When family's not on board

megannbarnes6309 · August 2020

Hi! I am yet again on my health journey after having a baby and dealing with depression. I have alot of weight to lose and have been successful before when it was just me. Now I have a husband, two kids, and sometimes inlaws as well to cook for. They are not looking for healthy options. I know I cant force anyone to change their ways, especially if they bought the food. I try to keep junk food out of the house and its brought right back in. I have said something to my inlaws about this and its a "oh sure i understand" and they buy stuff the day later. They stay with us alot. My stepson 11, is very picky and eats very unhealthy. The temptation is alot. How do make this easier and more feasible for me to stay on track? Cooking two different meals a day is doable but eventually Id like to not do that.

cmriverside · August 2020

Other people don't have to get on board, and they likely won't. You are still in charge of what you eat. Your hand, your mouth.

You can eat less and/or eat more vegetables and less fatty stuff. You don't have to make two meals, just set up your own plate in a way that keeps you under your calories.

Dogmom1978 · August 2020

If you are cooking, they can eat what you make or they can cook for themselves. An 11 year old can learn to cook.

emmies_123 · August 2020

Have to agree with CMriverside. At the end of the day what goes into your body is your responsibility. Having said that you don't have to make all the changes at once, you can start gradually and be forgiving when you fall off the wagon for a meal.

Steps I took (didn't start next step until first one was enough of a habit):
1. Measure/weigh EVERYTHING and log it religiously.
2. work on portion sizes, try to only have one actual serving of things
3. Change out one snack/meal for healthier alternative. For me snacking was an issue, i swapped in carrots and PB crackers, and made sure to only take a serving size with me to work so i couldn't over do it.
4. Change out another snack/meal for healthy alternative. For me this was breakfast, me second "worst" meal of the day
5. etc until all your meals are a bit healthier in some way

you have to want the changes for it to be sustainable and stick. So if it takes you 3 months of just logging things and seeing how different meals affect your goals, that is fine. If it takes you 5 months to get a routine for avoiding unnecessary snacking, ok! The important thing is to stick to it and not beat yourself up or compare yourself to others.

My husband and I do not eat the same meals, we both have different health goals and he is happy to cook for himself and I cook for myself. These days he also usually has more dessert than me, and our rule is that I state at dinner if I have room for sweets, and if I say I don't he just quietly gets his when he wants it and doesn't ask me if I want some/offer me any of his. He respects that I have a goal and dessert doesn't fit it that night.

emmies_123 · August 2020

Also, to address the unhealthy foods being in the house:

1. If it isn't yours don't eat it. If the in-laws bought it consider it theirs and go back to roommate rules
2. If you eat less of it and leave it for family members that want it, you won't have to buy it as frequently because it will last longer. Think of the savings to yourself and your wallet!
3. Put it somewhere you don't have to interact with it. Let your husband or in-laws get it for themselves/kids so it doesn't even enter your hands. Less temptation to "just have one"
4. it is ok to have some snack food. Measure out a portion and walk away before you start eating it. That way you stick to a serving

gcminton · August 2020

Dogmom1978 wrote: »

If you are cooking, they can eat what you make or they can cook for themselves. An 11 year old can learn to cook.

Pretty much. In my house we either cook together to make something we can all eat (or I split off a portion before they add stuff I'm avoiding) or my fiance cooks for our roommate and I happily fend for myself. I'll be damned if I'm going to cook two totally separate meals and I'd never ask my fiance to do that either.

As for making it easier? That might just be a mental change on your part. I've gotten very very good at mentally labeling food as "mine" or "NOT MINE". It would be very rude to eat someone else's food, so it's usually easy to not be tempted. If something does trigger a craving I go have a snack of my own, or keep busy doing something else until it passes.

I'm not sure how reasonable it is to expect everyone else in the house to stick to your diet or never buy junk or bring it into the house where they're living, too. Aside from perishables that need to be kept cold, the easiest solution for now may be for the other people to keep their temptations tucked away somewhere so you at least don't have to look at it all of the time. Assuming they're willing, of course.

It's hard to be the only one in the house trying to do a specific thing, but it's worth being determined enough to stick to your plan.

Wendyanneroberts · August 2020

I try to stick to (flexible for very special occasions) to the 80/20 rule. 80% of my calories on healthy, nutritious foods. Allowing up to 20% of calories for "foods I really fancied/treats".

