My Greatest Success? Cheating.
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oliverwnc
Posts: 69 Member
Good evening from windy London, MFP Community,
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
55
Replies
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i have been trying to eat healthy but like you I said I need a little fun junk food and I am planning on doing that at least once a month if not twice, not overdo it but some choc cake, cheese popcorn, and a donut, then go back to my healthy eating. I agree too restrictive is not good either, trying to get a balance.
I really cant relate to anorexia, I have always been heavy, up and down 40 lbs, hopeing to quit this going back and forth.
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You're so right in that whichever direction you are coming at this from, the mental part of things can't be ignored. Whether we're dealing with an eating disorder, trying to lose weight when we want ALL the food, trying to gain weight, gain muscle, or whatever, the mental aspect is the first thing to look at, and the last thing too. I'm so happy you were able to really enjoy that food, and at the same time still continue towards your goals. What a great birthday present for yourself!2
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brenn24179 wrote: »i have been trying to eat healthy but like you I said I need a little fun junk food and I am planning on doing that at least once a month if not twice, not overdo it but some choc cake, cheese popcorn, and a donut, then go back to my healthy eating. I agree too restrictive is not good either, trying to get a balance.
I really cant relate to anorexia, I have always been heavy, up and down 40 lbs, hopeing to quit this going back and forth.
It really isn't healthy to become so restrictive. I always thought I was practising IIFYM and flexible dieting but, ultimately, you start to obsess over foods that are more satiating and voluminous, and easier to fit into your macros. That's where I lost all of my flexibility. And my enjoyment of food.1 -
God bless you Ollie. May your healing remain permanent. I always have a piece of chocolate etc. And hello from a fellow Londoner.2
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Good evening from windy London, MFP Community,
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
Fantastic! And good for you! Glad you have made such great improvements with your relationship with food. Life is for living and you have proved it right there and still met your goals. Well done!2 -
thebiblewithtina wrote: »God bless you Ollie. May your healing remain permanent. I always have a piece of chocolate etc. And hello from a fellow Londoner.
Thanks very much indeed! It feels like I broke a negative cycle so, while I'm sure I'm not out of the woods yet, it feels like a real breakthrough. Enjoy your chocolate.0 -
stephnstars wrote: »Good evening from windy London, MFP Community,
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
Fantastic! And good for you! Glad you have made such great improvements with your relationship with food. Life is for living and you have proved it right there and still met your goals. Well done!
Thank you very much! It was long overdue and I knew I needed to get myself into the road to recovery. These are the first steps.1 -
You know what they say... every journey starts with a first step (or something along those lines, I stink at quotes!) so I'm glad you've taken yours! Congrats on the breakthrough, and I wish you many more successes as you battle your food relationship. 👍3
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brenn24179 wrote: »i have been trying to eat healthy but like you I said I need a little fun junk food and I am planning on doing that at least once a month if not twice, not overdo it but some choc cake, cheese popcorn, and a donut, then go back to my healthy eating. I agree too restrictive is not good either, trying to get a balance.
I really cant relate to anorexia, I have always been heavy, up and down 40 lbs, hopeing to quit this going back and forth.
I allow myself a meal a month that is not restricted. Most days I am under my calorie count. I suppose my head says I am owed but that Deluxe burger from Dairy Queen this month was Nirvana and really special. I lost more weight that week than normal.1 -
Eating what you want is a HUGE part of success. I'd suffered ED since my early teens. Even when I thought I was recovered, I apparently wasn't. My weight Yo-yo'd. I had no control. For the last few years, my partner has insisted "Eat More", despite doctors and professionals expressing eating less and moving more was the solution. My partner saw how I ate, how much I moved. "Eat. MORE".
I began tracking this year more reliably than I have in years past. I though I was recovered, but my daily intake was usually under 1200. My relationship with food had been so skewed over the years, my splurge days were likely maintenance days.
I laugh now. I have every meal and dessert, and if I've taken the dog on a hike as I do a few times a week I can really go HAM. Potatoes, pie, meals. My world is great since I've started tracking and aiming for a 15-1600 calorie intake. I've only lost a few pounds, but, not only am I passed "21 days to make a habit, I've also had energy and no longer feel anxious about eating. My body sends signals of hunger again (for years, it was just a sudden swing of nausea and weakness, sometimes vomiting). My body metabolizes again.
Eating a minimum value of calories is EVERY bit as important as setting a max. Otherwise tracking can become a dangerous addiction.6 -
Good evening from windy London, MFP Community,
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
I am SO glad that you are taking care of the mental side of your fitness journey - it is too often overlooked! I overlooked it in the past - this time, I am not. There is no one right way for everyone to reach their goals, we just have to do what is right for us. And I'm so glad that you are finding what works for you.
I hope you continue to have success on your journey! And next brownie, take a bite for me!
