The lockdown hasn't been good to me?

Options
13»

Replies

  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    Options
    I lost 40 lbs and made up my mind to not put it back on. It is hard but I am doing it. I am thinking I want to fit in my clothes after all this is over with. I messed up over Easter, kind of in a candy coma but didnt eater dinner that night so all is good, getting back on track today. Remind myself how bad I feel when I get fat.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    Options
    KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
    I do understand the mental disconnect shes talking about when it comes to the running thing..

    It's hard for people who dont have the disconnect to really grasp it... but when I was working out, my brain told me that only calories burned running counted, when I used the elliptical I couldnt bring myself to count it as legit exercise. Eventually as my disconnect got worse, and I required more higher and higher calorie burns to feel comfortable mentally, an hour at the gym felt like a waste of time, what a failure I was, only spending an hour doing cardio...

    Logically in the real world... yes. An hour is better then nothing and we can agree and see that as a true statement, but that back area of your mind, that is screaming at you, it can really kick the crap out of you and distort your ability to accept truth

    I get the disconnect between what we feel to be true and what we objectively know is true.
  • psychod787
    psychod787 Posts: 4,088 Member
    Options
    KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
    I do understand the mental disconnect shes talking about when it comes to the running thing..

    It's hard for people who dont have the disconnect to really grasp it... but when I was working out, my brain told me that only calories burned running counted, when I used the elliptical I couldnt bring myself to count it as legit exercise. Eventually as my disconnect got worse, and I required more higher and higher calorie burns to feel comfortable mentally, an hour at the gym felt like a waste of time, what a failure I was, only spending an hour doing cardio...

    Logically in the real world... yes. An hour is better then nothing and we can agree and see that as a true statement, but that back area of your mind, that is screaming at you, it can really kick the crap out of you and distort your ability to accept truth

    I don't "get" the disconnect I guess. I don't do much "cardio" as people think about it. I was. Yes, that is LISS cardio, but I don't really look at it as burning calories. I look at it as how humans were made to live. We were never meant to be sedentary. I like to lift heavy things, yes it does burn calories as well. For me the point is to be strong. I prefer to have a more ancestral movement pattern. To each their own though......
  • Unicorn_Bacon
    Unicorn_Bacon Posts: 491 Member
    Options
    It's hard for a lot of people to understand, so I dont fault you for it. All I can say is that for someone like me, it was just an ongoing destructive pile of emotions and thoughts that left me unable to accept what's actually real compared to what my brain made me feel was real.

    It's much the same as me dealing with my borderline personality disorder. I have the ability to acknowledge that my rage that I feel inside, often times over what most people would consider as nothing, is just my disorder, however, acknowledging it doesnt stop my emotions from going sky high and staying sky high until they come down, hours, days, sometimes even a week or more later.

    For example, a couple months ago I woke up and was already feeling kind of off, a co worker picked me up for work and she wasnt being chatty or annoying and we were talking about blocking someone on a samsung phone, all she did was say how her older version of her phone was different and I immediately wanted to tell her to go f herself... but I did my best to hold back.. as we were walking inside, she pointed out that they plowed the snow further onto the grass more then normal and again I just wanted to say to her "who the f cares about where they plowed"... I went up and cooked my breakfasts for the residents and about 2 hours into it a co worker had messaged me asking if they were short staffed, and somehow we got into a discussion about if she would get paid triple time and a half if they called her in.. eventually I ended up telling her off and blocked her, as I walked over across the hall to gather the dirty placemats and napkins, I heard a coworker on the phone with her husband, who is also our supervisor, saying "well krista didnt get me any juice yesterday"... and I was by that point fuming and ready to just lay into her.

    I went down to staffing and told them I needed to leave because the rage I felt was so raw, the next thing would of just tipped me over the edge, when I got home I was still mad, I knew that my coworker in the car wasnt doing anything wrong, I knew my coworker who texted me didnt say anything wrong, she was just explaining something to me, and my coworker on the phone, i know i only caught the tail end of that conversation, i dont know what was said before or after, but shes a friend, so it's likely she wasnt saying anything actually negative... but I couldnt calm down, I couldnt lessen that rage, even knowing that those people didnt do anything, even when my coworker messaged me 3 times to make sure I was okay, I just felt like I was having a screaming melt down inside, the next day was still no better, I ordered in a cheeseburger and fries cause I didnt feel like cooking and when they delivered it, they forgot my gravy and I lost it, I called them up and tore buddies head off....over gravy...

    But even tho I know how silly or not real something is, what's going on inside of me is a completely different reality.

    Same with the calories.. how can I acknowledge enjoying physical activity when my brain has created a reality where I have to meet a specific quota otherwise I'm a failure, and when you fail, you lose control, and when you cant control, that's when you lose everything you worked for, and in my life where everything was food focused and calorie related, if I couldnt correct the calories and create balance, it made me have anxiety, I'd pace, I couldnt sleep, I had to do something.. sometimes that something was throwing out every speck of food in my apt, fridge, freezers, cupboards.. until I rid myself of food, to make sure that tomorrow I couldnt eat and balance out, I couldnt relax, not until I was sure to not have the same problem tomorrow, but even tho I wasnt going to eat and just starve myself.. i still needed to go to the gym and burn more calories...

    And that was reality for me lol.. and its created from nothing but very very real inside my mind.
  • SCoil123
    SCoil123 Posts: 2,108 Member
    Options
    We can’t even access our parks or trails anymore here. It’s definitely affecting me and I’m up and down all over the place. I had switched from maintenance to losing again right before this. I stalled when the shelter in place started. This past week I finally saw movement again losing a little

    I’m doing good with home workouts 5-6 days a week but my food choices have been horrible and stress/boredom eating is a struggle.

Categories