Positive stories of love after divorce and heartbreak!
shavelmarketing
Posts: 1 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi ladies, hope everyone is healthy and safe!
I am posting here looking for some solidarity because I feel a little down today. I feel ridiculous even posting here with all the injustice and madness going on in the world but I feel what I feel and would love some solidarity.
I am 31 and been divorced since I was 28. I feel like I have created a pretty great life since then. I just started a great new job working from home, am back in school pursuing my dream to become a nurse, have a lovely circle of friends and am quarantined with my lovely family.
Since my divorce, I’ve dated in the past 3 years but that only led to quite a bit of disappointment and heartbreak. Though I will add I have met quite a few men that were perfectly lovely and chivalrous that I just didn’t click with. So it gives me hope. But mostly I overall find people (men and women for friendships) are just ingenuine, like to play games and aren’t interested in putting forth any effort. This is hard for me because I pride msyelf on being an open and honest person with genuine intentions. I am nowhere near perfect but I’d never ghost someone for no reason or string someone along.
I feel like a healthy & happy relationship is so out of reach for me and I marvel that others were lucky enough to find kind, wonderful partners. It makes me feel rather unlucky and like an outlier since so many around me are in happy relationships. I recently ended a 6 month long relationship amicably (great guy, treated me well, we just had very little in common)
So even though my life is moving in another direction, being single still really bothers me. I’m not even dating at all and 100% focusing on myself, friends and nursing school for now. Honestly, I have found single life very peaceful overall so far. Reading the Relationships thread on Reddit reaffirms my decision to stay single 😀
If a relationship happens, it happens. But I am unsure of how to reconcile this idea with the fact that I am terrified I will be alone the rest of my life. I just want things to fall into place.
Has anyone been in my boat? How did you deal and what is your story
I am posting here looking for some solidarity because I feel a little down today. I feel ridiculous even posting here with all the injustice and madness going on in the world but I feel what I feel and would love some solidarity.
I am 31 and been divorced since I was 28. I feel like I have created a pretty great life since then. I just started a great new job working from home, am back in school pursuing my dream to become a nurse, have a lovely circle of friends and am quarantined with my lovely family.
Since my divorce, I’ve dated in the past 3 years but that only led to quite a bit of disappointment and heartbreak. Though I will add I have met quite a few men that were perfectly lovely and chivalrous that I just didn’t click with. So it gives me hope. But mostly I overall find people (men and women for friendships) are just ingenuine, like to play games and aren’t interested in putting forth any effort. This is hard for me because I pride msyelf on being an open and honest person with genuine intentions. I am nowhere near perfect but I’d never ghost someone for no reason or string someone along.
I feel like a healthy & happy relationship is so out of reach for me and I marvel that others were lucky enough to find kind, wonderful partners. It makes me feel rather unlucky and like an outlier since so many around me are in happy relationships. I recently ended a 6 month long relationship amicably (great guy, treated me well, we just had very little in common)
So even though my life is moving in another direction, being single still really bothers me. I’m not even dating at all and 100% focusing on myself, friends and nursing school for now. Honestly, I have found single life very peaceful overall so far. Reading the Relationships thread on Reddit reaffirms my decision to stay single 😀
If a relationship happens, it happens. But I am unsure of how to reconcile this idea with the fact that I am terrified I will be alone the rest of my life. I just want things to fall into place.
Has anyone been in my boat? How did you deal and what is your story
3
Replies
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Why is being alone so terrifying?6
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It's fine you're like, 31 you've got forever! Is it a baby thing? I feel that. People find love at all ages it will happen! Just gotta keep putting yourself out there and hopefully one day it sticks1
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I found the love of my life at 38 😊 being alone isn't supposed to be scary. Use this time to figure out what you want and don't want in a relationship. The right one will come along.2
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Heartbreak is a universal thing. The best way to recover is to throw yourself into activities that keep you busy and engaged in the world. I've never been afraid of being alone. That's just the way I roll. Exercise is great for heartbreak. Use that heartbreak like ammo and give it all you've got. Keep focusing on your future and not your past. We don't live there anymore.
The human brain just lurves to seek pleasure over pain. When we spend too much time taking a trip down memory lane and ruminating over the past breakup the brain begins to actually take some sort of twisted pleasure with constant trips down memory lane and then wants to take up residency in the old breakup. The brain becomes more familiar and comfortable dwelling in the past.
I'm here to report that men are actually better at moving on than women are. They are. They flat know how to move on. So this is your daily reminder that you can handle anything that life and that old breakup throws at you.
Expressing our emotions is a strength and not a character flaw. Take what you need from a bunch of different sources and give yourselves permission to do everything on your own terms.2 -
I was married for 10 years, had two children and then divorced at 36.
I am nearly 40 now and haven't been able to meet anyone or go on dates because I am a full time mom. I have had a lot of healing to do from those 10 years. So I can't give you any happy stories
My ex has moved on and is engaged though, so there's that for you.4 -
@Versicolour You've hit the nail right on the head. While both partners have parental responsibilities, good mothers like you pick up the slack. Encouraging children every step of the way and giving it their all. Good mothers are beautiful in every way.
As my father says...until you're better paid. You will be. In unexpected ways. 1 -
Thank you @Diatonic12 🤗0
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@Versicolour They say or so I've been told that everyone is single on MFP.
A funny thing happens on the way to the forum. When you no longer give two hoots about finding anyone and you're free as the breeze there's a knock at the door. A blast from the past or someone new that just moved into the neighborhood. Ooo, don't think it can't happen because it does. Out of the clear blue sky there's the right one that's been waiting in the wings. After all, someone is looking out for single mothers. They've got their eye on you because they know you're extra special.3 -
OP, I'm 43 and divorced. And I felt exactly like you at one point. I didnt want a relationship but wondered if I'd ever emotionally or mentally be capable of being in one ever again.
Its a phase, a part of healing maybe...it took 4 or 5 years to really look at myself and heal and desire a real relationship.
And today, I'm currently with someone who seems to be my match. We both want to make each other happy. And it feels right and good.
Work through your feelings, acknowledge them. Enjoy were you're at. It sounds like you are doing a great job being single, successful and happy.4 -
More than a year passed after the divorce before I started thinking about new relationship. But I was lucky, I found the person whom I can call an ideal partner and soul mate. I have never communicated with strangers via video chat before and it was difficult for me at first, but then I realized how cool it's when you can be yourself and not prepare a speech that will be interesting to your interlocutor. Gradually, I found people who have common with me interests and tastes in books, films, music, and communication became much easier for me. One of these people for online chating is my current boyfriend and future husband. I believe that life is too difficult to just ends after divorce.0
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PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »OP, I'm 43 and divorced. And I felt exactly like you at one point. I didnt want a relationship but wondered if I'd ever emotionally or mentally be capable of being in one ever again.
Its a phase, a part of healing maybe...it took 4 or 5 years to really look at myself and heal and desire a real relationship.
And today, I'm currently with someone who seems to be my match. We both want to make each other happy. And it feels right and good.
Work through your feelings, acknowledge them. Enjoy were you're at. It sounds like you are doing a great job being single, successful and happy.
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