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I'm so glad that you are finding balance in your eating plan, Ollie. You give me hope that I can get to that place, too! I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. I've been logging and watching what I eat for the past 27 days and it hasn't been hard, but I am almost afraid to take even a moment's break. In the past, it has only taken one bad day to send me spiraling out of control. Several years ago I did an eating plan that included a cheat day every week. I lost 60 pounds doing that and it worked great at the time. However, I was working out hard (cardio and strength training) for at least an hour every day, and my weight was more muscle than fat. I can't work out like that anymore due to health issues and I'm starting to obsess about my calories. It doesn't help that our local gyms are all closed. I really want to have a healthy relationship with food, but I'm not sure I can. I'm participating in the Labor Day mini challenge and told myself that if I reach my weight loss goal, I'll party on Labor Day. I guess we'll see how that goes.3
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poisonesse wrote: »You know what they say... every journey starts with a first step (or something along those lines, I stink at quotes!) so I'm glad you've taken yours! Congrats on the breakthrough, and I wish you many more successes as you battle your food relationship. 👍
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, I think is the one! Thank you very much. It feels like a much brighter journey ahead now.0 -
MiaBella444 wrote: »brenn24179 wrote: »i have been trying to eat healthy but like you I said I need a little fun junk food and I am planning on doing that at least once a month if not twice, not overdo it but some choc cake, cheese popcorn, and a donut, then go back to my healthy eating. I agree too restrictive is not good either, trying to get a balance.
I really cant relate to anorexia, I have always been heavy, up and down 40 lbs, hopeing to quit this going back and forth.
I allow myself a meal a month that is not restricted. Most days I am under my calorie count. I suppose my head says I am owed but that Deluxe burger from Dairy Queen this month was Nirvana and really special. I lost more weight that week than normal.
I thought this would work for me but, in fact, day-to-day restrictions were doing me more harm than good. What I learnt is that I can have one cookie. I don't eat the whole pack. And that's OK.
Anorexia does not always equate to being very thin, by the way. You do so many self-sabotaging things that you may find yourself failing to lose weight while also displaying all the signs of the disorder.
I'm sorry to hear you're in something of a vicious cycle. All I can suggest is keeping at it and finding an enjoyable and sustainable way that works for you to stay in a calorie deficit. That may be adding a type of exercise or activity you truly enjoy (rock climbing was good for me), or it may be finding foods that satisfy you within the bounds of a deficit.
Best of luck.0 -
JadeAmberD wrote: »Eating what you want is a HUGE part of success. I'd suffered ED since my early teens. Even when I thought I was recovered, I apparently wasn't. My weight Yo-yo'd. I had no control. For the last few years, my partner has insisted "Eat More", despite doctors and professionals expressing eating less and moving more was the solution. My partner saw how I ate, how much I moved. "Eat. MORE".
I began tracking this year more reliably than I have in years past. I though I was recovered, but my daily intake was usually under 1200. My relationship with food had been so skewed over the years, my splurge days were likely maintenance days.
I laugh now. I have every meal and dessert, and if I've taken the dog on a hike as I do a few times a week I can really go HAM. Potatoes, pie, meals. My world is great since I've started tracking and aiming for a 15-1600 calorie intake. I've only lost a few pounds, but, not only am I passed "21 days to make a habit, I've also had energy and no longer feel anxious about eating. My body sends signals of hunger again (for years, it was just a sudden swing of nausea and weakness, sometimes vomiting). My body metabolizes again.
Eating a minimum value of calories is EVERY bit as important as setting a max. Otherwise tracking can become a dangerous addiction.
This is very relatable, and I'm glad you're making progress! I do find - as you say - that exercising more and being more active makes the whole thing rather easier. It feels better, for one, but you also have a sense that the calories are doing something more than sitting on your waistline!
Love your point about minimum numbers of calories. You are absolutely right. I will never allow myself to continuously fall short of my numbers, as I did before. "Because if I'm only at X today, I can eat more tomorrow!" But I never would...0 -
Firefly743 wrote: »Good evening from windy London, MFP Community,
I hope you're keeping well and that finding this post goes some way to helping you on your fitness journey.
My own progress has - from the outside - probably looked pretty good. I've always been in control of my diet and my weight. I spent some time increasing my size and strength. Then I decided to drop down to a lower body fat, and had a successful cut. All vanity aside, I guess I look OK.
Behind the scenes, I've gone from bad to worse. My relationship with food deteriorated over the years and can now only be described using words that wouldn't be allowed on this thread. I reached the point of crying over meals, and having panic attacks even when I saw other people doing things that didn't fit into my ever-more-restrictive view of what was OK.
What had started as a passion for better fitness, health & nutrition had ended in anorexia, body dysmorphia and a hugely unhealthy mental state.
I hit a real low earlier this year, as I looked to lose just one more pound. Always that: just one more.
I mentioned this in a previous post so I won't go into detail, but I was really suffering. I felt awful. I had no energy. I would fall asleep during meetings. My workouts were terrible. My mood and mental state were a total mess. Sleep was hard. Trying to work out what to eat was sometimes impossible. More than once, I went to bed without dinner because the stress of finding something I could bring myself to eat was just too great.
And I still couldn't bring myself to eat more.
Eventually, I reached breaking point and knew things had to change. For the past few months, I've gradually been trying to repair my relationship with food. I've spoken to a counsellor, my family, a couple of close friends and my wonderful girlfriend.