When I shopped, or encouraged others in my household to do the same. I would buy "snack/treat" foods for the rest of my household that I didn't like or enjoy very much. That way, they continued to have what they wanted. It helped me avoid temptation. As I didn't want to waste my calories on food I didn't enjoy. Over time this became easier as I formed new habits.

Keeping some "treats" that I really loved, just for myself.
Enjoying them as I knew I could work it into my calorie budget and stay on track.

saltysparkle · August 2020

It's much harder when we're not single, or living alone!

I've got a husband who is not interested in changing his eating habits or losing weight and a tween, as well. Here are some things that have helped me:

My DH and kid have places to keep their unhealthy snacks that are basically out of sight for me 90% of the time. (My DH keeps them on top of the fridge, and my kiddo has snack shelves that slide into a gap between the fridge and the wall.)
I have a "set" breakfast I make for myself every day. And I like it and eat it, and it gets me off on the right foot.
I do healthy snack prep when I can so that when my family are munching on their chips/cookies/ice cream, I have some delicious, ripe peaches or plums or something I'm happy with
I am starting to get to a point where I am feeling more comfortable with the fact that if I am cooking, I can make what I want and they can eat it or they can figure out their own dinner.
Having my own cabinet that has treats for me that they aren't allowed to take
When both the DH and kiddo refuse my dinner, I outsource the job of feeding the kiddo to the DH.

I will say: My DH used to turn up his nose at even the mention of someone eating vegetarian food or unusual veggies, etc. But the reality is, if it tastes good, he'll eat it. Over time he has come to eat what I make more often than not, including vegetarian "meatballs" and tacos/burritos with veggie crumble. Last night I made homemade macaroni and cheese, and he loved it -- even though it was made with non-dairy milk and whole wheat pasta!

NovusDies · August 2020

We are mainly tempted by our eyes so keep food out of sight as much as possible.

Keep your phone handy and if you feel the urge to eat something that you can't afford in your calorie budget or something that will make it harder later to stay in budget set a timer for 30 minutes. This gives your more chances to say no and it teaches you that under normal conditions eating is not urgently required. If after 30 minutes you still want to eat then try to eat an amount that you can make fit. No food that can be moderated needs to be off limits to you.

Create a habit of accountability and awareness that precedes eating. Force yourself to pre-log every bite that goes in your mouth for at least a month but longer as needed. Force yourself to really pay attention to the calories you intend to eat.

Have a safe space in the house like your bedroom and ask that no eating occur in there whatsoever. If eating has happened in there in the past then clean the space and mentally think of it as kind of a sanctification. From now on in this area food is absolutely forbidden. Treat it like a bat cave or fortress of solitude from food. You may find that over time this area will help clear some of the "food noise" out of your head and then in more time realize you can do it without going there.

Jacq_qui · August 2020

saltysparkle wrote: »

Last night I made homemade macaroni and cheese, and he loved it -- even though it was made with non-dairy milk and whole wheat pasta!

This is really good advice - and we do the same here. Same favourites, healthier swaps.

I guess it depends what sort of food you are making and they are refusing (and what they want instead)- if you are cooking healthy family meals then I think I might be alone here when I say that they can absolutely eat healthier food and benefit from it- or maybe they have to cook something else to go with it if it doesn't suit. There are usually compromises that can be made, adaptions etc, but you shouldn't need to, imo, cook an entirely different menu for them.

If this is about healthier choices (rather than portion sizes) it's about keeping yourself on track whilst the rest of the family catches up with the idea. Finding a balance.

Agree that they need to keep their own snacks in their own place and you have your own supply as well - your go-to place that is going to be free of bad choices. In our house, we all have our own snack basket!

J72FIT · August 2020

Dogmom1978 wrote: »

If you are cooking, they can eat what you make or they can cook for themselves. An 11 year old can learn to cook.

^^^ This...

Jumpropegirl5467 · August 2020

I have the exact same issue as you. My family goes out to buy fast food, and snacks every single day. This is extremely difficult to me. But it is true that the temptation only comes through our eyes, therefore I suggest out of sight out of mind, so whenever they do this I go to my room or find a place in the house where that food I wanna eat isn’t. I also have snacks of my own that I can eat while we’re together and they’re eating unhealthy snacks. However I also allow myself to have the “bad snacks” I really want to have so long as they fit into my calorie goal and definitely log them into MFP. Remember that no food is bad food, all in moderation, and within your calorie goal!

When family's not on board

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