Marital problems

Elijah8468
Elijah8468 Posts: 37 Member
in Motivation and Support
Has anyone else had marital problems while focusing on your diet and exercise? I'm no fitness competitor by any means but i do weight and watch what I eat. 290 down to 210. I enjoy lifting weights and dont like to do that hungover. But lately my wife has been having issues with my regimen. I do take the special occasions and not track and have drinks but it seems like she wants more. I dont know what to do. I obviously love my wife and want to have a happy marriage but if I'm not happy with myself how can I be good for my family. Just really confused and frustrated

Replies

  • Em05us
    Em05us Posts: 117 Member
    I am kind of in the same boat. My husband has a lot of health issues and is not working on it. I am working on my health and fitness and how I feel about myself to make myself a better wife and mother. He has made comments if I'm working out and he wants attention ect... the only thing I have said at this point is "Would you rather me working out and happy, or depressed on the couch" because that was where I was a month ago. I have to work on me. It is necessary or our marriage will fail anyways. He has tried to be more supportive since then. I have to have faith that we will make it through. I'm just going to continue working on me and see what happens :)
  • Em05us
    Em05us Posts: 117 Member
    Numer1ca wrote: »
    A lot of times when people lose weight their partner or families undercut them. Change is hard.

    This website looks like it has a lot of good information.

    http://drmondo.org/weight-loss/why-your-spouse-may-actually-sabotage-your-weight-loss-journey/

    This was a great read! Thank you for sharing!
  • Redordeadhead
    Redordeadhead Posts: 1,188 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Sometimes, there can be anxiety at the root, too. I have no idea whether this might be at play with your wife.

    When we want to change, our spouse can worry that we want to change our lives in ways that mean they'll no longer be good enough for us. They worry that we'll find someone new who shares our exercise hobbies, or who looks nicer, or whatever. Change can be anxiety producing.

    Sometimes, when someone we care about is making different life choices, it can feel implicitly like criticism of our own life choices . . . even if that's totally not the case.

    It's clear from your post that that's not how you're thinking. But the spouse can still have those worries.

    If there's any possibility that this might be happening in your wife's mind, then the best you can do is to be reassuring, admiring, talking about the many things you value about her, how important she is to you, etc.

    I hope you can figure out what's going on, because it's obvious you really care about her!

    This is very good advice.

    I also wonder if, since becoming enthusiastic about your health, diet and fitness, you are talking about it more and focussing on things that your wife feels somehow restrict your experiences as a couple. I get a hint of this from your message- do you have some examples of when it comes up?

    For instance, if your lifestyle used to be going out for a pub meal and drinks every Wednesday, ordering in and watching a movie together at the weekend, having a long lie in together on Sundays but now you stopped doing those things, say you "can't" eat or drink things you used to, eat separate/different meals, are at the gym now when before you spent time together, she might just be feeling the loss of some of your old routines together.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @Elijah8468 You're leading by example and I'm proud of you. No one has to live in our body.

    Not everyone has our best interests at heart. There's self-sabotage and others may sabotage because change makes others turn around and take a good hard look at their own life. You've got to live your best life because no one else can do any of this for you. Do not be deterred by anyone.

    Don't throw it all away now. Keep going. Our overall well being is linked directly to our health. Without that, we've got nothing.
  • Geneveremfp
    Geneveremfp Posts: 504 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Sometimes, there can be anxiety at the root, too. I have no idea whether this might be at play with your wife.

    When we want to change, our spouse can worry that we want to change our lives in ways that mean they'll no longer be good enough for us. They worry that we'll find someone new who shares our exercise hobbies, or who looks nicer, or whatever. Change can be anxiety producing.

    Sometimes, when someone we care about is making different life choices, it can feel implicitly like criticism of our own life choices . . . even if that's totally not the case.

    It's clear from your post that that's not how you're thinking. But the spouse can still have those worries.

    If there's any possibility that this might be happening in your wife's mind, then the best you can do is to be reassuring, admiring, talking about the many things you value about her, how important she is to you, etc.

    I hope you can figure out what's going on, because it's obvious you really care about her!

    This.

    My husband has recently managed to get down to goal weight and is doing a lot of exercise. I'm also working out and getting there but I still feel slightly anxious. Even though before I got pregnant when I was slimmer and he hadn't made changes it didn't affect the way I looked at him on the other side you do worry. He's talking a lot about how much thinner he is and how he's still not happy with his (tiny) love handles. My love handles are way bigger and so even though logically I know he's not saying "you're gross" it feels that way.

    One thing that also happened was that focus on himself - really positive focus - meant he wasn't very affectionate and didn't even notice it.

    It's all OK because I've been on the other side and have communicated that I wanted a bit more intimacy and time so we've concentrated on that and discussed feelings and he's been and to reassure me that he still finds me attractive etc.
  • BenCHarrison1981
    BenCHarrison1981 Posts: 18 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Sometimes, there can be anxiety at the root, too. I have no idea whether this might be at play with your wife.

    When we want to change, our spouse can worry that we want to change our lives in ways that mean they'll no longer be good enough for us. They worry that we'll find someone new who shares our exercise hobbies, or who looks nicer, or whatever. Change can be anxiety producing.

    Sometimes, when someone we care about is making different life choices, it can feel implicitly like criticism of our own life choices . . . even if that's totally not the case.

    It's clear from your post that that's not how you're thinking. But the spouse can still have those worries.

    If there's any possibility that this might be happening in your wife's mind, then the best you can do is to be reassuring, admiring, talking about the many things you value about her, how important she is to you, etc.

    I hope you can figure out what's going on, because it's obvious you really care about her!

    This is good advice and I had this when I lost weight and ended up going to the gym late at night to fit in with family life, my wife though I was having an affair, just gotta talk it out and reassure them.
  • MyFreakingNameIsScott
    MyFreakingNameIsScott Posts: 199 Member
    Enjoy the occasional indulgences. It is possible to be healthy, lead a healthy lifestyle and have a piece of pie or Rice Krispie bar every once in a while. Been married for nearly 24 years. As a coach, fitness has been a part of my life more than it hasn’t and believe me, when it wasn’t, it really wasn’t. That said, I haven’t always had a lot of support from my spouse. I’m 50 and once upon a time, I could sit down and eat two frozen pizzas by myself and lose weight. That mystical metabolism no longer exists for me so what I put in my body is that much more important.

    You have to do what makes you comfortable and happy but just be mindful to not put that on others. It doesn’t have to be a proclamation and at times, it can come across that way. It’s a lifestyle / diet/ regimen; not a religion.

    I get the occasional eye roll from my wife from time to time and it does get frustrating but there could be worse things going on.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    edited May 2020
    Are you spending much time away from the home working as well as training/exercising? Are you pitching in with tasks around the house, the children? Are you spending quality time with family and friends?

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