Dating in 2011 Seriously
Ok, so I'm probably going get grief over this post, but I needed to see if I'm the only one going thru this... So, why is dating in 2011 so difficult???? Meaning, that just because you bought me dinner it means that your going to get "booty"!!!! I'm not interested in the "meaningless sex".... If I want to have it, I need to have some kind of "monogamous commitment"... I'm not interested in being the newest flavor of the month...
I've also realized that no one picks you up for a date... It's all the "meet me there".. Ok, and what happens if we want to go someplace else??? Are we taking 2 cars??? Seriously.... Oh I get it... That makes it easier for the guy not to have "chivalry" or "manners'.. (ie open car door, etc)...
Case in point.. I had a date for tonight... We were supposed to meet at a local drinkery and then "obviously" have some meaningless sex... I decided to txt him (oh that's the new thing bc we don't speak over the phone anymore").. and cancel the date.. I gave a fake excuse that my family had an unexpected emergency... Instead, I went to the gym and did the "butt bible".... which i had more fun doing....
So, am I totally wrong in doing this??? I'm I wrong in wanting more than just "meaningless sex"????? I guess I don't want to have to go thru the same crap all the time...
illy:drinker:
I've also realized that no one picks you up for a date... It's all the "meet me there".. Ok, and what happens if we want to go someplace else??? Are we taking 2 cars??? Seriously.... Oh I get it... That makes it easier for the guy not to have "chivalry" or "manners'.. (ie open car door, etc)...
Case in point.. I had a date for tonight... We were supposed to meet at a local drinkery and then "obviously" have some meaningless sex... I decided to txt him (oh that's the new thing bc we don't speak over the phone anymore").. and cancel the date.. I gave a fake excuse that my family had an unexpected emergency... Instead, I went to the gym and did the "butt bible".... which i had more fun doing....
So, am I totally wrong in doing this??? I'm I wrong in wanting more than just "meaningless sex"????? I guess I don't want to have to go thru the same crap all the time...
illy:drinker:
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Replies
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I must say...your post made me MOST thankful for a being happily married! My brother is in the "dating world" and not finding it fun either.
Best of luck to you! 0 -
Yep... that's the way it is now!
Just make yourself very clear from the outset. 'I will not have sex with you unless I feel a connection. This doesn't mean I won't have sex on the first date, but I probably won't, so don't expect it.'
The nice guys are out there.... I just found one after 3 years of disasters.
Good Luck, and be safe!!0 -
If you didn't go, how do you know that is what was going to happen?
BTW, yes it is very hard dating in 2011, I feel your pain.
GG0 -
hm sorry but i'm sensing some double standards here. while i dont disagree with the points you raise, although i actually prefer to meet someone rather than have him pick me up because if the date's going badly i want to be able to exit on my own terms, but you're demanding a man has manners and chivalry and respects you, etc, but you're perfectly fine with lying to cancel a date. seems to me that you shouldn't have accepted the date in the first place if he was so obvious about his intentions. And if he wasn't so obvious, the polite thing to do would have been to meet him as you had agreed to do and see how the evening developed. manners and chivalry go both ways these days.0
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I must say...your post made me MOST thankful for a being happily married! My brother is in the "dating world" and not finding it fun either. Best of luck to you!
Aww... Thanks..... I totally sucks...
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No your right, I'm married and still open the door for my wife, make the bed in the morning and do the little things that make her happy. Besides, you probably got more out of the gym than the date!0
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Nope, sounds like you are a LADY and there aren't too many around anymore....or so it seems. I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. I just keep hoping it'll get better and one day prince charming will arrive and it'll be all well worth it. Good luck to you :flowerforyou:0
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Personally, I was always a lot more comfortable taking my own vehicle to dates until I got very comfortable with someone. Having my own transportation meant that I could leave whenever, get myself out of any unwanted situations, and someone I just met wouldn't know where I live. Seemed MUCH safer that way.
But I totally understand about the sex thing. Some folks feel that if the guy pays for dinner/date, then the woman is obligated to put out. No thanks. I'd rather pay for my own food and NOT feel like I'm a prostitute (receiving goods/services in exchange for sex).0 -
If you didn't go, how do you know that is what was going to happen?
BTW, yes it is very hard dating in 2011, I feel your pain.
GG
Well, bc he kept hinting on going to his place afterwards...0 -
Personally, I was always a lot more comfortable taking my own vehicle to dates until I got very comfortable with someone. Having my own transportation meant that I could leave whenever, get myself out of any unwanted situations, and someone I just met wouldn't know where I live. Seemed MUCH safer that way.
But I totally understand about the sex thing. Some folks feel that if the guy pays for dinner/date, then the woman is obligated to put out. No thanks. I'd rather pay for my own food and NOT feel like I'm a prostitute (receiving goods/services in exchange for sex).
