Dating in 2011 Seriously

I've never dated a lot (I've had maybe four boyfriends ever), and I can't say I feel like I'm missing out. I insist on arriving separately for a lot of the reasons already listed and a very bad experience I had with a man I thought was my friend.

I've known my current boyfriend for almost 13 years, so at least I know what to expect, for the most part.

Do women ever think about the insecurities that men face when asking someone out?

Men don't face insecurities when they ask someone on a date. Maybe little boys do. If you're so freaking insecure, don't ask anyone out. It's that simple.

I'm so unbelievably sick of this "Don't expect me to pay or be nice to you unless you put out" bull****. If all you want is physical gratification, go to the adult video store or call up a chick friend who has incredibly low self-esteem. Otherwise, grow a set of balls and act like a gentleman. What woman with a successful career, her own home, money in the bank, etc., wants to date some *kitten* who doesn't respect her and blames it on his "insecurities?" Do you think she achieved all that success by allowing people to treat her like garbage?

Just to make it clear, are you saying that men dont have insecurities about asking a woman out?

The message being sent out here was keeping it simple rather than the expectation of having the perfect date

I see what you're saying, but I absolutely DO NOT want a guy picking me up from my house! I'm on a dating site so I'm meeting guys that I've never met before. I do not want them to know where I live and I do not want to have to rely on them for transportation until I feel reasonably sure that they aren't dangerous or a stalker. I've been on two dates so far with two different guys and both offered to pick me up, but I vehemently said no I'll meet you.

Anyway, back to the point. I just got back from a date and he was an hour late. lol. At least he paid for dinner.

I don't think a decade in all of recorded history has occurred where dudes were not cruising for sex from chicks (or other dudes, if that is their thing).

I don't think a decade in all of recorded history has occurred where dudes were not cruising for sex from chicks (or other dudes, if that is their thing).

Oh i agree, guys were always looking for booty, but there were guys that actually didn't expect sex on a first date, or a few beers, and they certainly didn't comment on your chest or your butt before they asked you out. (if they did it was a much MUCH smaller percentage then today)

Mad Men has forever changed my perspective about ye olden days.

Interesting topic..

Guys deal with some of this too. I was born a couple of decades too late. While sex is important, a connection is more important and yes, I open car doors, I buy dinner and pay for dates but of course I notice if the girl never offers. I'm nice, but I'm not an idiot and when the girl never offers, it hints of selfishness if she has a job, an income and the date is something she wanted to do.

I know what I am looking for... one of the reasons I am on this site is because I have my standards and feel that without some effort on my part to look good and be happy with myself, its a double standard if I expect the same from a woman. I've been married, divorced. etc so I don't feel like I have missed out on anything to date except meeting the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. Thought I had met her more than once..but ..c'est la vie.

Women today have careers, great jobs..security etc without the necessity of having a man in their lives outside of want, not need. This has resulted in a very different dynamic when it comes to dating.

My most notable past experience was a girl I liked, attractive etc..met through a friend and on one of the first dates..she told me she had been seeing some guy for over a year..I went.. "that's a long time"..and her response.."Oh but we were never exclusive". So of course that sets the tone in my mind for this being a more modern girl where we would have the exclusive conversation at some point, maybe a little too modern for me but I liked her. Needless to say, ended up a few weeks later out to dinner and over wine, she asks me if I am seeing anyone else. Me being honest, I said yes..but it was dating only ...no intimacy. Tears ensue followed by lots of wine..I thought you felt the same as I did...etc..etc..and there and then I made up my mind that this was the girl I wanted to date and exclusively and we became intimate. But we had never had the exclusive conversation before this. I swear..this girl held this over my head for about 3 months afterwards before I finally had enough and we broke up.

So the point of me saying this is that this is confusing to me too ..a guy who I think probably meets your criteria for being chivalrous. No one has ever called me a player or a heel but women think there's something wrong when you are not. Its almost like woman have these ideas in their heads of how guys are versus how they want them to be but when it comes right down to it and they meet guys that fulfill the particular type they think they want...they don't want it....lol.

And it's the same thing for guys.

Yes, like all other guys, I am interested in sex....lets face it..who isn't, If you don't want sex at some point, stay at home, go to the gym..do whatever it is you like doing and forget about physical intimacy.

If I meet someone and there's a connection, the typical format is ...drinks..conversation..a few dates and then if she hasn't got on my nerves and I think of her outside of times we meet, I'm going to start thinking about omg...yes, sex.

But not on the first or second date...3rd..maybe..

Ok, so I'm probably going get grief over this post, but I needed to see if I'm the only one going thru this... So, why is dating in 2011 so difficult???? Meaning, that just because you bought me dinner it means that your going to get "booty"!!!! I'm not interested in the "meaningless sex".... If I want to have it, I need to have some kind of "monogamous commitment"... I'm not interested in being the newest flavor of the month...
I've also realized that no one picks you up for a date... It's all the "meet me there".. Ok, and what happens if we want to go someplace else??? Are we taking 2 cars??? Seriously.... Oh I get it... That makes it easier for the guy not to have "chivalry" or "manners'.. (ie open car door, etc)...
Case in point.. I had a date for tonight... We were supposed to meet at a local drinkery and then "obviously" have some meaningless sex... I decided to txt him (oh that's the new thing bc we don't speak over the phone anymore").. and cancel the date.. I gave a fake excuse that my family had an unexpected emergency... Instead, I went to the gym and did the "butt bible".... which i had more fun doing....
So, am I totally wrong in doing this??? I'm I wrong in wanting more than just "meaningless sex"????? I guess I don't want to have to go thru the same crap all the time...

illy:drinker:

ok soooo ive been married since 2007 but before that it was always like that its always been like that since i started dating in 1990

Gosh, is this where the sexual revolution has brought us to: Sex without desire?

