Dating in 2011 Seriously

Scoobie I don't know you at all but any man that would cheat on you must be insane. I just saw your pic and you are beautiful.
One thing I noticed about my choices. I will probably catch some crap for saying this. I do better when I date down when it comes to looks. I have to be the hot one in the relationship lol

Aw thank you! and hahahaha that is awesome! I must admit the best relationships I have had have been with the more average looking (and slightly nerdy) guys! :P

Crisanderson i would love for someone to rescue me.

"The biggest mistake I see people make when it comes to relationships is, they rely on other people to make their own problems better. Hoping a man will "save" you, or a girl will "complete" you is ridiculous. If you need saving, save yourself. You'll be better/stronger/wiser for it. If you need to be completed, then don't fall in love, *kitten*. Would YOU want someone to hand you half a heart? Fix yourself and you'll have more to offer. Everyone has more strength than they believe....most people have just been conditioned to think they don't since birth. Open your eyes. You'll see it."

I despise the ranting about nice guys. IME, if you have to say you're a nice guy, you probably aren't and often there isn't much else to offer there either. I'm noticing on dating sites that "i'm a nice guy" almost always accompanies rants about being tired of the games, how all the girls in X city are stuck up, etc. Bitter, much? That kind of stuff makes me click "not interested" REAL fast. Like someone else said, look at the common factor here. Fix yourself first.

That goes for the ladies too. If you say all men are pigs, well, you aren't going to get very far.

As far as chivalry goes, ITA that it isn't a sure sign that the guy is wonderful. In fact, that stuff is the last thing I look at. I appreciate those gestures and get that the guy is trying to be polite and impress me, but really I can open my own dam door, drive my own car, take my own seat, and take my own jacket off. I am much more concerned as to whether the guy has a sense of humor, is fun to be around, is respectful, interesting, and whether we click.

Girls in Atlanta do seem to just be looking for a hookup.

See, I don't get this kind of thinking that people of a specific gender act a specific way in a given town. People do conduct themselves a little differently in a big city vs a small town, and there may be minor cultural differences between the south vs east coast vs the panhandle. But I do not believe that women in Atlanta are just looking for a hookup, women in Denver are stuck up, men in San Francisco are self absorbed, etc. I see this so much. Generalizations are stupid and will get you nowhere. Any given area is going to have a pretty rich variety of people. I bet if you move away from Atlanta you are still going to have very similar problems.

Though I admit, there seems to be an epidemic of mustaches in northern Minnesota lol.

Crisanderson i would love for someone to rescue me.

Yeah, me too lol.

There was something I was told once though...that made absolute, utter sense. It came from the wierdest direction too.

See if it makes sense to you:

"The biggest mistake I see people make when it comes to relationships is, they rely on other people to make their own problems better. Hoping a man will "save" you, or a girl will "complete" you is ridiculous. If you need saving, save yourself. You'll be better/stronger/wiser for it. If you need to be completed, then don't fall in love, *kitten*. Would YOU want someone to hand you half a heart? Fix yourself and you'll have more to offer. Everyone has more strength than they believe....most people have just been conditioned to think they don't since birth. Open your eyes. You'll see it."

And there you are people. The answer to life and love...in a nutshell.

.

If you didn't go, how do you know that is what was going to happen?

BTW, yes it is very hard dating in 2011, I feel your pain.

GG

Well, bc he kept hinting on going to his place afterwards...

Oh *kitten*, is this what I have to look forward to now? I haven't begun dating again but I can't avoid it for too much longer (gulp.):sad:

I've said this a zillion times but it's true, once you stop caring what happens, what this other person is going to think of you, what is "supposed" to happen, and you act based on what is true to who you are, you will not have as much of a problem with dating. You don't have to play by rules you didn't create. Dating is a big game of bullsh*t and everyone knows it, yet everyone plays along. Once I stopped playing along, the losers weeded themselves out, the better guys came to the front of the crowd, and I didn't have to do things I didn't agree with.

I think very highly of myself. At the ripe age of 33, I know who I am and what my value is. I have my own rules. They're very common-sense. They're not because I'm a b*tch, but because I know what I don't want to deal with.

I don't go out drinking with men who aren't already my long-term friends or already my boyfriend. You know exactly why you're getting taken for drinks. It is not to get to know you, although it's possible you could be gotten to know along the way. But it's not a direct approach. It's more like the odds are in favor of him scoring some pu**y than you scoring feelings of someone being interested in you. If you're not a sex on the 1st "date" kind of girl, then you're not. There's nothing wrong with that, but stay realistic with yourself. Don't make/take these dates anymore - suggest something else.

Additionally, I've stopped doing dinner/movie kinds of dates. That's not really me. Dinner is fine, but I don't want to have a 2nd date with someone I could have determined wasn't for me on the 1st date if I'd used those 2 hours we spent in silence getting to know one another instead. Other rules:

- go on dates that are fun. If you have hobbies outside of shopping and drinking, it makes this a LOT easier. I enjoy fishing and kayaking, as well as other things. A date that involves these things a) shows what kind of person I am, b) shows I don't operate in the same dating rules as everyone else, and c) is a lot more fun than sitting across from a guy at a table letting him interview me.

- take chances. If someone suggests an off-the-wall date (like the above) take it. I've done some insane *kitten* on first dates. They didn't always work out to form a 2nd date, but they were fun. The guy didn't feel put out by having to feed me an expensive meal. He got to hang out with me being real, and I learned something usually.

- Not every date HAS to be a potential boyfriend. Some dates are better as friends. Some are better to give you a lay without you feeling like you're doing it because you owe him for the drinks. Pay attention to how you're feeling and what's the overall sense you get from this person.

But really........... the good stuff happens when you stop looking for it or hoping for it. That's what happened with Mr. Tiggerrick up there. He checked in on me here to see how I was doing after a bad allergic reaction - like a good friend would, and we ended up getting to know each other after that. I didn't play Violation Friday, didn't throw myself at him and tell him what I'd do to him once I got my hands on him, didn't have to post risque pictures of myself to get him to notice me or to give him something to compliment me on, and we were both ourselves the whole time.

Take some time to really figure out who you are and what you want. Frankly, I like that you canceled the date that made you feel uncomfortable and you did something you like better. Stay that way. Always remember who you are. THAT's who you have to live with.

It's not that difficult to figure out what a woman expects. Just read her body language and pay attention to what she does when you do something.

If she is racing me to the door, I let her win the race and she can open it. If she holds back a bit, then I open it. If she sits in the car after you get out, go around and open the car door for her...don't just stand there wondering why she's still in the car :laugh: If you are going through an open doorway, always let her go first (unless there is a security issue)...but pay attention to how she reacts and adjust your future actions accordingly. If she grabs the check as soon as (or before) it hits the table let her pay her half. If she hesitates for even a fraction of a second, pay for it all. Any time she isn't doing something you expect her to do, then do it yourself. Any time you do something for her and you get any sort of negative vibe, next time let her do it. On the pick her up at her place or meet her there thing...just ask her, "Would you like me to pick you up or would you prefer to meet there?"

Pretty simple, it's not rocket science, lol. Just pay attention to her.

On the flip side. If she is constantly giving mixed signals, like she hangs back at the door and then scowls at you when you open it. End the date as soon as you politely can, then lose her number :laugh: