We broke up because...
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she would take out her stopwatch to time us whenever I hugged her
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Every time I needed a hug he'd stand far back touch my shoulders pat two times then go back to watch his 90210 VHS collection 😥0
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She said my hands wondered too much when I hugged her0
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His hands wondered and mine wandered. Our differences didn't stop there, unfortunately.0
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I found out she didn't like my dad bod0
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Found out he didn’t like my dad’s bod either.0
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She was always "my dad this", "my dad that", "my dad says..."0
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She wouldn't let me call her daddy.0
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She had Daddy issues0
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She never made me breakfast..
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She made me breakfast but it was grape nuts cereal0
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He never let me have the potatoes.0
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She had too many dolls with creepy eyes0
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She wouldn't let me wear my clown costume out in public.0
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I had to do all the cooking0
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I wanted a baecation0
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I couldn't deal that he looked better in a thong! 😏0
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Stole my thongs0
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I said where are the tongs!? I'm grilling some dogs ...he ruined my protein0
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She can do more chin ups than me 0
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