Last weekend was my birthday and without a doubt my biggest success to date in my journey to overcome my eating disorder. This will sound so simple to so many people here, but I could jump for joy saying it:
I ate what I wanted. I ate what I wanted.
I had a big, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I had some Chinese food. I had a blondie. And a brownie. Or two. I had some chips (or fries, for all of you in the USA!). I had a piece of cake. I had some cereal. Oh, and that French toast! That was great.
All of these things had been on my mental list of "forbidden foods". Giving myself permission to eat them, enjoy them and go back for more - guilt free - was the most liberating, life-affirming and enjoyable experience you can imagine.
It wasn't a binge. Not really. I mean, yes - I hit high calories for the weekend. But it wasn't out of control or done with any regret. In fact, I loved it. I was re-energised. My workouts were great. My mood was up.
And you know what? The sky didn't fall in. The world didn't end. I still look like me. I'm still as lean. I'm still as strong. Actually, weirdly, 10 days since my last weigh-in and 5 days after my weekend of fun... my weight is actually down 1.6lbs!
So, all this rambling just to say: don't forget to take care of the mental side of your fitness journey, too. It's been a huge battle to get back to this little victory. If you're in the same situation, rest assured:
Things do get better.
I'm here to help anyone who might be in need.
Enjoy your weekends, everyone. Have a brownie!
Ollie
I am SO glad that you are taking care of the mental side of your fitness journey - it is too often overlooked! I overlooked it in the past - this time, I am not. There is no one right way for everyone to reach their goals, we just have to do what is right for us. And I'm so glad that you are finding what works for you.
I hope you continue to have success on your journey! And next brownie, take a bite for me!
Thank you - and I am glad to hear that you're also overcoming some similar challenges! Now, about that brownie...1 -
nancykadolph wrote: »I'm so glad that you are finding balance in your eating plan, Ollie. You give me hope that I can get to that place, too! I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. I've been logging and watching what I eat for the past 27 days and it hasn't been hard, but I am almost afraid to take even a moment's break. In the past, it has only taken one bad day to send me spiraling out of control. Several years ago I did an eating plan that included a cheat day every week. I lost 60 pounds doing that and it worked great at the time. However, I was working out hard (cardio and strength training) for at least an hour every day, and my weight was more muscle than fat. I can't work out like that anymore due to health issues and I'm starting to obsess about my calories. It doesn't help that our local gyms are all closed. I really want to have a healthy relationship with food, but I'm not sure I can. I'm participating in the Labor Day mini challenge and told myself that if I reach my weight loss goal, I'll party on Labor Day. I guess we'll see how that goes.
I relate. I really, really relate. First and foremost, you can. Your relationship with food does improve. It feels so, so far off - there were times when I thought I'd never be able to be "normal" again - but then things begin to click into place.
I know that the relationship with exercise can complicate things, but it's been helpful for me to realise that the majority of your body's calorie needs are simply to keep alive day-to-day. Calories are good. You need food even if you are inactive.
If you don't mind me offering some friendly advice, I would try to see things as a long-term lifestyle choice rather than pegged around any moments in time. I think the pressure is helpful for "dieters" but not helpful for "healthy livers" if you see what I mean. The best thing you can do is find a way of eating and exercising which, over time, can see you reach and maintain your goals.
Try to find some foods you genuinely enjoy but that can fit into your daily needs, and some that don't fit so easily! Have the easy-to-fit ones every day, and the harder-to-fit ones a little less often. It really is OK to do. Without the strict restrictions, the binge and rebound are less severe.
All the best, and do drop me a note if you feel I can help in any way.0 -
I went camping last weekend and took a few days off from MFP. On the way home I stopped at a new coffee shop (actually the only coffee shop in my little town) and got a creamy, icy, honey coffee drink. It was wonderful. Now back to weighing, measuring, and counting.0
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I went camping last weekend and took a few days off from MFP. On the way home I stopped at a new coffee shop (actually the only coffee shop in my little town) and got a creamy, icy, honey coffee drink. It was wonderful. Now back to weighing, measuring, and counting.
Do it! Enjoy it! Do it again! You're still in control and still moving towards your goals even if you do treat yourself occasionally. It's only all out binges and blowouts we really need to avoid. Even then, it's recoverable.0 -
I am in recovery for 7 years from alcohol. I only recently decided to do something for my relationship (read addiction) to food. I put everything down on my daily tracker, even the occasional snacks and have done so under a dietitian's guidance for 3 weeks now. In the past week, without even thinking about it, I hit close to my macros and calories every day. I had to make the active decision not to obsess over the numbers because I know my mental state when I have done so in the past. I am enjoying my meals and snacks and enjoying the occasional fast food treat without guilt. I use many of the tools I learned in AA to manage my food addictions.
Many years ago, I worked at a job which had reduced insurance premiums if I was below a certain BMI. I literally starved myself and drank very little water for 3 days before the weigh in to get that weight. I did so, but decided I'd rather have my sanity and pay the higher premiums because my body liked for me to be 3 pounds heavier than what they said I should weigh.
Thank you for sharing, Ollie, and for helping us see our mental health is as important as physical health.
Annie
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