I meant, that even when you have met the guy after a few dates... there is still the "meet me there" stigma... I know that its great to have my own out.. and i usually do... and your right... I can afford my own drinks..and food.. I don't eat much... lol0 -
Nope, sounds like you are a LADY and there aren't too many around anymore....or so it seems. I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. I just keep hoping it'll get better and one day prince charming will arrive and it'll be all well worth it. Good luck to you :flowerforyou:
I'm tired of all the Frogs.. lol0 -
No your right, I'm married and still open the door for my wife, make the bed in the morning and do the little things that make her happy. Besides, you probably got more out of the gym than the date!
Omg.. your sooo right.... I enjoyed the gym..... and i feel great afterwards..... CONGRATS on being a GENTLEMAN... TOO FEE out there...0 -
I totally agree with you..I'm on a dating site and that is just what happened the other night..He picked me up and bought me a beautiful dinner..He was an amazing kisser so I thought why not..But I was sorry I did..It was all him..I've given up dating..
Besides, dating is way too hard..I was stressing over what to wear..Not that I have much to chose from..
I do admit that I see 2 great guys and it's not just for sex..It's for company..One is like me that he loves his own space and doesn't want to share..
I've given up the idea of dating..0 -
Girl i've been single for 5 years at this point because of things like this. And for a while i thought age helps increase maturity so i started dating guys 5-10 years older than me but even then it's hit and miss. I've realized it was a bit of a stereotype and i can find mature guys my age but I've yet to find one i have a good connection with in the past 5 years. Dating is a challenge.
And I totally agree with the texting thing! I like to text but if you like me and want to go out please pick up the phone to ask me out, too many things can get misinterpreted via text!0 -
Dating is the nicest a guy will get. They're more likely to be sweet and charming then when they're trying to impress you! There's nothing wrong with having standards. Make guys pick you up. Stand in front of the door til they open it. And if they think you're being an old fashioned pain in the *kitten*, move on to the next suitor. And you absolutely SHOULD NOT have to put out just because a guy buys you a few beers! If he isn't willing to commit to you to get laid, that's showing you a little bit of his character. You're right. Some guys are jerks. But if you hold to your standards of how men should treat you, you'll be glad when Mr. Right comes along!
PS, my personal pet peeve was a guy pulling up and honking the horn. Uh-uh. Nope. If you wanna go out with me bad enough, you can get your *kitten* outta the car and come knock! Good luck!0 -
hm sorry but i'm sensing some double standards here. while i dont disagree with the points you raise, although i actually prefer to meet someone rather than have him pick me up because if the date's going badly i want to be able to exit on my own terms, but you're demanding a man has manners and chivalry and respects you, etc, but you're perfectly fine with lying to cancel a date. seems to me that you shouldn't have accepted the date in the first place if he was so obvious about his intentions. And if he wasn't so obvious, the polite thing to do would have been to meet him as you had agreed to do and see how the evening developed. manners and chivalry go both ways these days.
Its ok... but i usually go on my "gutt" instinct.. and if i wasn't feeling the going out for drinks and then the casual as he said, "you know"... Naaa, not into it... so being polite enough to cancel 3 hours before, was the correct thing to do..0 -
Girl i've been single for 5 years at this point because of things like this. And for a while i thought age helps increase maturity so i started dating guys 5-10 years older than me but even then it's hit and miss. I've realized it was a bit of a stereotype and i can find mature guys my age but I've yet to find one i have a good connection with in the past 5 years. Dating is a challenge.
And I totally agree with the texting thing! I like to text but if you like me and want to go out please pick up the phone to ask me out, too many things can get misinterpreted via text!
Omg your soo right... This guy was my age... I've dated up to 12 yrs older and still got the same treatment... Txt can really get messed up... and communication these days is jst gone... I guess that what i need is a good connection... But down here, guys don't want that... they just prefer the "casual" hook-up...0 -
PS, my personal pet peeve was a guy pulling up and honking the horn. Uh-uh. Nope. If you wanna go out with me bad enough, you can get your *kitten* outta the car and come knock! Good luck!
I'm appalled a man would do that. :noway: Shame on them!
Good luck ladies. Wasn't easy 14-years ago when I was on the market either. :ohwell:0 -
You just made a wise decision there. Its OK to have meet-ups somewhere if you two are already dating for some time but if you're just in the initial stages of dating, the guy should be gentleman enough to pick you up at your house. I had many dating mistakes especially when I was still in my 20's before but I now learned my lesson.0
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Dating is the nicest a guy will get. They're more likely to be sweet and charming then when they're trying to impress you! There's nothing wrong with having standards. Make guys pick you up. Stand in front of the door til they open it. And if they think you're being an old fashioned pain in the *kitten*, move on to the next suitor. And you absolutely SHOULD NOT have to put out just because a guy buys you a few beers! If he isn't willing to commit to you to get laid, that's showing you a little bit of his character. You're right. Some guys are jerks. But if you hold to your standards of how men should treat you, you'll be glad when Mr. Right comes along!