There is a real down side to promiscuity. It does not lead to intimacy, exposes you to STD's, pregnancy, and exploitative relationships. You want to say NO to this?

Looks like you've got solid common sense. Most of us want to found families with men who will be our mates, our companions, our friends, and good fathers to the children we want to have with them.

The trick is finding the good men. I feel for you. My daughter is having the same difficulties you are, and I hope she can find the man who has as much integrity as she has.

Dunno what you mean. I'm like a preying mantis, I get mine and then eat my guy's head off. Anyone want these digits?

Best response yet...:laugh:

Omfg it really really pisses me off when you talk about how much dating sucks and people chime in with the 'I'm so glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this'.
Really? Do you not see that you just basically said I'm glad I'm not you? Plenty of us wish we had also found the partner of our dreams. But thanks for making it worse.

I decided to txt him (oh that's the new thing bc we don't speak over the phone anymore").. and cancel the date.. I gave a fake excuse that my family had an unexpected emergency... Instead, I went to the gym and did the "butt bible".... which i had more fun doing....
So, am I totally wrong in doing this??? I'm I wrong in wanting more than just "meaningless sex"????? I guess I don't want to have to go thru the same crap all the time...

illy:drinker:

Why can't most women give a straight answer?

A women I worked with was asked out by another co-worker- her answer was " no absolutely not" He wasn't happy but they work together fine and she is not stringing him along, and he knows where he stands. I think women like to keep a few men 'on the line'...

Successful dating is all about positive outlook, maybe you just need to change yours.

I agree with this... i just went through some of the posts that the women are leaving, and some are sounding pretty negative.

Broken hearts perhaps.

Dating can get unpleasant. For those that put themselves out there... Good for you, keep it up!

I hate the dating game, and here’s why: Everyone has an expectation of how the date should, or shouldn’t go. You want to be picked up, doors opened, dinner, a walk, etc. That’s fine…except, we know that women have been conditioned to think about “what if he’s a creep? You need your car there so you can get away.” And “you are a strong, independent woman, and you can open your own door.” And so much more. A guy does NOT know where he stands anymore. Even a nice guy, that is trying to do as chivalry dictates gets so many mixed signals that he does not know what is acceptable and what is not. One minute he’s opening your door, the next you are doing it yourself. His expectation is many times shattered by confusion.

I hate dating so much that I refuse to date. Any connection I make is with people that I have gotten to know as friends. People that I’ve already developed a connection, or idea of personality and values. There is one particular person on this site that I’ve met and am smitten with (Sunkisses). We did not date, not in the generic way. However, we’ve gotten to know each other through letters and telephone conversations. I’ve gotten to know her the way I like to get to know people, by talking. I love getting long letters expressing thoughts and feelings, and she’s been great at that. I don’t know what she’ll say, but I try to be a gentleman. I open doors, call on the phone and hold my own in conversations. We do text because I feel that’s just another way of staying connected. But let me tell you, I still hate dating for the reasons I’ve told you.

You want better? You have to be clear about what you want. First one or two dates, you want to meet somewhere, OK. After that, make it clearly known that you wish to be picked up, and do NOT agree to anything else. You want to talk on the phone, fine. Tell him you do NOT text people you date. It’s a phone call or nothing. You want your door opened? Fine, sit or stand there until he opens the door for you EVERY TIME. Express your gratitude and point out how nice it is for a real man to do that for a lady. Stroke his ego, he’ll keep doing it. Let him know in concrete ways that what he’s doing is OK or not OK. If he’s the quality guy that you want, he won’t have a problem doing those little things you are looking for.

And the sex thing…please. We’ve all been conditioned that if a woman says no, it’s no, or it’s a rape charge. Be up front with it. On the first date say something like: “I don’t have sex with anyone unless I feel a strong connection with someone, and that may take a while.” He’ll either be interested in sticking around or not. Either way, NO CONFUSION.

And the sex thing…please. We’ve all been conditioned that if a woman says no, it’s no, or it’s a rape charge. Be up front with it. On the first date say something like: “I don’t have sex with anyone unless I feel a strong connection with someone, and that may take a while.” He’ll either be interested in sticking around or not. Either way, NO CONFUSION.

Well said Tigerrick..one of my friends commented on my earlier post that I was brutally honest and I responded that had I been brutally honest, I would have stated the following:

"I just get a bit tired of women complaining about the first date/sex/booty call dilemma. At the end of the day ...NO is a 2 letter word that is really not that difficult to say. Respect yourself because no one else will if you don't. "

I guess I am just old fashioned or maybe because I grew up in a small town in Illinois. I can't believe how these guys act according to everything I have been reading.
I have always been pretty shy and wouldn't even think of presuming things like sex on a first date. Guys should be thrilled to get a hug or kiss. lol The age of chivalry is apparently dead. I always feel out of touch because I am such a romantic. Bring a girl a little token of affection on the first date (a flower, small stuffed animal, book of poetry, etc.). Doesn't have to be anything over the top. Put a smile on her face at the beginning of the date. Don't think of what you are going to get out of it. Even if all you get is a few hours of friendship and dinner/movie, etc., it was more fun than sitting at home alone. lol
I think because one of my brothers has been married 3 times and my father was married 5 times that it makes me a lot more interested in finding the right one, not finding anyone. I know way too many people whor are in relationships or got married beacuse they are so co-dependent and cannot bear life without someone.
I hope I find the right woman someday and can grow old together, but if it doesn't happen I'll be fine. I want a partner, an equal, a best friend AND a lover. Best of luck to you all!! Hope all your dreams come true. Everyone deserves to be truly happy and not settle.
Troy