Why do certain people bring others down

In my experience the usual cause is to make themselves feel better.

Perhaps they're unhappy with themselves
Perhaps they don't like to see others succeed
Often I think others successes make some people realize their lack of success
Maybe they're just really unhappy people and want others to wallow with them?
Could simply be because they are feeling down and can't see good right now and need help to deal with that
I do lean more toward the others' success make them realise their lack there of. Or at least last of success in that particular area

Regardless of why they do it; and I do think people bring others down for different reasons. For some, it could even be unintentional.
Bottom line - it eats away at the innocent person's self esteem and peace of mind. Disengage and drop the person from your life if possible. If it is family... try to stay away from them as much as humanly possible. Subjecting yourself to them is like signing up for abuse.

Disappointment or dissatisfaction with themselves. Too much comparison with others.

It's the pecking order in the chicken coop. It's the same with wildlife. The alpha, second in charge, aggressives, passives, passive aggressives. In the chicken yard there's a hierarchy which is different for males and females, hens, roosters and chicks. Bigger birds have an advantage. When there is direct head-to-head contact the pecking begins. It's the first rooster crow that tells you about the pecking order. If you remove the head rooster the second in command takes over.

It's human nature. Natural behavior in wildlife is instinct. Humans will take potshots from across the bow of the ship. They may even resort to name calling or talking behind your back. Hold your head UP. Let them eat your dust.

You will not be deterred.

Fear, it is the basis of all negative traits. Even when people say they don't fear things, iot is a delusion they tell them selves. Let go of the fear and live a happy life! Be well!

owa1s wrote: »

They put so much effort into it too, I don't get it?

I know this feeling...ive been on the end of it myself! Its not nice and I hope your ok. There's no explanation because there is no real reason...they are just trying to make themselves feel better.x

Complicated question, without examples. Sometimes fear, sometimes feeling threatened in some way (could be their own underperformance), sometimes jealousy, sometimes to feel superior, . . . but sometimes it's in the eye of the beholder whether it's really "dragging down", or not.

We have cases here sometimes where someone posts, and then lashes out at answers that are tough-love but true things they just don't really want to hear (sometimes not even written all that harshly), saying that the person giving them info has "trashed them" or "ripped into them" or some such thing.

I've seen similar things IRL where it wasn't clear to me whether someone felt maltreated because another party was intentionally treating them poorly, or if that was primarily their interpretation of a more neutral situation. (Using another MFP example, sometimes we see people posting that their spouse is sabotaging their weight loss, because spouse still wants to eat the way spouse wants to eat, not the way dieter wants to eat, but isn't otherwise being manipulative about it.)

I figure I should write really toxic people out of my life as much as possible, and that it's fine in that case to use my own subjective (maybe biased) definition of "toxic". Unless they have power over me in some literal way (boss in a job I can't leave, say), I usually have choices about whether to feel or be dragged down by what others do, assuming I do keep them around me. Like pretty much any other personality or behavior problem, their negativity ought to be more their problem than mine, if at all possible. Outside of the cases where they have real power, influence over me is something I have to grant them, or their influence won't exist, right?

Because misery loves company.

My mother-in-law always puts me down. I weigh too much, I should be in better shape, I'm not a good parent, not a good wife, can't cook, can't keep a clean house, not organized and actually said she wished her son never married me (we married 23 years ago). I don't understand. Snotty little comments to me and talks about me to everyone. I wish I could answer your question of 'why'. I don't understand either.

Speaking only in general when we have toxic relationships that we can't demote or remove, learn to detach. They're probably not going to change but strong emotions make bad situations worse. Avoid the triggers and learn to detach. At some point, their motives, actions and feelings towards us should start to fade right into the background. Flip the switch and mentally distance yourself. That's how you'll survive and move beyond it.