PS, my personal pet peeve was a guy pulling up and honking the horn. Uh-uh. Nope. If you wanna go out with me bad enough, you can get your *kitten* outta the car and come knock! Good luck!
OMG... Love it... Honking the horn... Seriously... as if your an animal!!!! the friggin nerve of some ppl.....0 -
You just made a wise decision there. Its OK to have meet-ups somewhere if you two are already dating for some time but if you're just in the initial stages of dating, the guy should be gentleman enough to pick you up at your house. I had many dating mistakes especially when I was still in my 20's before but I now learned my lesson.
Thanks girly....0 -
I totally agree with you..I'm on a dating site and that is just what happened the other night..He picked me up and bought me a beautiful dinner..He was an amazing kisser so I thought why not..But I was sorry I did..It was all him..I've given up dating..
Besides, dating is way too hard..I was stressing over what to wear..Not that I have much to chose from..
I do admit that I see 2 great guys and it's not just for sex..It's for company..One is like me that he loves his own space and doesn't want to share..
I've given up the idea of dating..
Your right.. after all this.. you just want someone to hang out with.. and not have the pressure... But man, its not easy... I did the dating site and everyone there is great on paper.. but then reality hits and its a whole other story...0 -
My friend you do what make you happy and content. Don't settle. Stand by your own convictions. You have to live with you and the decisions you make. Why live by other people's expectations?! You don't have to go with the crowd. Do your own thang girl! Use your POWER!!!!! Don't givei it away to just 'fit in'.
In the long run you will be happier with yourself and your decisions. Let other rule thier own lives. YOU only have yours to live.0 -
I would have to say that taking separate cars is a good idea. Alot of people are crazy, I guess I have watched too many movies about serial killers, anyway, I'm recently divorced, and I always tell them I will meet them, and yes sex always comes up. Most of my friends who date say the same thing, it's always about sex ALWAYS. I wouldn't worry too much about it. You did what you wanted by going to the gym. Their :flowerforyou: loss0
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Dating is the nicest a guy will get. They're more likely to be sweet and charming then when they're trying to impress you! There's nothing wrong with having standards. Make guys pick you up. Stand in front of the door til they open it. And if they think you're being an old fashioned pain in the *kitten*, move on to the next suitor. And you absolutely SHOULD NOT have to put out just because a guy buys you a few beers! If he isn't willing to commit to you to get laid, that's showing you a little bit of his character. You're right. Some guys are jerks. But if you hold to your standards of how men should treat you, you'll be glad when Mr. Right comes along!
PS, my personal pet peeve was a guy pulling up and honking the horn. Uh-uh. Nope. If you wanna go out with me bad enough, you can get your *kitten* outta the car and come knock! Good luck!
I agree with this 100%. Do NOT lower your standards!! For years my family told me my standards were too high and I'd never find anyone. I ignored them and found a man who treats me with more respect than anyone I've ever known. We've been together for 4 years, married for 2. (I haven't opened a car door or pumped my own gas since our first date.) He's not prefect and we have our share of ups and downs, but he's always kind and respectful. It will happen.0 -
I would love some meaningless sex right about now.0
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Not all guy's are like this. Chivalry is not dead. I think it's the company they keep and the values they were raised with personally. But then again I did grow up in a pool of estrogen so I might have a leg up on the right way to treat a woman lol. Good luck to you.0
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I've pretty much been a serial monogamist, so to think of just being expected to have sex on a first date - well, I would have done the same thing you did if you were getting those hints. And the whole meet me there thing and stuff - forget it. I commend you for even getting out there and still trying. I think I've pretty much given up on the whole dating, relationship, family thing.0
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First of all, you are totally correct acting the way you did with guys that act the way you describe.
I suggest you find a better class of men.0 -
Men are out there for sex. Thats probably a known fact, but most men honestly don't know what they want.
I think women have to give men a little break. Just to make it clear, etiquettes are very much alive, but the notion of dating has changed drastically and women can't rely on men opening doors, picking them up, paying for dinner etc....and the reason for this I believe women are now in the driver seat, more in control, some with better careers, some probaby own their own homes, and have actually savings and looking to actually settling down.
Do women ever think about the insecurities that men face when asking someone out?
Dating is expensive these days, and lets face it, no one wants to spend money in these economic times and get no where at the end of the date. My suggestion is, next time you have a date, put the pressure aside, keep it simple and dont play the GAME. Take a walk around the city, go and feed birds or just hang out somewhere you can connect without the pressure of having the so called, perfect date.
Men are looking for sex, but furthermore all men like myself enjoy good company first.
Best of luck in 20120
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