd lost weight from a jaw problem that made it impossible for me to eat properly, so I didn't get the proper nutrition and I know i didn't get enough exercise. Hard to exercise when you're malnourished. :wink:

    Then I gained weight again, and lost weight again. And once again, I didn't lose it right. I just cut my calories too much. I didn't lose it fast, but I lost lean muscle mass because I wasn't eating enough and wasn't exercising enough. I got frustrated with my weight loss and quit because eating so little was so hard, and I still had mushy areas that I felt I shouldn't. Like back fat rolls. HATED THEM.

    THIS time around, losing weight slower and coupled with a buttload of exercise, I looked better at 140 than I previously did at 130. And at 130, I'm fitting into clothes I last wore at 120.

    Also, you might want to take a lot of photos of your progress. Sometimes we don't see the changes in the mirror. Sometimes I still see the back fat that I know logically is NOT there. But in photos, it's easier to be objective, especially if you're comparing them side by side in the same pose and clothes.
  • javamonster
    javamonster Posts: 272 Member
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    I completely understand - I'm not sure for me it's so much self esteem as dissatisfaction, though. Or maybe vanity! :wink: I'm the lowest I've been weight-wise since high school, but I now I have these flabby areas that are making me mad! The thing is, I know the answer - which is what everyone else has already said. More of the right kind of exercise. It's really hard to fit it all in. I've always been the one who says you make time for what's important to you, but I'm self-employed so when things get busy for me I'm struggling to find enough hours in the day to get it all done. :angry:
  • Pronoiac
    Pronoiac Posts: 304
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    As stated above by some others, body composition does change. Especially if you have had a desk job in that time (it's far worse for our bodies than most realize). Strength training is the best way to become the architect of your own physique.

    But that is not really what this is about. Self-image is the core of how we see ourselves. It's the picture deep in our head that our feeds the feelings we call 'self-esteem'. Consider that focusing on elevating your self-image/self-esteem is as important as exercise. Maybe even more important because until that element changes ever effort will feel like a struggle and unsuccessful, BUT once it does change it will all feel natural. That type of change is best done with professional or even a guided imagery/meditation program. Good luck!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Hard to believe, a weight loss website and there is a girl with self-esteem issues.

    Really? Was that necessary?
    Just trying to keep it light. I wasn't making fun rather attempting at humor.

    Gotcha...It just seemed kind of sucky that it was one of the first comments she got...
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Lowering the # on the scale isn't going to make you feel any better. Do some strength training, it'll help to tighten and tone. 30DS is a good place to start.
  • PixelTreason
    PixelTreason Posts: 226 Member
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    Thanks so much, everyone. It helps a lot to know that others understand, because my family sure doesn't. :)


    I should have mentioned, I am doing some strength training (and crunches, etc.) with weights at home but maybe I need to do even more.

    I did lose the weight rather quickly and it's probably because I'm (still) not eating enough, I think. It's difficult to eat as much as the site says I should because I'm so paranoid about gaining weight back that I've lost. I tried eating more to get closer to my calorie goal the past week or two and I didn't lose any weight this week and it freaks me out. : /

    And thanks for all the advice, as well! I will definitely take more pics, do more strength training (and 30 day shred, starting tomorrow!) and try to not worry so much about the scale. I know I should be happy at this weight, I haven't weighed this little since high school and I have to remember that.
    It's got to be lose skin and not enough muscle that's my problem. It will probably just take time to see good results and I'm so impatient I'm getting frustrated. :)
  • hewhoiscd
    hewhoiscd Posts: 1,029 Member
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    I'll second the weight lifting suggestion. Losing the fat is only part of the equation. Now you need to eat maintenance calories, do weight lifting, and make sure you eat back exercise calories. Do that for at least a month then reassess.

    I haven't used it myself (for obvious reasons :laugh: ) but have heard great things about a book called, "The New Rules of Lifting for Women"

    And grats on your progress so far!
  • ShepHatesYou
    ShepHatesYou Posts: 3
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